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Cleaner Jokes

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A vacuum cleaner salesman came to my door, poured a bag of dog shit on my carpet and said, "Sir, if this vacuum can't clean it completely, I'll eat whatever's left."

I said, "I hope you're hungry 'cause they cut off the electricity this morning."

A girl walks into a dry cleaner

She drops off her dress and turns to leave. The owner says, "Come again!". She says, "No it was toothpaste this time."

Why do women have cleaner minds than men?

Because they change theirs more often

What's the difference between a Harley Davidson motorcycle and a Hoover vacuum cleaner?

The position of the dirtbag.

A blonde walks into a dry cleaners and tells the woman at the counter, "I need to have an outfit washed."

The clerk was busy and slightly distracted, so she looked up from her work and said, "Come again?"

The blonde said, "No, it's toothpaste this time."

I was offered a good hot time today by a hot 21 year old redhead In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner.

Of course I said no as I have high moral standards and very strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available in scented lemon or vanilla.

Used Vacuum cleaner for sale.

I don't need it anymore. All it does is collect dust.

I told my son that I found his hamster in our vacuum cleaner.

With tears in his eyes he said, "Please get a new one, daddy..."

"I was thinking the same," I said, "the suction is absolutely terrible."

I once met a window cleaner


He said he loves his job, but couldn’t stand the pane.

True house cleaners aren't just born

They're maid.

What’s the most infanticidal vacuum cleaner?

A Dyson

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A Jew goes to the cleaners

A Jew goes to the cleaners to get his tallis (prayer shawl) cleaned and he sees that the store is under new non-Jewish management. He goes up to the guy behind the counter.

"The previous owner always gave me a special price when he cleaned my tallis. Will you honor his price?"

"Sure ...

Four cannibals apply for a job in a big corporation


„Well“, says the boss, „if I hire you guys, you have to promise to not eat any of our staff.“

The cannibals promise that they will not eat anyone and get hired.

Everything is going well for a while, and one day the boss calls them into his office.

“You’re working well and all, ...

When you clean a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner

So if I show someone a shower, do I become a shower?

I once lied on my CV to get a job as a window cleaner

I thought I'd get fired but my boss couldn't see through it

I finally decided to sell my vacuum cleaner.

All it was doing was gathering dust!

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Do you know what happens when you put your penis in the vacuum cleaner?

The Walmart security guard throws you out.

Mirror Cleaner

I think I want a job cleaning mirrors. It's something I could really see myself doing!

A woman walks into a dry cleaner...

and says "I've got another dress for you"
The man behind the counter, whose a little hard of hearing, reply "come again?"
The woman responds with "No this time its mustard"

I'm really frustrated with this faulty vacuum cleaner.

It would suck less if it sucked more.

My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to Hoover the house.

Turns out she was a Slovak.

The Vacuum Cleaner Salesman

A door to door vacuum salesman visits a house. When he proposes a deal the woman tells him to take a hike. Without giving her a second chance the man empties a bucket of cow dung onto to carpet and says "If the vacuum cleaner doesn't suck all of this up then I will eat the rest myself" The woman goe...

I just want to say the Dyson Ball vacuum cleaner is tragically misnamed

and don't even get me started on the crevice tool.

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Two window cleaners are working at the airport building

One of them says, «I want to pee, let's come down»

«Dude, just piss from here».

«But there are people down there».

«See that fountain? Lean down and aim right there, no one will notice»

«No way, I'll fall down»

«Don't worry man, I'll hold you by the galluses»
...

I went into a pharmacy and asked “what gets rid of Coronavirus?”

The assistant replied “ammonia cleaner” I said “I’m sorry, I thought you worked here”

Monica Lewinsky takes a dress to her dry cleaner.

"Do you think you'll be able to get the stain out?" she asks.

"Come again?" the man at the counter responds.

"No, mustard," Monica replies

A girl walks in to the dry cleaners

A girl walks in to the dry cleaners and places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress".

The clerk was somewhat preoccupied and didn't quite catch what she said, so he asked "Come again?".

