Spiders Jokes - 59 Hilarious Spiders Jokes

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Spider's legs

There was a scientist working away in obscurity for years with peculiar experiments on spiders. After years and years he placed an advertisement in several academic journals to let the community know he was going to host a live show to demonstrate his findings.

At the event hundreds were ther...

why don't spiders go to school..

Because they learn everything on web.

:(

i know i suck at jokes.

People in Iran are scared of spiders

But in Iraq, no phobia.

What’s worse than a box of spiders?

A box that was meant to be full of spiders.

Gotta give credit to spiders...

They're the only web-developers out there that actually enjoy finding bugs.

How are blind spiders able to see?

They use web sites.

Where do spiders seek health advice

WebMD

What do Yoko Ono and spiders have in common?

They both live off of dead Beatles.

Why are all the spiders in Paris so overweight?

They only eat French flies.

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God Creating Spiders

God: Let it be, that from here onwards spiders shall have eight legs.

Archangel Gabriel: As you command, lord.

God: Also they shall have eight eyes instead of the normal two.

Archangel Gabriel: That seems slightly excessive doesn’t it? But as you wish lord.

God: And gi...

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If you have the time, here is Norm Macdonald's moth joke as presented in his book, "Based on a True Story".

A moth goes into a podiatrist's office, the podiatrist says. What's the problem?

The moth says, where do I begin with my problems? Every day I go to work for Gregory Vasilovich, and all day long I toil. But what is my work? I am a bureaucrat, and so every day I joylessly move papers from one ...

I’ve been killing rich parents, throwing spiders at nerdy teens, dumping acid on kids, and calling disabled people mutants.

I haven’t created a superhero yet, but it better happen soon because I need to be stopped.

In Afghanistan, everyone is terrified of spiders, but apparently..

In Iraq no phobia

Did you hear about two spiders who recently got married?

They met on the web.

Why don't spiders need phones or computers?

They're on the web anyways.

So you know the fear of spiders is arachnophobia? What’s the fear of chainsaws?

Common sense.

A boy asks his father for a spider for his birthday.

The father stops by the pet shop on the way home from work to find out more about spiders.

“What does one of those big ones cost?” the father asks, pointing into the glass case full of the arachnids.

“About fifty dollars,” the store clerk replies.

“Fifty ...

Spiders must be...

the only web developers who like bugs.

I took a class about spiders

thanks to the pandemic, it was on the web

Men are like spiders

We tend to have sticky hands after being on web.

Spiders in a nutshell

Scientist 1: This spider has long legs, so let’s call it long legs

Scientist 2: Not kinky enough

Did you know spiders go deaf if they have no legs?

Well it’s true and here’s why.

When I was a child I had a pet a spider. It was great I even trained him to jump. ‘Jump’ I’d shout and with a boing he’d leap into the air.

Well my brother saw this and in a jealous rage he pulled the spiders legs off!

I was heartbroken. ‘Jump’ I’...

Fun Fact: Spiders can tell the difference between someone blowing on their web and the wind.

But that may just be because the wind isn't warm and sticky...

What do big black spiders and small red spiders have in common?

Women will fetch their husband/boyfriend for either one.

Girls hate me as much as spiders.

But hey they can bite people why can’t I.

What do people who live in trailer parks and spiders have in common?

The males are usually only half the females size.

my daughter is 3. her joke about spiders:

Spiders make Websites.

she's not wrong.

What do they call spiders in the Middle East?

Iraqnids

What do you call a place where spiders meet?

Website.

I would assume spiders adapt pretty quickly to online learning.

After all, they are already comfortable on the web.

Why are spiders clingy roommates?

Because they're an Arachneedy.

My son asked me, "What happens to the spiders that gets hoovered up?"

"They Dyson."

Spiders should own the internet

After all, they are very talented in web design.

Whats a Spiders Favorite Fast Food Item

French Flys

How are flat chested women like spiders?

If you dislike either one, you're a-rack-no-phobic.

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To this day, biologists still cannot figure out the two greatest mysteries about spiders:

Where the fuck did it come from?

Where the fuck did it just go?

What is the most common job amongst spiders?

web designer

Where do spiders play football?

Webley Stadium.

What text emojis do spiders use when they are happy?

::::D

Spiders

Saw a huge spider the other day. my grandma always said "it can't kill you, it's smaller then you" I then pointed out that grenades are smaller. She doesn't say anything anymore, Cancer got her.

What's worse than spiders on your piano?

Crabs on your organ.

Why do spiders hate Area 51?

It's a no-fly zone.

For some reason I'm only afraid of Middle Eastern spiders...

It's O.K. though. My doctor says it's normal to be Iraqnaphobic.

What do you call an unreasonable fear of spiders?

An Irachtional fear.

What’s a spiders favorite thing to do on a rainy day?

They like to surf the web!

Spiders are making newspaper headlines.

Well, the ones in my house are.

What are the spiders like in Game of Thrones?

Varies.

The average human being eats 8 spiders

Whenever I cook for them

Fat people are like spiders:

I'm not afraid of them, they just gross me out.

Guys, we should start respecting spiders at least a little

I mean they are great at web design

Why did the two spiders get along so well?

They see eye to eye to eye to eye to eye to eye to eye to eye.

Where do criminal spiders hang out?

The deep web

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On average, a human will swallow 5 spiders in their lifetime

That’s because weirdos like me keep fucking up the averages.

What do you call a spider with lots of kids from many different spiders of whom he never married?

A Baby-Daddy Longleg

TIL that spiders reproductive organs are found in their front arms.

Spider-Man.

I've developed a new treatment for the fear of spiders:

You eat a steak, then you open your mouth and let a spider eat off the little pieces of meat remaining between your teeth. After repeating this three times, the spider is no longer afraid that you might bite it.

Why do spiders usually get jobs in tech?

Most of them are already competent web developers.

A scientist is running experiments with spiders...

He believes he has discovered something profound so he calls up everyone he can, family, friends, press to come see him present his discovery to the world.

Everyone shows up and the scientist begins his experiment. He has 8 spiders lined up in a row and he says simply "walk three steps forwar...

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On the sixth day

**ON THE SIXTH DAY... **

**God Creating Spiders**

God: Make it have 8 legs

Angel: Seems excessive but OK

God: And 8 eyes

Angel: You need to calm down a li-

God: Give it a bum rope

**God Creating Kittens**

God: make them fluffy & adorable li...

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