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A wife is tired of all the problems that need fixing in her house

She asks her husband, "Can you please fix the leak in the bathroom? ", the husband says "Do i look like a plumber?"

She asks him "Well can you please fix the light in the living room, its been flickering for ages?", he replies "Do i look like and electrician?"

Growing tired she asks hi...

Lumberjacks are bad at fixing computers

They only know how to log out.

A group of bricklayers a fixing up a nunnery

The abbess tells the sister cook to to cook up a meal for the hard working men, but before she gives it to them she should test their knowlege of the Bible. So she cooks lunch and carries it out to the workers. She spots one of them and asks him

"Good man, do you know Pontius Pilate?"

...

A big storm pulled my entire back fence out of the ground, I need some help fixing it.

Anybody on this site have experience in reposting?

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A woman scolds her husband for not fixing the washing machine...

He scoffs at her and says, "What do I look like, the Maytag man?". The washing machine goes unfixed. Later that week, the pipes under the sink keep getting backed up so she asks her husband to fix that. He rolls his eyes and says, What do I look like, Mr. Clean?". A couple days later, she notices a ...

Women, please don't nag your men about fixing the problems around the house. If we promise to fix them, we'll do so.

You don't have to remind us every two months.

Who collects the souls of people who die while fixing things?

The Grim Repair.

The key to fixing all of the world’s problems is drinking more water

It’s the universal solvent

Fixing a door myself proved to be rather difficult.

I could never quite get the handle on it.

My girlfriend says I’m hopeless at fixing electrical appliances.

Welp she’s in for a shock.

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Wife: Harry what the heck? I thought you were fixing the fucking sink!

Husband: Well yeah, I'm watching a video on how to do it.

Wife: And when does that part come?

Husband: Probably after he finishes fucking her.

Two carpenters are fixing a barn roof...

when the wind blows their ladder over. "Oh great," says the first one, "How are we supposed to get down?"

"Well," replies the second one, "I'll go to this end and look for a way down, and you can go to the opposite end and search as well."

"Ok," replies the first carpe...

This morning my wife walk's into the kitchen as I am fixing my morning coffee.

Wife in a very excited tone: "Babe! Babe! I'm pregnant you're going to be a father!"

Me: "Ha! Can't fool me it's April Fools Day!"

Wife: "Haha, got me, you're not the father."

A man is driving down a country road

He glances out the window and sees a chicken running along side the car. He does a double take, and notices that not only is the chicken running right along his car, the chicken also has three legs!


Shocked, he looks at his speedometer and sees he's going 35 miles an hour.


He ...

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A Jew family is fixing their roof.

Father: "Son go ask our neighbor Jacob for his hammer please."

So the son goes to Jacob's house and asks for it.

Jacob: "No way, it's brand new and you're going to waste it. Go ask someone else."

The son goes back to his father and delivers the news.

Father: "Jesus, he wo...

My tailor really enjoys fixing my clothes

Or sew it seams.

When I'm fixing my house, I take out my step ladder...

...because I dont know my real ladder

I don't like that clown from IT.

He's always fooling around and cracking jokes instead of fixing our computers.

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical.

After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Many years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to ...

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A cattle rancher walks into a bar...

He walks up and orders a strong drink, "herding cattle is tough work!"

The bartender nods.

In walks a middle-aged woman, who orders two strong drinks, "Cattle? Try herding cats! I've got eight of them!"

The bartender raises an eyebrow, but nods.

Then comes a preschool t...

A Boy Scout decided to start a business fixing horns on cars and trucks…

He called it "Beep Repaired."

A chappy was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge,

so he sent his wife Mary to the hardware store.

At the hardware store, while waiting her turn, Mary saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf .

When Joe was finished, Mary asked, "How much for the teapot?"

Joe replied, "That's silver and it costs $100!"

"My goodness, that su...

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