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Hockey Game Jokes

I asked my wife what the score on the hockey game was.

I was stuck in traffic. Called home she said it was 2-1 in the third quarter. I said it's not the third quarter it's the third period. She said, oh, that explains all the blood.

Why did they stop the leper hockey game?

There was a face off in the corner.

I was disappointed at the sudden cancellation of the Int’l Leprosy Association’s annual hockey game…

Apparently there was a face off in the corner

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If my sex life was a hockey game

I'd be awarded a lot of penalty shots after losing so many scoring opportunities.

When is a pedofiles favorite part of a hockey game?

Before first period

What does a hockey game and an airboat have in common?

Loud fans

I Saw a Hockey Game in Canada...

It was a-moose-ing.

Putin scored eight goals in that exhibition hockey game. Apparently he has an incredible slap shot...

... if you don't let him score, he slaps you and then shoots you.

Why do Canadians do it doggy style?

So they both can watch the hockey game.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

He wants to bet on (American) football

It's Saturday morning, and a gambler calls up his bookie, and says he wants to bet on football.

The bookie tells him they have a full schedule of college football games today, and the gambler bet on six games. He loses all six bets.

The next day, the gambler calls his bookie again, an...

I was just watching the Oscars...

And a hockey game broke out.

Why do Canadians do it doggy-style?

So they both can watch the hockey game.



(Told to me by my 11th grade English teacher, who should have known better. Shame on you, Mr. Avril.)

After our first date, this girl told me things wouldn't work out because I was "too Canadian"...

I told her I'm sorry and offered her our homemade maple syrup and pancakes, and two tickets to tomorrow night's hockey game for wasting her time. I'm still not sure what she meant by "too Canadian" though.

Leper Jokes

Why did they stop the leper football game? There was a hand off at the fifty yard-line.



Why did they stop the leper hockey game? There was a face off in the corner.



Why did they stop the leper baseball game? Somebody dropped a ball in left field.



(I us...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Gambling jokes

**Husband**: How do you lose $150 in the slot machines!

**Wife**: You lost $15000 at the tables!

**Husband**: Yeah but I know how to gamble.

\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_



**Bettor**: My god, I had a terrible day today. I lost 15 ou...

The Greatest French Hockey Player

A hockey-loving guy from Ontario moves to Quebec. He turns on the radio to listen to the Toronto Maple Leafs vs Montreal Canadiens hockey game. He realizes that the game is being broadcast in French, but he decides to listen anyways. Maybe He'll be able to make out what's happening and at least get ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I came home one day and there were five penguins standing in my driveway. I didn't know what to do so I called a vet. His name was Willie and he was in Viet-Nam.

" Willie WTF should I do with these Penguins?" Willies says " Take them to the zoo" Good Idea. So I run into Willie downtown a couple of weeks later. " WTF are you doing with those penguins in the back of your truck, I told you to take them to the zoo?" " I did, and we had so much fun I am taki...

Man walks into a bar with his dog...

He sits down at the bar and orders a drink and starts watching the hockey game on tv. Half way through the first period, Toronto scores a goal, the dog gets up and goes nuts, then lays back down. Start of the second period, Toronto scores a second goal. Again, the dog gets up, goes nuts and lays bac...

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