UPJOKE
colorsuntansunburntopazburnbronzechromaticbrownchanbarkchenleathertangentconvertdiscolor

Tanning Jokes

I’m opening a new tanning salon in Africa.

Im going to call it Tanzania. (Tans in ‘ere)

Just got back from the tanning bed

Guess that’s not what my wife meant by get some Sunny D.

I took part in the sun tanning Olympics

...I got the bronze

As a ginger person, I find tanning to be easy

I just go sit underneath the full moon.

From my dad: What do you get when a topless blonde rubs sun tanning oil on a topless brunette?

Your camera.

Two blonds walk into a tanning salon…

The receptionist asks, “Are you two sisters?” One replies, “No silly, we’re not even Catholic”.

Three light-skinned gentlemen walked into a tanning salon

They were looking to get their tan. The owner of the salon were happy to recieve them and asked them what tans they wanted.

The first gentleman said he wanted a light tan, so the salon owner led him to a tanning bed that was colored caramel.

The second gentleman said he wanted a gold...

Hair Salons, Tanning Salons, Gyms, Spas, The Clinique Counter...

All closed.

It's getting ugly out there.

Last week I competed in the World Tanning Championships..

I came out with a Bronze..

When they didn't accept my discount, I gave my local tanning salon a low rating...

It seemed a little shady to me.

A woman tanning on the beach sees Michael Jackson.

She says “Hey, get out of my son”

My local tanning salon is offering an Easter special

You know, in case you've been in a cave for the last few days.

I was tanning on the beach with my son.

After a while, he looked at me and said, "You're look like a lobster."

"Uh oh, do I need some sun tan lotion?" I asked.

He said, "No, you're just really ugly."

PresidentTrump is completely right about coronavirus treatment.

If you eat chloroquine phosphate, drink a pint of Chlorox, shoot-up rubbing alcohol, shove a flashlight up your ass, and crash on a tanning bed, you will never get Covid-19.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two bananas were tanning when a piece of poop floats by..

So there were two bananas tanning on the beach when a piece of poop floats by. The poop yells " hey the waters great, get in". The banana turns to the other banana and says " do you believe that shit".

What happens when a crematory and a tanning salon share a building?

A fifth degree burn

Why was sin lying on top of cos at the beach?

They were tanning.

math joke

a mathematician went to a church where tanning was not permitted. he had justt been at the beach so the priest told him to leave. He asked: why? the priest answered:

cos tan sin

Yo momma so fat...

When she's tanning at the beach, Greenpeace comes with 3 busses to pull her back in the water...

A man is tanning at a nudist beach...

And a young girl who was playing with the seagulls ran up to him. Pointing to his nether regions she asked what that was and why lots of the people have them. The man not wanting to explain the reproductive system to some little girl said that it is his pet bird, pointing to his genitalia he said th...

What's worse than being a tanning salon owner in Africa?

Being a Somali Uber driver in Columbus, Ohio.

If I were black...

I'd stand in front of a tanning salon and laugh at all the customers.


Source: Neal Brennan

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One morning, a guy was looking at his beautiful body in the mirror.

He realized he was getting a nice tan all over, except on his dick. But how to tan only his penis without over tanning his body?
So he had an idea. He went to the beach, buried himself in the sand completely except for his penis, which was sticking out of the sand.


Later, two old ladi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superman flying around horny... (Dirty and Long)

One day Superman is flying around and he sees Wonder Woman sun tanning, butt naked and spread eagle on top of the justice league building. He thinks to himself, "I am fast as a speeding bullet, I can fly in, pump a few times, and be gone before Wonder Woman even knows what happened".

So as fa...

Look on the bright side

would be horrible advice to someone trapped in a tanning bed

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three girls decide to swim across a long lake.

They want to find out which swimming style is better. So they each choose a different stroke. The race starts and all three start giving it their all not paying too much attention to the others. The brunette uses the front stroke and comes in first by about 5 mins. The red head shows up doing the ba...

Today my wife gave birth to our son and unfortunately he was born with a very rare skin condition.

My wife told me it is called a “pre-natal sun burn”. Apparently it can be caused by too much time in tanning beds or long exposure to the sun on the beach.

Essentially all it does is dye the pigments of the child’s skin dark brown but he shouldn’t feel any pain.

She told me that there...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.