So, I heard Bounty, the maker of paper towels, has decided to get into the Male Enhancement business...

..their new slogan? The Quicker Pecker Upper.

What did the pizza maker say before robbing a bank?

"I may love making pizza, but I still knead the dough."

The Time Keeper, The Clock Maker, and The Bell Ringer

A time keeper at a factory is in charge of blowing the whistle for the lunch break at noon

When it's almost noon he looks at his watch and right when it strikes 12pm he blows the whistle

One day he bumps his watch against something and he fears that it is a little off

Wanting ...

Archimedes wasn't just known for inventing his many inventions. He's also considered to have invented the first insult when talking to his brother who was a cheese maker after discovering a early form of lindburger cheese....

He simply stated, You reeka!

Coffin maker's new slogan

If you're coughin' you need a coffin

In China, film makers have to appease the Chinese censors, but people forget in America we have the same thing...

We also have to appease the Chinese censors.

My Grandad always said, “As one door closes, another one opens.”

Lovely man, terrible cabinet maker.

From the makers of Train to Busan

Plane from Wuhan

Where do ice-cream makers go to learn their trade?

Sundae school.

What do you call a cheese maker that works very hard?

An overacheeser

Why couldn’t the pasta maker get into his house?

Because he had Gnocchi.

Avocado makers need to up their game

The only free gift I get is a wooden ball

Did you know that shoe makers are very talkative?

They love to converse

A Yorkshire man's beloved wife passed away.

He went to the headstone maker to sort out the stone for her grave. Being a devout man, he decided the inscription should read 'She was thine'. The stonemason told him to return a week later.
A week later the man returns to inspect the stone. The proud stonemason wheeled it out in a trolley. It ...

Heard the one about the Jewish beer maker?

Hebrew

A guy once killed someone with a mist maker.

It was fogged up.

Why did the perfume maker end up in the mental hospital?

Because he stopped making scents

For a dollar, a change-maker will get you four quarters, or ten dimes, or twenty nickels...

That makes cents, right?

ANOTHER WOODEN BALL..!!!!!

Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?...

It was the Best of Times, It was the Worst of Times...

Yes, it was the middle of the French Revolution, and Robespierre and his revolutionaries had gathered up a priest, a member of the aristocracy and an engineer, packed them into a tumbrel and dragged them off to the square to the waiting guillotine.

First they dragged the priest up onto the pl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what do you get when you put your dick in a sandwich maker?

a paninis

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lee Smart was always a trouble maker throughout his life.

In school, Lee Smart was always getting in trouble. His friend, Isaac, always stuck by his side, though. They were always best friends.

Though Isaac was getting sick of Lee’s crap. Lee kept drinking and driving, he kept smoking Marijuana and snorting Cocaine. Isaac was so close to just leavi...

Jacob was a nice old farmer known for his happy chickens.

One day he dies and meets his maker. God tells him that because he took such good care of his chickens he's going to bring him back to earth as one.

So Jacob opens his eyes and he's surrounded by other chickens and straight away asks the nearest one how to lay eggs

The other chickens...

I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart?"

"Yeah..." she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now."

The makers of summers eve

The makers of summers eve has release a new product line for men. A spray for men called umpire, for foul balls.

An inspector is going around the village, reviewing all the arrow-makers and their products. When the inspector reaches John the arrow-maker John tells him: "You know, these arrows are probably the worst in town. I'm really bad at putting the feathers on the end. I'm decent at the rest though."

The inspector looks up and replies: "Weird fletch but ok"

A journalist was tasked to interview the best costume maker in the world...

So the journalist asked for an appointment with the costume maker, and luckily, he accepted.

Now this costume maker might be famous, but no one but himself and a few people know his real name. His identity was shrouded in mystery. The name he goes by is Mr. D.D., which are his initials. The j...

Q: Why do movie makers not make a cross-over movie between "A Quiet Place" and "IT"?

A: They already know that it is going to be "ShhhhIT"

What language speaks a typical Belgian beer maker?

Hebrew

What do you call a family friendly gun maker?

A HECK ler

What do you call a French leather coat maker...?

Jim Lapel.

Why doesn't a coffee maker need that third prong on its electrical plug?

The beans are ground.

She was only a whiskey-maker's daughter

but he loved her still.

Why was the protein powder maker never satisfied with his work?

He always kept looking for new wheys to improve

What do you call it when perfume makers try to take over the world?

