Why is Chubby Checker so bad at telling jokes?

Because when there's a twist it doesn't surprise anybody.

What are chubby Mid-eastern moms generally named?

Fatima.

What’s a group of chubby newborns called?

Heavy infantry

Why is Kim Jong-Un so chubby?

Because he never had to run for his office

What do you call a chubby chick riding cowboy?

A triglyce-ride

Why did the chubby fish connoisseur not worry about his weight?

Because it was all mussel.

A company had a vacancy for a job so they put a sign outside of their office saying ...

A company had a vacancy for a job so they put a sign outside of their office saying ‘

Job Vacancy- apply within. Applicants must:

1.) be able to type at least 80 words per minute.

2.)must be good at computers.

3.)must be bilingual

After weeks of having no applican...

My cat is really fat and chubby

Most people would call her “fubby” but french people would call her “chat”

I know I'm a little chubby

So I don't really mind getting called fat - give it to me straight, don't sugarcoat it.

Actually, sugar is the last thing I need right now.

What's a chubby chaser's type?

Type 2

How can you tell your girlfriend is getting chubby?

She fits in your wife's pants.

Credit goes to: An unknown schmeckle with far more game than me.

I wanted to go skinny dipping this summer

But at least I went chubby dipping

Rumor has it this one won a "best joke" contest

A man gets a job driving the Sesame Street school bus.

It's his first day...

At stop number one, a husky young girl gets on. "I'm Patty," she says.

Stop number two sees a chubby young lady. "Hi, Patty!" She calls. "Hi, Patty!" says the first girl.

At the next, a mother...

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NSFW Girl to her friend: Do you know how many calories there are in a load of cum?

Friend: Sweetie, if you're swallowing enough to worry about it, no one will care if you're a little chubby.

Have you heard about Chubby's Plus Size Brothel?

They say it's how you get the biggest bang for your buck.

I go for chubby girls

because they can't run away

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A hungry fish spots a fly sitting on the bank of the river.

The fish really wants the fly to come closer to the edge of the water, so he can jump up and eat him.

Meanwhile, there's a fisherman a few feet downstream. He sitting on a little stool, eating a cheese sandwich, and wishing that the fly would drop down about 4 inches so the fish would catch a...

Why did the chubby kidney doctor go to the weather convention?

He heard they were looking for meaty urologists.

What do you call a chubby girl who's cranky, has bad breath and doesn't screw?

You don't call her.

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The difference between "guts" and "balls" according to the British military.

There is a medical distinction between “Guts” and “Balls”, according to the British military. We've heard colleagues referring to people with “Guts”, or with “Balls”.

Do they, however, know the difference between them? Here’s the official distinction; straight from the British Medical Journal...

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Bullying

\- I am here at the school because my daughter is being bullied.

\- Who is your daughter?

\- That chubby one that looks like a capybara, seating in the back of the class.

One evening I drove my sister home.

Her boyfriend and her cat Timmy were waiting there for her.

Me: "How's your chubby?"

Her: "Aw, you know him. Sometimes he is hungry. Sometimes he cries for attention if he is not sleeping. But if we ignore him good enough, he then jumps up onto the couch and cuddles with us. All in all...

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The little Cowboy

A little boy walks into an ice-cream store wearing a cowboy hat and a pair of six shooters.The woman behind the counter can't help smiling at the tough expression on his chubby little face.

“Hello there,cowboy," she says “What can I get for you?"

The kid bellies up to the counter.
...

A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing.

The policeman asked for a description.

She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."

The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth,...

Two girls are in a bar having a chat...

The first says to her friend, "I am going to ask my doctor how many calories there are in sperm". To which the friend replies "If you're swallowing that much nobody's going to care if you're a little bit chubby!"

So I went into Mcdonalds and ordered some fries.

There was a chubby girl working, she seemed busy and kinda stressed out. She informed me the fries are cooking, and will be ready in about 3 minutes. I told her "no problem" and waited for my fries. After a few minutes she brought me my order and said "sorry about the wait" I said "no problem ch...

A schoolreunion

A man named Chris sits down at a table at his high-school reunion. It's been a while since the last reunion, and he can't seem to remember a single face from the crowd.

Suddenly another guy sits down beside Chris. The man is very tall, about 6'3, and his face is stretched out. As if someone w...

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There was once a fat man who loved soups.

One day, he decided to make himself a large bowl of yummy letter soup. Using his favorite recipe, with lots of cheese and butter, he cooked up a generous bowl of hot letter soup. It smelled just delicious and he couldn’t wait to wolf it down. With his chubby hands, he grabbed the bowl and began to s...

