UPJOKE
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My roofer friend takes his job very seriously

He always goes over the top to get the job done

If you're looking for a relationship, become a roofer.

You're bound to find hot shingles in your area

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On my first day working as a roofer I got caught masturbating.

It's OK, he told me I can wipe the slate clean.

The roof job

Two Roofers, Bob and Dan, were putting a new roof on a barn when a bundle of shingles slid down the slope and knocked the ladder over.

Bob and Dan decided since it was early they would continue working because someone would surely come around by quitting time.

It was nearing 5 PM and ...

I'm a 50s roofer...

I did the job asbestos I could.

What’s the difference between 9/11 & that summer I worked as a roofer?

9/11 was an inside job

I used to be a roofer....

back when I was shingle.

Christian lady living next door to a construction site got tired of hearing the constant cursing from the on site workers.

So she decided one day to pack a lunch and go eat with them while trying to get some religion into the loud, lewd men. Once most of the men had gathered under a shade tree, she walked over with her little brown bag and asked "Do any of you men know Jesus Christ?" They looked around at each other, an...

I'd like to dedicate this joke to my father, who was a roofer...

...so...dad, if you're up there...

I’m a roofer and earlier today my coworker asked me how I’m gonna get down from the roof of the house. I said I could jump or I could climb down.

I chose the latter

Did you hear the one about the roofer with a perfect safety record?

He never had a shingle accident.

What Do I Look Like to You? (long)

A married couple moves into to a new home. After a few days, as the husband returns home from work, his wife says to him, “Honey, one of the pipes in the bathroom is leaking, could you fix it?”
“What do I look like, a plumber?” asks the husband, and goes to sleep.
A few days later, the wife on...

A roofer gets to choose how to get onto the roof. He can either use a scissor lift or a series of steps between two metal poles.

He chose the ladder.

Anyone know a good roofer?

Nevermind, the glass ceiling didn't get smashed...

When a roofer works pro bono...

It's on the house

I know it’s frustrating waiting for your COVID shot...

But just think of all the roofers who haven’t got the Shingles vaccine.

Jesus spoke to me yesterday...

But I don't like talking to my roofers, so I had his brother Juan tell him not to do that in the future.

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