A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners

The lady says, "Come Again!"

The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife fell on the vacuum cleaner the other day and had to go to hospital as it got stuck in her vagina

You’ll be glad to hear she’s not quite back on her feet, but she’s picking up well

How do you fix a broken vacuum cleaner?

Put a Green Bay sticker on it, it'll suck again.

A blonde walks into a dry cleaners and tells the woman at the counter, "I need to have an outfit washed."

The clerk was busy and slightly distracted, so she looked up from her work and said, "Come again?"

The blonde said, "No, it's toothpaste this time."

Used Vacuum cleaner for sale.

I don't need it anymore. All it does is collect dust.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm not surprised that my dog is scared of the vacuum cleaner...

I know exactly what a vacuum cleaner is for, but to my dog, it's just a screaming robot that keeps attacking his owner's dick.

Muhammad Ali & Joe Frazier go to a Dry Cleaner.

Owner says, "Can I help you?"

They say, "How much to wash an old pair of boxers?"

Bubba and Billy Joe were on vacation, walking downtown, window shopping, and they see a sign on a store which reads, "Suits $5.99 each, shirts $1.99 each, trousers $2.49 each.

Bubba says to his pal, "Billy Joe, Lookee here! We could buy a whole gob o’ these, take ‘em back to Georgia, sell 'em and make a fortune. Just let me do the talkin', 'cause if they hear your accent, they might think we're ignorant, and not wanna sell that stuff to us.”

Now, I'll talk in a slo...

What's one way to turn a mild-mannered cleaner into a raging homicidal maniac?

Tell them, "You missed a spot!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, a good-looking door-to-door seller knocks on the old lady's house and is offering the "world's best" vacuum cleaner...

He runs into the middle of the living room and bursts a cow dung on the floor.

"Madam", he says, "I swear to god, if I won't be able to clean the shit out of the carpet in 2 minutes, I will personally eat it".

The lady just smiles: "I hope you are hungry. The power is out since morni...

What’s the difference between a Harley Davidson and a vacuum cleaner?

The position of the dirtbag.

Monica Lewinsky walks into a dry cleaner

She tells the man behind the counter that she has a dress that needs laundered. The hard-of-hearing man responds with "come again?" Ms. Lewinsky replies with "No, just mayonnaise this time."

My friend got a job at the dry cleaners but he got stressed out because he always mixed up the orders and kept upsetting the customers.

So the boss sent him to do a course in hanger management.

I've decided to change my career path and become a window cleaner

It's really something I can see myself getting into.

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I used to sell vacuum cleaners door to door and do demonstrations by appointment. Seriously I did.

I had an appointment to demonstrate a machine at a home in a rural area. The house looked rough and as I walked to the door carrying all my demonstration equipment, a big mangy dog with a matted eye crowded me and followed me to the house.

I rang the bell and the lady let me in and the stupi...

A man walks into a vacuum cleaner store

After browsing around for a while, he asked to see the manager. When the manager came, he asked, "Is there something wrong?" And then the man replied with, "Oh something's wrong alright. Everything you sell sucks!"

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I was offered sex with a 21 year old girl today.

In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral standards and strong willpower.


Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Which is the best vaccum cleaner?

The one that sucks the most..

Salesman

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. "Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners." "Go a...

A vampire decided to use his immortality to research the best career

He tried every type of job there was, from innovation to construction to civil service, and he landed on the job of mirror cleaner.

In his book on the subject, he said that the tai chi like motions of the arms were very relaxing, and the mirror will certainly get dirty again leading to job s...

I’m writing this from the hospital. Don’t worry, the doctors say I should be fine, but I must warn you -

.. the Dyson ball cleaner has a very misleading name!

Why do women have cleaner minds than men?

Because they chnge theirs more often

I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner

as all it was doing was gathering dust.

I just read an interesting new warning on my shower cleaner:

"Keep this and all cleaning products away from children. If swallowed, get emergency psychiatric help and regurgitate the children before they are digested."

Life is like a vacuum cleaner.

