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Mailman Jokes

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Little Suzy sees her mother in bed with the mailman

Innocent but curious, she tells her father the very next day.

"Ok, Suzy" replies her father, "Our relatives are coming over for dinner later. I think you ought to tell them what you saw too."

At dinnertime, Suzy is waiting for everyone to sit down. As soon as Uncle Billy Bob takes his ...

I scared the mailman today by coming to the door naked

I don’t know what scared him more, the fact that I was naked, or that I knew where he lived

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Support your local mailman

On John's last day as a mailman after 40 years serving the same neighborhood, the first house on his route gave him a nice gift envelope with $100 in cash.

At the second house, they gave him a box of high-quality cigars.

At the third house, they handed him a selection of great fishing ...

What’s the key to a good mailman joke?

The delivery.

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A mailman walking down the street saw Little Johnny playing in a pile of shit.

He had it between his fingers and smeared over his body.

The mailman asked him what he was doing and Johnny looked up and said "Making a mailman.”

This pissed the mailman off. He went up the street, saw a fireman, and told him what the boy was doing and what a smartass the kid was. T...

I quit my new job as a mailman when they handed me my first letter to deliver.

I looked at it and thought, “This isn’t for me.”

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The old Mailman

A 65-year old mailman decided it was time to retire. When the small
commmunity he worked for found out, they decided they should do
something nice for him, since he'd served them for the past 45
years.

So, the last day on the job, the mailman went up to the first house,
and the ho...

A mailman notices a mailbox with the flag up

So, he opens the box and picks up a letter. He glances at it briefly to make sure it is stamped, and then puts it in his bag with his other letters. When he gets back to his office, the letter goes in a big bin with all of the other out-going mail. He thinks nothing of it, and finishes his day.
<...

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Yesterday, our mailman spotted me through the window masturbating.

I guess he's wondering now how I knew where he lives.

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Bob the Mailman

A couple of guys are at the bar. First guy says to his buddy, "My wife just admitted to me that she's been having an affair with Bob the mailman."

"What?" says his buddy. "That fat ugly fucker I see every morning outside your house?"

"That's right," says the first guy.

"Jesus," ...

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My boss just told me that I’m the worst mailman he has ever seen.

Shit. I meant to post this somewhere else.

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I told my wife that the mailman said he had shagged every woman in our building except one

She replied "I bet it’s the snooty bitch in number twenty three”

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I'm divorcing my wife. First it was the poolboy, then the mailman, her ex-boyfriend, and my best friend. It's pretty clear...

I just really love dick.

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A mailman is working his last day on a route he's been doing for 20 years

He gets to the first house and a man greets him at the door with a very expensive bottle of wine and thanks him for his service. He arrives at the next house and is greeted by the entire family with a box of Cuban cigars and everyone wishes him a happy retirement.

He arrives at the third hous...

My mailman is very reticent and avoids small talk.

He is a man of few words but a lot of letters.

Why do mailmans work for so little money?

It’s not about the money, it’s about sending a message.

A man says casually to his wife, "I heard a rumor that the mailman has slept with every woman on our street, except for one."

The wife sniffs and says, "I bet it's that snooty Priscilla Quinn in Number 12."

Wife cheats on her husband with the mailman

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope....

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So a guy and his gf are making out

and the girl tells the guy she really wants to do 69. The guy agrees but remembers his girl is on her period so he declines. The Gf begs and he finally agrees, thinking a little bit of blood can’t be too bad.

After they get going and are having a good time, the doorbell rings.

“Oh sh...

Little Johnny was told by his friends that adults have a deep dark secret and can be easily manipulated.

Johnny decides to test it. He comes home, goes up to his mother and says, "Mom, I know everything." Mom shushes him and gives him $10.

"Just don't tell Dad" she says.

*Hey, it's working* thinks Little Johnny.

An hour later, Dad comes home from work. Johnny goes up to him and ...

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She did what he said

The retiring mailman

The mailman who had been on the same route for 10 years was leaving the job.

He had made many friends on the route and decided to put a note in their mailboxes informing them.

Many on his route came out of their houses to wish him well and some even gave h...

I greeted the mailman at the door naked

He freaked out. Not so much because of my appearance, more because I knew where he lived.

The Mailman just told me a joke.

It wasn't that funny, but it was delivered really well.

