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Companies Jokes

Why are diversity officers in progressive companies always women?

Because it is cheaper.

Four CEOs of beer companies are having a meeting and they decide to get a drink.

The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud light.
The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Lite.
The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light.
The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.

The three CEOS then ask him, why aren't you ordering a Guinness?

He replies: "If you guys aren't drinking beer than n...

After calling 5 different home security companies...

....I've decided it's cheaper to get robbed.

I told my boss that three companies were after me and I need a raise....

My boss asked “what companies? “

Gas, water and electricity

I’m pleased to announce reddit has achieved its goal in becoming one of the top 10 green companies in the world.

The front page is now made up of over 90% recycled content.

Now that Elon Musk has bought Twitter and laid off half the staff, he’s planning on buying YouTube and Facebook and doing the same with them. To save even more money, he plans on merging the three companies into one…

…He’s going to call it YouTwitFace.

As companies continue to cut ties with Kanye West...

Compass maker INMARK has also decided to drop West from their product line, leaving users lost and confused.

Companies that consider themselves modern often have a “diversity officer”. Why is that role always done by a woman?

Because it is cheaper.

The companies that dropped Johnny Depp must really regret their decisions

They shouldn't have followed the Heard

Tobacco companies kill their best customers

And condom companies kill their future customers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear that Victoria's Secret and Smith&Wesson are merging companies?

It's gonna be called Titty-Titty Bang-Bang.

Four insurance companies are in competition.

One comes up with the slogan, "Coverage from the cradle to the grave."


The Second one tries to improve on that with, "Coverage from the womb to the tomb."


Not to be outdone, the third one comes up with, "From the sperm to the worm."


The fourth insurance company re...

Three CEO's from different beer companies are sitting at a bar...

And the one from Bud light says, "Alright barkeep, give me a tall glass of bud light!" And then the second one, from Miller light says, "ok barkeep, serve me a nice bottle of cold miller light!" And then the CEO of Guinness says, well, "I suppose I'll have a glass of Coca-Cola." The other two tu...

what does copyright mean to many Chinese companies?

copy right.

I recommend you buy a Honor MagicBook Pro, it looks very familiar.

What does a copywriter do in these companies? write about copies.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a necrophile and an insurance company?

Necrophiles fuck you after you died, and insurance companies fuck your family after you died.

Friend: “I heard one of the beer companies put a trans woman on their beer can.” Me: “Anheuser Busch?”

Friend: “I don’t know, I couldn’t see her bush.”

Tech companies stopped importing microchips into Russia

Due to supply disruption, Spuntik V vaccination campaign will be put on hold until sanctions are lifted.

Diamond ad companies

Diamonds are forever

Diamonds will take her breath away

Diamonds will render her speechless

What they really mean,

diamonds, that'll shut her up!

Credit: Ron white

Beer companies

3 CEOs from 3 beer companies, namely Budweiser, Castle and Heineken, are attending a conference where each of them has to give a speech. Before they start all 3 are sitting in the waiting area and an attendant comes and asks them what they would like to drink while they are on stage.

The CEO ...

I heard people are getting paid to mention companies and do product placement in their Reddit posts!

That's almost as crazy as the discounts at Jez's Furniture Emporium. Sale this weekend

Three CEOs of car companies are kidnapped.

They are told to either pay $1bn for release, or attempt to escape 3 hazard-filled miles out of the city using any method of transportation they choose.

The first CEO asks for a Ford Mustang. He makes it one mile before being spotted by a group of snipers and eliminated.

The second CEO...

I signed up for my companies 401K...

But I don't think I can run that far.

If only more game companies acted like blizzard.

I could probably kick my gaming addiction.

I went to my boss at work and said, "I need a raise. Three other companies are after me."

He said, "Really? Which companies are after you?"

I said, "The electric company, the utilities company and the phone company."

What do IT companies and cannabis dispensaries have in common?

They both regularly perform strain tests.

How do pharmaceutical companies evaluate the effectiveness of a laxative?

By measuring its defficacy

Two rival landscaping companies have been killing each others staff

They're in a turf war

Why do skydiving companies have excellent reviews?

Because it was awesome for the people who survived

I need a raise.

Employee: Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?

Boss: Sure, come on in. What can I do for you?

Employee: Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious firm for over ten years.

Boss: Yes.

Employee: I won't beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise. ...

Sam walks into his boss’s office.

“Sir, I’ll be straight with you, I know the economy isn’t great, but I have over three companies after me, and I would like to respectfully ask for a raise.”

After a few minutes of haggling the boss finally agrees to a 5 per cent raise, and Sam happily gets up to leave.

“By the way”,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Head of Company: We need to stop testing our products on animals

Consultant: Why? The shampoo companies do it. Head of Company: Yeah, but we make dildos.

What do game companies do with their old successful games?

Post Mortem, most port em.

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