It sucks

Here’s the thing about vacuum cleaners

It doesn’t matter if you have the best or the worst, because at the end of the day they all suck.

Me: I want to be a mirror cleaner when I grow up

Mum: why’s that?

Me: It’s something I can see myself doing

Mum: ...

True house cleaners aren't just born...

they're maid..

I feel like my purchase of a vacuum cleaner was a waste of money

Ever since I bought all it's done is collected dust

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A joke I heard as a kid: “Three ants are sleeping on a beautiful naked woman…

… and the morning after they are debating on who found the better place to sleep.

The first ant says: “My spot was the best! I rested on the soft hills”

The second ant replies: “No, no, mine was the best! I slept in the deep forest”

Then the third ant comes and says: “Well...

The highlight of my week was my new vacuum cleaner.

Things are picking up.

My dad is absolutely sick and tired of his job at the dry cleaners. I went to his shop the other day and he asked my advice on the situation.

I told him “Dad, I think I it’s time to throw in the towels“

My son was overjoyed when I told him that I found his hamster.

Not so much when I said it was in the vacuum cleaner.

President's Aide: "Mr. Trump, the dry cleaners called and wanted to let you know...

You left two supreme court justices in your pocket when you dropped your suit off."

My jokes are like vacuum cleaners

They suck

I got rid of my vacuum cleaner the other day.

It’s been gathering dust for a while, and generally kind of sucks.

To all of the cleaners out there, working tirelessly to keep our hospitals and workplaces clean, I have just one thing to say to you.

You missed a spot.

What does a vacuum cleaner say to another vacuum cleaner who has a bad day?

That SUCKS!

My vacuum cleaner is better than most women

It sucks me off and cleans my room for me.

5 times a day

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Don't say ANYTHING about your sex life around any "smart" device like Siri, Alexa, television or refrigerator.

I made that mistake, and I'm now getting popup ads for vacuum cleaners, cat litter and oil changes at Jiffy Lube.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Its Friday after work and Joe's co-worker wants to go get some beers.

"No way" says Joe. "Last time I came home drunk, my wife was so upset she said she would leave me if I ever get wasted again."

"Cmon" says the co-worker. "Drinks are on me" And after a little more coercing, Joe finally gives in and goes out drinking with his buddy.

They stay until ...

A woman walks into a dry cleaners....

She says to the guy at the counter "Hopefully you have the expertise to apply a suitable chemical procedure to eliminate this unsightly blemish from my favourite frock."

He says, "Come again?"

She says, "No, it's mayonnaise this time."

Dad, I hate my life. It's like a functioning vacuum cleaner.

Dad: I don't understand

It sucks.

Dad: well, there is always roomba improvement.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Quit my job as a septic cleaner

I'm done taking shit from people

Salesman: "Ma'am, this vacuum cleaner is so great it will cut all your work by half!"

Woman: "That's fantastic! Give me two."

A wife asked her husband...

"Why did the vacuum cleaner stop sucking?"
"I don't know it probably got married..."

- Hello. I want to return the robot vacuum cleaner I bought from you a week ago. The agreement allows it?

\- Yes, just tell me what you didn't like, we will inform the manufacturer.

\- Everything is in order, I just no longer need a vacuum cleaner. After he sucked the cat three times, My cat learned to use a brush, rag, scoop, and report a full bin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Toilet cleaners

must have a really crappy job.

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Animals built an outhouse

Forest animals decided, that they don't like stepping on crap every day, so they got together and built an outhouse.

Everything was great and forest floor was much cleaner after that. But one day, they found out, that window on the outhouse was broken. So they held a meeting, where they were ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you think that your computer, laptop and phone spying on you is scary then think again,

Because your vaccum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cleaner knocks on the door of a hotel room

After waiting awhile an Asian man answers the door. Cleaner says "Hey mate, where's ur bin?"
The man replies "I bin on the loo"
the cleaner says "no, where's ur dust bin"
to which he replies "I dust bin on the loo"
cleaner gets a bit annoyed "NO, where's ur wheelie bin" Asian man says "...

