A grade school teacher was instructing her students on the value of coins.

She took a half-dollar and laid it on her desk. "Can any of you tell me what it is?" she asked.

From the back of the room came the answer: "Tails!"

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Got an email from my Son's grade school today ...

Seems my little boy got sent to the Principal's office for giving his Teacher the finger.

The school staff still can't figure out who it belongs to and how he got it.

Back in grade school my teacher asked me to say a sentence that sounded intriguing.

Me: “My dog died.”

Teacher: “What kind of sentence is that?”

Me: “It’s a death sentence”

In grade school, I had a math teacher named Mrs. Baker...

To this day, I do not understand why she tried to teach us that 6 + 6 equals 13.


^^inspired ^^by ^^Mitch ^^Hedberg

Grade school question, what day doesn't end in "Y" ?

Tomorrow.

What's the difference between a Pakistani grade school and an Al-Qaeda training base?

How am I supposed to know, I just pilot the drone

When I was in grade school a girl showed me her "peepee". I showed mine, teacher caught it.

And then they fired me.

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Skipping Grade School

A man in his mid-40’s was walking down the street on a school day and noticed a young boy, about 9 yrs old, sitting on a porch eating a huge bag of candy.

Concerned that boy was alone, out of school, and gorging himself on candy, the man approached an asked “Shouldn’t you be in school instea...

My grade school math teacher once asked us what 280 x 18 was

I kept shouting "7!" but apparently we weren't on the topic of factorials yet

My grade school teacher would often touch me in inappropriate places.

Places like the kitchen and the living room. I hated being homeschooled

So I heard this word problem from grade school.....

If you have five crystals, and billy takes four crystals, and sally gives you two crystals, how many crystals do you have?

It was then that I realized the kids were all doing crystal math.

My grade school teacher said to me "Name two pronouns".

Only half paying attention to the lecture, I replied "Who, me?"

Some grade school humor

What's brown and sticky?
*
**
***
****
***
**
*
A Stick!!

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I knew a kid in grade school who was born with deformed eyelids...

...So they took the flesh from his circumcision to fix his deformity. For the rest of his life he was cock-eyed.

A grade school teacher was asking students...

...what their parents did for a living.

Timmy stood up and said, "My mom is a doctor!"

Sarah stood up and said, "My father is a professor!"

Little Johnny stood up and said, "My dad is a professional con artist!"

The teacher couldn't believe what she had just heard, so she...

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I often wonder how different it would be if I were to go back to grade school

Not so much with the knowledge I have now, but with the penis I have now

Classroom

In a grade school classroom the teacher asked each of her students to come up to the chalk board and draw a picture of something that they talked about with their parents the night before.

The first little girl came up to the board and drew a cat. The teacher asked "what is that?" The little...

How did you get your name?

A grade school meets her new class at the start of the year and starts asking them their names.

She goes to the first child, “What is your name?”
The girl replied, “Lilly”.
The teacher says, “That’s a lovely name, how did you get your name?”
The girl replied, “Because when I was born...

I went for lunch at an Indian restaurant

I went for lunch at an Indian restaurant and encountered a strange old man sitting at a small table near the door. The old man had at the table with him a glue stick and a few sheets of construction paper and he seemed to be engaged in some kinds of arts-and-crafts project. The waitstaff occasionall...

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Little Johnnie

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living.
Timmy stood up and said, "My mom is a Doctor!"
Sarah stood up and said, "My father is a professor!"
All of the class but Little Johnny had answered.
The teacher called on Johnny and he slowly walk to the fron...

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Steve comes home early to find his best friend naked in bed with his wife having sex.

“Bob! I mean, come on man! I expected it from her, but you and I have been friends since grade school. We played football together. You were the best man at my wedd.. could you two at least stop while I’m talking?”

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There is this child in 1st grade and he's doing poorly in school.

His dad is concerned and asked what he can do to help. The child tells his father "Dad, if you get me 2 pink ping pong balls, I'll get my grades up." The child gets 2 pink ping pong balls and gets his grades up and moves onto second grade.

In 2nd grade, he's not doing well again. He tells his...

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A bartender notices one of his regulars at the bar looked depressed, so he strikes up a conversation

“What’s got you down?” the bartender asks.

“Well,” the man says sheepishly, “I got fired for having sex with my boss’s daughter.”

“You old dog,” the bartender chuckles. “I understand why he’d be upset, but i would think what you do on your personal time is none of his business. Did you...

Once upon a time there were two youths in love

Once upon a time there were two youths in love. They met in grade school and instantly knew that they would be married and be with each other forever. Their families became close friends and as they grew older it became more and more obvious to everyone that they were destined to be together.
...

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WW2 pilot recalls a morning patrol in front of son's school class

A grade school teacher, who was doing a unit on World War II heard that the father of one of her students had been a fighter pilot during the war with one of the Scandinavian Air Forces. She invited him to come in and speak to the class. The guy was more than happy to talk, and began with a story ...

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My name is Juan

Juan was the custodian at a local grade school. Everyone loved Juan. He was so sweet and compassionate with the kids and did a wonderful job. One day the principal came up to Juan and said:

“You know Juan, you care about this school so much, maybe you should run for the board of education”...

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Career Day

I had just finished serving a wedding liturgy, when one of the groomsmen told the priest a joke I thought I'd share.

There's a Catholic grade school in Ireland, and Sister Mary Agnes teaches the first grade students. One day, she asks what they'd all like to be when they grow up. Little Eliza...

I got pulled over by the police last night

They asked me where I was between 6 and 11. I told them I was in grade school.

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Uncle John in Vietnam

A grade school teacher assigned everyone in the class to come back after the weekend with a story to tell the class that had a moral teaching in it. When the class came back on Monday the teacher had them come up and tell their stories.

"Alright Suzie, come up and tell us your story."
Suz...

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