A guy wants to build a nuke. He goes to a supplier and asks...

"How much are the protons?"

"A dime a dozen, and the neutrons are free of charge."

As a supplier for paramilitary troops, i can confirm...

Nobody has ever complained about their parachute not opening mid-flight.

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How the Germans bailed out Greece

It is a slow day in a little Greek Village. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted.

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Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

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On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the village, ...

Over half of UK KFC stores have closed down after switching chicken suppliers.

It was an original recipe for disaster.

THIS JUST IN: Foreign suppliers of shredded cheese on strike.

Eyewitnesses report protesting workers holding signs that read: "MAKE AMERICA GRATE AGAIN"

A sodomizer, an alcoholic, a thief and a drug addict await judgment in Hell...

The gatekeeper of Hell says, "Each of you are here because you let your addiction get the best of you. But I'm giving all of you a second chance, prove me wrong and I will drag you back to Hell!". Just like that the sodomizer, alcoholic, businessman and drug addict are teleported back to Earth.
...

The New Market on the Corner

A new market opened up in Bill's neighborhood, so he decided to go down and see what they had for sale.

Inside appeared to be different produce stands, but, strangely, all he saw were bakery stuffs on the shelves. One was covered in pies and labeled "Pineapple Pies - $2/lb." Another was cover...

A young man follows in his father's footsteps... (Long)

The father chopped wood


The son chopped wood


The father built the family home


The son helped expand it


The father did many manual labor jobs to feed the family


The son sacrificed schooling to help at these jobs


The father and son did ...

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World-wide known John

One day, one big company's boss decided to visit his employees. There was one man who was greeted cheerfully by everyone. Like really everyone. His name was John. Boss stopped him for a while and asked him a question 'John, how is it possible that our accountant, manager, supplier and even our new c...

My buddy signed up for one of those, "learn to be a plumber in 6 weeks" courses you see on TV and his final exam was at 9am today...

He showed up at 3pm, looked at the test paper and said, "Looks like I'm gonna need a pen for this job. I'll have to pop round to my suppliers for one. Be right back."

Graduated top of his class...

Google pizza

- Hello! Gordon's pizza?
- No sir it's Google pizza.
- Ah okay, wrong number
- No sir, Google bought Gordon's
- Okay. Then can I order please...
- Do you want the usual?
- The usual? You know my usual?
- According to our caller ID, the last 12 times you ordered pizza with cheese...

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A rich, eccentric man owns a museum of giant, alphabet-shaped objects.

The grand opening is planned for soon. He's filled up most of his exhibits, but he's still looking for a final touch to the Q room. He puts up an online ad campaign and waits to hear back, delaying the opening until he can find a good Q. After about a month, he's about to give up and close down the ...

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A dairy farmer decided to boost productivity on his farm so he ordered a high-tech milking machine.

As his wife was out of town when it was delivered, he decided to test it on himself first and see if it gave him any pleasure.

So he inserted his penis into the machine, turned it on, and everything else was automatic.

It didn't take long before he realized the equipment provided him w...

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Jews and Chinese doing business

A Chinese goes to a Jew to buy black bras size 38.
The Jew, known for his skills as a businessman, says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers.
Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for them.

The Chinese buys 25 pairs.

He r...

Got my water bill today - £400. Then I saw an advert for Oxfam stating they can supply a whole village with water for £5 a month.

Think I'll be changing my supplier.

You know the joke about the guy who buys his shoes from his drug dealer?

I wonder why he chose that dude to be his sole supplier.

An inspiring true story about my friend's grandmother.

I'd like to tell you a little-known, but inspiring and true story that involves my friend Jake's grandmother.

Her name was Erica. She lived a typical grandmother life, knitting, spoiling her grandchildren and puttering around.

But despite having lived a full life before retiring, she w...

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A skinhead is arrested for drug offenses and goes to prison

At first he's worried, as he's used to having lots of followers backing him up and isn't sure how he'll deal with the other inmates. He decides the best way to get ahead is to find prisoners of a similar mindset and join then.

He sees some skinny white dudes coming in from a back area. Figuri...

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This is a long one, brace yourselves...

A wealthy farmer on his death bed tells his three sons that he loves them all equally so he couldn't find a fair way to split his wealth among them.

As his final wish, he asks them to seek an old friend of his, who is now a judge in the big city.

"He is a fair man. Ask him to help yo...

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Farting Honda

A sales rep for an American auto parts supplier was in Tokyo for an important meeting with the chairman of Toyota to close a huge deal. After he got to his hotel, he farted and strangely it sounded like his ass said "Honda". Puzzled, he forced out another fart and sure enough it came out "hooonda". ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

American Businessman's First Visit to Japan

A successful American businessman heads to Japan to meet with a big supplier. Naturally, the Japanese are going to set him up with a good time and loads of entertainment. The first night, they go to Karaoke and a gorgeous young Karaoke hostess is sent back to the man's hotel room to entertain him ...

So a duck walks into a hardware store...

Duck: Got any quackers?

Clerk: Sorry sir, this is a hardware store. We don't sell crackers.

So the duck leaves and comes back again the next day

Duck: Got any quackers?

Clerk: Sorry sir, like I told you yesterday, this is a hardware store, we don't sell crackers.
...

What Italians think of the American police...

This joke was told to me this morning by an Italian supplier of mine:

What's the difference between a European policeman and an American policeman?

EUROPEAN POLICE)
A German policeman sees an angry-looking man walking down the street holding a knife. The cop comes up to him ...