I bought a very cheap vacuum cleaner from a sale

What do you expect? It sucks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young girl started work in the village chemist shop.

She was very shy about having to sell condoms to the public.
The owner was going on holiday for a couple of days and asked if she would
be willing to run the shop on her own.
She had to confide in him her worries about selling the contraceptives.
"Look," he said. "My regular customers do...

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Beach residents near the cruise ship ports are enjoying the visually noticeable cleaner water.

No shit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got my testicles stuck in a vacuum cleaner.

Now we're both bagless.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A traveling salesman is going door to door selling vaccum cleaners.

He goes up to one house, rings the bell and waits for an answer. The door opens and standing in front of him is a lil boy, who cannot be anymore than 7 years old. In one hand he's got a pint of beer and hanging out of his mouth is a lit cigar.

"Little boy, are your parents at home?" The sales...

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3 window cleaners are working up a 20 story tall building

While working halfway the building 1 of them fell, obviously causing him to instantly die.

"Well fuck, that man had a wife. We need to tell him." One of the men said.

While the other man backed up and said he wasn't gonna tell her, the first man took the courage and went over to the w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got a job offer as a cleaner at the cinema. Immediately, I thought of all the semen I'd be clearing up at the back of the theatre.

But hey, I'm sure there are downsides to the job, too.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A girl promised to have sex with me if I would advertise bathroom cleaner on r/jokes

I refused of course because my moral principles are extremely strong.

Just as strong as new Cif multi-action cleaner in the 750ml spray bottle, now available in Original, Lemon Fresh or Forest Pine!

A blonde goes to the dry cleaners

She tells the attendant that she needs to have her dress cleaned.

However, the attendant wasn't paying attention. Snapping out of his day dream, he asked, "Come again?"

Giggling, the blonde replied, "No, just mustard this time."

My friend got a job working at a vacuum cleaner factory.

He said the money is good but the job sucks.

Thank you. Thank you.

Some losses may be your gain

An unemployed man applies for a job as a toilet cleaner at a large computer company and takes an appointment for an interview with the company's manager.

During the interview, the manager told the unemployed person: You have been accepted for the job.

But we need your email to send you...

Ball cleaner

I'm not going into detail, but the Dyson ball cleaner is VERY misleading

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A recent scientific study reveals that women have cleaner minds than men.

This, scientists say is basically due to the fact that they change them every fucking 10 seconds or so.

What's the difference between a wife and a vacuum cleaner? [NSFW]

The vacuum still sucks after a year.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A salesman trying to sell vacuum cleaners knocks on the door and the mother answers

Before she can say two words, the salesman pushes past her and throws a bag of horse shit on the carpet. The mother is understandably furious.

\- What the HELL do you think you're doing?!

The salesman doesn't lose his composure, after all, he's confident in his product.

\- Ma'am...

Tom was not the brightest kid in his school.

None of his classmates liked him. He was plain stupid when it came to even simplest stuff. His teacher always told him "you're driving me crazy".

One day, Tom's mother visited school and when she spoke to teacher, the teacher directly said: "Your child is absolutely stupid, not only his grad...

Whats the last thing your father says before killing you with a vacuum cleaner?

Dyson

A man is selling a vacuum cleaner

He met up with a buyer, who asked him if it sucked well.

“Like my wife,” he responded.

Unsure of himself the buyer asked him whether that was a good or bad.

All the seller could say was “How the hell would I know?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that, when you take your dick out and put it inside of vaccum cleaner hose and turn the vacuum on,

... they are kick you out of Target?

People are always worried about their cell phones or microwaves spying on them. Truth is, those are not the appliances you need to be concerned about.

It's your Vacuum Cleaner that you need to be worried about....



....it's been collecting dirt on you for years.

Everyone in Britain prefers brushes over vacuum cleaners when it comes to tidying their floors.

Sorry if that's a sweeping generalisation.

My pet name for my wife is "broken vacuum cleaner" because...