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A mailman is delivering the mail to one of the houses on his route when he and the woman who lives there begin chatting. As the conversation continues, he notices a sheet hanging up in the middle of the living room with a small hole in it.

The mailman says, “So, may I ask what’s with the sheet hanging up?” She says, “Ahh yes. Last night we had a bunch of folks over and decided to play a game. The men got on one side of the sheet and the women got on the other. The men took turns putting their cocks in the hole and then the women would...

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A young mailman gets gets farewell...

A young mailman is transferred to another town and as he did a very good job at his work, the people of the town decided to greet him with something on the last day.

The mailman goes from one house to other collecting gifts and treats.

One lady gives him some cash to show her gratitude...

The mailman told me he's off to Spain tomorrow...

So I asked him if he was going to Parcelona. He proceeded to ignore what I believe was my best joke. I probably didn't say it right. The key to a good mailman joke is the delivery.

Mom, I'm dating a man.

\-Whom, sweetheart?

\-Dante the mailman.

\-Dante the mailman? But he could be your father!

\-But mom, age is just a number.

\-Sweetheart, I don't think you understood.

I keep getting told I'm a terrible mailman..

Oops I've posted this in the wrong place

I recently got hired as a USPS mailman.

I was really excited about it, but my dog wouldn’t talk to me for a week afterwards!

A mailman is baffled at how to mail a letter addressed "to the greatest drummer in the world."

So what is he supposed to do? He's gotta send it. He hoofs it back to the post office, and shows it to his boss. The boss says, "come on man, send it to Chick Webb." So he does.

Chick Webb, the bandleader from Baltimore, sees the letter on his kitchen table and says, "Jesus! That can't be for...

I punched a mailman yesterday.

He said I had a small package.

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lucky mailman

after 20 years on the job the local postman is about to retire and on this last scheduled delivery run he finds himself beset with thankful friends and neighbours, all of whom show their appreciation of his years of service. loaded down with gift baskets, wine, flowers and thank you cards he reaches...

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Mailman

The mailman knocks on the door. Then this very hot blond opens the door. She pulls him inside. Together they have a fun time in bed. After the sex the blond give him a dollar. The mailman asked: why do you give me a dollar. The blond replies: I asked my husband if i should give The mailman anything....

What did they call Bob the mailman after he was fired?

Bob.

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that...

My mailman has a really long name

There's just so many letters.

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George The Mailman

It’s George The Mailman’s last day on the job after 30 years and the last go at his route. He delivers mail to the first house and there is a nice little envelope with his name on it and a $20 bill thanking him for his loyal service over the years. The second house had a nicely wrapped package for h...

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How do I keep her awake?

A man went into work one day and asked his best friend for advice on a “personal matter.”

“Every time me and my wife are 69ing; she always tends to fall asleep. Do you have any ideas how I can stop this from happening?”

His friend surprised says “I used to have the exact same problem!...

Truth

At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are
hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very
easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth" even when you don't know anything.

The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted by his mo...

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Retiring Mailman

The mailman is making his last rounds before retirement and he comes to the door of the prettiest woman on his route. She's standing there in a see through negligee and gestures for him to come in. She leads him upstairs where she gets undressed, removes his clothes and then screws his brains out.<...

None of us thought that our friend Opie would be a good mailman.

But Opie delivered.

What do you get when you cross a mailman with a bottle of Scotch and an open window?

Air Mail.

My dog keeps chasing the mailman on a bike..

If he doesn't stop, I'll have to take the bike off of him.

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NSFW It's Christmas time and the local mailman is doing his rounds...

As he approaches one of the houses on his route the door opens and a beautiful woman is standing there with nothing on but an open button down shirt. She grabs the mailman by the hand and takes him upstairs. After a vigorous session of sex, she gives him a $5 bill and offers to make him breakfast. H...

What do you get when you move around the letters of mailman?

Someone who goes postal.

What do you call a retired mailman?

A post officer

A man came home to find his house burned down, only the chimney was still standing. Since he had no where else to go, he slept in his fireplace that night. In the morning the mailman came to deliver and found the man waking up. The mailman remarked that he was impressed the man got any sleep at all.

To which the man replied, "actually I slept like a log."

What has four letters, sometimes has nine letters and occasionally has twelve letters?

The mailman

I'm a surgeon/mailman

Overall I do a lot of de-livering

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Who Am I?

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles. "Wow Bob, looks like you guys had on...

