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Bingo Jokes

During a weekly game at the home for the aged, the bingo caller began choking and then collapsed.

He was rushed to emergency, and went immediately into surgery.

It appeared that 40 years of calling bingo games in smoky halls had finally caught-up with him.

The surgeon successfully removed a mass that was blocking his windpipe.

After waking from the surgery, the caller asked...

For a change, a genie appeared in front of a woman this time...

A genie appeared in front of a woman.

"Whatever you want, as many things as you want, just ask " the genie said.

"My husband’s eyes should be only on me during all waking hours."

"And then ..?"

"He should not be concerned with anything else in life except me."

"An...

My doctor told me I had a Bingo tumor.

He said "Don't worry. It's B-9.".

A guy goes to the doctors.

A guy goes to the doctors complaining of feeling generally unwell. The Doctor examines him, then looks at him and says, 'Well, Mr Jones, it looks like you have Yellow 24'. 'What's that? ' asks Mr Jones, and the doctor explains 'Sadly its not a good prognosis. First you start feeling unwell, as you h...

I just got fired from my job as a bingo caller...

Apparently, "A meal for two with a hairy view" is *not* an appropriate way of calling out number 69...

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I started my new job as a bingo caller last night and halfway through calling the numbers I farted loudly. My boss immediately came over and whispered in my ear, "Don't do that again."

"Sorry," I said, "It must be the nerves."

"Fair enough," he replied, "But there was no need to hold the microphone directly on your asshole."

Some Taliban members are playing bingo, but stop when someone yells:

B-52

How do you get an elderly lady to say f***?

Get another one to say bingo

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Mildred, bingo, and Buzzy the parrot

During the pandemic, Mildred, a widow for twenty years, was worried she had to give up her weekly bingo game down at Saint Mary’s community hall. Fortunately, the church found a way to take the game online using Zoom. (After all, bingo was a nice source of revenue.) Just as important, she had Buzzy,...

When is bingo harmless?

When its B9!

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How do you clear out a Japanese bingo parlor?

B-29

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[long] Old age [NSFW]

It is Bingo night and the 70 year old women are discussing who is the “hottest” widower at the old folks home.

One says “Arnold is the hottest gentleman here, he has hair and most of his teeth!”

Another says “Barry is the sexiest man here, just look at the way he gets around on his ...

I like my tumors like I like my bingo numbers...

B9

We played BINGO lastnight inside the shuttle

We all needed O2 to stay in the game

Why don't physicists and Bingo players get along?

They disagree on the application and existence of a free space.

My mom loved bingo so much ...

when she got a tumor, it was B-9.

Old and Pregnant?

A 68 year old woman told her friend over a bingo game that she wanted to have a baby. Her friend, in reasonable disbelief, laughed at her.

The 68 year old woman retorted, "Well, I have the apparatus to and with today's technology, I can have a baby."

And she did just that. She got pr...

How do you clear a North Korean bingo hall?

B 52

I'm worried that my grandma is starting to lolse her marbles. Yesterday when I went to visit she'd been marking herself all over with her bingo pen.

She's completely dotty.

I found a tumor at Bingo last night.

It's okay. It was B9.

A star bingo player goes to the doctor

At one of his bingo tournaments, someone pointed out a dark spot on his neck. The bingo player was worried about this new mole growing on his body, thinking that it could be cancerous.

Bingo player: What do you think of the mole? Should i be worried?

Doctor: B9

How do you break up an Al-Quaeda bingo game?

Yell "B-52!"

What did the bingo player shout out when he found out his tumor was harmless?

B 9!

How do you get a hundred cows into a hall?

Put a Bingo sign front of it.

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A man boarded an aircraft at London's Heathrow Airport for New York

A man boarded an aircraft at London's Heathrow Airport for New York, and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo - she took the seat right beside him.
"Hello", he blurted out, "Busine...

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Make old ladies cuss.

Q-How do you make 4 old ladies say "fuck" at the same time?

A- you tell the fifth one to scream "bingo".

Abbott & Costello

COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America .

ABBOTT: Good Subject. Terrible Times. It's 7.8%.

COSTELLO: That many people are out of work?

ABBOTT: No, that's 14.7%

COSTELLO: You just said 7.8%.

ABBOTT: 7.8% Unemployed.

COSTELLO: Righ...

A man moved into a retirement home...

An elderly man decided it was time to move on. He packed his stuff and moved into a retirement home.

On his first day there, as he was unpacking his stuff into his room, he could help but notice that the woman in the room across the hall was staring at him. He thought it was odd but decided ...

How can you tell that a Bingo player just isn't into you?

When you call their numbers 5 times in a row and they still don't answer.

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How do you stop a Bingo game in Japan?

Call in B-29.

What's the fastest way to break up a bingo game in North Korea?

B-52! B-52!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Know why you can't play bingo with Japanese people

They all scramble for cover when you call B-29.

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How do you get 50 little old ladies to scream FUCK at the same time?

Have the 51st scream BINGO!

Okay, we need a title for our fantasy novel involving dragons. Any ideas?

…Dragon?

It can’t just be Dragon.

Umm… Cragon?

No, that’s awful. Come on, think harder.

Umm…. Eragon?

….Bingo.

I work for the Big, International Non-Governmental Organization.

And BINGO is its name-o.

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We cleared out my grandma's house this morning

We sorted out the good stuff and put it on eBay, and then went to the estate agents to put her house on the market.

She's gonna be pretty pissed off when she gets back from bingo.

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I saw a lady at the store with a boob just hanging out

When I pointed it out to her, she said "oh nooo I left my baby at bingo again".

