Ended Jokes

Trying to get into smaller pants

One of them says "We gotta get rid of these things. We'll go to Florida. I know a little town there. They're so dumb they won't know a thing."

So off they go. Soon they arrive at a gas station and buy some gas. The guy at the counter looks a little simpleminded.

"Hey can you break a 1... read more

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn nasty. As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald wa... read more

Instead I just swam for the surface.

Raytheon, General Dynamics, Northrop Grumman, Boeing and Lockheed Martin

I wonder what she’s up to these days

Man, that sentence was way too long!

They were greeted by a fallen angel who told them, "You can stay here happily for all of eternity... as long as you don't step on a frog." The men all agreed to not step on any frogs and they went on their way.

The first man only lasted a couple of hours before he ended up stepping on a frog.... read more

"I'm so sorry, but I can't continue!" he said.

"Why not," the girl asked, "didn't you like it?"

"No, that's not it," the boy replied. "It's my mom. She said that if I kiss a girl before I'm sixteen, I'll turn into a statue. And I could feel it starting already."

I ended up with an older woman at a club last night. She looked OK for a 61-year-old.
In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter.
We drank a bit and had a bit of a snuggle, and then she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double.... read more

Don't worry guys it was not my relationship

Dealer said I also needed a Dodge Charger

Too many red flags.

I don't really care though, it wasn't mine.

The driver whom was rear-ended steps out of the car and, to the mans surprise, was a dwarf. He walks to the man and says "I am NOT happy."

The man responds: "Then which one are you?"

I couldn't sit down for hours

was technically the highest ratio of killing birds to one stone

I'm fine, it wasn't my relationship.

I’m tired of all these cold calls!

Because it's round

Apparently I'd gone to the wrong Doctor WHO convention.

She said "Get out from under that bed and fight like a man!"

Some episodes gave me real Aang-xiety!

No 1-1

I'd move to Bosnia because the country is 10 years behind everyone.

No one told me life was gonna be this way.

He said, "I still love Vista, baby!"

Shroom Shroom.

It was very confusing.

When the back-to-school sales start appearing.

The other driver got out of his car and was a dwarf. He looked up at me and said, "I'M NOT HAPPY!"



"Well which one are you then?" I asked.



That's how the fight started.

Because they had a fair trial and still ended up in prison

Too bad it wasn't my pi day

Try as they might, the doctors just couldn't bring her out of it. When her husband Ralph came into the intensive care unit to see her, the doctors gave him the bad news, "We just can't wake her. It doesn't look good, I'm afraid."

The doctor told Ralph in a quiet somber voice. Ralph looked at... read more

Did anyone remember to wake up Green Day?

Not really relaxing, as my eyes are in pain, but I managed to make out, "60 Watts - Made in China."