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The old mailman retires

It's been 35 years that he's worked in the same area. He was well loved in the neighbourhood, so the people who knew him and loved him decided to surprise him on his last day. At one house, the whole family was waiting for him and they give the old mailman a huge gift bag. At another house, they giv...

It's a mailman's last day at work

As he makes his daily rounds, his usual customers hand him their regards. Housewives, businessman, children on their way to school--they give him assorted gifts, including chocolate, flowers, or a simple hug.

As he turns onto the next block, he sees the a blond housewife standing in beautifu...

As a mailman, I have a lot of jokes about undelivered letters.

But people just don’t seem to get them.

How does a mailman kill his enemies?

He de-livers them.

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A mailman is working his last day after 20 years of faithful service to a neighborhood.

When he delivers the mail to the first house, the man comes out, hives him some fine cigars and says "So long, I'm really going to miss you."
When he goes to the next house, the woman there comes out and gives him a bottle of fine wine. She too is very sorry to see him go, and tells him she'll mi...

A Mailman is Delivering Some Mail Around a Neighborhood.

A little girl goes up to the mailman and asks:

“Why are you doing your job for free? You should be payed some money for your services.”

The Mailman says: “Oh honey, It’s not about the money. it’s about sending a message.”

A drug dealer once dressed up as a mailman

He got caught immediately because he rung the doorbell once.

A man is explaining to his coworker that he never realized how much his wife loved him until he was home sick from work the previous day.

“Really?” the coworker asks. “What showed you she really loved you?”

“She was just really excited to have me around,” the man replied. “Like when the mailman and FedEx guy came to the door she shouted excitedly, ‘My husband is home! My husband is home!’”

Joe……….

Joe is on his last day at work as a mailman.

He receives many thank-you cards and monetary gifts along his route.

When he gets to the very last house, he is greeted by a gorgeous housewife, who invites him in for lunch. Joe happily accepts.

After lunch, the woman invites hi...

Bill pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced...

“My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!”

“What makes you say that?” the bartender inquired.

“Last week,” Bill explained, “I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman or mailman came ...

Did you hear about the mailman who walked out on the job?

He abandoned his post.

Jim had been out for a few days with the flu. Back at work,...

...he ran into a friend of his, who asked him, "Jim, how are you feeling?"

"I'm better, thanks. You know, it was a wonderful experience," Jim replied.

"Wonderful? How can the flu be wonderful?"

"Well, I learned that my wife really loves me. You know, whenever the mailman came by...

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It's John the mailman's last day on duty.

John has been a mailman for a very long time and the day has finally come where he will deliver the mail for a one last time.

As per usual he goes to the post office to pick up his bag filled with mail and off he goes on that oh so familiar path one last time.

As he stops by the firs...

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John is a mailman in a small town. Everyone in the town knows him. Today he is retiring.

Every house he went to, families were greeting him and congratulating him. Most game him gifts. Flowers, cards, presents ... until he got to the last house on his final route.

A woman came to the door stark naked. She quietly took him upstairs and made sweet passionate love to him for hours u...

What's a black mailman called?

A blackmailer.


I'll show myself out :(.

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The Mailman's Last Day

It's been 35 long years, but the mailman is doing his route for the last time. As he goes from house to house, he is greeted warmly by families. Some give him money, others a farewell gift, but all have kind words for the middle-aged man.

As he comes up to one particular house, the young, bu...

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Seems the mailman was going to retire...

So, Mrs. Jones told her husband about it because she wanted to do something nice for the guy.

Mr. Jones said "Screw him! Give him five dollars."

So, later that week, Mrs. Jones prepared an elaborate meal and when the mailman came by, she invited him in. She sat him down and served him...

Best labor EVER

The wife was going into labor and the contractions were getting pretty bad.

The doctor tell the couple that their is this new device that can transfer some or all the pain to the father if they wanted to try it.

The Husband agrees to 10% at first
Wife: Thank you baby just taking th...

The blonde and the mailman

A blonde is sitting at home one morning when the elderly mailman comes to the door.

"I hear you're retiring," she says.

"Yes, ma'am. I'm turning 65, so it's time for me to enjoy my golden years."

"I see," says the blonde. "Well... would you like to come upstairs with me?"
<...

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The mailman says he has the best sex

So I took him home and boy oh boy he delivered

What's a mailmans favorite organ?

