A “joke” my friend made up in middle school to prove I’d laugh at anything (I cried laughing unfortunately)

A man walks into a bar and takes a seat. The server comes up to him and says: “what’ll you have?”

The man says “I’ll take blood in a monkey glass”.

The bartender says “excuse me?”

The man says “blood in a monkey glass, ya know just...blood in a monkey glass”

The bartender...

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The next time you're about to laugh at an Amish just remember....

They get more tits than you on a daily basis

Why did Leonardo DiCaprio laugh at the Oscar joke?

Because he finally got it

Why didn't the star laugh at the joke?

It was pretty Sirius

People dont laugh at my communist jokes :(

They laugh at OUR communist jokes

Why did the tie not laugh at the other tie's jokes?

They were knot funny.

My brother and I often laugh at how competitive we are

I laugh more

Why do Germans not laugh at jokes?

They are a sour crowd.

When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time, but she didn’t laugh at any of them. Nevertheless I’ve persisted with telling the same lame Dad jokes during the births of each of our kids. Today she’s in labor with our fourth and I’ve finally got her laughing...

...I think I’ve really improved the delivery!

(True Story: Today is baby number four, and this is basically the same lame joke I told/posted when our last child was born. Dad jokes 4TW!)

Laugh at your problems,

everybody else does.

What do you call a show where people laugh at you while you get your therapy?

Dr.Phil

Vital organ donors never laugh at my jokes.

It’s as if they have no heart.

I used to laugh at Michael Jackson for wearing gloves and a mask.....

Yet here i am, stuck at home in this covid19 Thriller,
Beating it.....

I think in a couple of months we're all going to sit back and just laugh at this so-called COVID crisis and say what was the big deal.

Well, not all of us.

My mom used to tell me not to laugh at other's condition because we may be in their position one day.

So I laugh at Bill Gates' condition everyday.

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[OC] Why did i laugh at the blind girl that jerked me off?

She couldent see it coming

How many times do redditors laugh at a joke?

Twice: once when they read it, once when they post it.

Why didnt the audience laugh at the giraffe' s joke?

It went over their heads

What happens if you laugh at a joke that doesn't have gold?

You lgh at it.

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I used to laugh at poop jokes

then I realised how shitty they are

Why didn't the cow laugh at my joke?

He wasn't very amoosed because it was udderly lacking in humor, he had herd it before, it wasn't very mooving, it was cheesy and I milked the punchline a bit too much. Definitely wasn't moosic to his ears.
He still gave me a pat on the back though, which put me in a better moood.

I was at...

Why couldn't the chemist laugh at the queens fart?

Because noble gases are nonreactive.

Everyone likes to laugh at other people's inability with numbers. However, 45% of people consider themselves bad at math, every twentieth member of the population hates decimals, 1 out of 5 people can't do mental arithmetic and 3/10 can't do fractions without a calculator.

Yet only one in a hundred find this funny.

People use to laugh at me when I said I wanted to be a comedian

Well, no one is laughing now.

People always laugh at my car because it looks like a fruit...

But at least I avocado!

I tried to tell a blind friend jokes today and he didn't laugh at a single one.

I guess he doesn't see the humor in them.

What did Neil Armstrong say when people didn't laugh at his moon jokes?

I guess you had to be there

Why does no one laugh at dad jokes?

The punchlines are so old they're full groan.

Why did the atom not laugh at his friend's joke?

It was no laughing matter...

I wanted to make the best joke in the world - something short that everyone would laugh at.

Then I looked in the mirror and realized my dad already did it.

They say girls love a guy who can laugh at himself

But they always seem to hate my self-defecating humor

"I own a small allotment...", So far I'm the only person I've heard laugh at this joke.

I own a small allotment. Every night someone throws soil in on top of in. I've absolutely no idea why.

The plot thickens.

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I’ll always laugh at a good dick joke,

Especially when they aren’t very long.

Why don't cows laugh at my jokes

Because they've herd them all before

Only Scandinavian Joke they will laugh at

What’s the difference between Norway and Sweden?



Sweden has a nice neighbor.

Why did the father laugh at his son?

It’s good to laugh at your mistakes.

How do you make a blonde laugh at Easter?

Tell her a joke at Christmas

Sometimes I wonder if the entire world is full of defensive, conceited douchebags who can't laugh at themselves...

Then I read some Reddit comments and I'm almost certain of it.

Life is short. If you can't laugh at yourself...

... call me - I will

Why didn't anyone laugh at the poor cloud's joke?

It was a cirrus joke

The Belgian PM has enough of the French laughing at his fellow countrymen

In order to fix that, he calls the French president, asking him for a favor : doing something stupid, so that the world will laugh at France, for once.

After some negotiation, the French president agrees to build a bridge in the middle of nowhere, not above a river or anything.

The wor...

This is apparently the world's funniest joke. Would you laugh at it?

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he'...

Why do blind people always laugh at jokes?

Same as why they don't drive. They never see it comming.

I do agree that its healthy to laugh at your own mistakes...

But if you are a plastic surgeon you should probably do it in private.

Why does r/4chan never laugh at a post?

Because they are all REEEEEposts.

My gf and I sometimes laugh at how competetive we are..

..but I laugh more than her.

How many times does a blonde laugh at a joke?

Three times.
Once when you tell the joke. A second time when you explain it and a third time when she understands it.



Just kidding. She won't understand it.

What website are the germans least likely to laugh at?

Neingag.

Why didn't the biochemist laugh at antibody jokes?

He was humorally immune.

My dad once told me it's important to always laugh at your mistakes and accidents

He then looked at me and started laughing

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4 jokes you shouldn't laugh at but you still do ..... NSFW I guess

Reddit give me your worst most racist/sexist/dirtiest joke that you know you shouldn't laugh at but you still do. I'll start off with a few of my favorites:

Q: what do you call 5 black men hanging in a tree?
A: Mississippi wind chime

Q: why do women wear white on their wedding day?<...

Why do mountains always laugh at themselves?

Because they're hill-areas

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