What does the Jewish potion maker do at work?

Hebrew

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What do you call a sex toy that also serves as a hole-maker?

A drilldo

A Subway sandwich maker has a very eccentric regular customer.

The eccentric customer always orders a tuna sandwich, but heavily modified, made with an extra cup of mayo, smothered in chili peppers, red peppers, onions, and pickles, then toasted until it's burnt. It looks and smells disgusting and the worker dreads it when he sees that customer come in.
...

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How does a potion-maker bring his wife to orgasm?

Elixir.

What does an experimental bomb maker who is a redditor say after his bomb works?

I didn't expect this to blow up!

Instead of water, I put redbull in the the back of my coffee maker this morning

I was halfway to work before I realized I forgot my car.

I recently came up with a pirate-themed tabletop RPG, but then the makers of Dungeons and Dragons found out.

They sent me a seas-and-d6 letter.

My grandfather once told me, "When one door closes, another one opens."

Lovely man, terrible cabinet maker.

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A bright, young graduate joined the Internal Revenue Service.

A bright, young graduate joined the Internal Revenue Service. Anxious for his first investigation he was a bit perturbed when he was assigned to audit a Rabbi.

Looking over the books and taxes was pretty straightforward and the Rabbi was clearly very frugal, so he thought he’d make his day in...

Fish-flavored ice cream

Once upon a time, there was an ice cream shop. One day, a little girl walks in...
"How can I help you, little girl?" - said the ice cream maker.
"Do you have fish-flavored ice cream?" - she asked.
"No, we don't" - he replied.
"Bummer" - said the little girl while leaving.
The next day...

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There was this famous cheese maker

He made this cheese that would expanded grow when melted.
He was driving while drinking scotch and got into a accident with a school bus. The court case going as expected he was sentenced to death by electrocution. As a last meal request he asked for a quarter of a wheel of his world famous chee...

Guitar maker Fender has announced a new line of woodwind instruments

Coming soon, the Saxofender.

I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart?" She replied, "Yeah..."

"But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now."

Did you hear the pasta makers in Italy revolted?

It was a ravioli-tion

I’m designing a coffee maker that tells you a joke as it’s percolating.

I call it the Brew-HaHa.

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A wine maker went to their therapist the other day.

The wine maker had won dozens and dozens of awards for how amazing their wine was, but they never expressed any happiness about it.

The therapist asked the win maker, if not showing emotion ever bothered them.

They replied, “I guess I’m just used to bottling things up.”

The Trophy Maker (OC - long)

Old Rick Giuseppe was a fifth-generation trophy maker – like his father, grandfather, great grandfather and great great great grandfather before him. Alas, Old Rick Giuseppe’s wife had died a few years ago, and the man lived in solitude, apart from a cat named Jeffery, who was his late wife’s belove...

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I was talking to my uncle about his high school years…

He said when he started high school he was the biggest trouble maker in the school. He cut classes, got in fights, smoked in the bathroom, etc etc. Said he spent half his freshmen year sitting outside the principal’s office.

Eventually he got expelled and his parents had no choice but to sen...

What do film makers use and IT people fear?

A blue screen

Did you hear about the pasta maker that was locked out of his house?

It was because he had Gnocchi.

A husband and wife go to church every Sunday. However, the husband would always fall asleep while church was in session.

One day the wife went to the priest and said “My husband always falls asleep, and I can’t see when he does, so whenever he does can you make a hand gesture so I will know to wake him up?” The priest agrees and the preaching starts.

As priest is saying “Who is thy ruler and maker, who will alw...

I met an anarchist ice cream maker

Some men just want to watch the world churn.

A clock maker had new students come to his workshop today. As he was in the middle of one of his projects he told them to always remember one thing to do when he was at work.

To watch and learn

Why was the calendar maker fired ?

He took a day off.

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In business news, the makers of "Utterly Butterly" have been knocked off their top spot as the UK's leading brand of dairy spread.

I can't believe they're not bitter.

[Long] A Russian Jew...

...is migrating to Israel after much paperwork and waiting.

At Moscow airport, customs found a statue of Lenin in his baggage and asked him, "What is this?"

The man replied, "What is this? Wrong question comrade. You should have asked: who is he? This is the most respected Comrade Leni...

Wife: "Why is this giant bra on the coffee maker?"

Husband: "You said you needed k cups."

Archimedes wasn't just known for inventing his many inventions. He's also considered to have invented the first insult when talking to his brother who was a cheese maker after discovering a early form of lindburger cheese....

He simply stated, You reeka!

In China, film makers have to appease the Chinese censors, but people forget in America we have the same thing...

We also have to appease the Chinese censors.

Have you heard about the quick clothes maker?

Some have said she is a Tailor, Swift

My friend got a job at the power plant.

He now refers to his occupation as a “ohm maker”

Coffin maker's new slogan

If you're coughin' you need a coffin

My office has had three label makers stolen in the past week.

We suspect it's connected to organized crime.

So, I heard Bounty, the maker of paper towels, has decided to get into the Male Enhancement business...

