Which company NEVER loses at blackjack?

Forever 21.

Hiring out of work Blackjack dealers to count ballots in Nevada was not a good idea.

They count up to 22, reshuffle the stack, and start over.

Girls are like blackjack....

I'm always going for 21, but end up hitting 14.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three prisoners are being transported to the prison where they will spend the rest of their lives. On the way there they have a chat about the things they're taking with them.

The first prisoner says:

- I've got a drawing kit. When I'm behind bars, I want to spend the rest of my life making art.

The second says:

- I've got cards. Now I can play stuff like poker, blackjack or bridge.

The third one says:

- And I've got a box of tampons....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a man praying in a church and a man praying at a blackjack table?

The motherfucker at the blackjack table means it.

What did the yoga instructor say when the blackjack dealer asked him if he wanted another card?

Namaste

Dating is a lot like Blackjack:

While 21 is the ideal, with 14 or below you are definitely gonna hit it.

( inspired by a joke by u/thomasswaggyt_ )

In Blackjack, why do they call "17" the mother in law?

Why?


'Cause sometimes u wanna hit it but u can't

-kevin hart-

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've just opened a casino for dogs. They can play roulette, poker and blackjack all under one roof! However...

...they have to go outside for craps.

TIL that after starring in 21 Kevin Spacey tried to play Blackjack professionally and lost all of his money.

Kept hitting on 17.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A good man dies and goes to heaven where God, impressed by the man's life record, grants him one final wish.

"Well, God, I know this seems petty, but I've never won at blackjack."

That's okay, my friend, God says, and He snaps His fingers and He and the man are sitting at a blackjack table in Vegas. The man puts up a $1,000 bet. The dealer's showing a 6 and the man's showing a 17. The man signals th...

I pulled 5 cards blindly and got a royal straight flush

I was soo happy until i realise i was playing blackjack.

Why wouldn’t R. Kelly make a good blackjack dealer?

He hits on 17

19 and 20 are playing a game of Blackjack

21

Why do women make terrible blackjack players?

Because nobody can hit them.

We should really use the blackjack scale to rate women.

For example:

"Every girl here is ugly"

"Well, what about her? "

"Eh, she's like a 15 or 16. Not sure if I'd hit it"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man wakes and finds himself in hell

One day a man with many vices dies and finds himself in hell.

Wallowing in despair that his decisions in life have landed him in hell, he has a meeting with Satan.

Satan: "Why so glum?"

Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

Satan: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a l...

Why was the farmer so worried when his cows started smoking weed and bet his whole farm playing blackjack?

Because the steaks are high!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Blackjack

Saul is working in his store when he hears a booming voice from above: “Saul, sell your business.”

He ignores it. It goes on for days. “Saul, sell your business for $3 million.”

After weeks of this, he relents and sells his store. The voice says “Saul, go to Las Vegas.” He asks why. ...

What do Dating & Blackjack Have In Common?

I always hit on a soft twelve.

A Blackjack dealer is arrested for pedophilia...

He will hit on anything 16 and under.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So this guy decides to take off work to go golfing.

So he's there on the Green, about to head his ball, when he hears, "Ribbit! Nine-iron!"

He looks down and there's a little frog next to his foot. "What did you say, little frog?"

And the frog repeats. "Ribbit! Nine-iron!"

So the man shrugs, figures what the hell, switches cl...

Kevin Spacey is trying to get a new position in Vegas,...

Blackjack Dealer

Because they hit on anything under 17.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy gets hit by a bus and finds himself in front of iron gates. Confused he asks where he is, "Hell," said the devil "but before you get overly concerned, it's not as bad as you think it is..."

"What!!" said the guy, starting to panic. "How can that be, I'm a good person, this can't be right, it can't be!"

"Calm down," said the devil, "the rules for going upstairs are a lot stricter than people realise - and besides, like I said before, it's really not that bad here."

Unconvi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A gambler is down on his luck and pleads with God.

A gambler is down on his luck and pleads with God one night after losing almost everything he had at the casino.

"God what have I done to deserve this, my wife left me, I've lost my job, I don't know what to do please help me." he says.

God suddenly appears in front of him and says "So...

One armed Billionaire walked into the Casino.

