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Conjoin Jokes

Why did the conjoined twins move to England?

So the other one could drive.
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I called two girls hipsters and got slapped.

Apparently the correct term is "conjoined twins".
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I pissed off two men today because I referred to them as hipsters..

Apparently the correct term is 'conjoined twins'

When I first realised I was a conjoined twin.....

I was beside myself!
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I met conjoined twins and I'm not sure which one I like more.

They're neck and neck.
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My father was a conjoined twin so his brother was ...

My uncle on my fathers side
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My conjoined twin told me a great joke earlier.

It was so funny, I almost pissed himself.

What do you call two bicycles that are stuck together?

Conjoined Schwinns
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My father was born with a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.

I have an uncle, once removed.
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Mum hated that it was illegal to hit me as a child, so she gave birth to conjoined twins…

I guess if you can’t beat ‘em…
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I recently broke it off with a pair of conjoined twins.

I said, "It's not you, it's you."
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Why did the conjoined twins travel from America to England?

So the other one could finally drive.

——————-

(Source: heard it in _Man on the Moon_ movie)
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What did the conjoined twins change their dating profile to after surgery?

Recently Separated
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My mom had two conjoined sisters and both of their names were Andra. When they were murdered, I gave up joking.

And mourned my double entendres.
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Conjoined twins go before a judge.

One twin says, "Your honor, my husband is cheating on me."

Judge asks, "With whom?"

"My other half."
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pair of conjoined twins went to see the psychiatrist. Twin A confessed to wanting to have sex with twin B. The shrink responded...

Hey, you do you.

Why do the conjoined twins travel to London?

...so the other twin gets the chance to drive a car =(
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Two conjoined twins, attached by the face, have successfully been separated today.

Since the operation they've done nothing but argue.

Having once been so close, they no longer see eye to eye.
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What's the hardest part about dating a conjoined twin?

Every morning she screams at me for being in bed with her sister.
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Hercules returned after his most recent adventure in the city of Molione...

Hercules returned after his most recent adventure in the city of Molione where he defeated the demigod brothers, Eurytos and Kteatos, who were siamese twins and had the strength of 2 demigods.

At the temple, Hercules spoke to his father Zeus and asked him why he had to slay them when the gods...
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My boss said I do the work of two people.

My conjoined twin is a lazy bastard.

My SO just left me for a guy with a conjoined twin.

She says he's twice the man I am.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just figured out why I'm a virgin.

It's because my conjoined twin is really ugly.

TIL It is common for staff and surgeons to laugh hysterically during separation surgery to conjoined twins.

Well it is side-splitting.
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PSA: the term “Hipsters” is politically incorrect and is considered an offensive slur in many circles

Please use the medically-recommended term “conjoined twins” instead.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy goes into a bar

where he meets a pair of conjoined twins who are joined at the side. They hit it off and proceed to booze the night away. Closing time comes around and they decide to tak the party back to his house. He gets in the door and the twins immediately drop and one starts blowing him while the other tounge...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend broke up with me because I fucked her twin sister.

It’s not my fault. They’re conjoined at the hip.

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One of the conjoined Hensel twins is engaged. Not the other. Men are asking all kinds of questions. How will that work kind of things. Women already know the answer. [OC]

It will be fine. They have practiced sharing one asshole their whole lives.

There’s this condition where twins are connected at the elbow and always laugh together, never separately.

It’s called conjoined Humor
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My ex hated when I started dating her twin sister.

Like it's my fault they're conjoined.
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A three legged man walks into a bar.

Bartender looks at him and asked, conjoined twin?

No thanks, I'll just have a whiskey.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hips don't lie.

Some woman went completely batshit on me in town today. All I said was that her kid was a 'right little hipster'. Apparently, the correct term is 'Conjoined twins'.

Sometimes self-care means cutting out toxic people.

If you ever met my conjoined twin, Your Honor, I think you'd understand.
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So there are these two rich old men who live next to each other...

At the on the border of their land is a pool that conjoins the two luxurious estates. In this pool each man has a pet dolphin. Every day, the two old men stand at the edge of the pool, and argue about who's dolphin is the smartest. This has gone in for years.

Then one day the first neighbor ...
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A guy is talking to two women in a bar...

A guy starts talking to two women in a bar, they turn out to be
conjoined twins and they wind up back at his apartment.

He makes love to one, and then starts to work on the other. He realizes that the first one might get bored watching, so he asks her what she'd like to do.

She sa...
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Toll Joke my buddy made up.

A young new toll operator is having his first day on the job with a skilled veteran of the booth. As they work in their conjoined shift, the veteran points out a gold Mercedes pulling up in the toll line. The Veteran nudges the kid and says " Dat guy dere ain't gone pay his full toll. " the young ne...
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