..their new slogan? The Quicker Pecker Upper.

My girlfriend is a just a simple whiskey maker.

But I love her still.

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Explaining politics

From a TikTok video (maker unknown, but props to him!):

I went up to my dad and said, "Dad, can I ask you a question? It's for a school project."

My dad said, "For sure son, what's the question?"

I said, "Dad, what is politics?"

My dad said, "Well, let's use our home as a...

A journalist was tasked to interview the best costume maker in the world...

So the journalist asked for an appointment with the costume maker, and luckily, he accepted.

Now this costume maker might be famous, but no one but himself and a few people know his real name. His identity was shrouded in mystery. The name he goes by is Mr. D.D., which are his initials. The j...

What do you call a cheese maker that works very hard?

An overacheeser

Did you know that shoe makers are very talkative?

They love to converse

A time keeper at a factory is in charge of blowing the whistle for the lunch break at noon.

When it's almost noon he looks at his watch and right when it strikes 12pm he blows the whistle.

One day he bumps his watch against something and he fears that it is a little off.

Wanting to make sure that he can do his job correctly he decides to go get his watch set by a professional...

She was only a whiskey-maker's daughter

but he loved her still.

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Lee Smart was always a trouble maker throughout his life.

In school, Lee Smart was always getting in trouble. His friend, Isaac, always stuck by his side, though. They were always best friends.

Though Isaac was getting sick of Lee’s crap. Lee kept drinking and driving, he kept smoking Marijuana and snorting Cocaine. Isaac was so close to just leavi...

Why did the perfume maker end up in the mental hospital?

Because he stopped making scents

Slightly peeved that the makers of the shampoo "Head and Shoulders"...

…have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."

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what do you get when you put your dick in a sandwich maker?

a paninis

Avocado makers need to up their game

The only free gift I get is a wooden ball

A guy once killed someone with a mist maker.

It was fogged up.

One man said to a chocolate maker "Are you a magician?"

The chocolate maker said "No, but I got a couple twix up my sleeve."

For a dollar, a change-maker will get you four quarters, or ten dimes, or twenty nickels...

That makes cents, right?

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A man's yatch capsizes and he is about to drown in the middle of the ocean

Loudly he proclaimes "Nothing to fear! My lord will save me!"

A tug boat comes by and the sailor spots the man

"It's your lucky day mate, jump in and I'll take you to shore"

The man replies, "thankyou for the kind offer but I have no fear, my lord will save me!"

"Suit you...

What did the Redditor say to the yogurt maker?

Ah, I see you're a man of culture.

Why was the protein powder maker never satisfied with his work?

He always kept looking for new wheys to improve

They arrested the overweight soap maker

Apparently he was a big fat lyer.

Why doesn't a coffee maker need that third prong on its electrical plug?

The beans are ground.

What do you call a French leather coat maker...?

Jim Lapel.

What language speaks a typical Belgian beer maker?

Hebrew

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A profession golfer driving his Porsche picked up an Irish girl hitchhiker.

He had his golfing gear on the back seat. The Irish girl picked up something and asked, "What are these?"

"Those are tees," he said. "I rest my balls on them when I drive."

"Wow!" said the girl. "What will those car makers think of next!"

The makers of summers eve

The makers of summers eve has release a new product line for men. A spray for men called umpire, for foul balls.

The cabinet maker

A woman in Tel-Aviv finally saves enough money to buy a new hand-made cabinet, and has it installed in her home, which faces the street whereby bus number 5 passes.

As she is admiring her new purchase, she notices that bus number 5 passes her house, and as it does, the cabinet doors open up...

Why are pizza makers always poor?

Because they knead dough to make a living.

Potato clock

A man was starting a new job and didn't want to be late. So he went to the clockmakers and asked to buy a Potato clock.

The clock maker was puzzled. "What's a Potato clock?"

The man replied "I don't know. I said to my wife that I didn't want to be late to work at 9 am, so she told me t...

Q: Why do movie makers not make a cross-over movie between "A Quiet Place" and "IT"?

A: They already know that it is going to be "ShhhhIT"

If athletes get athlete's foot, what do candy makers get?

Tic tac toe

I bought a bread-maker but the sales assistant tried to talk me out of it

He said there was no knead

I got fired from my job as a stencil maker.

I guess it just wasn't cut out for me.

A rabbi had worked for many years as a mohel performing circumcisions...

He collected all the foreskins he had cut over his career and brought them to a leather maker after he retired.

He brings the foreskins to the best leather maker in town and says “Make me whatever you can with these.” Surprised but undaunted, the leather maker says “Okay, come back in a week ...

My sister is an expert pastry-maker.

She has to be to stay employed, her job has a high turnover rate.

I once asked a cheese maker if there was any way he could make me a block of cheddar using soy milk.

Hey said, "I'm sorry, but there's no whey."

What do you call it when perfume makers try to take over the world?

Cologneialism

What do you call a new dress-maker who is uncomfortable with the idea of customers testing her merchandise?

A seamstress who seems stressed when you stress the seams.

Where do poor Italian noodle makers live?

