Wife cheats on her husband with the mailman

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope....

The mailman told me he's off to Spain tomorrow...

So I asked him if he was going to Parcelona. He proceeded to ignore what I believe was my best joke. I probably didn't say it right. The key to a good mailman joke is the delivery.

I punched the Mailman the other day

He had the audacity to tell me I had a small package

A mailman notices a mailbox with the flag up

So, he opens the box and picks up the letter. He glances at it briefly to make sure it is stamped, and then puts it in his bag with his other letters. When he gets back to his office, the letter goes in a big bin with all of the other out-going mail. He thinks nothing of it, and finishes his day....

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Everyone keeps telling me I'm the worst mailman they've ever seen

*shit I meant to post this elsewhere!

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Mailman is making his rounds on his very last day of work. After 25 years on the same route the day had finally come. He was a good mailman and well liked. Therefor many of his regulars had little cookies and parting gifts for him. All was going well until he got to the Smith residence.

When he came to the door and was about to deliver the letters, Mrs. Smith opened the door in a sexy lingerie holding a plate of cookies and invited him in. The mailman, not wanting to be rude took a few cookies, stepped inside and said thank you. As he was about to leave, she said " oh no, we're...

I asked my wife—-Can you help me with this crossword clue? It says “Overworked Mailman”.

Wife: Sure. How many letters?

Me: Too many.

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Bob the mailman

A couple of guys are at the bar. First guy says to his buddy, "My wife just admitted to me that she's having an affair with Bob the mailman."

"What?" says his buddy. "That fat ugly fucker I see every morning outside your house?"

"That's right," says the first guy.

"Jesus," says ...

What do you call a mailman who only delivers bills on his route?

Bill Parcells

A mailman was trying to tell a joke while transporting a package

But he messed up the delivery

A man came home to find his house burned down, only the chimney was still standing. Since he had no where else to go, he slept in his fireplace that night. In the morning the mailman came to deliver and found the man waking up. The mailman remarked that he was impressed the man got any sleep at all.

To which the man replied, "actually I slept like a log."

How does a mailman kill his enemies?

He de-livers them.

What do you call a retired mailman?

A post officer

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A mailman was retiring after running the same route over 20 years, he had gotten to know the people pretty well so he left little notes of appreciation in their mailboxes...

The next day he gets to the first house on the block and the couple there greet him with a going away present and say there goodbyes.

This goes on for the next few houses.

But about 5 houses in a lady greets him at the door in nothing but her underwear. She snatches him inside and pro...

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I've had it,I'm going to divorce my wife , first it was some random guy in a club,then her ex, her boss,our mailman, my best friend and even her stepbrother...

I just love sucking cocks!!!

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So a guy and his gf are making out

and the girl tells the guy she really wants to do 69. The guy agrees but remembers his girl is on her period so he declines. The Gf begs and he finally agrees, thinking a little bit of blood can’t be too bad.

After they get going and are having a good time, the doorbell rings.

“Oh sh...

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Told my wife that there's a rumour going around that the mailman has slept with all the women in our street except one....

She replied, " Oh I bet it's that stuck up bitch from number 22 ".

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I'm divorcing my wife. First it was the poolboy, then the mailman, her ex-boyfriend, and my best friend. It's pretty clear...

I just really love dick.

Knock knock.... Me: Who's there? Mailman: The mailman Me: The mailman, who?

Mailman: do you want your package or not?

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lucky mailman

after 20 years on the job the local postman is about to retire and on this last scheduled delivery run he finds himself beset with thankful friends and neighbours, all of whom show their appreciation of his years of service. loaded down with gift baskets, wine, flowers and thank you cards he reaches...

Johnny became a mailman after hearing how they always slept with women as part of the punchline of jokes. He figured he’d tell the jokes to mothers as he dropped of the mail and then sleep with them. He dropped off package after package and told joke after joke, but no mothers ever slept with him.

One day he asked a mother if he’s been mislead by the jokes. Maybe mother’s really never slept with the mailmen and the jokes were misleading.

The mother said, “oh honey, it’s not the jokes, it your delivery.”

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A mailman was delivering a package around Christmas

A mailman was delivering a package around Christmas, when the woman who owns the home invited him in. She starts to unbutton his shirt and unbuckle his belt. Things start to get heavy and she takes him to the bedroom. They have sex. After the mailman gets dressed to leave, the woman says, “oh I almo...

Mom, I'm dating a man.

\-Whom, sweetheart?

\-Dante the mailman.

\-Dante the mailman? But he could be your father!

\-But mom, age is just a number.

\-Sweetheart, I don't think you understood.

Did you here about the mailman who was a comedian.

The whole act was good, but he needed to work on his delivery

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Seems the mailman was going to retire...

