Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?

There was nothing left but de Brie.

After seeing the popularity of r/antiwork explode all I have to say is...

I think all jobs are deserving of respect, but miners are definitely below me.

Why do masochistic people tend to explode?

Because they are propane

A strange insect crawled onto my kitchen counter & exploded!

I think it was a Jihaddy long legs

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The director of one of America's finest hospitals is showing the President around the hospital.

In one room, the President sees a male patient masturbating furiously. "What's that guy doing?" he asks.

"He has a very rare condition," responds the director. "He produces semen way too quickly. If he doesn't masturbate at least thrice a day, his testicles will explode."

In the next r...

My dog died. He exploded.

He was a mixed breed. Half golden lab, half meth lab.

What do you call it when you poke someone’s head on the exact spot that causes their head to explode?

Acupuncture

An Irish dad calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing.”

“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams.

“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says. “We’re sick of each other and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”

The son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “...

Respect my authoritahh!!!

A DEA Agent stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked to an old rancher. He told the rancher, “I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.” The rancher said, “okay, but don’t go into that field over there…”, as he pointed out the location. The DEA Agent verbally exploded and said, “look mis...

Carlin had some great one-liners.

“World ends tonight. Film at 11:00”

“Dog explodes on Main Street. Man overcome by fur.”

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A new intern is getting a tour of the hospital he is working in.

The intern walks past a room where a man is vigorously
masturbating nonstop. The intern asks the doctor giving the tour
why that man was doing such a thing out in the open.

The doctor says:"Oh, he has a medical condition where sperm builds up so quickly in his body, he has to masturbate...

A bus driver was called into court for killing 24 children and 6 adults

The judge asks the bus driver "why did you kill all those innocent people?"

The bus driver, looking a little sad, says "I didn't mean too, It was by mistake!"

"How did it happen?" Asks the judge.

"Well-" said the bus driver, "I was driving to a bus station but suddenly, on the r...

Did You Hear About the Pottery Furnace That Exploded?

It was terrible. They had to notify its next of kiln.

Scientists have invented a bomb that explodes when the temperature hits absolute zero

It's called the "0K Boomer"

What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?

KA-BROOM!

What do you call a dish that makes your taste buds explode?

A bomb appetit...



My friend forced me to tell the world about my dumb joke.

God, I'm awful, sorry about that!

Trump explodes in anger as he's refused entry to nativity scene

Proof once and for all that he's unstable

In 1919, a storage tank full of molasses in Boston exploded, causing a flood that killed 21 people.

I guess you could call it the Boston Molassacre.

If I remember correctly, the game “Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes” had a very brief stint of enormous popularity out of nowhere.

No one was talking about it, and it exploded onto the scene.

What do you call something that explodes at -273.15 degrees Celsius?

0 K boomer

Tried to spike my pumpkin spice latte with LSD and it exploded

That’s what happens when you mix acid and basic

There's a fire at the local chemical plant...

One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant. Before long, it exploded into flames and an alarm went out to fire departments from miles around.

After fighting the fire for over an hour, the plant president approached the fire chief and said "All our secr...

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The Queen Elizabeth was visiting one of Canada's top hospitals

and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.

"Oh my God!", said the Queen, "That's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this???"

The doctor leading the tour explains, "I'm sorry your Majesty, this man has a very serious condition where the t...

What did the journalist say when he saw an obese sea cow explode?

Oh the huge manatee!

Did you hear about the firework that wouldn’t explode?

It refused

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why wouldn't you want a liar to explode?

Because he's full of shit

What do you call an orange that explodes, but comes back?

Boom-orang

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Use The Camel

Having joined the French Foreign Legion, Pierre focused on becoming the best soldier he could. Day in, day out he trained; long marches with full pack, hand to hand combat, shooting range etc... but even all this activity couldn't take away the yearning he had, after all he was a young viral man. T...

Contrary to what historians will tell you, Napoleon had a more horrific death.

It turns out, the military leader had walked over an active land mine causing it to explode. Body parts were strewn all over the place. Yeah. That’s right. Napoleon was Blown-apart!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy goes into the US Postal Services to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."


"OK, have you ever been in the military service?"
"Yes," he says, "I was in Afghanistan for one tour."
The interviewer says, "that will give you 5 extra points toward empl...

I tried to open a bag of Lays but it exploded all over me.

I've had a chip on my shoulder ever since.

A guy exploded himself after asking me what damage could explosives do

All i said is "c4 yourself"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elementary school teacher, a lawyer, a Catholic priest and three young boys are on a plane with only three parachutes. Engines explode, plane starts going down.

The teacher says, 'Save the children!'

The lawyer yells, 'FUCK THE CHILDREN!'

The Catholic priest looks around and whispers, 'Is there time?'

A list of things that helicopters do in movies

1. explode
2.

What do you call a dinosaur that explodes?

Well I don’t know but the Dinomite.

KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline)

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while she was there she went out to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. 

Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back...

Recently, monkeys escaped from an animal testing lab and broke into the adjacent chemistry lab. Some ingested potassium metal and exploded.

