Why did the perfume maker end up in the mental hospital?

Because he stopped making scents

*At the hospital*

“What’s your height, sir?”

“183 cm, doctor.”

“I’m no doctor, sir. I’m the coffin maker...”

The makers of summers eve

The makers of summers eve has release a new product line for men. A spray for men called umpire, for foul balls.

Q: Why do movie makers not make a cross-over movie between "A Quiet Place" and "IT"?

A: They already know that it is going to be "ShhhhIT"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what do you get when you put your dick in a sandwich maker?

a paninis

An inspector is going around the village, reviewing all the arrow-makers and their products. When the inspector reaches John the arrow-maker John tells him: "You know, these arrows are probably the worst in town. I'm really bad at putting the feathers on the end. I'm decent at the rest though."

The inspector looks up and replies: "Weird fletch but ok"

What do you call a French leather coat maker...?

Jim Lapel.

I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart?"

"Yeah..." she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now."

Why doesn't a coffee maker need that third prong on its electrical plug?

The beans are ground.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lee Smart was always a trouble maker throughout his life.

In school, Lee Smart was always getting in trouble. His friend, Isaac, always stuck by his side, though. They were always best friends.

Though Isaac was getting sick of Lee’s crap. Lee kept drinking and driving, he kept smoking Marijuana and snorting Cocaine. Isaac was so close to just leavi...

What do you call it when perfume makers try to take over the world?

Cologneialism

What do you call a family friendly gun maker?

A HECK ler

What language speaks a typical Belgian beer maker?

Hebrew

Why was the protein powder maker never satisfied with his work?

He always kept looking for new wheys to improve

Why couldn’t the pasta maker get into his apartment?

Because he had gnocchi.

Why shouldn't you let a shoe maker use your bathroom?

They'll clog your toilet.

A journalist was tasked to interview the best costume maker in the world...

So the journalist asked for an appointment with the costume maker, and luckily, he accepted.

Now this costume maker might be famous, but no one but himself and a few people know his real name. His identity was shrouded in mystery. The name he goes by is Mr. D.D., which are his initials. The j...

Watch makers are the best people to date.

They make time for you.

What do you call a new dress-maker who is uncomfortable with the idea of customers testing her merchandise?

A seamstress who seems stressed when you stress the seams.

How do you make a coffee maker cry?

With a very dark roast.

They arrested the overweight soap maker

Apparently he was a big fat lyer.

I once asked a cheese maker if there was any way he could make me a block of cheddar using soy milk.

Hey said, "I'm sorry, but there's no whey."

She was only a whiskey-maker's daughter

but he loved her still.

I got fired from my job as a stencil maker.

I guess it just wasn't cut out for me.

What do you call a Finnish coffee maker?

A perkele-tor!

What did the Redditor say to the yogurt maker?

Ah, I see you're a man of culture.

What do you call a really old clothes maker?

Tailor old as time.

Where do poor Italian noodle makers live?

In the Spaghetto.

I bought a bread-maker but the sales assistant tried to talk me out of it

He said there was no knead

What did one window maker say to the other who was having a tough day?

No pane no gain!

Slightly peeved that the makers of the shampoo "Head and Shoulders"...

…have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."

A man walks up to a russian clock maker

A man walks up to a russian clock maker. He says, "My clock just goes tik, tik, tik, it never goes tok!

The russian clock maker holds a flashlight up to the clock and yell: WE HAVE WAY OF MAKE YOU TOK

If athletes get athlete's foot, what do candy makers get?

Tic tac toe

Instead of working out, I'm just going to get a label maker.

I'll label my scale "1-10", then every time I step on it I'll be reminded that on a scale of 1-10, I'm a 220.

My grandpa always said "As one door closes another opens."

He was a great man but a terrible cabinet maker.

A man hated his job as a lamp maker

A man named Jim decided to sell his own lamps but didn't sell any. His friends tried helping Jim by advertising, but to no avail. Jim hated it. Now he had a ton of lamps in his home. One day a robber broke into Jim's house and stole all of the lamps. All of Jim's friends felt terrible for Jim. When ...

