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Hijack Jokes

A guy in a plane stood up and shouted, “HIJACK!”

All passengers got scared.

From the other end of the plane, a guy shouted back, “HI JOHN!”

Terrorists have hijacked a plane filled with politicians...

They say they will release one politician per hour if their demands aren't met.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A shipment of Viagra was hijacked on its way to the depot.

The police are warning citizens to be on the look out for a gang of hardened criminals.

During an airplane hijacking

Terrorist: "Everyone be quiet or I'll kill you! You there, what's your name?"


She: "My name is Susan."


Terrorist: "Susan, you stay alive. My mother's name is Susan, too. And you there? What's your name?"


Him: "My name is Peter, but my friends call me Susan."

This is a hijack!

"This is a hijack! Divert this plane to California immediately or else!"

"But we already are going to California!"

"Damn, we got on the wrong plane!"

What kind of car do you drive before you hijack an airline?

A DB Mini Cooper

So I'm making a TV series about a plane hijacking..

We've just shot the pilot.

Congress has been hijacked by terrorists:

Washington DC is at a standstill and traffic is stuck in gridlock.

A man in a car is waiting patiently for the traffic to clear up but doesn't understand why it's there in the first place.

Another man is walking down the side of the highway with a bucket knocking on people's windows an...

Why did the insane Mexican man hijack a train?

I’m not sure, but I know he had a loco motive.

Did you hear about the Mexican train hijacker?

They say he had locomotives.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is obsessed with trains.

A man is obsessed with trains, so he finally steals one and immediately crashes it, killing several people...

At the trial, the man is found guilty of multiple murders and is sentenced to death.


Before he is executed, he is offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which...

A group of terrorist just hijacked a building full of congressmen...

...They laid their intent and threatened everyone should they not follow that they would release one congressman every hour

My dog hijacked my Reddit account and told everyone where we live.

TIL: Never adopt a Doxxhund.

Why is taking over a plane in the air called hijacking?

If it were on the ground, it would be lowjacking

A bearded guy

A bearded, middle-eastern guy boards a plane. As soon as he enters he shouts "hijack!". All the passengers are scared to death. Some start crying. Then a white guy from the back stands up and says "oh hi Ahmed, didn't expect to see you here.."

Terrorists hijack a plane flying into London. They tell everyone to raise their hands over their heads if they are British or American.

They wanted French people too but they already had their hands up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A plane gets hijacked by a couple of terrorists

The head terrorist is in the cockpit with the pilot. He demands that the pilot takes them to a free country or else the entire plane will blow up.

The pilot retorts: " This is an airliner, not a spaceship!"

What do you call flying solo in the mile high club?

A Hijacking.

What did the depressed terrorist say to the passengers on the plane he hijacked?

I'm sorry to bring you all down.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a guy in a tree masturbating?

A hijacker.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Personally I think removal of net neutrality will be great. It will offer our businesses new opportunities for development which will help the economy in the long run

Edit: son of a bitch, they're hijacking accounts already!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do people that masturbate on mount Everest and terrorists on a plane have in common?

They are all hijacking.

I'm sorry and I will let myself out.

Do not fap on a plane..

Unless you enjoy hijacking

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do terrorists and masturbating in an airplane have in common?

Hijacking

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An airline joke my 83 YO dad sent me . Slightly NSFW

Dear Airlines:

Dump the male flight Attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.

Replace all the female flight attendants with YOUNG good-looking strippers! What the hell!! They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the a...

Did you hear the one about the Jewish terrorist?

He was gonna hijack a plane but he didn't want to use his miles

Credit: Hesh from The Sopranos
Note: I'm Jewish, not sure if that makes it better or worse ;-)

On a flight from Dubai to NYC, I met a cheerful gentleman from Pakistani. He stressed that Pakistan is now a new country, peaceful & totally against terrorism

To prove his point, he decided not to hijack the plane.

My dad worked for years as an actuary.

Back in the 1970s he travelled a lot for his work. This was during the time when hijackings, bombings and stuff like that weren’t too uncommon.

Being a statistician, he sat down one day and calculated the odds that a bomb would be on a plane that he was on. Turns out, he didn’t like the odd...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If I were to masturbate on an airplane...

Would it be considered as hijacking

As two kids left the store, one of them suddenly realized that they had put something in there pocket.

It was a toy from Disney's The Jungle Book. One of them wanted to just confess to it. but the other said.



Confess!? Are you out of your mind? Do you know what they do to people like us? Were not talking about some dumb mail-fraud scheme or hijacking here...



WE STOLE A B...

The green new deal is actually a national security bill.

With out any airplanes there will be no more hijackings.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Boys have a thing and girls don't. Pt 2

*Hijacking the title from the front page*

Little Tommy was coming home from school after any regular Monday of 3th grade. As he passed his classmate Susie’s house, he saw her playing with her dolls in the yard. Being a miserable 9 year old he yelled over to Susie. “Hey Susie, you see this bik...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Canadian man, a Japanese man, and an American man are in a plane.

They’re on a hijacked plane and the terrorist demands that they each drop something out of the plane capable of killing someone.

The Canadian drops a bag of coins, hoping that someone can use those coins for good use.

The Japanese drops a katana, to honorably and quickly kill whoever w...

What is a terrorist's favorite thing do while high?

Hijacking

Police Officer: Ma'am, can you describe the person who assaulted you?

Woman: Oh yes, officer. I'm certain it was that man on the TV who hijacked that truck full of electric razors.

Police Officer: Ma'am, I'm afraid you been hit by, you've been struck by, a smooth criminal.

In Star Wars Legends, Rey discovers an unusual force ability...

...this allows her to turn as dark as the night like a shadow and even become the shadows of others, useful for creeping up on enemies. The First Order Stormtroopers spoke about this amazing power having heard about it from a commanding officer Rey fought with the force. "Sir was spun around and kno...

Smart shoes

A fiend of mine bought some new shoes a while back, they were called smart shoes, no matter how drunk you were they could always walk you home!

One day my friend got blind drunk and woke up miles from home near the beach, apparently the shoes got bored going from his local bar to the flat, th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old grumpy lady gets in a bus.

She hijacks the speaker and yells :


"All of you that sit on the left side of this bus are assholes ! The ones sitting on the right are sons of bitches !!!"


A man rise and answers :


"Mrs. This is absolutely unacceptable, i'm not an asshole !"


"**THEN GET ON...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is globalization?

Question : What is globalization?
Answer : Princess Diana's death

Question : How come?

Answer :

An English princess with an
Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a
French tunnel, driving a
German car with a
Dutch engine, driven by a
Belgian who was high on
Scottis...

Irish Airways

Good morning ladies and gentlemen, this is your capt'n S Murphy O'Sullivan welcoming you to Irish Airlines! We apologise for the 4 day delay in takin' off, sadly this was unavoidable due to to the bad weather and happy hour at Ó Ceallaighs' bar.

This is flight 367 to Shannon Airport, Landi...

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