What’s worse than ants in your pants?…

Uncles

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke I heard as a kid: “Three ants are sleeping on a beautiful naked woman…

… and the morning after they are debating on who found the better place to sleep.

The first ant says: “My spot was the best! I rested on the soft hills”

The second ant replies: “No, no, mine was the best! I slept in the deep forest”

Then the third ant comes and says: “Well...

Leading entomologists experimenting with ant larvae have reported that while the introduction of milk-born disaccharides increased their height by 31%, it also inhibited tarsus growth by 47%.

The study concluded that the resulting specimens lack toes in taller ants.

There are three ants walking in a line.

The first one in line says, "There's an ant walking behind me."

The second one in line says, "There's an ant walking behind me."

The third ant then also says, "There's an ant walking behind me."

How could this be possible?

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The t...

Scientists have declared that ants are immune to COVID-19....

They think its probably because they have.... anty bodies

Three ants take shelter from the rain in somebodies bathroom.

The first ant says, “ I’m going to sleep in the sink”
The second ant says, “ I’ll sleep in the tub”
The third ant says, “ I’ll get the best sleep of all and sleep in the toilet!”

The next morning, the three ants wake up.
The first ant says, “ I slept great last night!”
The second...

Why don't ants go to church?

Because they are in sects.

Why don’t ants get Covid?

Because they have tiny little anty bodies.

How many ants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. Maybe three, if they're kinky.

What's the worst thing about carpenter bees and carpenter ants?

They aren't union.

BBC study finds Covid common in pet cats and dogs, but not ants.

Because ants have antibodies.

Ill see myself out.

An elephant and an ant got into an argument.

The elephant lost his temper decided he was going to squash the ant.

The ant exclaimed, "ONLY IF YOU CAN CATCH ME!!!!" and ran off.

Elephants is chasing the ant, and as ant rounds a corner, he sees a rabbit.

"Yo, rabbit! Can I hide out in your fur? This elephant wants to kill m...

Landlord of the ants

I saw a group of 10 ants just running frantically in my room. I felt bad, so I made a small house for them out of a cardboard box.

This technically makes me their landlord and they are my
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Tenants.

The discriminatory ant colony banished all ants over 4 mm tall

They had no taller ants

Ants are nature's biggest simps

Millions follow their queen when she uses OnlyPheromones.

Last week, I discovered a colony of black ants in my kitchen.

They live in a crack in my kitchen wall.

This kitchen is in the apartment flat I'm renting by myself.

I've counted a total of seven ants crawling out of the crack, and there's presumably one queen inside too.

I know there's a queen because just yesterday, one male ant was gone, ...

Y'know how ants will sacrifice themselves to form a bridge?

I read that when ants approach an obstacle such as water/oil/etc they will sacrifice themselves and form a chain to create a bridge across said obstacle. The coolest part to me is that the males specifically line up to form the bridge and protect the females. Apparently this is because they are not ...

Why do ants have eyes?

So they can see.


(Downvote if you like ant eye humour doesn't really belong on this sub

How can you differentiate male ants from female ants?

They're all female, otherwise they'd be called uncles

What do you call 10 friendly ants that keep everything working in your house?

Maintenance

The Mighty Ant

Why can't ants get Covid 19?





They have tiny ant-y bodies!

Free Organic Pathologist Test

Go upto a tree and take a leak:


* If pee attracts ants, you've got diabetes.
* If it dries fast, your sodium is high.
* If it smells like meat, your cholesterol is high.
* If you forgot to unzip, it's Alzheimer's.
* If you missed the tree, Parkinson's.
* If you peed on yo...

Fun Facts about ants

So as you may or may not know, ants have many breeds, but above these breeds, two general groups can be seen in ants around the world. These groups are the Macro ants (Big ants), and the Micro ants (Small ants).

Multiple different breeds of ants can be found in each of the two groups (Such ...

What rests on the ground between my feet and is covered in ants?

My ice cream cone. =(

*Inspired by actual events.

Why don't ants get COVID-19? (Part 2)

It's not because they have anty-bodies; not because they tend to be resist-ant to viruses (even though most of them are anti-vaxxers); it's not even the fact that they use disinfect-ant whilst being socially dist-ant. They don't get it simply because they just can't.

How do ants communicate with each other?

With their antennae of course!

Why do fish form schools, but ants form colonies?

Cause *truants* don't go to school!

(I came up with this right now)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the two ants that liked to hang out on the toilet seat?

One got pissed off.

What do you call someone who has never paid attention to ants?

Ignorant.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why don’t ants have dicks?

Because then they would be uncles.

Two ants, a mother and her daughter, were out for a walk in their underground city.

They were having a lovely day until they came upon a group of protesters outside the queen's domain. One, with a sign reading *It's time to GO!,* spotted them and quickly approached.

"Excuse me ma'am, can you spare a moment to take a look at some alarming literature and help support our cause...

10 ants were looking for a new place to live...

The 1 ant, 2 ant, and 3 ant bought houses in the country.

The 4 ant, 5 ant, and 6 ant bought houses in the city.

The 7 ant, 8 ant, and 9 ant bought houses at the beach.

The 10 ant decided to rent.

I set my burrito down on the window sill and went to get a drink. When I came back, there was a long line of ants running into my food!!

I hate sill ant row!

It's been scientifically proven ants can't get Covid-19

They have little antibodies

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to burn ants with a magnifying glass.

But now I'm focusing on something else.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, th...

Why do 9 ants get to live in an apartment for free?

Because they’re not tenants

Went to the hardware store today. I picked up a can of insecticide and asked the assistant if it was any good for ants....

"Nope" said the man, "it will kill them."

Which department do you call when ants go missing?

Dept. of Finance


I'll see myself out now....

Why can’t 9 ants rent an apartment?

Because they aren’t ten-ants

Why doesn't ants believe in God?

... Because they're in sects.

An ant knocked on the door of a house.

The house owner opened the door.

"I want a place to stay," said the ant.

"I have a vacant room which you can occupy for free" said the owner.

Thankful, the ant went inside and occupied the vacant room.

After some days, the ant brought in another ant and requested the
o...

Why are all ants British?

Because they colonize.

My friend and I opened a gym for ants.

He thinks the business is failing and quit this morning but I’m still working out the bugs.

Two friends are arguing...

"Look, I have a colony of ants!"

"Well, I have taller ants than you"

"Oh, well I have a tube of glue"

"Hah, I have an entire tin"

"I got bread!"

"Argh, you win! I can't handle that bread with my glue tin 'n' taller ants"

Why do the older ants go up the side of the mountain and the younger ants go down the side of the mountain?

Because they're descendants!

Why didn’t the 11 ants get let into the ant hill?

Because the ant hill is for ten ants only.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

THESE GAH DAMN ANTS

A priest was walking down the sidewalk when he came across a young boy who was burning ants with a magnifying glass. As the priest got closer he could hear the boy saying "THESE GAH DAMN ANTS".

The priest stopped the young boy and said "son, God made these ants therefore they are not useless....

I usually feed Tums to ants

Because it's like antacid to them.

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