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Urgency Jokes

Friends, it happened yesterday! And this is CONCERNING!

Friends, it happened yesterday! And this is concerning!

A friend had his 2nd injection of the vaccine at the vaccination center and began to have blurred vision the whole way home.

When he got home, he called the vaccination center for advice and to ask if he should go see a doctor or...

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A businessman is leaving town for work

His relationship with his wife had been unstable recently, and afraid of her cheating on him while he was gone, he went to a sex shop. He explains his situation to the owner.


"I have just what you need," The shopkeeper exclaims, pulling out a long, narrow box. He opens it and explains "Th...

Once, there was a snake named Nathan...

All of his friends, however, called him Nate.
One day, Nate was slithering along the middle of the road, when he came across a large lever, placed directly in the middle of the road.
On this large lever, someone had placed a sign that read, “Do Not Pull Lever: THE WORLD WILL END!!!”
As Nate...

Ooops

Joe bursts into a house with great urgency

Joe: "Mom! I just saw dad doing something with the neighbor lady!" exclaimed Joe

Mom: "What is that?"

Joe: "She was kneeling in front of him, and he was pushing that...thing into her mouth"

Mom: "Well, how about you tell that to ...

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Honeydicked

A married couple decide to go to a nude beach for their honeymoon.

As they are laying out enjoying the sun a bee flies right up between the wife’s legs. The husband rushes her to the hospital.

He explains to the doctor that his wife is allergic to bees and begs him to help.

S...

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Two turtles.

Two turtles were crossing a road in the desert. One turtle called to the other, who was several feet ahead, “Slow down. If you spend your life rushing around, you won’t notice the subtle, meaningful things that make life worth living.”

“Hurry up,” responded the other to the laggard. “Life sh...

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Family Reunion...

So a whole huge family is at their annual reunion. The oldest living member of the family "Great Granny" is sitting in a big comfy recliner off to the side so the children don't bother her. Suddenly the 98 year old leans over to the left. Uncle Bill rushes over and straightens her up saying "Dont wo...

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He was extremely nervous to have dinner with his girlfriends family

He was sitting around the table with his girlfriend right next to him, her mother on the other side, her two siblings in the middle two seats, her father directly across from him at the head of the table, and the family dog, Spot, relaxed on the floor.

All of a sudden the urge to fart hit ...

One Day at Work...

...a man hears a Ghostly Voice speak to him: "Quit your job, sell your car, sell your house, take the money and go to Vegas..."

Figuring he was just sleep deprived, he ignored the Voice, but the next morning, he heard the same voice: "Quit your job, sell your car, sell your house, clear out y...

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Little Timmy woke up one morning desperate to pee.

He bounded out of bed and hurtled across the landing to the main bathroom. Eager not to cause an upset, he carefully prised open the bathroom door.
In the bathroom, Timmy's sister, Lucy, was shaving her legs. Unfortunately, she caught a spot on her razor, causing a stab of pain. Blood started to ...

Two guys were talking about pets

"Yeah, so I have a couple of cats and a chihuahua. What about you, Flynn?"

Flynn looked at the man with a look of both pain and peace. "Well, Danny... I had a dog once."

Daniel sympathetically responded. "What happened?"

Flynn let out a quiet sigh. "It's a long story."

Da...

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