The violinists in an orchestra don’t do much

They just fiddle around

Whats a violinist from Alabamas favorite scale to play?

Whats a violinist from Alabamas favorite scale to play?



A relative minor

Two Violinists

Two old violinists were talking to each other, and one said to the other, "If I die before you, I will find a way to tell you if there is an orchestra in Heaven". The other violinist says he would do the same. Sure enough, the first violinist dies. A few days pass, and the first violinist appears be...

What is the difference between a pizza and a violinist?

The pizza can actually feed a family of four.

What do you call a boring violinist whose fascist regime lost WWII?

A dull fiddler

How did the violinist learn to play violin?

He just started fiddling with it.

Why shouldn’t you anger a violinist?

Because they’ll get violint

Why are violinists braver than guitarists?

They never fret.

A violinist notices that he can't keep his violin in tune...

... so he asks the conductor of his orchestra to help. "Take it to Opporknockety," says the conductor. "He is a violin expert."

The violinist packs his things and makes the trek to the Swiss Alps where the expert lives. Sure enough, Opporknockety fixes the problem and the violin sounds great....

What's the difference between a violinist and a fiddler?

How red their necks are.

Why don't you hire a violinist as your babysitter?

Because he might fiddle with your kids.

How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They can't get up that high!

Why did the violinist go to jail?

For fingering A Minor.

What do you call a professional violinist when they're young?

A kiddie fiddler.

Why did the music conductor get arrested?

For misconduct.

Bonus - why did the violinist get arrested?

For violence.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Which instrument players are the sexiest?

Violinists. No matter what, their G strings are always sharp af.

The Music Lover

A man named John falls in love with a famous violinist who came to town. He goes to all of her shows and tries to see if she has a lover. At each show, she arrives with one man and leaves with another. To his surprise, he never saw her with the same man twice.

Finally, during her final nigh...

The symphony orchestra was performing Beethoven's Ninth.

In the piece, there's a long passage, about 20 minutes, during which the bass violinists have nothing to do.

Rather than sit around that whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one.
After slamming several beers in quick ...

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Bad orchestra director

An orchestra conductor walks in on his wife cheating on him with his principal violinist. She confesses, "I haven't loved you for a while now. It's your job - you're a lousy conductor."

In a crime of passion, he shoots them both dead.

At his murder trial, he's found guilty and sentence...

Classic IBM salesman joke

Three women were talking about their husbands and their love making, and the first one says, "My husband is an athlete and when he makes love to me, he is so powerful that I am swept up in his body, and it's wonderful"

The second woman says, "My husband is a violinist, and when we make love, ...

Miracle cure

A plumber, a violinist, an astronomer and a redneck*, all suffering from various infirmities, were sitting in a convalescent home when suddenly an angel appeared. The angel spoke to them:

"I have come to give you the gift of health! Mr. Plumber, what is your ailment?"
The plumber answered...

An Orchestra in Albuquerque in July

A travelling orchestra had planned on being in Albuquerque in January and Minneapolis in July. However, their manager got the dates wrong and the group ended up doing a three-day run in an outdoor theater in Albuquerque in the middle of the July heat. The event was exhausting and by the third night,...

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A musician joke

So little Johnny runs up to his mother and yells "Mommy! Mommy! I could count higher than anyone in my class at school today! Everyone else could only get to 10, but I could count all the way to 12!"

And little Johnny's mother replied, "That's because you are a violinist".

The next day...

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