UPJOKE
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What is a kidnappers favorite type of shoes?

White vans.

Kidnappers told a guy to choose how he want to die

They offered him three ways:
- Firing squad
- Hanging
- Electric chair

The guy thinks and goes with an electric chair.

They put him on a chair, turn it on and...nothing.

The kidnappers said it's a sign from above and let him go.

Second guy comes, again they offer...

Kidnappers

Wife asks husband:

W : If kidnappers took me and your mother, who would you be more afraid for?

H : For Kidnappers.

A woman gets a call from kidnappers.

"We have your son," said the kidnapper.

"I don't have a son," says the woman.

"Then who just asked for warm milk and made us cut the crust off his sandwiches?"

"Oh, God you have my husband!"

The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said,

“We want ten thousand dollars or you’ll see your kid again."

a sheriff was abducted by a gang of outlaws

They tightened him up in a tent and let his horse free

Later that evening the horse entered the tent when no one was watching, the sheriff whispered something in its ear

Later that night the horse came back with a young lady on its back, she spent the night with the sheriff and left b...

How did the kidnappers get away?

They just ransomware.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My kidnappers enjoyed torturing me

It was days before one of them allowed me to finally drink any water. When he gave me the jug of discolored water, the grin on his face had me terrified to drink it, and I instantly imagined it was full of poison. But I couldn't help myself; I was too thirsty. I drank it all.

Still I couldn't...

What kind of parties do kidnappers hate the most?

The search parties

A wife asked her husband,If you got a million dollars as lottery and kidnappers kidnapped me and asked a ransom of million dollars, what would you do?

The husband said, I don't think I could get 2 jackpots on the same day.

Where did this concept of kidnappers using white vans come from?

I mean, I just use my Prius, stop being so stereotypical, jeez.

The kidnappers are blackmailing my dad to hand over his stone-cutting business for my safe return.

I was really taken for granite.

One day, a French, a German, and an Italian spy were captured.

The kidnappers grab the French spy, drag him into the next room, and bind his hands behind a chair.

They then torture him for two hours until he finally cracks, answers all questions, and uncovers all of his secrets.

The kidnappers then grab the German spy.

In the next room, t...

A huge traffic appeared on the highway

Most people got out of their cars to see what’s going on. In the distance they spotted a man holding a donation box. As the man was walking from car to car he got stopped by one upset driver.

The driver proceeded to ask him “ what’s going on? Why are we being stopped here for hours already?”...

My mother-in-law has been abducted in Argentina. When the kidnappers called me, I asked if $10000 would be ok.

They said they didn't have so much money.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what were the three rejected names for condoms

The jizz mittens,cum kuisi,and the kidnappers

messed up movie

Me:Dude,you should see the movie i watched yesterday.It is messed up.


Friend:Well whats it about?


Me:Its about a guy whose wife is brutally murdered,leaving his son physically disabled and in a twisted turn of events his son gets kidnapped and he has to find his sons kidnap...

It dawned on me that I was being taken for granite

as I overheard my kidnappers negotiating my release for a set of quality countertops.

An immunologist and a cardiologist are kidnapped...

An immunologist and a cardiologist are kidnapped. The kidnappers threaten to shoot one of them, but promise to spare whoever has made the greater contribution to humanity. The cardiologist says, “Well, I’ve identified drugs that have saved the lives of millions of people.” Impressed, the kidnappers ...

Three CEOs of car companies are kidnapped.

They are told to either pay $1bn for release, or attempt to escape 3 hazard-filled miles out of the city using any method of transportation they choose.

The first CEO asks for a Ford Mustang. He makes it one mile before being spotted by a group of snipers and eliminated.

The second CEO...

My wife has been kidnapped in Rio.

The kidnappers are willing to pay any amount for her release.

Trump gets kidnapped

Few days later his kidnappers go public and demand 20 million dollars or they return him to the White house.

6 Men kidnap a blonde

They let go of her after being paid the ransom. Now the blonde is being questioned by the cops,for info on the kidnappers.

Cop:Mam, did you get a good look at them?

Blonde:No they were wearing masks.

Cop: Do you have anything to help us with the case?

Blonde: Yes I do...

A man stuck in a traffic jam

some guy came and knocked on his windows and said "Donald Trump has been kidnapped, the kidnappers ask for 1 billion dollars or they will burn him with gasoline , we're asking for donation "
So the man in the car asked and on average how much does a person donate?
so the guy replies "between o...

Uga Buga or Death?

Three men who travelled to explore Africa got kidnapped by a large African tribe.
The kidnappers locked the three man in small cages and left them there with no food or water for 3 days.

After the three days had passed, the entire tribe gathered around the cages. Their leader, a huge Afric...

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