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Dialysis Jokes

What do you say to a guy who committed a crime on dialysis?

Urine trouble

Kowalski, dialysis.

Kidneys are failing, sir.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What sits at the end of the bed and takes the piss?

Kidney dialysis machine.

A dying man wants to prevent his family from inheriting his wealth. So he entrusts the money to his three closest friends: a doctor, a priest, and a lawyer.

He gives each friend an envelope with $1,000,000 in cash, and makes them all swear to bury the money with him when he dies. They all shake hands and solemnly agree.

A few months later the man dies, and the three friends place their envelopes in the casket.

Later, privately, the doctor...

A 5 year old boy was in kidney failure.

Dad: "Son, I'm sorry, but your kidneys aren't working anymore."

Son: "it's gonna be fine, dad."

Dad: "I know...we can start dialysis and get you on the donor list."

Son: "I was actually thinking about just asking for my adult knees early."

Corniest Doctor joke I’ve ever heard but it still got a chuckle out of me.

I heard this a while back while on dialysis and the doctor was impressed that I knew what a nephrologist was so he told me this gem:

“What’s the difference between a kidney doctor and a nephrologist?”

“What?”

“A kidney doctor works on kidneys, a nephrologist works on kidneys but...

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