There were Rhesus pieces everywhere.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How long does it take for a baby to explode in a microwave?

I do not know, I close my eyes when I masturbate

How do you make an Italian explode?

You Rigatoni

A dragon would never explode

But a dino might

A once small tree house building business exploded into a giant nationwide company.

They have branches everywhere these days.

There are three men on an airplane

One has a spear, one has a hand grenade, and the last one has a bomb. The first man throws the spear from the plane and then parachutes down to where it landed. After landing he finds a kid crying and says "Kid, why are you crying?" And through tears the kid says "A spear came down from the sky and ...

A member of the Senate, known for his hot temper, explodes one day in mid-session and begins to shout,

“Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!” All the other senators demand that the angry member withdraw his statement or be removed for the remainder of the session. After a moment to think, the angry senator apologizes. “I’m sorry,” he says. “What I meant to say was half o...

Three Guys are on an private jet when the pilot says they need to lighten their load.

They all agree to drop one item each. The first man drops an empty briefcase, the second man drops a beach towel, and the third man drops a live grenade. The flight continues as normal and the three men decide to visit the area where they dropped their items to see if any damage was done.

Soo...

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Bob came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, "You died in your sleep, Bob."

Bob was stunned, "I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!"

St. Peter said, "I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken."

Bob was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home.

The next thing...

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After a night of drinking, Brian crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.



When he awoke, he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. "Who the hell are you?" demanded Brian, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?"



The mysterious Man answered "This isn...

I use Microsoft's search engine on my laptop & it explodes. So I take it to the Italian repair guy

He says "What's the problem with your computer? Please keep it brief"
I say "Bad-a-Bing Bad-a-boom!"

When your grandpa throws a nokia and knock you out, but you throw a note 7 and it explodes.

The future is now old man

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you heard of my favorite sex move called the JFK?

It’s where I explode all over her face and she screams while trying to climb out of the car.

Corporal Bread is patrolling through the jungle when suddenly his squad gets ambushed. An incendiary grenade lands by his feet and explodes in a ball of flame. Private Panini exclaims, "Is he dead?!"

The sergeant sombrely replies, "He's toast"

Last night I dreamt that my town’s water tower exploded.

It was a wet dream.

I was bored, so I spent all day re-arranging my spice rack, only for one of the herb jars to exploded all over me...

I've got way too much thyme on my hands

If You Have Never Seen A Galaxy Explode

Just head to the nearest Samsung store.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Anticlimactic Lager (oj)

(*I just made up this joke, it takes a bit of patience but let me know if it's worth it. Either way, keep smiling!*)

Michael was a rich, eccentric and naive beer enthusiast. He journeyed around the world in search of rare lagers.

Once, on a trip to India, he came across a small bar. Be...

A man goes to see an impresario

and says "Got any job openings?"

"What do you do?" asks the impresario.

"Bird imitations," says the man.

"Do me a favour!" explodes the impresario. "Bird imitations went out in the 1970s!"

"Fair enough," says the man

...and flies out of the window.

[BREAKING NEWS] A bomb has just exploded in a Paris cheese shop.

Eyewitnesses report there is currently de Brie all over the place.

Nation dialogue

You know, I was very Hungary one day, so I went to go Czech the fridge. I managed to find some Turkey that was leftover from Thanksgiving, but it was all covered in Greece. So I closed the fridge and Czech'd the pantry. I saw a Canada beans, so I grabbed them and microwaved them, but it exploded. My...

Did you hear about the shoe factory that exploded?

Many soles were lost...

I was packing my luggage with German sausage, when my wife told me, "Don't overfill it. Last time it exploded in the airport and you caused a scene".

"Dont be silly", I said, "you're always thinking of the wurst case scenario".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tom did like he always does....

Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into
bed and falling asleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with
an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing in front of
his bed.


"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?...and who are
you?" he asked. ...

When I was at the immigration office, I interrupted an officer answering his phone and told him "Ship them back where they came from. They have a tendency to explode". He arrested me for being Islamophobic.

As I was dragged out, I was yelling "I was talking about your Samsung Galaxy Note 7!"

I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.

She's made of auntie matter.

Where did the little boy go when his lunch box exploded?

*Everywhere*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I heard that when a male bee has sex, it explodes and dies.

At least they go out with a bang.

What do you call 'an exploded hero'?

Heroshima

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man brings home a X-Mas tree...

"Oh boy, this place looks amaaaazing! It is cozy and warm, so much better than the forest in which I grew up! What are those? kids? I love kids! and they are giving me clothes! Those balls are a bit heavy but they make for some really pretty earings. And those scarfs are so lustruous I wanna cry. Th...

How do you make a Muslim's phone explode?

Set it to airplane mode.

What did the french chef say when the cheese factory exploded?

What did the french chef say when the cheese factory exploded?

Looks like we have debris all over the place

I’m still shocked that my friend died when his cocaine suddenly exploded.

It was a devastating blow.

What grows when you squeeze it, explodes if you rub it too hard, and children love it?

A balloon animal!

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