Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?

There was nothing left but de brie.

My dog died. He exploded.

He was a mixed breed. Half golden lab, half meth lab.

An Irish dad calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing.”

“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams.

“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says. “We’re sick of each other and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”

The son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “...

What do you call it when you poke someone’s head on the exact spot that causes their head to explode?

Acupuncture

A bus driver was called into court for killing 24 children and 6 adults

The judge asks the bus driver "why did you kill all those innocent people?"

The bus driver, looking a little sad, says "I didn't mean too, It was by mistake!"

"How did it happen?" Asks the judge.

"Well-" said the bus driver, "I was driving to a bus station but suddenly, on the r...

Did You Hear About the Pottery Furnace That Exploded?

It was terrible. They had to notify its next of kiln.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Queen Elizabeth was visiting one of Canada's top hospitals

and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.

"Oh my God!", said the Queen, "That's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this???"

The doctor leading the tour explains, "I'm sorry your Majesty, this man has a very serious condition where the t...

Scientists have invented a bomb that explodes when the temperature hits absolute zero

It's called the "0K Boomer"

Contrary to what historians will tell you, Napoleon had a more horrific death.

It turns out, the military leader had walked over an active land mine causing it to explode. Body parts were strewn all over the place. Yeah. That’s right. Napoleon was Blown-apart!

What do you call a dish that makes your taste buds explode?

A bomb appetit...



My friend forced me to tell the world about my dumb joke.

God, I'm awful, sorry about that!

Trump explodes in anger as he's refused entry to nativity scene

Proof once and for all that he's unstable

What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?

KA-BROOM!

DEA Officer at my farm

A DEA officer stopped at our farm yesterday, he said “I need to inspect your farm for illegal growing drugs.”
I said “Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.”
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, “Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!” Reaching into his rear...

If I remember correctly, the game “Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes” had a very brief stint of enormous popularity out of nowhere.

No one was talking about it, and it exploded onto the scene.

A list of things that helicopters do in movies

1. explode
2.

KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline)

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while she was there she went out to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. 

Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back...

Tried to spike my pumpkin spice latte with LSD and it exploded

That’s what happens when you mix acid and basic

What do you call something that explodes at -273.15 degrees Celsius?

0 K boomer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why wouldn't you want a liar to explode?

Because he's full of shit

In 1919, a storage tank full of molasses in Boston exploded, causing a flood that killed 21 people.

I guess you could call it the Boston Molassacre.

There are three men on an airplane

One has a spear, one has a hand grenade, and the last one has a bomb. The first man throws the spear from the plane and then parachutes down to where it landed. After landing he finds a kid crying and says "Kid, why are you crying?" And through tears the kid says "A spear came down from the sky and ...

Three Guys are on an private jet when the pilot says they need to lighten their load.

They all agree to drop one item each. The first man drops an empty briefcase, the second man drops a beach towel, and the third man drops a live grenade. The flight continues as normal and the three men decide to visit the area where they dropped their items to see if any damage was done.

Soo...

What did the journalist say when he saw an obese sea cow explode?

Oh the huge manatee!

Did you hear about the firework that wouldn’t explode?

It refused

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A guy goes into the US Postal Services to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."


"OK, have you ever been in the military service?"
"Yes," he says, "I was in Afghanistan for one tour."
The interviewer says, "that will give you 5 extra points toward empl...

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Ralf

Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber...

He awoke before the Pearly Gates where saint Peter said,"You died in your sleep Ralph."

Ralph was stunned. "I'm dead? No I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back! Ple...

What do you call an orange that explodes, but comes back?

Boom-orang

A guy exploded himself after asking me what damage could explosives do

All i said is "c4 yourself"

I tried to open a bag of Lays but it exploded all over me.

I've had a chip on my shoulder ever since.

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Have you heard of my favorite sex move called the JFK?

It’s where I explode all over her face and she screams while trying to climb out of the car.

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The Anticlimactic Lager (oj)

(*I just made up this joke, it takes a bit of patience but let me know if it's worth it. Either way, keep smiling!*)

Michael was a rich, eccentric and naive beer enthusiast. He journeyed around the world in search of rare lagers.

Once, on a trip to India, he came across a small bar. Be...

A once small tree house building business exploded into a giant nationwide company.

They have branches everywhere these days.

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An elementary school teacher, a lawyer, a Catholic priest and three young boys are on a plane with only three parachutes. Engines explode, plane starts going down.

The teacher says, 'Save the children!'

The lawyer yells, 'FUCK THE CHILDREN!'

The Catholic priest looks around and whispers, 'Is there time?'

Recently, monkeys escaped from an animal testing lab and broke into the adjacent chemistry lab. Some ingested potassium metal and exploded.

There were Rhesus pieces everywhere.

How do you make an Italian explode?

You Rigatoni

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How long does it take for a baby to explode in a microwave?

I do not know, I close my eyes when I masturbate

A dragon would never explode

But a dino might

A man goes to see an impresario

and says "Got any job openings?"

"What do you do?" asks the impresario.

"Bird imitations," says the man.

"Do me a favour!" explodes the impresario. "Bird imitations went out in the 1970s!"

"Fair enough," says the man

...and flies out of the window.

