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Gamblers Jokes

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Gambler gets a notice from IRS that he is being audited.

The gambler calls his tax attorney and they go to see the IRS agent. As they are waiting in the office, the IRS agent looks over his paperwork and says:

"The reason for your audit is that you have a relatively lavish lifestyle, but not much income to justify it, can you tell me what you do fo...

How many gamblers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Well, all the ones we’ve hired so far have failed, but eventually it’ll work, I swear!

I went to my first Gamblers Anonymous meeting last night.

They gave me 3 to 1 odds.

I took it.

Why do gamblers feed their cows edibles?

Because they like it when the steaks are high

Why are farmers aggressive gamblers?

Because they raise the steaks.

Card Gamblers Joke

Why are toilets always so good at poker?




They always get a flush

I went to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting one time and let me tell you

What a bunch of losers.

Those aliens that abduct cows must be gamblers.

They're always raising the steaks.

What do gamblers drive?

a Chevroulette

Asked Why I Came To Gamblers Anonymous

Told them I lost a bet.

Is this Gamblers Anonymous?

You bet!

Did Any gamblers make money predicting the name of Harry and Meghan's daughter?

I wish I had a Lilibet.

Probability theory

Probability theory is probably the least understood area by the general population (except for certain gamblers). As a simple example, consider the History Professor friend of mine who was scared of flying and asked me one day: "What is the probability that there will be a bomb on an airplane?" I re...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man working at a convenience store gets a little bored..

A man working at a convenience store gets a little bored and decides to grab a slushie. Still bored and with business being slow he grabs a porno magazine and starts "reading" it.

Just then three elderly ladies come into the store. With his pants down and hand on his junk the clerk hurriedl...

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