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Legged Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

an Italian guy goes to a bar where he spots a beautiful long legged blonde

He picks her up and brings her home where he makes love to her, after ten minutes of fucking he asks her "are you finish?" To which she replies "no"

Determined not to leave his lady companion unsatisfied; he gets on top of her and and fucks her until she moans loudly, he goes for another ten ...

I saw a one legged man with no arms at the ATM today...

He asked me to help him check his balance.... So I pushed the guy over.

What sound does a one legged turkey make?

Wobble Wobble

I own a three legged dog.

It had four legs when I got it, but I wanted people to know that I'm a good person.

What did the Uber driver say to the one-legged fare?

"Hop in!"

Where does the three legged horse live?

In the unstable.

Did you hear about the guy who went around murdering people with a melted clock and long-legged elephant?

He was a Surreal Killer

A three legged dog walks into a tavern and says:

I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw!

A man sees a 3 legged pig in a field

He goes and asks the farmer, "What's with the three legged pig?"
The farmer says "That's my lucky pig, that is!
- What did you mean?
farmer - well one day I was out on the tractor ploughing the fields and the barn caught fire. That pig ran over the fields to find me and oinked continuously ...

Why do one legged people like beer?

Because it’s made with hops.

I asked a one legged woman if she wanted to be part of a threesome.

I heard she leaned both ways.

One day a man drove by a farm and saw a two-legged goat

The man went up to the farmer and said, "Excuse me, but why does that goat only have two legs?"

"Well," said the farmer, "that goat is very special. One time my wife was cooking something she stepped out of the kitchen and it caught on fire. No one in the house knew about it but the goat, an...

One legged man

What does a one-legged man call karate?


Partial Arts

3 Legged Chicken

One day I was driving down the road and I saw a three-legged chicken. This chicken was staying beside me the whole time and so I start to go about 70 mph.

Well after a while of racing this chicken I pulled up to the farm it stopped at and talked to the farmer. I said, "Why do you hav...

A couple passed a one-legged hitch-hiker on the highway.

A couple passed a one-legged hitch-hiker on the highway.
The wife suggested they should give him a ride.

Her husband said, "Nope, I tried to give him a ride just the other day. He just screamed and cursed at me."

"I wonder why," she said.

"Don't know," he answered," All I sa...

If a three-legged cow is called lean beef, and a no-legged cow is called ground beef, what do you call a two-legged cow?

Your mom

The Three-Legged Pig

So, there's a traveling salesman who has been on the road for too long. He decides that, to fix his boredom, the next thing he sees he's going to stop and ask somebody about it.

Well wouldn't you know it, he sees a pig with three legs at the edge of a farm.

"Ok," he says to himself. "...

I dated a one legged girl who worked at a brewery

She was in charge of the hops

Why was the three-legged dog depressed?

Because he had a lack of pawpose.

I was petting a three legged cat the other day and it's owner came outside

I asked if the cat was for sale

He said he'd give me 25% off

My latest moneymaking idea was a rubber beach shoe for one-legged people.

It was a flop.

I saw a 5 legged woman crying and I asked her why

She said she could never get shoes to match. I tried to console her so I said “at least your knickers fit like a glove”

Where does the one legged lady work?

Ihop!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is driving down the highway at 60 mph when a three legged chicken passes right by him.

In shock, he decides to follow the chicken down this dirt road. He sees the chicken run onto this farm and into barn. The man gets out of his car and goes to the front door to speak with the farmer.

“Sir, I’m sorry to bother you, but I was driving down the highway doing atleast 60 mph when I...

Three legged pig.

A farmer had a three legged pig, his friend asked him why the pig only had three legs. The farmer told him that he was a remarkable pig. One time when I was plowing the back forty, the tractor fell on me and the pig dug me out with his snout. Not only that, another time the farmhouse caught on fire ...

Why did the junkie adopt a one legged crow?

So he could get crow cane from his vet

What's the best way for a lady to protect herself from a one-legged attacker?

Kick him in the crutch!

The Three Legged Pig

A farmer had a three legged pig and his neighbor asked him why the pig had only three legs.

“Well, I’ll tell you” the farmer replied. “One day I was plowing my field and the tractor turned over and pinned me underneath. That pig ran for help. He saved my life”.

“Oh, that’s how he lost ...

What do one legged girls sing?

*All we need is somebody to lean on*

What do you call a 3 legged donkey?

A wonkey.

The Three Legged Chicken

A man was driving along a rural road one day when he saw a three legged chicken running down the road. He was amused enough to drive along side it for a while, as he was driving he noticed the chicken was running 30 mph.
Pretty fast chicken, he thought, I wonder just how fast it can run. So he sp...

Why do cowgirls walk around bow-legged?

Because cowboys like to eat with their hats on.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three legged chicken

A real estate agent from the city is driving down a county road looking for the place he is to meet a new client. He looks out the window and sees a three legged chicken running beside him in the ditch.
He is amazed that as he looked at the speedometer in his car and he's doing 40 mph, all the w...

What do you call a five-legged ant?

A pendant....

Why did the man name his no legged dog "Cigarettes?"

Because he liked to take him out for long drags.

What do you call a 3 legged donkey ?

A wonkey .
What do you call a 3 legged donkey who is blind in one eye ?
A blinky wonkey .
What do you call a 3 legged donkey who is blind in one eye and loves Hank Williams ?
A honky tonky blinky wonkey donkey.

A three-legged dog walks in to a saloon and says...

"I'm lookin' for th' man who shot muh Pa."

\* - ty, /u/piercenchase.

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