He puts a few million dollars on the blackjack table and wins every hand for 2 hours.

The pit boss walks over and says "Oh my God...he's about to take down the Casino....Single-Handedly"

Alanis sets out to Vegas on her annual gambling trip.

On arrival, she heads straight to her usual Blackjack table, where she's greeted by the croupier, "Welcome back Mrs. Terr. The usual loan, I assume?"

She nods and he hands her $10,000 in chips.

After an hour, she's down to $20.

The croupier asks, "Same again, Mrs. Terr?", she n...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

George hears the voice of God

George owns a grocery store and makes decent money. One day, he hears the voice God. God says, "Sell your store and move to Vegas." George, a devout Christian, complies. So George is walking down the Strip, when God says, "head into this casino and play blackjack." George does. After playing a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Story About Joe

There was this man, let's call him Joe. Joe was a religious man, he was the CEO of a multi-million dollar company, and he had a very nice house. One day, as he was heading to work, he heard a voice boom down from the heavens.

"JOE," the voice proclaimed.

"God? Is that you?" Joe aske...

A gambler invites two friends, a mathematician and an engineer, to the casino to try and score big with their help.

The mathematician suggests blackjack, as with card counting it's the only game where the house doesn't have an advantage. The engineer agrees for the same reason, but warns, that since this is the real world, to be wary of the casino getting wise to them. The gambler follows the advice of his intell...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bill, a small business owner is at work one day and hears God speak to him.

"Bill, this is God," says a booming voice, "You need to sell your business and go to Las Vegas with all of your proceeds."

Bill is understandably shocked and when he asks God why he should do that, the instructions are repeated, only louder. So Bill, having been raised a God- fearing person, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

David and the voice.

David was working in his shoe shop one day when he heard a voice whisper out to him, "Sell your shop".

He ignored it contributing it to the old building. The next week he heard it again. "Sell your shop," the voice whispered. He continued to ignore it until the voice was speaking to him every...

Hear about the man who needed to use his fingers and toes to count to 20?

He was thrown out of the casino when he pulled his pants down while playing blackjack

A $20 bill and a $1 bill meet in a bank.

The $1 bill asks, "You look well traveled, where have you been since you were printed?"


"Oh, I've been all over the place. I spent some time in Vegas hitting the blackjack tables and buying expensive drinks, then I traveled through Southern California visiting the fanciest restaurants I c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God speaks to a man... and tells him to go to Vegas.

A man is sitting behind his desk at home when suddenly a voice from the heavens booms down at him. "Go to Las Vegas," it says. The man, thoroughly intimidated by the voice, books the quickest ticket to Vegas. When he arrives, God speaks again. "Go to the blackjack table!" The man walks to the neares...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My favorite joke. So John owns a hardware store...

...and business is doing well. One day, as he is standing around keeping shop, he hears a booming voice from the heavens: JOHN, SELL YOUR HARDWARE STORE.

John looks around and nobody else is reacting. Nobody else heard it. So he decides to act as if nothing happened, and just hope he is not ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A successful businessman is sitting in his office...

when suddenly he hears the voice of God.

"Charlie, you need to sell your business. Sell it for $1 million dollars."

Charlie is astounded, "But why, I'm doing so well!"

"Charlie, do as I say!"

Charlie doesn't want to argue with God, so he does what he is told, and within a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is at the Casino...

A man is sitting at a blackjack table. He's not doing very well, and is about to get up and walk away, when he hears God, 'play again'. The man sits back down and plays another hand. He's dealt 20, and God says 'Hit'. The man, nervously says 'h-hit please'. He's dealt an Ace and wins. He is dealt ag...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's this shopkeeper named John...

His business is doing beautifully. One day, a heavenly voice calls out to him, "John, sell your shop."

He says, "What?"

"John. Sell your shop."

John, not going to question a heavenly voice calling out to him, does so for several hundred thousand dollars. Then, "John, go to Vega...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man hears a voice from above...

The voice commands: "SELL YOUR BUSINESS!" The man is understandably hesitant, but the voice is insistent. "SELL YOUR BUSINESS!" The man finally gives in and sells his fairly successful business to the tune of 3 million dollars. Soon after, he hears the voice again.

"NOW, SPEND ALL YOUR MONEY...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.