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Jolly Jokes

What has two of every animal and flies the Jolly Roger proudly?

Noah's arrrrrrrrrrrr.....

Do you want to know the real reason why Santa is so jolly?

Its because he knows who all the naughty chicks are.

What do aliens and the Jolly Green Giant have in common?

They come in peace ….

Why are volcanoes so jolly?

Whenever they hear a joke, they erupt with laughter

Why is Santa always so jolly?

He knows where all the naughty girls live.

Is it any wonder that Santa is so jolly?

**He knows where all the naughty girls live...**

Note: Not even remotely OC, I heard this years ago, but I've been surprised that everyone I've shared it with this week had never heard it, so I figured what the heck, I'll post it. So Merry Christmas everyone! Or Happy Holidays. Or Whatever Yo...

Why should you never eat Jolly Green Giant vegetables?

Because he always stands over the corn and peas.

Ho ho ho....

Why is Santa so jolly this time if year?

He's got the naughty list and always chooses the three best hos!

Why is Santa Claus so jolly?

He knows where all the naughty girls live.

I actually heard this in the video game LA Noire. Thought it was pretty funny so I bust it out every Christmas.

Do you know why is Santa Clause is jolly all the time?

Because he knows where all the naughty girls are.

Which is a good thing because he only comes once a year.


*Heard this from an old white guy in the sauna today lol.*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why doesn't the Jolly Green Giant patronize prostitutes?

He has no room in his life for a fourth ho.

One of the lines in the song ‘Holly Jolly Christmas’ is, “I don’t know if there’ll be snow, but have a cup of cheer”.

I’m concerned that Tide Pod eaters will misunderstand.

What do you call a happy cowboy?

A jolly rancher!

Hahahahahahahahah




you guys have no idea how alone I am.

A bearded jolly-looking fat white man in a red suit and with bandaged stumps where his hands used to be walks into a bar and orders a beer with a straw.

"Who are you supposed to be?" the bartender asks. "Well I just lost both my hands in a freak sleigh accident last night," the man replies. "So I guess just call me Canta Plaus."

What do they sing at a snowman's birthday party?

Freeze a jolly good fellow

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Best submarine

Last Saturday, a British, a Russian and an American admiral met in Pearl Harbour, and standing on the water front, they were bragging about their ships.

British admiral: "I say chaps, we have a jolly good new submarine, which can go around Ireland under water without surfacing once. It's bloo...

What do evil spirits say on Friday the 13th?

"Voorhees a jolly good fellow!"

What’s the difference between North Korea and the North Pole?

One of them is forever ruled by a jolly fat man who directs an entire race of short people to produce packages he can drop from the sky all over the world, and the other is the North Pole.

I got a recommendation from Pops on a TV series to watch

After watching it I can say it indeed was a jolly good show

Four friends decide to create a new tradition

They all have their birthdays the same week, so when they turn 50, they decide they would go every ten years to celebrate at a fancy restaurant.

The first time, when they turn 50, they have a discussion about where to go.

Friend 1: Let's go to the *Thai Orchid*, I heard they have reall...

Three blondes die and go to Heaven

Upon being greeted at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter says, "I have one question, and if you get it right, I will let you into Heaven. Answer wrong, and you will not be allowed in."


He asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?"


She answers, "That's the time of the year when our ...

If you have one big green ball in one hand and one big green ball in another, what do you have?

The undivided attention of the Jolly Green Giant.

What do you call a farm hand who can't stop laughing?

A jolly rancher.

Santa was 5 cents short.

Jolly old saint; nickel-less.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Man Walks into a Bar

He walks up to the bar and stands there. "One shot of whiskey, my good man!"

"You're in a jolly mood today. What's the occasion?" Asks the bartender.

"Well, I just tried anal for the first time with my wife!" The patron exclaims.

"Hell, the first one is on me then, have a seat!"...

An elderly couple was celebrating their 50th anniversary.

It was a beautiful thing to see.

Amid the jolly celebrations, the old man leaned closer to his wife and softly whispered, "Dear, we have been married for 50 years now, and I want to assure you that these past 50 years were the happiest time of my life. But there's one thing that has always be...

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