What’s the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?

You can’t make a vitamin

-RIP Benny Hill

What’s the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can’t hear an enzyme. (Credit to Dorothy Parker.)

How do you make a hormone?

Don’t pay her.

My doctor gave me a prescription for this new hormone replacement therapy.

Turns out it also helps with toothaches. It's trans-and-dental medication.

What do you call a hormone producing organ whose daughter had a child?

Glandma

How do you make a hormone?





Don't pay her......



I'll see myself out

I once asked a scientist "how do you make a hormone?" He took a moment to think, and then replied "that's easy...

... Don't pay her."

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What do you call the noises a prostitute makes during sex?

Hormones.

How do you make a hormone?

Don’t pay her!

Female hormones in a beer

Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.

What hormones does a fish use to swim in a house?

Indoor Fins

What is the name of the hormone secreted during copulation with an ex-lover?

Toxitocin.

A Women was prescribed male hormones

for a rare heart condition. After a few weeks, she became concerned about some side effects she was experiencing.

"Doctor," she said, "the hormones are helping my heart, but I am afraid that you have given me too much. I am starting to grow hair in places I have never grown it before."...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman goes to see the doctor with complaints of a low sex drive.

She tells the Dr “My husband wants me to get medicine so I’ll want sex as much as he does”, Doc tell her no problem he will give her the same hormone pills the Olympic weightlifting team uses . He confidently explains, “all of them want to have sex multiple times a day”

2 months later the wom...

What do you get if you give growth hormones to an ant?

Tolerance

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Apparently Beer Contains Female Hormones:

After you drink enough.

you cannot drive:

Or shut the fuck up:

Whats the difference between enzymes and hormones?

I've never made an en zyme.

What's the difference between a chromosome and a hormone?

You can't make a chromo-some.



*Sorry if this is a repost, my son told this to us at the dinner table.*

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A woman walks into a doctors office

After getting through the door she stomps her way to the reception desk. Not waiting for even a greeting she blows up " I WANNA TALK TO DOCTOR JOHNSON AND I WANNA TALK TO THAT MOTHERFUCKER RIGHT NOW!" With eyes the size of dinner plates the receptionist rushes to retrieve the doctor. Moments later ...

Girlfriends parents weren’t home, hormones were flowing, I stopped at a gas station to grab a box of rubbers. Cashier - “Do you need a bag with that?”

Me - No man! She’s beautiful!

Beer contains female hormones

Last month, Montreal University scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.

(A) The theory is that Beer contains female hormones (hops contain Estrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.

(B) To test...

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Did you know that beer contains female hormones?

It's true. You drink too much you get fat, get emotional, talk too much, cry, and you can't drive a car.

All apologies to the fairer sex.

I am a psyicician specializing in growth hormone deficiencies. I had planned to present an exhaustive list of the conditions and syndromes that I treat but I couldn't wait to post this...

I have little patients.

How do you make a hormone?

You pay her.

(This was told at my pharmacy school. We laughed and then felt shame afterwards.)

My 87 year old, retired navy grandpa told this joke at family dinner after I graduated physician assistant school: "Well did they teach you how to make a hormone?"

Step on her toe

Teacher asked us today, "What is the difference between a hormone and a protein?"

You can't hear a protein.

(Wait for it)

Growing up I had raging hormones

My parents had to beat it out of me

there'r female hormones in beer

So I found out there'r female hormones in beer, cause when you drink beer you argue over trivial things, you don't make any sense, you start to cry and you can't drive anymore.

What do you call the hormone produced by Italian men?

pestosterone

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