UPJOKE
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Maker Jokes

A tough guy walks into a bar, looking for trouble. Orders a boiler maker.

He downs the shot, turns to the guy on his right and punches him in the face.
“That's a right hook from American boxing.”

He drinks down the beer, turns to the guy on his left and kicks him in the belly. "That's a crane kick from Chinese Kung-fu."

He turns to see if anyone in the ba...
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Instead of water, I put redbull in the the back of my coffee maker this morning

I was halfway to work before I realized I forgot my car.
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What do you call it when your coffee maker tells you a joke?

Brew-HaHa
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Maker

A grandfather and granddaughter were sitting and talking when the young girl asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?"

"Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered.

A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, "Did God make me too?"

"Yes, He did," the older man answered.

For...
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She was only a whiskey-maker's daughter

but he loved her still.
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Why did the calendar maker get fired from his job?

He took a day off
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How does a fence maker know his schedule?

They keep it posted
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Why did the Italian cheese maker join a dating app?

He was provolonely.
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My mother was horrified when I told her on the phone that I was about to meet my maker.

Until I walked through her front door a few seconds later.
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I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart?" She replied, "Yeah..."

"But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now!"
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My granddad always used to say, “As one door closes another one opens.”

Lovely man.

Terrible cabinet maker.
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Why did the pasta maker go to the strip club?

Because he was feeling cannelloni
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The makers of Viagra have announced that they have developed a pill to increase the wetness in women.

They're calling it Niagra.

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The makers of Viagra have started an exclusive internet service.

They make it hard to get in, but they claim you will experience very little downtime.

A journalist was tasked to interview the best costume maker in the world...

So the journalist asked for an appointment with the costume maker, and luckily, he accepted.

Now this costume maker might be famous, but no one but himself and a few people know his real name. His identity was shrouded in mystery. The name he goes by is Mr. D.D., which are his initials. The j...
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Why did the maze maker get divorced?

He often got lost in his work.
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A 21-year-old Texan was still a virgin, so he travelled to a brothel in Dallas to see what he’d been missing.

He got the address of a reputable place and in no time at all he was in bed with an attractive hooker. She sensed he was inexperienced, so she took his hand and placed it on her money maker. “Is that what you’re looking for?” He said “I don’t know ma’am. I’m a stranger in these parts.”

Slightly peeved that the makers of the shampoo "Head and Shoulders"...

…have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
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What does the Jewish potion maker do at work?

Hebrew
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I think I'm a great match-maker

I paired my Bluetooth earbuds with my phone, and they connected instantly
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My uncle used to work in a butcher shop. He got fired for putting his dick in the sausage maker...

...to be fair, she got fired too. But then they got married and had a couple kids, so it all worked out.

I used to sell office supplies to the mafia, file cabinets and label makers and such

I was involved in very organized crime
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Why are pizza makers always poor?

Because they knead dough to make a living.
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There was this famous cheese maker

He made this cheese that would expanded grow when melted.
He was driving while drinking scotch and got into a accident with a school bus. The court case going as expected he was sentenced to death by electrocution. As a last meal request he asked for a quarter of a wheel of his world famous chee...

A Subway sandwich maker has a very eccentric regular customer.

The eccentric customer always orders a tuna sandwich, but heavily modified, made with an extra cup of mayo, smothered in chili peppers, red peppers, onions, and pickles, then toasted until it's burnt. It looks and smells disgusting and the worker dreads it when he sees that customer come in.
...
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Did you hear about the candy maker who was seeing double?

His mind was playing Twix on him.
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An unconscious pizza maker was admitted to the hospital

They called him John Dough
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How does a potion-maker bring his wife to orgasm?

Elixir.

What did the cabinet maker do when he got cold?

He cupboard himself
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The Trophy Maker (OC - long)

Old Rick Giuseppe was a fifth-generation trophy maker – like his father, grandfather, great grandfather and great great great grandfather before him. Alas, Old Rick Giuseppe’s wife had died a few years ago, and the man lived in solitude, apart from a cat named Jeffery, who was his late wife’s belove...
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A bus full of ugly people crashes

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced; He decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise. They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the w...
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King Arthur asked a wood maker apprentice to make a table.

He was so impressed with the Table Round result, that he knighted him on the spot: Sir Cumference.
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My sister is an expert pastry-maker.

She has to be to stay employed, her job has a high turnover rate.
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The cabinet maker

A woman in Tel-Aviv finally saves enough money to buy a new hand-made cabinet, and has it installed in her home, which faces the street whereby bus number 5 passes.

As she is admiring her new purchase, she notices that bus number 5 passes her house, and as it does, the cabinet doors open up...
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Don't ever challenge a German sausage maker to a competition.

It brings out the *wurst* in him.
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I met an anarchist ice cream maker

Some men just want to watch the world churn.
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Coffin maker's new slogan

If you're coughin' you need a coffin
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What did the nurse say to the medicine maker when he got sick?

Lemme give you a taste of your own medicine
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What do you call a sex toy that also serves as a hole-maker?

A drilldo

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Lee Smart was always a trouble maker throughout his life.

In school, Lee Smart was always getting in trouble. His friend, Isaac, always stuck by his side, though. They were always best friends.

Though Isaac was getting sick of Lee’s crap. Lee kept drinking and driving, he kept smoking Marijuana and snorting Cocaine. Isaac was so close to just leavi...

What did the Redditor say to the yogurt maker?

Ah, I see you're a man of culture.
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What's the difference between an ISIS K bomb maker and an Afghani aid worker?

How should I know I just fly the drone
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A wine maker went to their therapist the other day.

The wine maker had won dozens and dozens of awards for how amazing their wine was, but they never expressed any happiness about it.

The therapist asked the win maker, if not showing emotion ever bothered them.