Cologneialism

I once asked a cheese maker if there was any way he could make me a block of cheddar using soy milk.

Hey said, "I'm sorry, but there's no whey."

They arrested the overweight soap maker

Apparently he was a big fat lyer.

Slightly peeved that the makers of the shampoo "Head and Shoulders"...

…have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bright, young graduate joined the Internal Revenue Service. Anxious for his first investigation he was a bit perturbed when he was assigned to audit a Rabbi.

Looking over the books and taxes was pretty straightforward and the Rabbi was clearly very frugal, so he thought he’d make his day interesting by having a little fun with the Rabbi.

“Rabbi,” he said, “I noticed that you buy a lot of candles.”

“Yes,” answered the Rabbi.

“Well, Ra...

Why shouldn't you let a shoe maker use your bathroom?

They'll clog your toilet.

What do you call a new dress-maker who is uncomfortable with the idea of customers testing her merchandise?

A seamstress who seems stressed when you stress the seams.

What did the Redditor say to the yogurt maker?

Ah, I see you're a man of culture.

What do you call the mother who gave birth to Super Mario?

Mario Maker

I got fired from my job as a stencil maker.

I guess it just wasn't cut out for me.

How do you make a coffee maker cry?

With a very dark roast.

In the days of old the River Thames was once plagued with a giant wyrm.

The dread creature preyed upon any who used or went near the river, and many lives were lost, and eventually the call went out for a brave knight to slay the vile creature. It soon became apparent that this was no task for a common knight, but only the holiest and most dedicated - a living saint....

The cabinet maker

A woman in Tel-Aviv finally saves enough money to buy a new hand-made cabinet, and has it installed in her home, which faces the street whereby bus number 5 passes.

As she is admiring her new purchase, she notices that bus number 5 passes her house, and as it does, the cabinet doors open up...

I bought a bread-maker but the sales assistant tried to talk me out of it

He said there was no knead

In the morning, I used to use one of those automatic things that makes you coffee, but it made this horrible screeching noise in your ear.

So I divorced her and bought myself a coffee maker

What do you call a Finnish coffee maker?

A perkele-tor!

Where do poor Italian noodle makers live?

In the Spaghetto.

Joke Archeology -- who's heard an older version of this often recycled joke?

I heard this one the first time back in the early 70's.

Richard Nixon and Henry Kissinger were giving a young hippie hitchhiker a ride home in Air Force One from the Camp David Area, they started having engine trouble, unfortunately there were only four parachutes and the drafted pilots ju...

What do you call a really old clothes maker?

Tailor old as time.

If athletes get athlete's foot, what do candy makers get?

Tic tac toe

Watch makers are the best people to date.

They make time for you.

A man walks up to a russian clock maker

A man walks up to a russian clock maker. He says, "My clock just goes tik, tik, tik, it never goes tok!

The russian clock maker holds a flashlight up to the clock and yell: WE HAVE WAY OF MAKE YOU TOK

Why are pizza makers always poor?

Because they knead dough to make a living.

An antivaxer has a heart attack. He's rushed to ER, but during the emergency surgery, his heart stops, rendering him clinically dead.

Before he knows it, he's face to face with none other than God himself, Author of the Universe, Maker of All. God smiles beatifically and says, “Don't worry. The doctors working on you are good; you'll be back in no time. But as long as you're here, do you have any questions you'd like to ask?”
<...

What is a Vietnamese sandwich maker’s favorite pick up line?

Banh mi.

My sister is an expert pastry-maker.

She has to be to stay employed, her job has a high turnover rate.

Instead of working out, I'm just going to get a label maker.

I'll label my scale "1-10", then every time I step on it I'll be reminded that on a scale of 1-10, I'm a 220.

A pen maker's joke

I asked the ink drop why it looked so sad.

He said his mother was in the pen and he didn't know how long her sentence would be.

What do sushi makers have in common with Spanish pirates?

They both seek fortuna.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do they call me Craig the fence maker?

Bill was an American tourist in Scotland when he wandered off the trail and got lost. He wandered around for hours and was starting to worry when the sun went down. In the darkness, he saw a tiny light on top of a hill. He knew it meant civilization so he started walking towards it.

After an...

What do you call a fast clothes maker?

Taylor Swift!

Made up by my nine year old :)

What do you say to an overworked clothing maker?

You seamstressed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck..

and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced, he decides to grant them one wish each before they enter paradise. They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps his fingers, an...

Irony of life!

