A man called the hospital where his pregnant wife was admitted. He was accidentally connected to the Lord's Cricket Ground.

"So how did it go ?", he asked.

The person on the other side of the line said, "We've got four out and expect to have the rest out before lunch. The last one was a duck."

I spent £80 taking my son to see the cricket today.

Eighty quid and all it did was hop about and chirrup.

My wife says she's leaving me due to my obsession with cricket.

I'll be honest, it's knocked me for six.

If you had a cricket ball in one hand and a cricket ball in the other what do you have?

A gigantic, male cricket.

A man is playing in his cricket league's final, and is just about to bowl when he notices a funeral procession walking past.

He immediately stops, takes off his cap, and bows his head until they pass.

"That was real sportsmanship you showed there." the Umpire tells him at the end of the match.

"Well it was the least I could do," replies the man. "It was my wife's funeral."

A cricket walks into a sporting goods store:

A cricket walks into a store selling goods for sports, looking to buy a baseball bat.

He walks up to the clerk:

"Where are the baseball bats located, please?" The cricket asks.

The clerk is, not surprisingly, shocked to see a talking cricket. But he decides to play it cool.
<...

Imagine you're in a room full of crickets

*cricket noises*

You ever heard the sound of a cricket on its last leg?

... no one has.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[for the Aussies & cricket fans] A guy goes to the doctor...

...Doctor: what’s the matter?

Patient: doc, I’ve got a cricket ball stuck up my ass (arse for the Aussies)

Doctor: how’s that?

Patient: don’t you start

TIL crickets only do their iconic "yelling" chirp in the presence of wild moths. Unfortunately, my cricket has none.

He has no moth and he must scream.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If I’m holding a cricket ball in each hand, what do I have?

A really fucking huge cricket.

What's the difference between Cinderella and the Australian Cricket team?

Cinderella knew when to leave the ball.

My wife and I were sitting in our living room in silence looking at our phones...

We heard a cricket outside and she looked at me and said "I heard a cricket chirping, but you didn't tell a joke"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cricket is in love with a mantis

but he's terrified, because he keeps hearing that a mantis will eat the male after sex. Nevertheless, one night the cricket gets really drunk and propositions the mantis. The two have amazing sex all night long, but in the morning the cricket comes to his senses and starts eyeing the mantis warily.<...

I tried telling some jokes to an audience of crickets...

I have no idea if they were funny.

I'm going to apply for the job as Australia's next cricket captain.

I've been ball tampering for years and never got caught.

A father-to-be was waiting anxiously outside the labour ward where his wife was delivering a baby.

A nurse came up to the man and said, 'You have a girl, but there's another one on the way, so come back soon.'

'Twins,' he thought, a little shakily. He went away and came back an hour later to be told that the second baby had been born, but there was still another on the way.

'Good gr...

I drive my car like I play cricket

I hit and run

Today in cricket....

Indians showed their attachment to 7-11.

I like crickets

They always laugh at my jokes.

I love the English cricket team....

The thinnest guy is called broad, ugliest guy is called swann, slowest fielder is trott, guy who is 'behind' the stumps is called prior, and guy whose father's name is john is called peter-son. And the guy who is named Monty goes in with his clothes on.

No doubt, this Cricket team deserves to...

A British fellow just doesn't understand why people like cricket.

He tries, he tries so hard. He knows it's his national sport. He also doesn't care much for football and rugby, and always feels left out at the pub. Then one day, he comes in early for a pint, and there's this strange game on the screen. "What's that game up there, Albert?" Albert looks baffled, "w...

CRICKET

Q: If you had one cricket ball in one hand and another cricket ball in your other hand, what would you have?
A: A bloody big cricket.

A late night booty call woke me from a deep sleep...

that damn cricket better have got some!

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.