UPJOKE
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Hives Jokes

Why do bees stay in their hives in winter?

Swarm.

What did they bee say to his wife when they were running late for dinner?

Hurry up honey.

Where did Noah keep his bees?

In the ark hives

I know you’re wondering… why do bees live huddled together in hives?

‘Swarm

Lately, whenever I read a comic strip about Charlie Brown or Snoopy I break out in hives.

I think I’m allergic to Peanuts.

What do you call it when touching iron or copper makes you break out in hives?

A metallurgy

Every time I get greedy and take more than my fair share, I break out in hives.

I must be allergic to selfish.

Why do bees stay inside their hives all winter?

'swarm.

It’s a little known fact that superstar actor Yul Brynner was a huge Liverpool F.C fan. He also refused to use aftershave as it made his skin come up in hives.....

Yul never wore cologne!

So now I've developed an allergy to honey :(

It brings me out in hives.

After years of research, scientists discovered bees are allergic to pollen

Turns out when exposed to pollen, bees develop hives

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What kind of Bees produce milk?

There is no creature for which this is more true than the honey bee. Amazingly, queen bees are genetically exactly identical to worker bees. But they’re fed a different diet from worker bees their whole lives, from the time they are tiny larvae, until the day they die. This different meal plan cause...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mailman is working his last day after 20 years of faithful service to a neighborhood.

When he delivers the mail to the first house, the man comes out, hives him some fine cigars and says "So long, I'm really going to miss you."
When he goes to the next house, the woman there comes out and gives him a bottle of fine wine. She too is very sorry to see him go, and tells him she'll mi...

A farmer had advertised his farm and was showing it to a prospective buyer

A farmer had advertised his farm and was showing it to a prospective buyer. As they walked along a fence line the buyer saw bee hives and stopped. He said, "Those hives are pretty close to the road."

The farmer explained that the bees just made honey and have never stung anyone.

The bu...

An apiarist consults his family doctor about a troubling rash.

Doctor: You have hives.
Apiarist: Yes many, and they are my pride and joy.
Doctor: Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two beekeepers were chatting...

"How many bees do you have?" said the first beekeeper.

"I have ten thousand bees"

"How many hives do you have?" said the first beekeeper.

"I have ten hives" came the reply.

"How many bees do you have?" asked the second beekeeper.

"I have twelve million bees"
...

You know the worst part about being allergic to bees and loving honey?

Breaking into hives

Apparently I'm allergic to Burt's Bees body wash

Broke out in hives

Trees are allergic to bees..

..when bees get too close, [they break out in hives.] (/spoiler)

Original joke!

Corny jokes!

Q: Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?

A: Because it's two-tired.


Q: What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?

A: It becomes daytrogen.


Q: Where did Noah keep his bees?

A: In the Ark Hives!


Q: Can February March?

A: No, but Apri...

A teenage girl is about to go on her first date and asks her mother, "Do I look pretty?"

Her mother says, "I can't answer that, honey."

"Why not?" asks her daughter. "I've spent an hour getting ready and I really want an opinion about how I look."

Her mother says, "What's important is how you feel."

"Mom!" says the girl, "This is important to me! I'm feeling very se...

Centuries upon centuries ago, a group of nuns lived in a secluded convent deep in the woods.

Centuries upon centuries ago, a group of nuns lived in a secluded convent deep in the woods. The convent provided all of their basic needs: cows for milk, sheep for cheese, grain for bread, and even bees for honey. However, one day a deadly plague swept through the land, infecting all of the siste...

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