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Peta Jokes

How many PETA members does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They can't change anything.

I thought it would be a real ethical conundrum when the PETA Headquarters got a rat problem

But they just did what they do to all the dogs they rescue.

What do “PETA” and “Make a Wish Foundation” have in common?

A 10% survival rate



I’m so sorry

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Fuck PETA

But not doggystyle, or you'll be put down.

I tortured a guy from PETA.

He screamed for deer life.

Who's the only organization with a higher death rate than PETA?

The Make-A-Wish foundation.

PETA is like a box of chocolates

They kill dogs

Peta and Repeata were in a boat. Peta fell out, who survived?

The animals.

How does PETA support animals that have been hurt?

By unplugging their life support so they can sing for them.

PETA should respect Steve Irwin

PETA should respect Steve Irwin by eating him and using all his parts, not letting anything go to waste.

That's how my uncle, a hunter, explains "respect" anyway.

Why was PETA against sending cats to Mars?

They heard about what curiosity did.

Yeah, I’m a part of PETA

People for the Eating of Tasty Animals

Why do PETA members suck at multi-tasking?

They cant bring themselves to kill two birds with one stone.

Why did the PETA member crash his car?

He loved vegetables so much he wanted to become one.

PETA has done an incredible job in preserving marine life

They saved millions of fish from drowning

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PETA claims that their ads have significantly reduced animal abuse...

But seeing those nude models in billboards and magazines spread have only made me beat my monkey harder

There was a man named peta who was reading a book called "Animals"

He didn't like it so he put it down

My friend Dante was a big PETA supporter, but suddenly started protesting against them.

Dante’s in fur now.

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The guy that runs peta

is the biggest pussy lover of then all

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Have a shitty peta joke!

What did the peta do to the family dog?
They put it out of it's happiness!


Feel free to put this on comedy cemetery

What's the difference between PETA and a donkey?

The donkey does something useful, but both of them are asses

I’m no peta guy or anything

but I do think it’s pretty messed up that they make sweaters out of turtle necks.

I walked into a PETA adoption center and the receptionist asked me what kind of dog I wanted

Apparently "Whatever's low in cholesterol" was not the right answer.

PETA wants to know your location.

A baby seal walks into a bar.

Bartender: What can I get ya?

Baby seal: Anything but a Canadian Club.

PETA is a successful investor

in the laughing stock market.

What do you call a PETA member that shoots a hippopotamus in the head?

A hippo-crit.

Vampiric PETA

They are promoting veganism because Secondary consumers taste better than Tertiary consumers!

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A PETA activist visits a small ranch in Montana

After meeting the farmhands and inspecting the facilities, the activist asks the rancher:

“So, what do you give to the pigs to eat?”

“Well, pigs don’t need much to live. I give them scraps and food from the fridge that is almost spoilt, that sort of thing.”

“That’s a grave viola...

Why yes I’m also a member of PETA and an animal rights person

Yup I’m a Preferred Eater of Tasty Animals and all animals have a right to be served on my plate.

A PETA member was going to drive himself to a fashion show, but he changed his mind...

...when he found out they would show fur.

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Crayola is now doing its color testing on manatees and peta is pissed.

Oh The Hue Manatee!

What do you call a baby animal lover

A Peta-phile



worst joke 2020

What do you get when you combine flour, water, sugar, salt, yeast, and animal abuse?

PETA bread.

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What is the difference between Hitler and Peta?

Hitler actually did something to save animals.

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My Favorite Animal

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he sai...

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How many bears would Bear Gryll grill if Bear Gryll could grill bears?

I dunno, but PETA would be **pissed**.

A thug walks into a bar.

He sees a lone man sitting in front of his beer, crying.
He walks up to him, pushes him off the chair, slaps him left and right in the face and drinks his beer.

The man then started crying even louder and sobbing in absolute desperation.
The thug, annoyed, yelled: Why are you crying lik...

Stop being so mean to PETA.

Steve Irwin taught us to be nice and respect animals.

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If Katniss and Peta from the Hunger Games had a ship

Would it be KatPee? Or Penis?

Why are animals so primitive?

They don't want to ever reach a petabyte.

^((Haha PETA bad))

If the Black Lives Matter movement had started 300 years ago...

it would have been called PETA

What do you call a cow with no legs?

A PETA advertising model.

What do you call an animal rights' activist that never grows old?

PETA Pan

Why did the salad cross the road?

To get away from the PETA convention.

I once sold my toucan to a power plant.

I once sold my toucan (ya know, the type of tropical bird), whose name was Drea, to a power plant. I was told he'd simply be entertainment for the workers, sort of like a pet. Eventually, however, our local PETA caught wind of this and intervened. Drea was sent to a nearby bird shelter, where my ...

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Yo momma is so fat ...

* when she wants to take a bath, She fills up the tub and THEN turns on the water

* I crashed into her for 15 minutes

* I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.

* She farted in the pool and flooded New Orleans

* when she steps on a scale it yells, ...

What do you call an adult that abuses animals and wants to be in a relationship with a child?

A PETA-phile.

Why California is broke and Texas is not.

The governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the governor's dog, then bites the governor. The governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie Bambi and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.<...

Noah's Ark 2.0

In the year 2016, the Lord came unto Noah, Who was now living in America and said:
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me."
"Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah ...

I was arrested for having an unhealthy attraction to large amounts of data

They’re calling me a petaphile

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