A member of the Senate, known for his hot temper, explodes one day in mid-session and begins to shout,

“Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!” All the other senators demand that the angry member withdraw his statement or be removed for the remainder of the session. After a moment to think, the angry senator apologizes. “I’m sorry,” he says. “What I meant to say was half o...

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After a night of drinking, Brian crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.



When he awoke, he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. "Who the hell are you?" demanded Brian, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?"



The mysterious Man answered "This isn...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tom did like he always does....

Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into
bed and falling asleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with
an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing in front of
his bed.


"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?...and who are
you?" he asked. ...

Do you know why the T-Rex exploded?

he was dinomite

Nation dialogue

You know, I was very Hungary one day, so I went to go Czech the fridge. I managed to find some Turkey that was leftover from Thanksgiving, but it was all covered in Greece. So I closed the fridge and Czech'd the pantry. I saw a Canada beans, so I grabbed them and microwaved them, but it exploded. My...

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A man brings home a X-Mas tree...

"Oh boy, this place looks amaaaazing! It is cozy and warm, so much better than the forest in which I grew up! What are those? kids? I love kids! and they are giving me clothes! Those balls are a bit heavy but they make for some really pretty earings. And those scarfs are so lustruous I wanna cry. Th...

I use Microsoft's search engine on my laptop & it explodes. So I take it to the Italian repair guy

He says "What's the problem with your computer? Please keep it brief"
I say "Bad-a-Bing Bad-a-boom!"

When your grandpa throws a nokia and knock you out, but you throw a note 7 and it explodes.

The future is now old man

Corporal Bread is patrolling through the jungle when suddenly his squad gets ambushed. An incendiary grenade lands by his feet and explodes in a ball of flame. Private Panini exclaims, "Is he dead?!"

The sergeant sombrely replies, "He's toast"

Mars rover

After an almost succesful retrieval of the Mars rover, upon re-entry, the rover overheated and exploded. Debrus landed in an urban environment. There was one casualty.

Curiosity killed the cat

Last night I dreamt that my town’s water tower exploded.

It was a wet dream.

I was bored, so I spent all day re-arranging my spice rack, only for one of the herb jars to exploded all over me...

I've got way too much thyme on my hands

If You Have Never Seen A Galaxy Explode

Just head to the nearest Samsung store.

[BREAKING NEWS] A bomb has just exploded in a Paris cheese shop.

Eyewitnesses report there is currently de Brie all over the place.

I was packing my luggage with German sausage, when my wife told me, "Don't overfill it. Last time it exploded in the airport and you caused a scene".

"Dont be silly", I said, "you're always thinking of the wurst case scenario".

Where did the little boy go when his lunch box exploded?

*Everywhere*

Did you hear about the shoe factory that exploded?

Many soles were lost...

I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.

She's made of auntie matter.

I was in the kitchen when a flying insect came through the window and exploded.

I think it was a jihaddy long legs.

Why did the terrorist exploded himself in front of the suggestion box?

to give a piece of his mind.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I heard that when a male bee has sex, it explodes and dies.

At least they go out with a bang.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The King of the Jungle

Everyone knows the Lion is the King of the Jungle, and as the King, is his duty to keep all his subjects in line. Well, one day he hears that the elephants are up to no good, so he starts making his way through the jungle. Occasionally he'll go by some of the other animals and roar out to them to fi...

What do you call 'an exploded hero'?

Heroshima

When I was at the immigration office, I interrupted an officer answering his phone and told him "Ship them back where they came from. They have a tendency to explode". He arrested me for being Islamophobic.

As I was dragged out, I was yelling "I was talking about your Samsung Galaxy Note 7!"

A software tester walks into a bar.

He orders a beer, -1 beers, 50 beers, nuhriuh beers, NULL beers. The barman happily fulfils the orders he can, and declines the ones he can't.

A software user walks into the same bar, and asks the barman where the toilets are. The barman explodes, the bar burns to the ground, and the building...

Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people

Then the grenade exploded

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The sheriff of a small Texan town pulled over a Porsche that was doing 60 miles per hour in a 30-mile an hour zone.

The man behind the wheel, a San Francisco law associate, was steaming. When he was finally brought before the local magistrate, he exploded, "I can't believe you stopped me. This town must be the asshole of the world!"

There was a five second pause as the magistrate looked at him. Then he ask...

I’m still shocked that my friend died when his cocaine suddenly exploded.

It was a devastating blow.

What did the french chef say when the cheese factory exploded?

What did the french chef say when the cheese factory exploded?

Looks like we have debris all over the place

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Chemical Analysis of Women

Item: Chemical Analysis



Subject: Women



Symbol: Wo



Discovered by: Adam



Atomic Weight: Average expected as 150lb, but there are known isotopes ranging from 100lb to 250lb.


Occurrence: Surplus quanti...

How do you make a Muslim's phone explode?

Set it to airplane mode.

What grows when you squeeze it, explodes if you rub it too hard, and children love it?

A balloon animal!

What do you call a Bloodletter who’s head has exploded

A popkhorne

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A doctor is giving a tour of a local hospital

One day a public health official goes to visit a local hospital. The doctor is giving them a tour around the hospital, bragging about what an outstanding reputation it has. He claims that they are the leading hospital in treating rare disorders and afflictions.

As the doctor and visitor pass ...

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