A Man Walks into a Gun Store...

The man walks in and looks around until he gets to the Safety Items. He Looks joyfully With a big smile at a Pair of Headphones, Books, then Bingo. He picks up a protective Vest and goes to the counter Happily. The Cashier asks for his ID and asks Him, "Why are you so Happy?", The man responds with,...

How do you get nine grandmas to swear?

Make the tenth one shout "bingo!"

TIL the agricultural etymology of the word bingo.

There was a farmer who had a dog.

You know how you play Iranian bingo?

A-10, B-52, F-22, C-130

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Two women are talking over the garden wall and the conversation turns to money.

“You know, Lauren, I’ve discovered a great way to get more money out of my old man. Last week I wore a low necked jumper when we went shopping and as I bent over the supermarket freezer one of my boobs popped out. You should have seen Bill, he nearly had a blue fit. I told him it was because I didn’...

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The best joke my dad told me.

What has 75 balls and always screws old ladies?

BINGO!!

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This is stupid and funny at the same time

How do you get an 80-year-old woman to yell, "CRAP!"?

You get another 80-year-old woman right next to her to yell, "Bingo!

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An elderly woman passes, leaving her life-long husband a lonely widower.

As time goes on, his life begins to unravel as he spirals into a pit of despair. This does not go unnoticed by his adult children, who grasp at any opportunity to cheer him up. Finally, one of them convinces him to grudgingly attend an evening game at the local bingo hall, knowing that he'll be in t...

First joke I ever learned

An elderly man arrives home from bingo and his wife comes running up to him.

"Thank goodness you're home safe! I was watching the news and apparently a lunatic was driving down the wrong side of the freeway!"

He responds, "*A* Lunatic? There were hundreds of them!"

I was playing bingo with R. Kelly...

Apparently B 13 is his favorite number

ADHD & Sleep Problems. Funny That You Asked!!

I have ADHD and have troubles getting to sleep. Doctor recommended counting sheep...

1 sheep. 2 sheep. 3 sheep. Cow. Duck. Horse. \*Old MacDonald had a farm\* and bingo was his name-o!

I watched the US Presidential Debate last night, but I don't know if it was worth it

If I wanted to watch two old men fighting and screaming at each other, I would have just gone to bingo night at the local nursing home‬.

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Two old ladies

Fanny and Mary, two small and elderly ladies living in a retirement community in Florida are sitting on a porch and enjoying some cold ice tea after a game of bingo. They've been gossiping for a while, when suddenly Fanny asks:

'Mary, dear, you and your Frank have been happy in marriage, righ...

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A millionaire and a guide were out hunting ducks with a dog.

The dog runs into a thicket and back out and barks once. The owner said good there's one duck in there. They go in and sure enough one duck. They get the duck and head to the next thicket.

The dog runs in and back out. This time he barks three times. Good there's three ducks. They go in and b...

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THAT's how you do it!

So there's a couple that have been happily married for 30 years, except for one thing: the woman has never had an orgasm. So they visit a marriage counselor.

The counselor listens to their tale of woe, and says to the husband, "Here's what you do. Go to the gym and find a strapping young man....

A bingo caller has a ball fly up at his face...

It goes right up his noise and gets stuck. He goes to the emergency room, the doctor says, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that you have a tumour". The bingo caller looks shocked and asks, "what's the good news?" The doctor responds, " the tumour is B9".

This is my favourite joke I made, I hope no-one else has thought about it

Q. How do you get an old English woman to say "f**k"


A. Get someone else to shout "bingo!"


Some will get it, some will be offended. Most won't get it

Its Before not "be fore"

We're speaking English not Bingo.

A lady goes to her doctor for a regular exam.

The doctor asks for a blood, stool and urine sample.

She replies, can I just leave my underwear I'm late for Bingo.

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How do you get a crowd of elderly people to all yell "FUCK!" at the same time?

Be the first to call out bingo.

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Lots of balls?

What has a lot of little balls and is always screwing old women?

A bingo machine

An old woman goes to the doctor's office...

....The doctor gives her a checkup and says, "I need to do stool, blood and urine tests."
The woman says, "Well can I just leave my underwear? Bingo starts in half an hour."

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Yellow 24

A man goes to the doctor feeling ill. After checking the man over the doctor looks worried ‘ I don’t know how to break this to you, but you have a terminal disease known as yellow 24. Your blood will turn yellow and you only have 24 hours to live. I suggest you go and spend time with your loved ones...

Cram Them In

Q: How do you fit 300 cows into a barn?

A: Put up a 'Bingo' sign

Did you hear that the guy who in invented bingo had a recent health scare?

The tumor ended up being B9.

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A old man and a young man play golf

The young man sees an old man hug an incredibly attractive 24 year old blonde. The woman leaves in a sport car peeling out of the facility wildly while leaving the old man with his golf gear. The old man walks towards the course smiling and seems to be settling up to start his game. The young man wa...

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A young boy waits downstairs while his date is getting ready

The Dad is there watching TV with the family dog.

The boy farts, the Dad yells at the dog.

The boy farts again, the Dad again yells at the dog.

The third time, Dad yells "Bingo, get way from him before he shits on you"!

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Lucky Harry

Harry walks into work on Monday morning with a huge grin on his face. One of his co-workers says, “Why are you so happy?”

Harry says, “I went to Bingo for the first time in my life this weekend and I won a thousand bucks.”

A week later, Harry walks into work on Monday morning and he’s ...

An old man stopped me on the street to tell me this.

How do you get five sweet, kind, angelic, Christian, old ladies to swear like sailors?

Have a 6th one say "BINGO!"

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