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Scared Jokes

Why did the scared cow say "Moo?"

Because it's a cow word.

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I thought of this today, did I make a new joke?

Why was 10 scared?

It was in the middle of 9/11?

I scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked.

I'm not sure what scared him more. My naked body or the fact I knew where he lived

Everyone knows why 6 was afraid of 7, but do you know why 10 was scared?

10 was in the middle of 9 11.

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Me: I’m scared of the Backstreet Boys

Therapist: tell me why


Me: *screams*

I got in one little fight and my mom got scared.

She said, "You can't slap Chris Rock because your wifes got no hair"

6 was scared of 7 because 7,8,9 but why did 7 eat 9?

Because you are supposed to eat 3 squared meals per day

Nobody was scared when the clown invasion started at the beach

”I mean, it’s just one boat” they said. ”How bad can it be?”.

I used to be scared of pretty girls,

So my Mom explained that was silly, because they're much more scared of me.

This girl ran up to me at the cemetery and said "I need to pass through the cemetery but I'm scared to walk alone. Can you walk with me across?"

I said "Oh yeah of course. Don't worry, I used to be super scared of cemeteries when I was alive too."

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I was watching a movie with my son the other day. He got scared and asked me, "Daddy, is that woman really gonna die?"

I said, "Judging by the size of that horse's cock, yes."

Humans are scared of hippos because they're violent and responsible for hundreds of deaths per year, when in reality, people kill way more people per year...

...so that’s just being hippocritical...

People in Iran are scared of spiders

But in Iraq, no phobia.

I am really scared of encountering cougars when I go on a run

If I ever saw one , I'd Puma Pants .

Ya‘ll know why I‘m not scared of trees?

They‘re all bark, no bite.

A little girl and a clown are walking in the woods. The little girl says, "I'm scared". The clown replies, "You're scared? I have to walk out of here alone!"

The clown was dropping her off at her Grandma's house. Why, what were you thinking?

Did you hear about the mathematician who was scared of negative numbers?

He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them…

Here are 10 things I'm scared of.

1)heights
2)lists
3)finishing things

scared of flying

A friend of mine who was scared of flying and asked me one day: "What is the probability that
there will be a bomb on an airplane?" I responded that I really didn't know, but that it was certainly less than one in a million. So he asked: "Well, what is the probability that there are two bombs on ...

I'm scared of π

It's an irrational fear

Where did the Mexican man hide when he was scared?

Hispanic room

Why was 2018 scared of 2020?

Because 2020 and 2019 got in a fight...and 2021.
.

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Kinda scared for 2017

Because 2+0+1+7 is 10 - the exact number of nipples Hitler would have if he had 8 more

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Son - "Mom, don't get scared but I'm calling you from the hospital..."

Mom - "Son you've been a doctor for 4 years, and you still go on with that shit."

What do you call a group of scared cows?

Cowherds

When I was little, I was scared of the dark.

Now when I see the electricity bill, i'm scared of the lights.

what's the only thing a latino has when he's scared?

hispanic

Apple farmers who are too scared to diversify

should just grow a pear.

Why was the Jack O’Lantern scared?

Because it didn’t have guts!

I'm scared of 5G

It will only allow idiots to spread their conspiracy theories faster.

When people are scared of my dogs I tell them...

"They eat kibble not people"

And when they relax I add:

"But that's because I ran out of neighbors"

(I actually say that)

A man walks a boy into the woods. The boy say he mister it’s getting really dark and im scared

The man replied how do you think I feel I need to walk back alone

I told my psychologist I am scared off living in tall buildings

Apparently it's an Apartment Complex

What do you call someone who is scared of Santas?

Claustrophobic

"Boy, I'm scared," a man said to one of his friends,

"I got a
letter from a guy who said he'd break my legs if I didn't stop
seeing his wife." "Well," replied his friend, "I guess you'll
have to stop seeing his wife." "Easy for you to say," the first
guy said. "You like her that much?" the friend asked. "It's not
that," declared the man...

I think it's funny when dogs hide under the bed when they're scared.

I'm like "You idiot, that's the first place monsters go!"

When is a cop most scared for his life?

When someone else's life is on the line.

(Real story) my wife suggested we get a muzzle because her sister was visiting and was scared of our German Sheppard

I told her:
-Sure! What size of a trap does ur sister have?

My mother was scared for me when I joined the navy.

It makes sense, my father was a telegraph operator in the navy and he got lost at C.

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.

The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped inches from a shop window. 

For a second, everything was quiet in the cab. Then the driver said, "Look, mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the living daylights out of me!"

The p...

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Patient: I get scared every time I think of big animals.

Therapist: We have pills for that, but bear in mind--

Patient: AAUUGGHH!!

What's the piece of hardware that people with epilepsy are scared of?