What is a Vietnamese sandwich maker’s favorite pick up line?

Banh mi.

The cabinet maker

A woman in Tel-Aviv finally saves enough money to buy a new hand-made cabinet, and has it installed in her home, which faces the street whereby bus number 5 passes.

As she is admiring her new purchase, she notices that bus number 5 passes her house, and as it does, the cabinet doors open up...

What do sushi makers have in common with Spanish pirates?

They both seek fortuna.

Why are pizza makers always poor?

Because they knead dough to make a living.

A pen maker's joke

I asked the ink drop why it looked so sad.

He said his mother was in the pen and he didn't know how long her sentence would be.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do they call me Craig the fence maker?

Bill was an American tourist in Scotland when he wandered off the trail and got lost. He wandered around for hours and was starting to worry when the sun went down. In the darkness, he saw a tiny light on top of a hill. He knew it meant civilization so he started walking towards it.

After an...

My sister is an expert pastry-maker.

She has to be to stay employed, her job has a high turnover rate.

Why did the boat maker from France have so many allies?

He was great at building French ships.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Poor McGregor can't catch a break

A young Irishman sits down for a pint at his local pub, and soon the Scot on the stool next to him
strikes up a conversation:

You see the fishing pier out that window? asks the Scot. I built that pier with me own bare hands.
But do they call me 'McGregor the Pier-maker?' No.

...

What do you say to an overworked clothing maker?

You seamstressed.

What do you call a fast clothes maker?

Taylor Swift!

Made up by my nine year old :)

Did you hear about the dress maker who went to the ATM?

She was electrocuted when she put in her pin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bright, young graduate joined the Internal Revenue Service. Anxious for his first investigation he was a bit perturbed when he was assigned to audit a Rabbi.

Looking over the books and taxes was pretty straightforward and the Rabbi was clearly very frugal, so he thought he’d make his day interesting by having a little fun with the Rabbi.

“Rabbi,” he said, “I noticed that you buy a lot of candles.”

“Yes,” answered the Rabbi.

“Well, Ra...

I just got a futuristic coffee maker.

It was a ground-breaking development.

Why are mirror makers proud of what they do?

Their work is a reflection of themselves.

Did the depressed rope maker succeed?

Sadly, he did knot.

What's a sausage makers favourite band?

Linkin Pork

What was built after the Indian sandwich maker's shop burned down?

A New Delhi

Did you hear about the kilt maker that went to prison?

He had quite the chequered past.

Irony of life!

The doctor hopes you fall ill.

The police hopes you become a criminal.

The lawyer hopes you get into trouble.

The priest wants you to get married.

The coffin maker wants you dead.

Only a thief wishes you prosperity in life!

Why are hunters good love-makers?

They always go deep in the bush, they can shoot more than once, and eat what they shoot.

Why are jewish potion makers all male?

He brew

A coffin maker was on his way to deliver a coffin

...when his car broke down. Trying not to be late he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.

A policeman saw him, told him to stop and asked, "Hey what are you carrying and where are you going?"

The man replied,

"I do not like where I was buried so I ...

I don't know who Cole is..

But he's my favorite law maker.

An amateur group of Islamic film makers have posted a video on YouTube which mocks Christianity and Jesus Christ.

It is believed to be so offensive that St Mary's church in Dublin have postponed their tea and cake morning until next Wednesday, and Dorothy O'Neill from Dinlge has written a strongly worded letter.

When will the madness end?

At the Custom

There is this young boy living in the border of Venezuela. He is a well known trouble maker and he is well known with the police and the custom officers.

One day, the boy is crossing from Colombia to Venezuela on a bicycle with 2 bags of sand at the back.

The custom guard know this boy...

Why did the woman marry the shoe maker?

Because she was his sole mate.

A couple were going on a vacation together but the wife had an emergency at work.

So they agreed the husband would go as planned and his wife would meet him at the hotel the next day.