"No. This time it's mayonnaise"

A well stole my vacuum cleaner recently...

I showed my friend a picture and he sent "well that sucks"

How do you fix a broken vacuum cleaner?

Put a Green Bay sticker on it, it'll suck again.

A lady walks into a dry cleaners...

...she's carrying a beautiful black dress. She tells the clerk, "I'll need to pick this up tomorrow."

The clerk, hard of hearing and distracted, innocently asks, "come again?"

Unfazed, she replies, "No. Vanilla ice cream this time."

A couple of religious guys knocked on my door trying to sell me vacuum cleaners

They were Jehoovers Witnesses

Don't ever mess with cleaners who work for the mafia!

They're all maid men.

A salesman was looking for a house to sell his vacuum cleaner in a new territory

He found the first house and knocked at it's door


A woman answered the knock but before she could say anything,the man rushed into the house and dumped a pile of garbage there


"Ma'am" the man said in his best salespitch "if this vacuum cleaner doesn't work wonders in cleaning u...

A young woman walks into a dry cleaner

She asks the elderly owner inspecting her blouse how long it would take to clean.
Hard of hearing the man asks, "come again?"

She responds, "No, it's yogurt"

Do you know what your momma and a vacuum cleaner have in common?

Turn them on and they'll suck.

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Why did the vaccum cleaner stop sucking?

It got married.

What do you get when you cross an 80’s wrestler with a Dry Cleaners?

Laundre the Giant.

NSFW On a baking hot day, the Pope steps into the shower to cool down.

He is overcome by the urge to bang one out, and just as he releases the holy seed he sees a flash of reflected sunlight across the street through the open window and realises someone has been taking photos.
Furious, he gets on his shower intercom and demands the Swiss Guard find the photographer ...

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Which is the best vaccum cleaner?

The one that sucks the most..

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Toilet cleaners

must have a really crappy job.

At one time, Lucas Electrics manufactured a vacuum cleaner.

It was the only product in their entire history that didn't suck.

the vacuum cleaner in my dorm is so bad..

i would say it sucks but it can’t even do that

A woman walks into a dry cleaners....

She says to the guy at the counter "Hopefully you have the expertise to apply a suitable chemical procedure to eliminate this unsightly blemish from my favourite frock."

He says, "Come again?"

She says, "No, it's mayonnaise this time."

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I used to sell vacuum cleaners door to door and do demonstrations by appointment. Seriously I did.

I had an appointment to demonstrate a machine at a home in a rural area. The house looked rough and as I walked to the door carrying all my demonstration equipment, a big mangy dog with a matted eye crowded me and followed me to the house.

I rang the bell and the lady let me in and the stupi...

Ball cleaner

I'm not going into detail, but the Dyson ball cleaner is VERY misleading

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I'm not surprised that my dog is scared of the vacuum cleaner...

I know exactly what a vacuum cleaner is for, but to my dog, it's just a screaming robot that keeps attacking his owner's dick.

Muhammad Ali & Joe Frazier go to a Dry Cleaner.

Owner says, "Can I help you?"

They say, "How much to wash an old pair of boxers?"

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My window cleaner caught me masturbating today. It was awkward.

Maybe I shouldn't have been standing in his garden.

Did you hear about the bloke who drank a bottle of toilet cleaner?

He went clean round the s-bend.

The highlight of my week was my new vacuum cleaner.

Things are picking up.

My jokes are like vacuum cleaners

They suck

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Quit my job as a septic cleaner

I'm done taking shit from people

Here’s the thing about vacuum cleaners

It doesn’t matter if you have the best or the worst, because at the end of the day they all suck.

A witch was flying on her broom when she noticed that all the witches she passed were flying on vacuum cleaners.

She thought to herself, "Am I the only one who still drives a stick?"

Salesman

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. "Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners." "Go a...

My vacuum cleaner is better than most women

It sucks me off and cleans my room for me.

5 times a day

When I used to live on a Pacific island, Barry Gibb used to be my window cleaner and always scared the life out of me.

