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Kidneys Jokes

Babies are born with 4 kidneys.

When they grow up, 2 of them turn into adult knees.

Donate a kidney and they call you a hero...

Donate a kidney and they call you a hero...

I tried to donate 6 kidneys and people started asking all kinds of questions and calling me Dexter. Like, who the heck is Dexter?

I had the best Dad moment last night... *actual conversation with my 8 year old*

Son: Dad... how many kidneys do I have?

Me: Two. You have two, son.

Son: Nope... I have four. *point to belly* Two kidneys here... *points to legs* ...and two kid knees here!



The student has become the teacher.

A man walks in a hospital to donate one of his kidneys and gets praised for it.

I walk into a hospital with 50 kidneys and I get arrested and called a psychopath.

Doctor: I'm terribly sorry, but your kidneys are failing.

Me: I can't believe this is happening.

Wife (sobbing): How will we tell our son?

Me: ... I'll tell him.

[Later at home, sitting down with son]

Me: Bad news kid, your knees are failing.

Oh, sure. My friend donates a kidney to the City Hospital, and he's treated like some hero.

I donate five kidneys and I get arrested.

What's a kidneys favorite type of music?

Organ music!

My friend has problems with his kidneys.

I guess you could call him a stoner

Children are born with 4 kidneys.

Upon maturity, 2 develop into adult knees.

So when I donate a kidney Iā€™m hailed as a hero, but when I donate 20 kidneys I get arrested?

Make up your mind hospitals!

This joke may contain profanity. šŸ¤”

My ex wife died so I went to the cemetery and to honor her, I poured a fine, 12 year old bottle of scotch on her grave.

But first I filtered it through my kidneys.

What do you call a Southern doctor that specializes in bladders, kidneys, and prostates?

A y'allogist

I lost both my kidneys when I turned 18.

Thankfully, they were immediately replaced by two adult knees.

What do your Souls and Kidneys have in Common?

If you are strapped for cash, You always have the option of selling them to the highest bidder.

This joke may contain profanity. šŸ¤”

After enduring it for over a week, a man goes to the doctor with intense, agonizing, shooting pains from his balls to his kidneys.

"Doc," he says "you just gotta help, the pain literally takes me to the floor, and I can't breath because of it either"

The doctor checks him over, and orders a series of tests, finally prescribing strong painkillers until their next appointment the following week.

"Im sorry," says the...

I donated my kidneys

So a week ago i donated 1 kidney to the hospital they were really grateful and i saved a mans life.
So yesterday i donated 4 kidneys to the hospital and now the police wont leave me alone.
Smh
Ungrateful people these days

I donate 1 kidney to a hospital and everyone thinks I am a hero



I donate 10 kidneys and everyone thinks I am a monster

I donated 1 kidney and they called me a lifesaver

I donate two kidneys, they called me a hero.

But for some strange reason, when I donated three kidneys, they called the police.

What did the terrorist do when his kidneys failed?

Dial-ISIS

This joke may contain profanity. šŸ¤”

How to cook kidneys.

Put 'em in a pot and boil the piss out of them.

If someone asks you to make them lunch and you put kidneys and liver in a pita...

Did you just make them an organ donair?

Nurse: Doctor, I have organized the list of donor's hearts, livers, kidneys in alphabetical order

Doctor: Wow, its very *organ-ized*

This joke may contain profanity. šŸ¤”

I stole my friend's kidneys one night

he'd be pissed, but he can't

My doctor sucks. He said if I don't lay off the soda and red meat, I'll destroy my kidneys.

All that education and he can't even tell the difference between kid knees and adult knees.

A 5 year old boy was in kidney failure.

Dad: "Son, I'm sorry, but your kidneys aren't working anymore."

Son: "it's gonna be fine, dad."

Dad: "I know...we can start dialysis and get you on the donor list."

Son: "I was actually thinking about just asking for my adult knees early."

If animal organs were compatible with humans...

Your dog would offer you his kidney even if he only had one that worked.

Your cat would show up one morning with 37 kidneys in a sack and tell you to pick one.

Three Scotsmen were sitting in a bar together.

- When I die, said the old Scot, I would like one of you to pour a bottle of the best Scottish whisky over my grave.
- We will do that for you, said one of the younger men. But do you mind if it passes through our kidneys first?

People like planting plants

But I like to plant kidneys

This joke may contain profanity. šŸ¤”

A slight variation of an old joke

One day a man who had just gone through a very bitter divorce was walking on the beach. He notices something glittering in the sand and digs it out and holds it up. It appeared to be a gold, antique teapot. He rubbed it with his sleeve to brush the sand off and suddenly in a puff of smoke, a genie a...

Why can't you buy two iPhone X's?

You can't survive with no kidneys...

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