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Chubby Jokes

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[NSFW] Can I...?

Here's an old Roy Chubby Brown joke.

I was in my changing room the other day and a female staff member came in and was tidying up. I looked at her for a while and then plucked up the courage to ask, "Excuse me, love. Can I smell your pussy?"

Shocked, she slapped me and shouted, "You m...

how do you know when your girlfriends getting chubby?

She fits in your wife's clothes

What’s a group of chubby newborns called?

Heavy infantry

Why is Kim Jong-Un so chubby?

Because he never had to run for his office

OC - What's the binge show of choice for chubby pre-med cows

Graze Anatomy

How can you tell your girlfriend is getting chubby?

She fits in your wife's pants.

Credit goes to: An unknown schmeckle with far more game than me.

A company had a vacancy for a job so they put a sign outside of their office saying ...

A company had a vacancy for a job so they put a sign outside of their office saying ‘

Job Vacancy- apply within. Applicants must:

1.) be able to type at least 80 words per minute.

2.)must be good at computers.

3.)must be bilingual

After weeks of having no applican...

What's a chubby demon's greatest fear?

Cross-Fit Exorcise

What's a chubby chaser's type?

Type 2

I know I'm a little chubby

So I don't really mind getting called fat - give it to me straight, don't sugarcoat it.

Actually, sugar is the last thing I need right now.

Wife commented that I was getting rather chubby and round ....

I said, "No worries dear, I will bounce back"

What do you call a chubby chick riding cowboy?

A triglyce-ride

Why did the chubby kidney doctor go to the weather convention?

He heard they were looking for meaty urologists.

What are chubby Mid-eastern moms generally named?

Fatima.

My cat is really fat and chubby

Most people would call her “fubby” but french people would call her “chat”

Why is Chubby Checker so bad at telling jokes?

Because when there's a twist it doesn't surprise anybody.

Well away from the muffins...

My aunt Sara is someone who has an excellent sense of humor. In a nutshell, my aunt is a lady in her sixties who uses the fact that she loves cakes and is overweight... to make fun of herself. One of the most delightful conversations i had with her was when i met her at the bus stop one day and she ...

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The difference between "guts" and "balls" according to the British military.

There is a medical distinction between “Guts” and “Balls”, according to the British military. We've heard colleagues referring to people with “Guts”, or with “Balls”.

Do they, however, know the difference between them? Here’s the official distinction; straight from the British Medical Journal...

Why did the chubby fish connoisseur not worry about his weight?

Because it was all mussel.

Missing

Recently, a distraught wife went to the local police station, along with her next-door neighbor, to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description of the missing man. The wife said, "He is 35 years old, 6-foot 4-inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, we...

So I went into Mcdonalds and ordered some fries.

There was a chubby girl working, she seemed busy and kinda stressed out. She informed me the fries are cooking, and will be ready in about 3 minutes. I told her "no problem" and waited for my fries. After a few minutes she brought me my order and said "sorry about the wait" I said "no problem ch...

A mildly perceptive man is confused for being psychic

One day a man was bored and decided to see if he could trick people into thinking he was psychic.

He setup a booth on a busy street with a sign. "$1 to read your mind."



His first customer, a slightly chubby man, looked skeptical.

"Ok, tell me something about me."

...

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Bullying

\- I am here at the school because my daughter is being bullied.

\- Who is your daughter?

\- That chubby one that looks like a capybara, seating in the back of the class.

One evening I drove my sister home.

Her boyfriend and her cat Timmy were waiting there for her.

Me: "How's your chubby?"

Her: "Aw, you know him. Sometimes he is hungry. Sometimes he cries for attention if he is not sleeping. But if we ignore him good enough, he then jumps up onto the couch and cuddles with us. All in all...

What's the Difference Between Guts and Balls?

Guts is coming home late from the bar, drunk as a skunk meeting your wife at the door with a broom in her hand and asking her if she's still cleaning the house or going out for a ride.

Balls is coming home late from the bar, drunk as a skunk with lipstick all over your face and the scent of w...

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When a man is poor and fat, he’s a fat ass. When a man is rich and fat, he’s:

My cute chubby teddy bear

Two girls are in a bar having a chat...

The first says to her friend, "I am going to ask my doctor how many calories there are in sperm". To which the friend replies "If you're swallowing that much nobody's going to care if you're a little bit chubby!"

