UPJOKE
insulinsteroidmetabolismreceptorproteinpancreasestrogenglandmelatoninamino acidglucocorticoidthyroidglucosechemicalrespiration

Female hormones in a beer

Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.

What’s the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can’t hear an enzyme. (Credit to Dorothy Parker.)

What hormones does a fish use to swim in a house?

Indoor Fins

I’ve discovered that alcohol contains female hormones

After drinking you can’t drive, you never stop talking and have to sit while peeing.

What do you get if you give growth hormones to an ant?

Tolerance

What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can't go downtown and pay $80/hour to make an en zyme

What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

I've never bragged to my friends about making an enzyme.

How do you make a hormone?





Don't pay her......



I'll see myself out

What happens if you take cat hormones?

You get fur balls

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Before I started hormones I wasn't fussed about having boobs

But now they're growing on me

From my 91 year old grandpa

Q: What is the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?
A: You can't hear a vita-min.

I once asked a scientist "how do you make a hormone?" He took a moment to think, and then replied "that's easy...

... Don't pay her."

Beer contains female hormones

Last month, Montreal University scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.

(A) The theory is that Beer contains female hormones (hops contain Estrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.

(B) To test...

My doctor gave me a prescription for this new hormone replacement therapy.

Turns out it also helps with toothaches. It's trans-and-dental medication.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Apparently Beer Contains Female Hormones:

After you drink enough.

you cannot drive:

Or shut the fuck up:

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that beer contains female hormones?

It's true. You drink too much you get fat, get emotional, talk too much, cry, and you can't drive a car.

All apologies to the fairer sex.

How do you make a hormone?

You pay her.

(This was told at my pharmacy school. We laughed and then felt shame afterwards.)

How do you make a hormone?

Don’t pay her!

Whats the difference between enzymes and hormones?

I've never made an en zyme.

What is the name of the hormone secreted during copulation with an ex-lover?

Toxitocin.

A woman went to her doctor

for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing. "Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped, but I'm afraid that you're giving me too much. I've started growing hair in places...

My one and only engineer joke.

Three engineering students were discussing what type of engineer created the human body. The first one said “well obviously it’s a chemical engineer because the body couldn’t function without all the chemicals and hormones and everything else.“

The second one said “no no no it’s definitely a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a sex-addicted chemist’s favorite experiment?

Making a hormone.

This ones from my late grandma.

How do you make a hormone?

Forget to pay her!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bear and a rabbit are walking through the forest..

A bear and a rabbit are walking through the forest and they find a genie's magic lamp. Stoked on life, they pick up the lamp and rub it. Out comes the, who bellows "you may have three wishes each."
The bear makes the first wish. "Guys, ive got it. I wish that every bear in this forest was female,...

A chicken farmer is having a problem with the number of eggs the chickens are laying. They hires 3 scientists to help them figure it out, a Biologist, A Chemist, and a Physicist.

The Biologist runs some tests and tells the farmer that the hormone levels are off and a better living condition might help.
The Chemist does some tests and tells the farmer that the feed doesn't contain enough calcium for the birds to produce eggs and suggests changing to a calcium rich diet wou...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mrs Jones goes to the doctor

Mrs Jones is suffering from a rare heart condition. She goes to see the doctor and he prescribes male hormones - testosterone, 2 pills a day. She takes them and 2 months late goes back to the doctor and says "doctor, that hormone medicine is doing wonders for my heart, the only problem is that i'm g...

Just Post Malone things

Q: What did Post Malone eat for breakfast?
A: Toast Malone

Q: What did Post Malone spray on before he left the house?
A: Post Cologne

Q: what do you call it when Post Malone invites you to his house?
A: Host Malone

Q: what do you call post-pubertal post Malone?
A:...

What's the difference between a chromosome and a hormone?

You can't make a chromo-some.



*Sorry if this is a repost, my son told this to us at the dinner table.*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the teenager hire the prostitute?

For the hormones...

What's something you can always find in a brothel?

Hormones.

Girlfriends parents weren’t home, hormones were flowing, I stopped at a gas station to grab a box of rubbers. Cashier - “Do you need a bag with that?”

Me - No man! She’s beautiful!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do I know when my girlfriend is having an orgasm?

... My hormones

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what do you call it when a prostitute cries while having sex

hormones

there'r female hormones in beer

So I found out there'r female hormones in beer, cause when you drink beer you argue over trivial things, you don't make any sense, you start to cry and you can't drive anymore.

My 87 year old, retired navy grandpa told this joke at family dinner after I graduated physician assistant school: "Well did they teach you how to make a hormone?"

Step on her toe

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.