##

...neither of them can cook.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two window cleaners are working at the airport building

One of them says, «I want to pee, let's come down»

«Dude, just piss from here».

«But there are people down there».

«See that fountain? Lean down and aim right there, no one will notice»

«No way, I'll fall down»

«Don't worry man, I'll hold you by the galluses»
...

I went into a pharmacy and asked “what gets rid of Coronavirus?”

The assistant replied “ammonia cleaner” I said “I’m sorry, I thought you worked here”

Wife: The vacuum cleaner doesn’t suck the way it used to.

Husband: Neither does the dish washer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A vacuum cleaner salesman knocks on a woman's door. As she opens the door the salesman quickly runs inside and empties a bag full of poop on her expensive carpet.

Woman, shocked and angered, shouts "what the hell are you doing to my carpet?!?". The salesman replies "Ma'am, this is not just any ordinary vacuum cleaner. This vacuum cleaner has been engineered by top German scientists in their super high tech labs. If this vacuum cleaner doesn't clean up your ca...

I managed to contact the spirit of our window cleaner who died recently.

I used a Squeegee board.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I tried to get a blowjob from a vaccum cleaner...

It was a great idea at first, but in the end, it really sucked.

My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to Hoover the house.

Turns out she was a Slovak.

Blonde at the Dry Cleaners

A blonde goes to the dry cleaner to have her sweater cleaned.

She asks the clerk, “How much?”

He doesn’t hear her and says, “Come again?”

She giggles and says, “No…it’s just mustard this time.”

A door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman knocks on a woman's door.

The woman answers, and the salesman says "Lady, I have the best damn vaccuum cleaner in the whole world."

Before she could decline, he invited himself in. "Lady," he said, "This vaccuum cleaner can suck up anything. In fact, if you leave it running, it'll probably suck the carpet up!"

...

Putting the new dry cleaner shop next to the Planned Parenthood was probably a bad idea.

All those discarded wire hangers in the dumpster aren’t helping the cause.

Two dust particles meet in a vacuum cleaner

"Man, I hate this place" says one of them.
"Yeah, it sucks."

The dry cleaners near my place have a new guy now. His only job is to count all the t-shirts that come in and go out.

Wierd looking guy, but not on drugs or anything.

In fact, I have a hunch he's a tee-totaller.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A vacuum cleaner salesman

A vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on my door
Before I spoke he tipped a bucket of dog shit over my carpet and said
If this vacuum doesn't remove every trace of it I'll personally eat what's left
I replied I hope you're hungry because they cut off my electric this morning

*One never knows,,, A small boy named Arthur lived in the local village . None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him "You are driving me crazy Arthur!!!!!"

One day Arthur's mother came into school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mother honestly, that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and even she had never seen such a dumb boy in her entire teaching career!!!! The mother was shocked at the feedback and withdrew he...

What do you call an Italian window cleaner?

Squ-igi

I was meeting a friend at a smoke shop and accidentally went into the dry cleaners next door...

Clothes, but no cigar.

What did the murderer say to his child as he pointed his vacuum cleaner at him?

Dyson.

I start my new job as a street cleaner today.

There's no training, you just pick it up as you go along.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One African immigrant works as a street cleaner

He hates his job. People disrespect him. A friend of him, working as him, coming from the same village, tells him to quit. The guy refuses, says he has a family to take care and keeps cleaning.


His friend tells him to stop and to look at the shop. He sees some crocodile leather shoes sold...

Did you hear about the dry cleaner that opened next door to the convent?

He knocked on the door and asked the mother superior if she had any dirty habits

My friend recently got a brand new vacuum-cleaner,

He told me regrets it because it sucks a lot.

A woman walks into the dry cleaners...

When she gets inside she asks the cleaning lady to get out the stain on her dress.
“Come again?” The cleaning lady says
“No, it’s just ranch dressing this time”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My window cleaner caught me masturbating today. It was awkward.

Maybe I shouldn't have been standing in his garden.

Despite removing all the stains....

I lost my job as a Church window cleaner.

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