So, Mrs. Jones told her husband about it because she wanted to do something nice for the guy.

Mr. Jones said "Screw him! Give him five dollars."

So, later that week, Mrs. Jones prepared an elaborate meal and when the mailman came by, she invited him in. She sat him down and served him...

I'm a surgeon/mailman

Overall I do a lot of de-livering

The mailman explained to me why I’m not receiving any mail.

I just don’t get it.

As a mailman, I have a lot of jokes about undelivered letters.

But people just don’t seem to get them.

Wife, “Has the mailman come yet?”

Husband, “No, but he’s breathing hard.”

I'm not sure what confused the mailman more...

the fact that I came to the door naked, or the fact that I knew where he lived.

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Retiring Mailman

The mailman is making his last rounds before retirement and he comes to the door of the prettiest woman on his route. She's standing there in a see through negligee and gestures for him to come in. She leads him upstairs where she gets undressed, removes his clothes and then screws his brains out.<...

A man is having trouble with a crossword puzzle, and asks his wife for help

"What's another word for an overloaded mailman? 16 across".

"How many letters?", she replies.

"Thousands I'd imagine."

A man who worked two jobs, archery manufacturing and mailman, was well known for his prowess in bed.

He could make them quiver when he delivered.

What language does the mailman for Hogwarts speak?

Parceltongue

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It's John the mailman's last day on duty.

John has been a mailman for a very long time and the day has finally come where he will deliver the mail for a one last time.

As per usual he goes to the post office to pick up his bag filled with mail and off he goes on that oh so familiar path one last time.

As he stops by the firs...

A husband caught the flu and stayed home and was being taken care of by his wife. . .

Even though he was sick, it did his heart good to see how much his wife was devoted to him. Every time the mailman or a delivery man came up the walkway, she would run out and exclaim excitedly, “My husband’s home! My husband’s home!”

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Three dogs are at the vet...

First dog asks the second dog, "What you in here for?"

Second dog says, "When the mailman came, i jumped on him, and tore him up. So, I'm getting my nuts cut."

Second dog asks the first dog, "What you in here for?"

First dog says, "When the milkman came, I jumped on him, and to...

An oldie, but a goodie.

A husband and wife are in the delivery room, she is going into labor and in intensive pain.
The doctor tells the husband they have a new piece of tech that can share the labor pains with the Father.
The husband is skeptical, but decides to do this to help his wife. The device shares the pain...

My mailman tried telling me a joke but it wasn't all that funny.

He should work on his delivery.

I made a joke about the mailman but no one laughed.

I think it was the delivery.

People from the neighborhood were complaining that their mailman was being super lazy.

He was making all the babies, but the doctor was doing all of the deliveries.

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Christmas time. A mailman knocks at the door to deliver a package.

A voluptuous blonde answers it: "Hey honey, I'll give you your gift upstairs!"

An up they go, where she proceeds to fuck him senseless. After the deed is done, she brings him coffee and 5 bucks.

"What are the 5 bucks for?" asks the mailman.

"Oh, that was my husbands idea. I aske...

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The old Mailman

A 65-year old mailman decided it was time to retire. When the small
commmunity he worked for found out, they decided they should do
something nice for him, since he'd served them for the past 45
years.

So, the last day on the job, the mailman went up to the first house,
and the ho...

Why would Prometheus make a good mailman?

Because he has a lot of experience with de-livering.

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A mailman retires after 30 years service and starts his route for the last time.

At his first house, Mrs Smith congratulates him on his retitrement, takes him upstairs and boffs his brains out.

Afterwards she takes him downstairs and sits him at the table which is made up with pancakes, bacon, eggs, coffee and a one dollar bill on the plate.

After starting to eat h...

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that...

Bill is putting his young daughter to bed one night and as he walks out the bedroom door he hears her saying her prayers.

She says, "God bless mommy, daddy, and grandma, rest in peace grandpa."

Bill rushes back into her bedroom and asks her, "Why did you say the last part?" His daughter replies, "Because I needed to." The next day, grandpa dies of a heart attack. Bill is worried about his daughter but thinks, "I...

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Mailman Gets an Interesting Christmas Gift

Joe the mailman was on his usual rounds in late December when he came upon the Jones residence, finding to his surprise that Mrs. Jones was standing in the doorway in sexy lingerie beckoning him inside. Not one to question a good thing, Joe followed her inside, where she showed him the night of his ...

What does the soil have in common with a mailman?

They both become hostile when you rearrange their letters.

I greeted the mailman at the door naked

He freaked out. Not so much because of my appearance, more because I knew where he lived.

I keep getting told I'm a terrible mailman..

Oops I've posted this in the wrong place

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A mailman is on his last route before retirement. [NSFW]

He comes up to one of the last houses and, to his surprise, the wife opens the door in a bathrobe when he is about to put mail into the slot.