Flash drive

I walked past the cemetery last night and saw three girls looking scared

So I offered to walk with them for a bit. They were embarrassed but I said hey that's normal, who wouldn't be scared, walking by a cemetery in the dark. They nodded, laughing nervously. I said I used to be like that when I was still alive...
I've never seen three girls run so fast.

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A pervert watched a bunch of numbers have an orgy through a window

Some were 69ing, 7 ate 9's ass, you get the picture.

After a while they started to cum in descending order (20, 19, 18, etc.) until 2 came and saw the perv in the window. He got scared and ran away, never looking back.

He never saw that one coming.

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2 mafia members are walking through the woods, late at night

2 mafia members are walking through the woods, late at night

The first guy says to the other: "I'm gonna be honest, this place is scaring the shit out of me"

With a snort, the second guy chuckles and says "You're scared? I gotta walk back alone!"

I was walking home last night and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery

3 girls walked up to me and explained that they were scared to walk past the cemetery at night so I agreed to let them walk along with me. I told them “I understand, I used to get freaked out too when I was alive.”

One day, a husband telephones his wife, but his daughter answers.

"Hello!"

"Hey honey, this is daddy. Is mommy near the phone?"

"No daddy, she's upstairs jn the bedroom with uncle Jake."

"But you don't have an uncle Jake, sweetie..."

"Uh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with mommy right now."

"Ok honey, I need you to go...

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Why was 6 scared of 7?

Because 7 is a registered sex offender, there's nothing funny about that

On his first ever flight, a nervous man who was scared of flying sat next to a heavily tattooed and smelly giant of a man.

Unfortunately, during the flight the timid little fellow ended up getting physically sick. But since the large man was now fast asleep, and was between him and aisle, his way to the bathroom was blocked.

Suddenly it was too late, and he vomited all over the sleeping man. Quickly he tried t...

Stop being scared of the dark.

That’s racist.

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I'm not surprised that my dog is scared of the vacuum cleaner...

I know exactly what a vacuum cleaner is for, but to my dog, it's just a screaming robot that keeps attacking his owner's dick.

Son: “Dad, can I sleep in your bed tonight? I’m scared...”

Dad: “No, son. I can’t risk the monster following you in here.”

Yesterday I had a nightmare that my tiktok account was deleted.

For a second, I was really scared that I had a tiktok account.

If youre scared of dying alone

then become a bus driver.

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What does sushi have in common with anal?

You either love it, hate it, or you're scared to try it. And if you hate it, people keep trying to convince you that yours just wasn't prepared properly.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is everybody so scared of germs nowadays?

We kicked their ass in WW2 we can do it again

Why was the little boy too scared to reach into his Happy Meal for the Ninja Turtles toy?

Last time he did it, he got a Splinter.

Q: Why aren't cosmetics students scared of missing their exams?

A: Because they like to take makeup tests!

I was scared to donate blood today.

But I tried my best to B positive

I watched an episode of America's Most Wanted last night that scared me so bad I'm afraid to even go outside now.

I'm afraid someone is going to recognize me.

I wonder what trees are scared of ...

... given there are so many that are petrified

Are you scared your house is haunted.....

Just drink spirits to show them who's boss

I asked my grandpa: “ after 65 years you still call grandma darling, beautiful and honey. What’s the secret?”

Grandpa: “I forgot her name five years ago and I’m scared to ask her."

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A priest asks John if he's scared of Satan.

Little John says:

"I have nothing to be scared of, you are the one that must be scared; you talk crap about him every Sunday..."

What scared Jimmy Buffet?

The boo's in the blender.

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If people are scared shitless by this Covid-19 thing

Why are they buying so much toilet paper?

My friend's scared of getting stuck in a chimney with an old man at Christmas.

She's Santa Claustraphobic.

Scared of eating genetically modified fruit?

Grow a pear.

Don’t be scared of dying. People die all the time.

You don’t hear them complaining about it.

When I used to live on a Pacific island, Barry Gibb used to be my window cleaner and always scared the life out of me.

That Bee Gee with the squeegee really gave me the heebie jeebies in Fiji.

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Fun fact: mountain lions pose a very low threat to humans. They're scared of us.

That's because they're big pussies.

Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...

And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.

 
 
 
 

What kind of fruit is scared to go to it’s wedding?

Cantaloupe.

Two scared dads

Two kids are arguing over whose father was the biggest scaredy cat. Tommy says, “My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bead.”

Peter replies, “Yeah? Well, that’s nothing. My dad is so scared that when my mom has to work the nightshift, he sleeps with the lad...

I am irrationally scared of places like shopping centres, particularly if they are confusing and difficult to navigate.

I have a complex complex complex.

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My four year old daughter came into my bedroom in the middle of the night and said,

"Daddy I'm scared. Can I sleep with you?"

"No," I replied as I put her back in her bed, "I'm not having that fucking monster follow you into my room."

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