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Lists Jokes

I love to make lists.

I also like to leave them on the kitchen counter and then guess what's on the list when I'm at the store.

All my friends have such expansive bucket lists.

Mine is just a little pail in comparison.

Why can’t frogs ever complete their bucket lists?

They croak before they even get started.

What do you call a hospital who lists all their donor patients in alphabetical order

Organ-Ized

Most lists are general and ordinary

But there are a couple specialists.

There are 2 types of lists that bother me

1) Self-referential lists

B. Inconsistently formatted lists

If there were lists of the best dad joke tellers...

...would they be called the Pop Charts?

5 things I hate in lists

1) Missing entries

2) Repeated entries

4) Repeated entries

5) Incomple

What do you call a book that lists the names of every drug on Earth?

Addictionary

My wife and I made lists of people we're allowed to sleep with

She chose Ryan Gosling, and I chose the babysitter, and I *won*, and now she's mad at me.

 
 
 





Side note: I originally heard this joke on Dr. Katz, but cannot remember who the comedian was. Anybody happen to know? It's bugging me.

Someone should make a phone app that connects to your bank account and only lists restaurant you can afford

Could call it Welp

Here are 10 things I'm scared of.

1)heights
2)lists
3)finishing things

A man gets to heaven

He’s a small nerdy account type, and he’s met at the pearly gates by St Peter.

“Welcome,” says St Peter, opening a large book. “This book lists all the good things and bad things you did in your life. If you did more good than bad, you get to come in.”

“Sounds fair,” says the ma...

The worst part about online dating

is when the girl lists her weight as 115lbs, but when you're lifting her to put her in your trunk, she's obviously well over 140.

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