She asks if he’d like to come inside to which he agrees. Once inside she asks if he likes to see. He replies “yes, of course.” She then drops he robe a...

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Voodoo Dick [NSFW]

A young Marine was preparing for his first deployment when he overheard some of the senior enlisted in his company talking about their wives cheating on them while they were away.

"My wife screwed the mailman"

"My wife screwed my best friend"

"My wife screwed Ssgt Jones's wife"...

I was woken up by the mailman trying to deliver a washbasin today.

Let that sink in.

It's a mailman's last day at work

As he makes his daily rounds, his usual customers hand him their regards. Housewives, businessman, children on their way to school--they give him assorted gifts, including chocolate, flowers, or a simple hug.

As he turns onto the next block, he sees the a blond housewife standing in beautifu...

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Charlie the mailman is about to retire...

After 35 years on his route, he sets out for his last day. A woman opens her door as he delivers her mail and asks "Is it true today's your last day Charlie?"


"Yes ma'am."


"Please, come in, I have something for you!" and she welcomes Charlie to a delightful breakfast.

<...

Little Timmy went to school for the first time.

At school, a kid told him that if he wanted to earn money from everybody around him, all he had to say was “I know the whole truth.”

Deciding to test this, when he returned home he told his mother, “I know the whole truth.”

His mother immediately shoved ten dollars at him and said, “D...

How did the mailman know the package was meant for the gelatin enthusiast?

The package was signed, congealed and delivered.

A man is explaining to his coworker that he never realized how much his wife loved him until he was home sick from work the previous day.

“Really?” the coworker asks. “What showed you she really loved you?”

“She was just really excited to have me around,” the man replied. “Like when the mailman and FedEx guy came to the door she shouted excitedly, ‘My husband is home! My husband is home!’”

One cold winter morning, during the Christmas season, a mailman was doing his route.

As he was
delivering all the Christmas cards, he came to a
house and realized that they had so much mail that
it wouldn't fit in the box, so he decided to knock
on the door.

As the door was answered, a beautiful blond woman
stood staring at him. The mailman said "I'm sorry
...

What's the opposite of a mailman?

A femailman.

P.S. I'm aware this joke sucks.

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A man goes into a pet shop and sees a parrot with no feet...

...but he has an exceptionally long penis, and he uses it to stay on his perch. He is well spoken and talks almost as well as any person, and has quite the intellect.

But because he has no feet, no one has ever been keen to buying him. The parrot says, "Sir, if you take me home, I will do m...

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I would tell more jokes about my career as a shitty mailman...

...but I always get the deliveries wrong.

Did you hear about the mailman that always delivers the same letter twice?

It's a repost.

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The old mailman retires

It's been 35 years that he's worked in the same area. He was well loved in the neighbourhood, so the people who knew him and loved him decided to surprise him on his last day. At one house, the whole family was waiting for him and they give the old mailman a huge gift bag. At another house, they giv...

What's a black mailman called?

A blackmailer.


I'll show myself out :(.

I was joking with my mailman, and said I had a package to ship to Spain.... to Parcelona...

He didn't laugh though. The key to a joke like that is the delivery.

What do you get if you cross a dog and a T-rex?

A very frightened mailman.

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A mailman is working his last day on a route he's been doing for 20 years

He gets to the first house and a man greets him at the door with a very expensive bottle of wine and thanks him for his service. He arrives at the next house and is greeted by the entire family with a box of Cuban cigars and everyone wishes him a happy retirement.

He arrives at the third hous...

Dark Story Joke

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth...

What do you get when you cross the mailman with a Cougar?

According to the Paternity Test: Me

Woman greets mailman at her mailbox, invites him in, they make passionate love, then she makes him a lunch fit for a king and then hands him a $1 bill.

Flabbergasted mailman says: "My goodness that was outstanding, wonderful, thank you, I really appreciate it. May I ask why you did all this for me?"

Woman says: "I told my husband you were retiring and suggested we do something for you and he said "screw the mailman, give him a dollar", the l...

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A mailman is working his last day after 20 years of faithful service to a neighborhood.

When he delivers the mail to the first house, the man comes out, hives him some fine cigars and says "So long, I'm really going to miss you."
When he goes to the next house, the woman there comes out and gives him a bottle of fine wine. She too is very sorry to see him go, and tells him she'll mi...

What's a mailmans favorite organ?

Da Liver

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It was a mailman's last day on his route after 30 years.

He'd grown to know all the people on one particular street and felt a fondness for each of them. As he approached the first house, he delivered the mail and was greeted by a kind old woman who offered him a loaf of fresh bread and a tall glass of milk. He took the bread, drank the milk, and moved on...