When the husband got to his hotel and had checked in, he thought he should send his wife a quick email letting her know he'd got there ok.

As he typed in her email address, he made a t...

An antivaxer has a heart attack. He's rushed to ER, but during the emergency surgery, his heart stops, rendering him clinically dead.

Before he knows it, he's face to face with none other than God himself, Author of the Universe, Maker of All. God smiles beatifically and says, “Don't worry. The doctors working on you are good; you'll be back in no time. But as long as you're here, do you have any questions you'd like to ask?”
<...

What is that thing, which the maker cannot use, and the user cannot see?

Coffin

I used to sell office supplies to the mafia, file cabinets and label makers and such

I was involved in very organized crime

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the butter maker not tell anybody his secret recipe?

He was afraid they'd spread it around.

What did the cheese maker say after his factory was hit by lightning?

I've created a muenster.

I know, I know, it was cheesy joke.

What did both the bomb expert and the digital clock maker say to their mother?

Look, Ma! No hands!

A Rabbi's money maker.

A man asks a Rabbi if he gets paid for the circumcisions. The Rabbi says
- No, I can't do that! I just Keep the tips!

Did you hear about the lazy perfume-maker?

He made no scents.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck..

and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced, he decides to grant them one wish each before they enter paradise. They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps his fingers, an...

A furniture-maker got caught by his wife coming in at 4am

"Damn it, Jesse! I will not let you ruin our marriage over one night stand!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walked into a bar in Scotland, sat down and ordered a drink.

Next to him was a leathery old Scotsman, well into the bottle in front of him.

The man asked the Scotsman if there was something the matter.

The Scot replied; "Aye lad, indeed there is. You see this bar here? I made this bar with me own two hands, slowly crafting it in the time-honored...

Victorinox, the makers of Swiss Army knives, recently branched out into the medical supply business after developing a universal tool fit for every hospital ICU.

Their marketing slogan: "For all intensive purposes."

They say don’t put all your eggs in one basket....but who are “they”?

Basket makers looking to sell more units.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

During lunch break on a high rise construction site....

...Dave says, "Hey Daryl tell the crew how you made a fast $50 this morning!"

"It was weird!", says Daryl. "I was on the 23rd floor and bumped a brick off the edge, I immediately yelled out "FALLING BRICK!!!. There was a lady standing at the bus stop below, she heard me, stepped to the side a...

How are a sword maker and the Fresh Prince of Bel Air alike?

They're both black smiths

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A grandpa sits down with his granchild

Grandpa: look at The Windows in this house i haveMade All of them but do they call me Joe the window maker, nooooo they don’t do that. Look at the paintings in this house i have Made All of them , but do they call me Joe the painter, nooo they don’t do that. But you fuck one pig.

I overheard some kids saying they were planning on doing a shooting at my old highschool.

I went over and told them I used to go there. I said i figured I'd save them some time and show them the best areas to do the shooting.

Afterward they thanked me but asked perplexed why i would help them.

I said "Just thought I could help some up and coming film makers. Us artists gott...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There is a store in Spain that sells exquisite handmade writing instruments.

This store has all kinds of bespoke fountain pens and rollerball pens and even ball point pens. There are pens made of fine hard woods and precious metals inlaid with all kinds of gems. These pens are all handmade by artisans who have been in the business for generations.

But what really sets...

A priest, a rabbi and an engineer are being lead to the guillotine to be executed.....

The priest tells the executioner, "I want to meet my maker face to face, can I lie on my back?"

The executioner says, "I see no problem with that."

As the blade comes down it stops halfway. The executioner sees this as a miracle and sets the priest free.

The rabbi makes the same...

Just heard this variation on an oldie!

A hat maker was trying to sell his hats on a hot summers day. After having no luck for 4 hours under the sun, he decided to take a short rest underneath a gigantic tree. He set his briefcase of hats down, took one out to cover his face, and laid down on the grass. With the shade from his hat and the...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.