In the Spaghetto.

How do you make a coffee maker cry?

With a very dark roast.

Why shouldn't you let a shoe maker use your bathroom?

They'll clog your toilet.

Watch makers are the best people to date.

They make time for you.

A Buddhist priest walks into a pizzeria...

The pizza maker asks the priest “what can I get for you?”

The Buddhist, in a quiet voice, replies, “can you make me one with everything?”

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OC: By a hobo, to a hobo, about a hobo (a Melvin tale)

(This story was told to me by my friend Mondo, about our mutual friend Melvin. We're all hobos here, living on the streets in the affluent community of Roseville, California. If you're ever in the area and you see a frail old man carrying a massive green rucksack, give ol' Melvin a beer for me. He w...

looking for a joke

I remember seeing a joke on here a while back about a "woosh maker" or "whomp maker"? something like that. I have searched google and the sub and i cannot seem to find it. Does anyone happen to have this, or know where I can find it?

A pen maker's joke

I asked the ink drop why it looked so sad.

He said his mother was in the pen and he didn't know how long her sentence would be.

What do you call a fast clothes maker?

Taylor Swift!

Made up by my nine year old :)

A man walks up to a German clock maker

The man tells him, "My clock just goes tik, tik, tik, it never goes tok!"

The German clock maker holds a flashlight up to the clock and yells "VE HAVE VAYS OF MAKING YOU TOK!"

What do you say to an overworked clothing maker?

You seamstressed.

What is a Vietnamese sandwich maker’s favorite pick up line?

Banh mi.

I just got a futuristic coffee maker.

It was a ground-breaking development.

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Do they call me Craig the fence maker?

Bill was an American tourist in Scotland when he wandered off the trail and got lost. He wandered around for hours and was starting to worry when the sun went down. In the darkness, he saw a tiny light on top of a hill. He knew it meant civilization so he started walking towards it.

After an...

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This whole pandemic is a conspiracy.

This whole pandemic is a conspiracy.

The Altoids Corporation teamed up with the makers of Tic-Tacs and Listerene Breath Strips and made this virus in a lab in Wu-Tang so that all the rest of us would be forced to smell our own stank-ass breath and buy millions of dollars worth of mints.
...

Instead of working out, I'm just going to get a label maker.

I'll label my scale "1-10", then every time I step on it I'll be reminded that on a scale of 1-10, I'm a 220.

What do sushi makers have in common with Spanish pirates?

They both seek fortuna.

Red Skeleton’s Recipe for the Perfect Marriage

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I...

What was built after the Indian sandwich maker's shop burned down?

A New Delhi

An amateur group of Islamic film makers have posted a video on YouTube which mocks Christianity and Jesus Christ.

It is believed to be so offensive that St Mary's church in Dublin have postponed their tea and cake morning until next Wednesday, and Dorothy O'Neill from Dinlge has written a strongly worded letter.

When will the madness end?

Why did the boat maker from France have so many allies?

He was great at building French ships.

Why are mirror makers proud of what they do?

Their work is a reflection of themselves.

Did the depressed rope maker succeed?

Sadly, he did knot.

A coffin maker was on his way to deliver a coffin

...when his car broke down. Trying not to be late he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.

A policeman saw him, told him to stop and asked, "Hey what are you carrying and where are you going?"

The man replied,

"I do not like where I was buried so I ...

Did you hear about the kilt maker that went to prison?

He had quite the chequered past.

Did you hear about the dress maker who went to the ATM?

She was electrocuted when she put in her pin.

Do you know who have ultimate fate in humanity?

Calendar makers who already prepare calendars for 2021.

Why did the woman marry the shoe maker?

Because she was his sole mate.

Why are jewish potion makers all male?

He brew

Why are hunters good love-makers?

They always go deep in the bush, they can shoot more than once, and eat what they shoot.

An antivaxer has a heart attack. He's rushed to ER, but during the emergency surgery, his heart stops, rendering him clinically dead.

Before he knows it, he's face to face with none other than God himself, Author of the Universe, Maker of All. God smiles beatifically and says, “Don't worry. The doctors working on you are good; you'll be back in no time. But as long as you're here, do you have any questions you'd like to ask?”
<...

I used to sell office supplies to the mafia, file cabinets and label makers and such

I was involved in very organized crime

A man is on a tour of the Yankee Candle Factory

A man was taking a tour of the Yankee Candle factory when he suddenly saw an incredibly large machine and had no idea what it was. he asked the employee giving the tour what it was, and the employee replied, “Oh! That’s our patented Yankee Candle Maker 5000™️!” The man seemed content and said to him...

A Rabbi's money maker.

A man asks a Rabbi if he gets paid for the circumcisions. The Rabbi says
- No, I can't do that! I just Keep the tips!

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A stranger is drinking alone in a small pub...

Until he is approached by an obviously inebriated man. This man begins to ramble on about his trade skills in the village. The stranger tries to shrug him off but he pushes conversation. 'see this pub we are sitting in? I built this pub with my own bare hands. Yet, no one calls me McGregor the bar b...

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