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A mailman knocks on the door to deliver a package on christmas eve

and a beautiful woman opens the door wearing lingere.

The woman pulls the mailman inside and begins kissing him and removing his clothes.

Confused but enjoying the situation the mailman lets the woman continue and have sex with him.

Afterwards the mailman puts his clothes back...

Reddit wanted proof that I work as a mailman, but I just got fired

Sorry guys, I can't deliver.

Bill pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced, “My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!” The bartender inquired, “What makes you say that?”

“Last week,” Bill explained, “I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman or mailman came by, she’d run down the driveway waving her arms and hollering, ‘My husband’s home! My husband’s home!’”

The blonde and the mailman

A blonde is sitting at home one morning when the elderly mailman comes to the door.

"I hear you're retiring," she says.

"Yes, ma'am. I'm turning 65, so it's time for me to enjoy my golden years."

"I see," says the blonde. "Well... would you like to come upstairs with me?"
<...

Cat died

One day this little girl’s dad came home and she runs up to him. “Daddy, the cat died today!” “Well, darling,” said the dad. “That’s just something that happens.” “But why are his arms and legs up in the air?” “Well, darling, that’s just something they do.” She takes the death fairly well and does...

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Steve arrived early for his haircut appointment and was patiently waiting while the barber finished up with another customer

The customer was loudly bragging about how he is not only the best mailman in the area, but he has slept with numerous women over the course of his career.

“Why, I’ve even slept with every woman on Maple Street except one,” he boasted. Steve’s ears perked up because he and his wife live on M...

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It was the mailman's lat day...

... and while going through his route, caring residents would see him and give him a gift for all of his hard work over the years.

He received nothing extraordinary until he reached a house where there happen to live a very attractive trophy wife. She swung the door open upon his revival, ha...

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One morning while his wife was making breakfast, a man walked up to her and gave her a healthy pinch on her butt.

He said to her, "If you firmed up your butt we could get rid of your girdle." The wife was angry but said nothing. The next morning her husband pinched her breast and said, "If you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra." The wife grabbed her husband's penis and replied, "and if you firmed thi...

Scientists invent a new machine to ease the pain during childbirth

The machine transfers the pain a woman feels during labor to the father of the baby, at any percentage rate between 0 and 100%.

The first couple to test it is very excited, they connect the machine to the soon-to-be-mother and warn the husbands about the consequences. "Men are not used to fee...

There's a group of passive aggressive people that keep saying I'm a snoopy mailman

I know because they keep writing letters about it to their friends.

Little Johnny was told by his friends that adults have a deep dark secret and can be easily manipulated.

Johnny decides to test it. He comes home, goes up to his mother and says, "Mom, I know everything." Mom shushes him and gives him $10.

"Just don't tell Dad" she says.

*Hey, it's working* thinks Little Johnny.

An hour later, Dad comes home from work. Johnny goes up to him and ...

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The Mailman's Last Day

It's been 35 long years, but the mailman is doing his route for the last time. As he goes from house to house, he is greeted warmly by families. Some give him money, others a farewell gift, but all have kind words for the middle-aged man.

As he comes up to one particular house, the young, bu...

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A dad and his young son are at the zoo.

They’re at the elephant enclosure and the little boy points to the elephants trunk and says, “Daddy, what is that?”
“That’s the elephants nose son.”
The elephant turns to the side and without warning, it’s massive penis is in full view.
“What’s that daddy?”
The dad, not wanting to deal ...

Why did OP get fired from his job as a mailman?

He never delivered.

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It's the Mailman's last day of work.

He goes to the last house on his route and a beautiful blonde woman answers the door in a red silk robe. She greets him with a big smile and asks if he would like to come in for breakfast. The mailman blushes and says ok why not. The woman has a whole spread waiting at the table. Eggs and bacon, pa...

Mailman's last day of work.

It's the mailman's last day on the job, he goes to a woman's house and she invites him in, makes loves to him, makes him a wonderful breakfast and then gives him 5 dollars.

Mailman: 'What was that for?'

Woman: 'Well I asked my husband what to do for you on your last day and he said, ...

A mailman is baffled at how to mail a letter addressed "to the greatest drummer in the world."

So what is he supposed to do? He's gotta send it. He hoofs it back to the post office, and shows it to his boss. The boss says, "come on man, send it to Chick Webb." So he does.

Chick Webb, the bandleader from Baltimore, sees the letter on his kitchen table and says, "Jesus! That can't be for...

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Mailman's last day on the job

A mailman is on his last day of the job after 20 years delivering the mail on the same route. He is going about his regular routine, when he is greeted at the door by a stunning blonde. She's wearing nothing more than a skimpy robe and beckons him inside. Without a word she leads him up the stairs a...

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