Da Liver

Big Burly Biker walks into a bar

He sees this tiny nerdy looking guy staring at his filled drink and decides he wants to mess with him. The Biker walks over takes the glass and slams the drink in one swig. At this the nerdy guy just starts bawling like a baby.


The Biker filled with remorse tells him to calm down an...

A little boy's friend tells him:

"If you say to adults 'I know about it all', they'll give you anything."
So of course he goes home and says to his dad: "I know about it all". The dad hands him 100 bucks and tells him "but don't tell mommy".
The kid, stoked, goes to his mom and says: "I know about it all". The mom hands him 2...

Why would Prometheus make a good a good mailman?

Because it’s a job with a lot of de-livering

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Mailman Gets an Interesting Christmas Gift

Joe the mailman was on his usual rounds in late December when he came upon the Jones residence, finding to his surprise that Mrs. Jones was standing in the doorway in sexy lingerie beckoning him inside. Not one to question a good thing, Joe followed her inside, where she showed him the night of his ...

What language does the mailman for Hogwarts speak?

Parceltongue

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A mail carrier is about to retire…

So he puts a note in all of his mailboxes letting people know that his last day would be at the end of the week.

On his last day, neighbors were showering him with gifts and praise for his many years of faithful service.

As he approaches a house in his route, he realizes that he’s ne...

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A mailman is on his last route before retirement. [NSFW]

He comes up to one of the last houses and, to his surprise, the wife opens the door in a bathrobe when he is about to put mail into the slot.

She asks if he’d like to come inside to which he agrees. Once inside she asks if he likes to see. He replies “yes, of course.” She then drops he robe a...

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A dad overhears his daughter...

One day, a dad overheard his daughter praying in her room. She said "bless mom, bless dad, bless grandmom, goodbye grandad". He found this weird but didn't say anything. A few hours later the family finds out that her grandad had passed away. The dad freaked out initially, but chalked it up to coinc...

What's the opposite of a mailman?

A femailman.

P.S. I'm aware this joke sucks.

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Charlie the mailman is about to retire...

After 35 years on his route, he sets out for his last day. A woman opens her door as he delivers her mail and asks "Is it true today's your last day Charlie?"


"Yes ma'am."


"Please, come in, I have something for you!" and she welcomes Charlie to a delightful breakfast.

<...

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A comedian was trying to make a group of Redditors from /r/Jokes laugh...

"So a blind man walked into a bar..."

"Ahh, good ole #8804311," the first redditor said.

"Okay, then how about this... Little Johnny saw his mom banging the mailman..."

"#2409!!!"

Out of frustration, the comedian yells, "IS THERE ANY FUCKIN' JOKE YOU GUYS ...

Mailman's last day of work.

It's the mailman's last day on the job, he goes to a woman's house and she invites him in, makes loves to him, makes him a wonderful breakfast and then gives him 5 dollars.

Mailman: 'What was that for?'

Woman: 'Well I asked my husband what to do for you on your last day and he said, ...

Wife, “Has the mailman come yet?”

Husband, “No, but he’s breathing hard.”

What does the soil have in common with a mailman?

They both become hostile when you rearrange their letters.

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It was the mailman's lat day...

... and while going through his route, caring residents would see him and give him a gift for all of his hard work over the years.

He received nothing extraordinary until he reached a house where there happen to live a very attractive trophy wife. She swung the door open upon his revival, ha...

I made a joke about the mailman but no one laughed.

I think it was the delivery.

Did you here about the mailman who was a comedian.

The whole act was good, but he needed to work on his delivery

A mailman was trying to tell a joke while transporting a package

But he messed up the delivery

A married couple rushes to the hospital...

because the wife is going into labor. When they arrive, the doctor tells them that the hospital is looking for couples to try out this new machine that transfers a percentage of the mother's pain to the father during childbirth. The couple readily agrees to use it.

When the birthing process s...

I just got fired as a mailman. I'm also a part time stand up.

I'm funny but have to work on my delivery.

(Credit to the top comment of a previous post, I forgot whom to deliver the credit to)

My mailman tried telling me a joke but it wasn't all that funny.

He should work on his delivery.

What do you call a mailman who only delivers bills on his route?

Bill Parcells

Today my wife told me she's pregnant because of the mailman

"Really?" I asked her.



"No, April Fools!" she replied, "I got an abortion".

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