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There was a little girl who really loved dolls. She had a big collection of them in her bedroom.

There was a little girl who really loved dolls. She had a big collection of them in her bedroom. One day, while she was browsing through a shop on her own, she spotted a really beautiful doll. It would make a perfect addition to her collection. She only hoped she had enough money to buy it.

...

Two groups of warriors are facing each other beafore a battle

Wanting to intimidate their foes, a swordsman takes out his handkerchief, throws it up into the air and deftly slices it into ribbons before it hits the ground.

Not wanting to be outdone, his opponent also takes out his handkerchief and throws it up in the air. The handkerchief flutters down...

A man walks into a bar

and he walks up to the bartender. While he’s ordering his drink, he notices on the counter a tiny man playing a tiny piano right next to a genie lamp.

The bartender says “Ah. I see you’ve noticed I have a genie... but the genie has a hearing problem.”

The man asks the bartender “Would ...

A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said,

A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he...

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In the beginning, when Man was first created, all the members of the body held a meeting to decide who should be in charge.

The brain said that it should be in charge because it had the power of decision making and so controlled what everything else in the body did.

The eyes pointed out that they were the ones who saw everything, including whatever objectives the brain was going to decide to pursue, so they shou...

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A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds.

As any of us would do, he climbed the ladder.

He reached a cloud, upon which was sitting a rather plump and very ugly woman.

"Screw me or climb the ladder to success," she said.

No contest, thought the man, so he climbed the ladder to the next cloud. On this cloud was a slightly...

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So there was this guy

So there was this guy, yeah?

He wakes up in the middle of the night, sees an angel standing at the foot of his bed.

Angel says, "Hey, man! Yeah... hate to tell you this, but, um... it's your, uh... time. Yeah."

Dude's all like, "Wait, what? Whaddya mean it's 'my time'?"

A...

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A Valentine’s Day story

A boy was walking home from school when he passed by a stray cat. The cat was trying to drink water that had spilt on the tarmac near it. The boy saw that the tarmac was dirty, and was worried that the cat would get sick if it kept drinking the water. He started to slowly walk towards the cat while ...

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A woman at grocery store proceeds to the check out...

She greet the male cashier with a friendly smile and starts placing her groceries on the belt.

She places on the belt a single banana, a single serve tinned soup, and a microwave meal for one.

The cashier scans her items, turns to the lady and says “So, single are you?”

The ...

Ever wonder why angels are put on top of Christmas trees?

‘‘Twas the night before Christmas, to Santa’s dismay

Because the North Pole was in a bad way

The elves were on strike and not making toys

And the reindeer were out getting drunk with the boys

Santa sat in his sleigh and pondered his plight

When what came his way ...

Dad why did you name me rose?

Child 1: "Dad why did you name me rose?"

Dad: "Because when you were born a little rose petal fell on your forehead, it was such a beautiful moment."

Child 2: "And why did you name me Lily?"

Dad: "Because when you were born a little Lily fluttered onto your forehead"

Chi...

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Destination Pittsburgh

Three priests were heading to Pittsburgh. The youngest priest, knowing he was most connected to the secular world, offered to get the tickets.

Upon arriving at the counter, the noticed the cashier was wearing a low low top and a short short skirt. His heart fluttered a moment...

“Yes ...

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Melania is talking to Janet Yellen at a party...

They talk about the the improving economy, the Fed, whether quantitative easing really was a good idea, about how Janet will be retiring soon. They have a few drinks and Melania becomes less guarded. Janet asks Melania about the hand slap incident on the tarmac.

Melania: Donald can be such a ...

Three little ducks walk into a bar...

"Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck.

"Huey," was the reply.

"How's your day been, Huey?"


"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey.

"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender....

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There were two nude statues...

There were two nude statues, man and woman, standing across from each other in a secluded park. A few hundred years after they've been put in place, an angel fluttered down to them. A wave of his hand, and suddenly the statues had been given flesh, and they step down from their pedestals.

The...

A rich Texan is on vacation in Ireland...

One of my oldest, one of my favorites, but I haven't seen it pop up since I've been subbed. But of course it's surely a repost. I like to put on the Texan drawl and Irish accent for this one...

After a long day of sightseeing the Irish countryside the Texan wants to relax and have a beer so...

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Two friends are walking through a forest...

A cat and a rooster - lifelong friends - are walking through the forest and starting to get hungry. Eventually they come to a stream and notice some food on the other side. While the stream isn't very wide, it is fast moving, and there is no easy way to cross.

The rooster is so hungry at ...

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Michael is very shy and has low self-esteem because he is missing an eye, and his poor parents could only afford a wooden false eye.

He doesn't have many friends, and he's terrified of girls, although there is one girl he has his eye on. Her name is Betsy, and she has a hair-lip.

The school dance is coming up in a few days, and it seems like absolutely everyone has a date. Everyone, that is, except for him and Betsy. It...

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An old joke I learnt [Clean]

A peanut was stuck on the tracks

His heart was all a flutter

A train came down the track

*Choo Choo!*

Peanut butter.

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