UPJOKE
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Gritty Jokes

Big Bird walks into a bar

Big Bird walks into a gritty bar off Sesame Street and sits all alone and orders a beer. "Sometimes I just feel left out by all my peers. You know, all alone," he complains to the bartender. "I guess I just feel ostrich sized."

I love studying blood-sucking parasites…

Really get into the nitty gritty of things and find out what makes them tick.

What do you call sandpaper that likes to weave?

Knitty Gritty

I once knew a lady who was into crocheting in the dirt.

You could say she was in the knitty gritty.

Did you hear about 50 Cent's clever new song about the small, detail-oriented urban cat?

They're calling it "Fiddy's witty itty bitty nitty gritty city kitty ditty".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIL that McDonald's and police use the same training material.

It's a 5 step de-escalation procedure. You know, a kind that some corporate HR would come up. Ones with corny, forced acronyms. But this one actually works pretty well:

1. Believe
2. Listen
3. Apologize
4. Satisfy
5. Thank the customer

So when a customer gets all pissy abou...

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There once was a man named Dave

Dave dug up a chick from the grave.
She looked kinda gritty...
Was missing a titty...
But think of the money he saved!

"The Personal Touch"

The brothel’s madam opened the door to find an elderly gentleman standing there. “May I help you?” asked the madam.
“I want Natalie,” replied the man.
“Sir, Natalie is our most expensive girls. Perhaps someone else?”
“No, I must see Natalie,” insisted the man.
Just then, Nata...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bank robber and her husband were being chased by the police

A bank robber and her husband were being chased by the police

In order to shake off the heat, the couple rushed into a Victoria's secret to blend in with the crowd and hide.

By the time two officers had shown up, the weird looks and perfume that everyone was berating them with were inc...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Johnny's Date

Two friends got lucky after one night at the bar and picked a lady each. When they decided to go down to the nitty gritty they found out they have no money left for the hotel room and knew already the ladies wouldn't do anything on the car so they remembered that his friend Johnny lived alone and th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My first OC joke. (Long)

A man walks into an antique shop. He approaches the female cashier and
asks, “Is this your store?”

She nods her head, “My parents owned it for a few decades, I had since inherited it.”

The man then asks her, “Would you like to see a magic trick?”

The woman, barley amused, dec...

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