They replied, “I guess I’m just used to bottling things up.”

When I was a kid, I goofed around with my dad’s coffee maker before he got done cleaning it.

I managed to get myself grounded.
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Have you heard about the quick clothes maker?

Some have said she is a Tailor, Swift
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They arrested the overweight soap maker

Apparently he was a big fat lyer.
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Did you hear the pasta makers in Italy revolted?

It was a ravioli-tion
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Guitar maker Fender has announced a new line of woodwind instruments

Coming soon, the Saxofender.
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What do film makers use and IT people fear?

A blue screen
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My girlfriend is a just a simple whiskey maker.

But I love her still.
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What do you call a fast clothes maker?

Taylor Swift!

Made up by my nine year old :)
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Wife: "Why is this giant bra on the coffee maker?"

Husband: "You said you needed k cups."
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A pen maker's joke

I asked the ink drop why it looked so sad.

He said his mother was in the pen and he didn't know how long her sentence would be.
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What do you call a cheese maker that works very hard?

An overacheeser
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Did you know that shoe makers are very talkative?

They love to converse
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Did you hear about the pasta maker that was locked out of his house?

It was because he had Gnocchi.
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The makers of summers eve

The makers of summers eve has release a new product line for men. A spray for men called umpire, for foul balls.
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The weed gummy maker knew it was bound to happen, however it truly was a spectacle for him to see things finally going wrong. The gummies came out hard as a rock and tasted horrible. Unfortunately it was too late for him to make changes to this batch.

He made the inevitable incredible inedible un-editable edible
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Why was the window maker not happy with his job?

His work was never clear.
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What does an experimental bomb maker who is a redditor say after his bomb works?

I didn't expect this to blow up!
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What language speaks a typical Belgian beer maker?

Hebrew
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Why did the perfume maker end up in the mental hospital?

Because he stopped making scents
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A guy once killed someone with a mist maker.

It was fogged up.
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What do you call a French leather coat maker...?

Jim Lapel.
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What do you say to an overworked clothing maker?

You seamstressed.
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How do you make a coffee maker cry?

With a very dark roast.
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If athletes get athlete's foot, what do candy makers get?

Tic tac toe
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Where do poor Italian noodle makers live?

In the Spaghetto.
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One man said to a chocolate maker "Are you a magician?"

The chocolate maker said "No, but I got a couple twix up my sleeve."
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One time at the pub I told a violent trouble maker to step outside so I could give him a good hiding

He still hasn't found me
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what do you get when you put your dick in a sandwich maker?

a paninis

I got fired from my job as a stencil maker.

I guess it just wasn't cut out for me.
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A man walks up to a German clock maker

The man tells him, "My clock just goes tik, tik, tik, it never goes tok!"

The German clock maker holds a flashlight up to the clock and yells "VE HAVE VAYS OF MAKING YOU TOK!"
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Did the depressed rope maker succeed?

Sadly, he did knot.
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In China, film makers have to appease the Chinese censors, but people forget in America we have the same thing...

We also have to appease the Chinese censors.
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Do they call me Craig the fence maker?

Bill was an American tourist in Scotland when he wandered off the trail and got lost. He wandered around for hours and was starting to worry when the sun went down. In the darkness, he saw a tiny light on top of a hill. He knew it meant civilization so he started walking towards it.

After an...

My office has had three label makers stolen in the past week.

We suspect it's connected to organized crime.
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My wife told me that before I come to bed, she'd like me to start the dishwasher, set the coffee maker, and bring her some water.

I said, "Ok, but I'm bound to forget one of those two things."
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Watch makers are the best people to date.

They make time for you.
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Why shouldn't you let a shoe maker use your bathroom?

They'll clog your toilet.
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A Rabbi's money maker.

A man asks a Rabbi if he gets paid for the circumcisions. The Rabbi says
- No, I can't do that! I just Keep the tips!
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I recently came up with a pirate-themed tabletop RPG, but then the makers of Dungeons and Dragons found out.

They sent me a seas-and-d6 letter.
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Why doesn't a coffee maker need that third prong on its electrical plug?

The beans are ground.
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I bought a bread-maker but the sales assistant tried to talk me out of it

He said there was no knead
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What is a Vietnamese sandwich maker’s favorite pick up line?

Banh mi.
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As companies continue to cut ties with Kanye West...

Compass maker INMARK has also decided to drop West from their product line, leaving users lost and confused.
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Why are hunters good love-makers?

They always go deep in the bush, they can shoot more than once, and eat what they shoot.
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So, I heard Bounty, the maker of paper towels, has decided to get into the Male Enhancement business...

..their new slogan? The Quicker Pecker Upper.
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Why are jewish potion makers all male?

He brew
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Why did the boat maker from France have so many allies?

He was great at building French ships.
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Why did the woman marry the shoe maker?

Because she was his sole mate.
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Instead of working out, I'm just going to get a label maker.

I'll label my scale "1-10", then every time I step on it I'll be reminded that on a scale of 1-10, I'm a 220.
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What do sushi makers have in common with Spanish pirates?

They both seek fortuna.
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Did you hear about the kilt maker that went to prison?

He had quite the chequered past.
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What was built after the Indian sandwich maker's shop burned down?

A New Delhi
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A new hired cheese maker wasn't sure if he was adding enough cream. So he asked his boss.

His boss replied, "That's gouda nuff"
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A coffin maker was on his way to deliver a coffin

...when his car broke down. Trying not to be late he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.

A policeman saw him, told him to stop and asked, "Hey what are you carrying and where are you going?"

The man replied,

"I do not like where I was buried so I ...
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What do you call it when perfume makers try to take over the world?

Cologneialism
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Did you hear about the lazy perfume-maker?

He made no scents.
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