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A businessman is hurrying home on the motorway after a hard days work...

when he is stopped by a policeman.
"Do you know you were driving 30 mph over the limit?" asks the policeman.
"Eh, actually no, officer, it's a big car and it just sort of coasts along... you know."
"And what were you planning on doing if you met Mr Fog?" demands the policeman.
"Well," sa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A carer was doing her rounds in the care home

When she passed the room of Mrs Phillips. Glancing in as she passed, she saw Mrs Phillips sucking on her husbands penis. Hurrying in, she said:

"Mrs Phillips, you can't do that!"

"Why not? I enjoy it." Mrs Phillips replied.

"Yes." Said the nurse, "but it was meant to be buried w...

My girlfriend was hurrying me along and asking when things were going to be done so I asked her if she was my clone from Moscow. She looked confused and said "No, why?"

I said "Because you're Russian me."

Two kids are hurrying to school on their bikes to get there for their maths exam.

They get into a car accident on the way and have to be rushed to hospital.

In hospital they're surrounded by friends and family, and their maths teacher keeps trying to get into the room and is repeatedly told off by the doctors.

Later that night the teacher sneaks in. Waking the kids...

A Rabbi is Traveling.

On his way, he stops through the town of Trid. As he walks through the town, he notices how empty it is. All the windows are shuttered and the doors are bolted shut. Eventually, he makes it to the center of town, where he finds a man hurrying through the streets.

“Excuse me, sir!” the rabbi c...

A soldier and a citizen are sharing a cigarette in soviet Moscow one evening when they see a man hurrying down the street...

"Hey! You there! Stop, comrade!" says the soldier.

The man continues to rush down the street, nearly at a full run.

"I said STOP!" shouts the soldier as he shoulders his rifle.

The man continues his rush down the street as a crack thunders through the air and the man falls to t...

A man was idling in the street, bored, when he saw a man selling apples close by

He approached the man, and asked, "How much do these apples cost?". The vendor replied, "An apple costs $1 and an apple seed costs $2.". Confused, the man asked, "Why are you selling the seeds? and why are they so expensive?". The vendor said, "Apple seeds are actually known to make you so much time...

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