So, there I was, at this pub in Great Britain,....

I notice these two women, both cute but a bit chubby. I approached the girls and asked "Are you two ladies from Scotland"?, to which the heftier one replied "It's Wales you idiot"! Taken a bit aback by this, I replied "Oh, sorry. Are you two Whales from Scotland"?

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[NSFW] Can I...?

Here's an old Roy Chubby Brown joke.

I was in my changing room the other day and a female staff member came in and was tidying up. I looked at her for a while and then plucked up the courage to ask, "Excuse me, love. Can I smell your pussy?"

Shocked, she slapped me and shouted, "You m...

What's the Difference Between Guts and Balls?

Guts is coming home late from the bar, drunk as a skunk meeting your wife at the door with a broom in her hand and asking her if she's still cleaning the house or going out for a ride.

Balls is coming home late from the bar, drunk as a skunk with lipstick all over your face and the scent of w...

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A man named Ted is unable to put alcohol down.

His thirst for liquor is unquenchable. All he does every day is drink and drink. Rum, tequila, beer, vodka, he has it all. Doesn't matter how it tastes or looks; he'll down it.

At first it started out at a simple party at Dominc's place. His best bud, Bob, invited him so he couldn't say no. P...

My girlfriend introduced our new baby to my friends.

"Look at those chubby cheeks and bald head," they said.

I said, "Thanks, but we're here to talk about the baby."

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Robert

“Did you know there’s 1.5 gallons of blood in an average person” One of the girls at our lunch table looked at him in disgust, and looked away.

Robert was a weird ass kid. None of us were friends with him, and we didn’t pay any attention to him, so it was a surprise to see his greasy self sit...

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Six chocolate bars

An old man, sitting on his porch one nice day, sees a chubby little boy walk down the street to the store. On the way back the boy is carrying six chocolate bars, and proceeds to sit down not far from the old man's lawn, peel open the chocolate bar wrappers one by one and eat the candy inside. Whe...

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It's Easter Sunday morning...

... and chubby Chuck has been chomping on Easter eggs all night. He decides that he simply can't eat one more Easter egg. So he plays a prank. He goes into the chicken coop and replaces every single egg the hens have laid with a brightly colored one. A few minutes later, the rooster walks in, sees a...

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A guy searches for his wife at the supermarket..

A guy went to the supermarket w/ his wife, after a few minutes by the beverages section he realises his wife is missing. He then asks a guy (one that seems to be searching for someone too) near him:

- Husband: Hey dude, have you seen my wife?

- Stranger: Hey, I'm also looking for mine!...

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I was in a London pub last Friday night

...and noticed two chubby women by the bar. They had very strong accents, so I asked,

"Are you two ladies from Scotland?" One of them turned to me and yelled,

"It's WALES you cunt!" I said,

"oh, I'm sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"

I know skinny jeans are fashionable...

But as a slightly chubby man, I just can't seem to be able to pull them off

One of my favorite jokes as a kid

3 men are being flown in an old-fashioned airplane with no windows. They're all enjoying the aerial view of the city when one of the guys finishes an apple, and throws the core off of the plane. The second guy follows his example, finishes his banana, and throws the peel off the plane. The third ...

An Italian herb seller gets a loan from the mafia.

Two weeks later, the boss walks in for his payment. Unable to pay his debt, the herb seller pleads for his life.

"Please sir, give me one more week!" he exclaims.

"No," responds the boss, "your thyme is up."
r/chubby

So Jan gets a job driving a school bus.

The first day of school, Jan is given the bus she's to drive. She's driving an elementary-school route, so the inside of the bus has been decked out with Sesame Street characters; muppets pasted on every wall. Jan shrugs and gets started on her route.

The first kid is a super fat little girl...

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The ladder to success

A man drunkly stumbles out of a bar and on the way to his car, encounters a ladder reaching up to the clouds. There is a voice coming from high up in the clouds, “climb the ladder to success”. The man looks up and starts climbing. After reaching a low floating cloud, he sees a woman, she has wart...

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Three amateur shoemakers enter their finest pair of footwear into a competition and are about to be graded on their handiwork ...

The judge goes to the black girl and says "These are the finest pair of shoes I have ever seen! *A+*!"

Then the judge walks up to chubby malaysian boy and says "Good effort, but you could've done better. *C-*."

Finally, the judge approaches the ginger boy and moans "Not even a pauper ...

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NEW OFFICE POLICY 2013 Dress Code

ALL EMPLOYEES

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manag...

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