UPJOKE
setrepairset upreadypreparefastenmessmendrestoregetdepositpatchclinchattachmoor

I use a voltmeter to check if the circuit is live before I start fixing it. However, today, my meter didn't work.

Needless to say, I was shocked.

The electrician finished fixing my lights

I told him he really brightened my day.

Imagine America's best dentists competing against each other in fixing dental problems

We'll call the show "Top Gum"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wife is tired of all the problems that need fixing in her house

She asks her husband, "Can you please fix the leak in the bathroom? ", the husband says "Do i look like a plumber?"

She asks him "Well can you please fix the light in the living room, its been flickering for ages?", he replies "Do i look like and electrician?"

Growing tired she asks hi...

Fixing or building electronics is kind of like the rememberal from Harry Potter.

When the smoke comes out, it means you've forgotten something.

My girlfriend says I’m hopeless at fixing appliances

Well, she’s in for a shock

Scrolling this sub is like fixing a fence that's fallen.

Repost. Repost. Repost.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wife: Harry what the heck? I thought you were fixing the fucking sink!

Husband: Well yeah, I'm watching a video on how to do it.

Wife: And when does that part come?

Husband: Probably after he finishes fucking her.

I just got back from the funeral of my 82 year old neighbour who died after falling off his roof when fixing his TV antenna.

The funeral was sad, but the reception was excellent.

The wedding party is standing at the altar waiting for bride and groom....NSFW

The groom arrives and is adjusting his belt while smiling hugely. Groomsman asks him what he's smiling about.

Groom replies "I just got the most amazing head-job from a beautiful woman and will be waking up to that every day for the rest of my life!"

Bride arrives, fixing her lip-stick...

A big storm pulled my entire back fence out of the ground, I need some help fixing it.

Anybody on this site have experience in reposting?

My wife said we need to sit down and talk about our future, and I was like 'Yeah gonna be awesome! Flying Cars, Colonies on Mars!, Self fixing robots it's gonna be amazing!!'

Not what she meant, am now single.

A group of bricklayers a fixing up a nunnery

The abbess tells the sister cook to to cook up a meal for the hard working men, but before she gives it to them she should test their knowlege of the Bible. So she cooks lunch and carries it out to the workers. She spots one of them and asks him

"Good man, do you know Pontius Pilate?"

...

Fixing a door myself proved to be rather difficult.

I could never quite get the handle on it.

Lumberjacks are bad at fixing computers

They only know how to log out.

The key to fixing all of the world’s problems is drinking more water

It’s the universal solvent

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman scolds her husband for not fixing the washing machine...

He scoffs at her and says, "What do I look like, the Maytag man?". The washing machine goes unfixed. Later that week, the pipes under the sink keep getting backed up so she asks her husband to fix that. He rolls his eyes and says, What do I look like, Mr. Clean?". A couple days later, she notices a ...

An Engineer in Heaven

An engineer up in Heaven was bored because there was nothing to do. But he heard that lots of things were in disrepair in Hell, so he went down there to see if he could help. Sure enough, everything was broken down, and he started tinkering with things. He started fixing one system after another and...

Who collects the souls of people who die while fixing things?

The Grim Repair.

Two carpenters are fixing a barn roof...

when the wind blows their ladder over. "Oh great," says the first one, "How are we supposed to get down?"

"Well," replies the second one, "I'll go to this end and look for a way down, and you can go to the opposite end and search as well."

"Ok," replies the first carpe...

Women, please don't nag your men about fixing the problems around the house. If we promise to fix them, we'll do so.

You don't have to remind us every two months.

A Boy Scout decided to start a business fixing horns on cars and trucks…

He called it "Beep Repaired."

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.