When they didn't accept my discount, I gave my local tanning salon a low rating...

It seemed a little shady to me.

Hair Salons, Tanning Salons, Gyms, Spas, The Clinique Counter...

All closed.

It's getting ugly out there.

Just got back from the tanning bed

Guess that’s not what my wife meant by get some Sunny D.

From my dad: What do you get when a topless blonde rubs sun tanning oil on a topless brunette?

Your camera.

Three light-skinned gentlemen walked into a tanning salon

They were looking to get their tan. The owner of the salon were happy to recieve them and asked them what tans they wanted.

The first gentleman said he wanted a light tan, so the salon owner led him to a tanning bed that was colored caramel.

The second gentleman said he wanted a gold...

I’m opening a new tanning salon in Africa.

Im going to call it Tanzania. (Tans in ‘ere)

A woman tanning on the beach sees Michael Jackson.

She says “Hey, get out of my son”

PresidentTrump is completely right about coronavirus treatment.

If you eat chloroquine phosphate, drink a pint of Chlorox, shoot-up rubbing alcohol, shove a flashlight up your ass, and crash on a tanning bed, you will never get Covid-19.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One morning, a guy was looking at his beautiful body in the mirror.

He realized he was getting a nice tan all over, except on his dick. But how to tan only his penis without over tanning his body?
So he had an idea. He went to the beach, buried himself in the sand completely except for his penis, which was sticking out of the sand.


Later, two old ladi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superman is flying around the world when he sees WonderWoman tanning on the beach....

He notices that she's naked and spread eagle and has a thought.

Superman: I bet I could fly down there and have sex with her and fly away before she even knew it.
So like a depraved bastard he does exactly that and hears a conversation as he flies away.

Wonderwoman: Did you feel tha...

I took part in the sun tanning Olympics

...I got the bronze

As a ginger person, I find tanning to be easy

I just go sit underneath the full moon.

What happens when a crematory and a tanning salon share a building?

A fifth degree burn

I was tanning on the beach with my son.

After a while, he looked at me and said, "You're look like a lobster."

"Uh oh, do I need some sun tan lotion?" I asked.

He said, "No, you're just really ugly."

Tanning Blondes

Two blondes walk into a tanning salon. The receptionist asks
Are you two sisters?
They laughed and replied, No we're not even Catholic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two bananas were tanning when a piece of poop floats by..

So there were two bananas tanning on the beach when a piece of poop floats by. The poop yells " hey the waters great, get in". The banana turns to the other banana and says " do you believe that shit".

Last week I competed in the World Tanning Championships..

I came out with a Bronze..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So this guys goes to the doctor because he is often delirious

The doctor says;

“Listen, take this syringe, go home, and inject some anti-bacterial dish soap RIGHT into your veins”

The guys says “Ok” then goes home and does exactly that.

The next day he returns and says “Doctor, i did what you said, and it made my penis shrivel into a lit...

A man is tanning at a nudist beach...

And a young girl who was playing with the seagulls ran up to him. Pointing to his nether regions she asked what that was and why lots of the people have them. The man not wanting to explain the reproductive system to some little girl said that it is his pet bird, pointing to his genitalia he said th...

What's worse than being a tanning salon owner in Africa?

Being a Somali Uber driver in Columbus, Ohio.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superman flying around horny... (Dirty and Long)

One day Superman is flying around and he sees Wonder Woman sun tanning, butt naked and spread eagle on top of the justice league building. He thinks to himself, "I am fast as a speeding bullet, I can fly in, pump a few times, and be gone before Wonder Woman even knows what happened".

So as fa...

The story of the tramp and the holiday

The tramp sat in his park, as normal one cold winter day. He saw a young girl playing on the frozen lake. The ice gave and she fell in. Acting quickly, the tramp ran onto the ice and managed to pull her out and get her back to shore.

Waiting for him was a man in a suit. The girl ran over to h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three girls decide to swim across a long lake.

They want to find out which swimming style is better. So they each choose a different stroke. The race starts and all three start giving it their all not paying too much attention to the others. The brunette uses the front stroke and comes in first by about 5 mins. The red head shows up doing the ba...

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