So, there I was, at this pub in Great Britain,....

I notice these two women, both cute but a bit chubby. I approached the girls and asked "Are you two ladies from Scotland"?, to which the heftier one replied "It's Wales you idiot"! Taken a bit aback by this, I replied "Oh, sorry. Are you two Whales from Scotland"?

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The little Cowboy

A little boy walks into an ice-cream store wearing a cowboy hat and a pair of six shooters.The woman behind the counter can't help smiling at the tough expression on his chubby little face.

“Hello there,cowboy," she says “What can I get for you?"

The kid bellies up to the counter.
...

I wanted to go skinny dipping this summer

But at least I went chubby dipping

My girlfriend introduced our new baby to my friends.

"Look at those chubby cheeks and bald head," they said.

I said, "Thanks, but we're here to talk about the baby."

A schoolreunion

A man named Chris sits down at a table at his high-school reunion. It's been a while since the last reunion, and he can't seem to remember a single face from the crowd.

Suddenly another guy sits down beside Chris. The man is very tall, about 6'3, and his face is stretched out. As if someone w...

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Six chocolate bars

An old man, sitting on his porch one nice day, sees a chubby little boy walk down the street to the store. On the way back the boy is carrying six chocolate bars, and proceeds to sit down not far from the old man's lawn, peel open the chocolate bar wrappers one by one and eat the candy inside. Whe...

When John Lennon was a boy,

his best friend was a chubby lad named Winston - but because of Winston’s penchant for stuffing his face with Stilton, Red Leicester, Cheddar or Brie, naturally he was nicknamed “Cheese”.
One hot summer day, a gang of friends decided to head off to the local quarry to cool off in the water. The...

I know skinny jeans are fashionable...

But as a slightly chubby man, I just can't seem to be able to pull them off

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A guy searches for his wife at the supermarket..

A guy went to the supermarket w/ his wife, after a few minutes by the beverages section he realises his wife is missing. He then asks a guy (one that seems to be searching for someone too) near him:

- Husband: Hey dude, have you seen my wife?

- Stranger: Hey, I'm also looking for mine!...

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The ladder to success

A man drunkly stumbles out of a bar and on the way to his car, encounters a ladder reaching up to the clouds. There is a voice coming from high up in the clouds, “climb the ladder to success”. The man looks up and starts climbing. After reaching a low floating cloud, he sees a woman, she has wart...

One of my favorite jokes as a kid

3 men are being flown in an old-fashioned airplane with no windows. They're all enjoying the aerial view of the city when one of the guys finishes an apple, and throws the core off of the plane. The second guy follows his example, finishes his banana, and throws the peel off the plane. The third ...

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Hunting accident

Three friends went bird hunting. While walking across an open field, they came across an old fence. Two of the hunters quickly climbed over the fence. Being a little chubby, the third hunter decided he needed an easier way to get over the fence. He leaned his shotgun against the fence, walked down t...

So Jan gets a job driving a school bus.

The first day of school, Jan is given the bus she's to drive. She's driving an elementary-school route, so the inside of the bus has been decked out with Sesame Street characters; muppets pasted on every wall. Jan shrugs and gets started on her route.

The first kid is a super fat little girl...

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It's Easter Sunday morning...

... and chubby Chuck has been chomping on Easter eggs all night. He decides that he simply can't eat one more Easter egg. So he plays a prank. He goes into the chicken coop and replaces every single egg the hens have laid with a brightly colored one. A few minutes later, the rooster walks in, sees a...

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A man named Ted is unable to put alcohol down.

His thirst for liquor is unquenchable. All he does every day is drink and drink. Rum, tequila, beer, vodka, he has it all. Doesn't matter how it tastes or looks; he'll down it.

At first it started out at a simple party at Dominc's place. His best bud, Bob, invited him so he couldn't say no. P...

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NEW OFFICE POLICY 2013 Dress Code

ALL EMPLOYEES

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manag...

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Robert

“Did you know there’s 1.5 gallons of blood in an average person” One of the girls at our lunch table looked at him in disgust, and looked away.

Robert was a weird ass kid. None of us were friends with him, and we didn’t pay any attention to him, so it was a surprise to see his greasy self sit...

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