That Bee Gee with the squeegee really gave me the heebie jeebies in Fiji.

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My wife fell on the vacuum cleaner the other day and had to go to hospital as it got stuck in her vagina

You’ll be glad to hear she’s not quite back on her feet, but she’s picking up well

Blonde at the Dry Cleaners

A blonde goes to the dry cleaner to have her sweater cleaned.

She asks the clerk, “How much?”

He doesn’t hear her and says, “Come again?”

She giggles and says, “No
it’s just mustard this time.”

I've decided to change my career path and become a window cleaner

It's really something I can see myself getting into.

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

So a Chinese man walks into a dry cleaner and points to the ‘Help Wanted’ sign in the front window.

The man says, “Me job! Me job!”

The owner mutters to himself, ‘I really don’t want to hire this guy. He can’t even speak English!’

The man says again, “Me job!”

The owner looks straight at the man and says, “I’ll tell you what. If you can use um three words
.uh, Pink, Green a...

I just bought a vacuum cleaner from Wal-Mart.

It's the only thing I ever bought there that didn't suck.

I just read an interesting new warning on my shower cleaner:

"Keep this and all cleaning products away from children. If swallowed, get emergency psychiatric help and regurgitate the children before they are digested."

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I got my testicles stuck in a vacuum cleaner.

Now we're both bagless.

What's one way to turn a mild-mannered cleaner into a raging homicidal maniac?

Tell them, "You missed a spot!"

Last night the Grim Reaper came for me, but I managed to beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.

Talk about Dyson with Death.

Astigmatism is like a vacuum cleaner

I can see two u’s!

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A young vaccum cleaner salesman on the first day of the job knocked the door of a house. The moment they opened, he poured a bottle of dried dog poo on their carpet.

"If I cannot remove all the poo from the floor within the next 10 minutes, I will lick them off myself " He said in a confident tone.

The owner gave him a packet of mints and said

"Here is for your mouth after you complete, my electricity got cut off only today today morning due to lat...

I feel like my purchase of a vacuum cleaner was a waste of money

Ever since I bought all it's done is collected dust

"I'm NOT a window cleaner!"

(Inspired by IT crowd)

One gloomy day in London a man by the name of Roy walks in a park, taking a short break from his job in an IT department. Suprisingly, he runs into an old school friend named Alister during his walk, and they catch up. Alister is a local writer for a very famous publish...

Wife: The vacuum cleaner doesn’t suck the way it used to.

Husband: Neither does the dish washer.

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A cleaner knocks on the door of a hotel room

After waiting awhile an Asian man answers the door. Cleaner says "Hey mate, where's ur bin?"
The man replies "I bin on the loo"
the cleaner says "no, where's ur dust bin"
to which he replies "I dust bin on the loo"
cleaner gets a bit annoyed "NO, where's ur wheelie bin" Asian man says "...

I bought a very cheap vacuum cleaner from a sale

What do you expect? It sucks.

Dad, I hate my life. It's like a functioning vacuum cleaner.

Dad: I don't understand

It sucks.

Dad: well, there is always roomba improvement.

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If you think that your computer, laptop and phone spying on you is scary then think again,

Because your vaccum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years

What do you call an Italian window cleaner?

Squ-igi

A woman walks into the dry cleaners...

When she gets inside she asks the cleaning lady to get out the stain on her dress.
“Come again?” The cleaning lady says
“No, it’s just ranch dressing this time”

My friend got a job working at a vacuum cleaner factory.

He said the money is good but the job sucks.

Thank you. Thank you.

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One African immigrant works as a street cleaner

He hates his job. People disrespect him. A friend of him, working as him, coming from the same village, tells him to quit. The guy refuses, says he has a family to take care and keeps cleaning.


His friend tells him to stop and to look at the shop. He sees some crocodile leather shoes sold...

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A man walks into a pet store

He tells the attendant that he is chasing something a little different, “everyone has dogs and cats and birds and fish, I want something different”

The attendant says “I’ve got just the thing, here, we have a talking centipede”

“Perfect says the man, that sounds great ill take one of...

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