Mountain Lion Jokes - 22 Hilarious Mountain Lion Jokes

A priest was hiking in the woods when suddenly a mountain lion appeared…..

…. readyto devour the man whole.
The priest quickly falls to his knees, looks up to the heavens and prays, "Dear God, please teach this lion mercy and give him religion." A chorus of angels is heard as a beam of light shines down on the mountain lion.

The lion then drops to his knees, lo...

I’ve never killed a mountain lion

but I choked a cougar once.

After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion…

After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

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3 guys are sitting around a campfire

One guy says to the other 2, “I’m the toughest guy here. One time I was out in the woods and I got attacked by a mountain lion! I wrestled with it and was able to stab it to death.”
One of the other guys says, “You think that’s tough? I was out in the woods and got attacked by a full size grizzly...

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A bear, a mountain lion, and a duck walk into a bar.

The bartender says, “holy shit okay everyone stay calm, I’m calling animal control”

I saw a mountain lion the other day.

Almost made me puma pants.

A guy runs into a saloon and yells "everybody clear out, Big John's comin' to town!"

A couple minutes later a mountain of a man rides into town on an ox and he's dragging a mountain lion on a chain behind him. He gets down and punches the ox and slams the mountain lion and says "You guys stay here."

He walks into the saloon, ripping the doors off the hinges. Walks up to the b...

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Fun fact: mountain lions pose a very low threat to humans. They're scared of us.

That's because they're big pussies.

What did the Mountain lion say to the bathroom attendant?

Out of the way, I’m about to Puma pants!

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Roy Rogers and the mountain lion

Back in the 1950s, cowboy star Roy Rogers bought a brand new pair of expensive cowboy boots. Cowboy boots are notoriously stiff when they're new so Roy spent all morning oiling and working the leather to try to soften them up a bit. He then took them out onto the back porch to dry in the sunlight wh...

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After a long winter, a mountain lion, a wolf, and a fox...

After a long winter, a mountain lion, a wolf, and a fox get together and each tells how they spent the winter.

The mountain lion says, "I spent my winter in a pigpen, and each day I ate a pig. The owner counted the pigs, saw that some were missing, and set a trap from which I barely escaped."...

There once lived a puma (mountain lion) in LA.

This particular cat never really identified herself as a puma, she really felt a closer affinity towards tigers. Being in LA, she convinced herself she could chase her dreams and set off on a journey to find herself and realise her identity.

After swimming across the seven seas, she finally g...

50 Jokes for 50 US States Part V

# California

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) and the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) want to see who is the best at catching perps. So, a rabbit is released into the forest, and each of them has to catch it.

In goes CIA. They place...

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There was a fly...(nsfw)

There is a fly on a blade of grass sitting over a stream. In the stream under the blade of grass is a fish.
The fish is looking at the fly thinking he could jump up and have a great snack.
He doesn’t know there is a mountain lion sitting on the bank looking at it.
The mountain lion is looki...

Since there have been a few math jokes lately...

Q1. What do you get if you cross a mountain lion with a mountain goat?

A1. ||mountain lion|| ||mountain goat|| sin θ

Q2. What do you get when you cross a mountain lion with a mountain climber?

A2. You can't - the mountain climber is a scalar.

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What happens when a fly drops 6 inches...

A fish is swimming in a river when it sees a fly above. The fish thinks to itself, "If that fly would only drop six inches I could jump up and have some lunch."

Well on the bank of the river is a bear. The bear sees the fish and the fly and thinks to itself "If that fly would only drop six in...

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Once upon a time, in the Wild West….

Once upon a time, this guy named Fred decided that he was rough and tough enough to seek his fortune in the Wild West.

So, Fred found his way to a frontier town and became the bartender at the wildest saloon in the territory. He soon proved how rough and
tough he was, and the owner of the ...

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A man tells his wife "me and my buddy Bill are going hunting this weekend."

The wife asked him what they will go hunting for and the man informs her that they will go hunting for mountain lions.

The wife relies "well in that case, I'm going to the chicken farm for lunch."

The man says " well I have no problem with that, but what do you mean "in that case"? W...

Three blondes were hiking in the woods when they came upon some tracks...

The first blonde said "We'd better be careful, I think these are bear tracks!"

The second blonde says "No, I'm almost certain these are mountain lion tracks!"

The third blonde says "Your both wrong, these are wolf tracks!"

They were still arguing 20 minutes later when the train ...

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A German, a Russian, and a Texan are camping and share stories.

A German, a Russian, and a Texan are camping and share stories about how badass they are.

The German says, “I’ll go first. One time I was on a long hike across some mountains when I crossed paths with a mountain lion. It attacked me and I took it down with nothing but a pocket knife.”...

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A legend of the Native Americans

While many people know of Sequoya, the Native American genius who developed the Cherokee alphabet, fewer have heard of another visionary – yet he made a discovery no less groundbreaking, owing nothing to the white man’s knowledge.

It fell out like this: In the early 1800s, a certain chief, ...

Big John

A man moves from New York City to the heart of Texas and applies for a job as a bartender.

The owner of the bar says to the man, "You know it's pretty rough around here, I'm not sure you could handle it, There's a stabbing about every night."

The man says he can handle himself, he's ...

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