The doctor hopes you fall ill.

The police hopes you become a criminal.

The lawyer hopes you get into trouble.

The priest wants you to get married.

The coffin maker wants you dead.

Only a thief wishes you prosperity in life!

Why did the boat maker from France have so many allies?

He was great at building French ships.

I just got a futuristic coffee maker.

It was a ground-breaking development.

Fun Facts

Did you know that recent survey’s and studies have shown Bee Keepers to be the best Match Makers?

It’s true. When they looked into it, the study shows that beauty is indeed in the eye of the Bee-Holder

Did you hear about the dress maker who went to the ATM?

She was electrocuted when she put in her pin.

Did you hear about the kilt maker that went to prison?

He had quite the chequered past.

Why are mirror makers proud of what they do?

Their work is a reflection of themselves.

Did the depressed rope maker succeed?

Sadly, he did knot.

What was built after the Indian sandwich maker's shop burned down?

A New Delhi

What's a sausage makers favourite band?

Linkin Pork

I don't know who Cole is..

But he's my favorite law maker.

An amateur group of Islamic film makers have posted a video on YouTube which mocks Christianity and Jesus Christ.

It is believed to be so offensive that St Mary's church in Dublin have postponed their tea and cake morning until next Wednesday, and Dorothy O'Neill from Dinlge has written a strongly worded letter.

When will the madness end?

A coffin maker was on his way to deliver a coffin

...when his car broke down. Trying not to be late he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.

A policeman saw him, told him to stop and asked, "Hey what are you carrying and where are you going?"

The man replied,

"I do not like where I was buried so I ...

True

You can lead a jackass to logic but you can't make them think.

If you laid all of the world's economists end-to-end they wouldn't reach a conclusion.

It is easier to tell a book by it's cover than without it.

If God meant for humans to fly He wouldn't have created so much traffi...

Why are hunters good love-makers?

They always go deep in the bush, they can shoot more than once, and eat what they shoot.

They say don’t put all your eggs in one basket....but who are “they”?

Basket makers looking to sell more units.

Why are jewish potion makers all male?

He brew

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walked into a bar in Scotland, sat down and ordered a drink.

Next to him was a leathery old Scotsman, well into the bottle in front of him.

The man asked the Scotsman if there was something the matter.

The Scot replied; "Aye lad, indeed there is. You see this bar here? I made this bar with me own two hands, slowly crafting it in the time-honored...

A priest, a rabbi and an engineer are being lead to the guillotine to be executed.....

The priest tells the executioner, "I want to meet my maker face to face, can I lie on my back?"

The executioner says, "I see no problem with that."

As the blade comes down it stops halfway. The executioner sees this as a miracle and sets the priest free.

The rabbi makes the same...

Why did the woman marry the shoe maker?

Because she was his sole mate.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At the Custom

There is this young boy living in the border of Venezuela. He is a well known trouble maker and he is well known with the police and the custom officers.

One day, the boy is crossing from Colombia to Venezuela on a bicycle with 2 bags of sand at the back.

The custom guard know this boy...

I overheard some kids saying they were planning on doing a shooting at my old highschool.

I went over and told them I used to go there. I said i figured I'd save them some time and show them the best areas to do the shooting.

Afterward they thanked me but asked perplexed why i would help them.

I said "Just thought I could help some up and coming film makers. Us artists gott...

What did the cheese maker say after his factory was hit by lightning?

I've created a muenster.

I know, I know, it was cheesy joke.

What is that thing, which the maker cannot use, and the user cannot see?

Coffin

I used to sell office supplies to the mafia, file cabinets and label makers and such

I was involved in very organized crime

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the butter maker not tell anybody his secret recipe?

He was afraid they'd spread it around.

*At the hospital*

“What’s your height, sir?”

“183 cm, doctor.”

“I’m no doctor, sir. I’m the coffin maker...”

What did both the bomb expert and the digital clock maker say to their mother?

Look, Ma! No hands!

A Rabbi's money maker.

A man asks a Rabbi if he gets paid for the circumcisions. The Rabbi says
- No, I can't do that! I just Keep the tips!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

During lunch break on a high rise construction site....

...Dave says, "Hey Daryl tell the crew how you made a fast $50 this morning!"

"It was weird!", says Daryl. "I was on the 23rd floor and bumped a brick off the edge, I immediately yelled out "FALLING BRICK!!!. There was a lady standing at the bus stop below, she heard me, stepped to the side a...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.