I got fired from my Bingo Caller Job...

Apparently "A meal for two with a hairy view" is not the way you say 69.

During a weekly game at the home for the aged, the bingo caller began choking and then collapsed.

He was rushed to emergency, and went immediately into surgery.

It appeared that 40 years of calling bingo games in smoky halls had finally caught-up with him.

The surgeon successfully removed a mass that was blocking his windpipe.

After waking from the surgery, the caller asked...

I was playing bingo with R. Kelly...

Apparently B 13 is his favorite number

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A gorgeous nymphomaniac boarded a plane...

A man boarded an aircraft at London's Heathrow Airport for New York, and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo - she took the seat right beside him.

"Hello", he blurted out, "Busin...

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How do you make an old lady say "fuck"?

Make another old lady say "bingo".

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THAT's how you do it!

So there's a couple that have been happily married for 30 years, except for one thing: the woman has never had an orgasm. So they visit a marriage counselor.

The counselor listens to their tale of woe, and says to the husband, "Here's what you do. Go to the gym and find a strapping young man....

I like my tumors like I like my bingo numbers...

B9

What is the name of the elderly man that won three bingos in a row?

Jerry hat-trick ...

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What has 99 balls and fucks old ladies...

***Bingo***

How do you get a sweet little old grandma to curse?

Shout *Bingo*.

How can you tell that a Bingo player just isn't into you?

When you call their numbers 5 times in a row and they still don't answer.

What's the worst part about trying to contact a bingo player?

You have to send them a letter with your number B4 they'll respond.

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Yellow 24

A man goes to the doctor feeling ill. After checking the man over the doctor looks worried ‘ I don’t know how to break this to you, but you have a terminal disease known as yellow 24. Your blood will turn yellow and you only have 24 hours to live. I suggest you go and spend time with your loved ones...

A star bingo player goes to the doctor

At one of his bingo tournaments, someone pointed out a dark spot on his neck. The bingo player was worried about this new mole growing on his body, thinking that it could be cancerous.

Bingo player: What do you think of the mole? Should i be worried?

Doctor: B9

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A 20 year old man comes to his sensei to help him...

M: Sensei, my girlfriend is pregnant, but I used a condom...
S: My son, I will tell you a story:
There once lived a hunter. One day, he planned a trip in a jungle, but forgot his gun.
Suddenly a tiger shown up. He could defend only with an umbrella, so he aimed at the tiger with it, ...

Why don't physicists and Bingo players get along?

They disagree on the application and existence of a free space.

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I started my new job as a bingo caller last night

and halfway through calling the numbers I farted loudly.

My boss immediately came over and whispered in my ear, "Don't do that again."

"Sorry," I said, "It must be the nerves."

"Fair enough," he replied, "But there was no need to hold the microphone to your arse."

This is my favourite joke I made, I hope no-one else has thought about it

Q. How do you get an old English woman to say "f**k"


A. Get someone else to shout "bingo!"


Some will get it, some will be offended. Most won't get it

An old woman goes to the doctor's office...

....The doctor gives her a checkup and says, "I need to do stool, blood and urine tests."
The woman says, "Well can I just leave my underwear? Bingo starts in half an hour."

How do you play Taliban bingo?

B-52...F-16...B-1..

How do you get 50 old ladies to say the"F" word?

Yell,"BINGO"

How do you get them to say it twice?

Yell,"Oops,Sorry!

Want to know how to clear out an Iranian bingo parlor?

B... 52

A bingo caller has a ball fly up at his face...

It goes right up his noise and gets stuck. He goes to the emergency room, the doctor says, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that you have a tumour". The bingo caller looks shocked and asks, "what's the good news?" The doctor responds, " the tumour is B9".

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Elderly Sex

One night, an 87 year-old woman came home from Bingo and found her 97 year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor, assisted living apartment, killing him instantly.

Brought before the court on the charge of murder...

What's the fastest way to break up a bingo game in North Korea?

B-52! B-52!

You know how you play Iranian bingo?

A-10, B-52, F-22, C-130

How do you get 500 old cows in barn?

Put up a bingo sign.

When is bingo harmless?

When its B9!

I found a tumor at Bingo last night.

It's okay. It was B9.

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How do you stop a Bingo game in Japan?

Call in B-29.

"Mummy, what is a punk?"

"Well dear, back when I was your age, punks were people who listened to loud rock music and had strange hairstyles. Why do you ask?" "Daddy says when you go to bingo tonight, he's going to make me swallow his punk".

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A little boy is crying on the streets.

A cop comes up to him asks him what's happened.



Cop: Why are you crying, kiddo?

Boy: I can't find my mother.

Cop: Don't worry; we'll find her. What's she like?

Boy: Mostly cocks & bingo.

My mom loved bingo so much ...

when she got a tumor, it was B-9.

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How do you get a crowd of elderly people to all yell "FUCK!" at the same time?

Be the first to call out bingo.

Q: How do you make an old woman start cursing?

A: Just scream BINGO!

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A old man and a young man play golf

The young man sees an old man hug an incredibly attractive 24 year old blonde. The woman leaves in a sport car peeling out of the facility wildly while leaving the old man with his golf gear. The old man walks towards the course smiling and seems to be settling up to start his game. The young man wa...

For a change, a genie appeared in front of a woman this time...

A genie appeared in front of a woman.

"Whatever you want, as many things as you want, just ask " the genie said.

"My husband’s eyes should be only on me during all waking hours."

"And then ..?"

"He should not be concerned with anything else in life except me."

"An...

First joke I ever learned

An elderly man arrives home from bingo and his wife comes running up to him.

"Thank goodness you're home safe! I was watching the news and apparently a lunatic was driving down the wrong side of the freeway!"

He responds, "*A* Lunatic? There were hundreds of them!"

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Lots of balls?

What has a lot of little balls and is always screwing old women?

A bingo machine

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Why do Japanese hate bingo?

They all scramble for cover when you call B-29

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A young virgin woman from very religious puritan family walks down the street.

A young virgin woman from very religious puritan family walks down the street. When she passes a taxi stop she overhears one taxi driver saying to other: "Wow, I would love to shag that girl!" She gets home and she asks her mother: "Mom, what does the word SHAG mean?" Her puritan mother gets all red...

Screaming ladies !

How do you make hundreds of old ladies scream and moan together?



Have another old lady shout "bingo"

I saw a comment that requested more parrot jokes.

A man went into the pet shop to purchase something for his mother's birthday. His mother was alone and he thought it would be a good idea if she had a nice companion with her. He couldn't decide what kind of a pet to get so the shop owner showed him a parrot. He said, "This parrot can speak in 5 dif...

Cram Them In

Q: How do you fit 300 cows into a barn?

A: Put up a 'Bingo' sign

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A young boy waits downstairs while his date is getting ready

The Dad is there watching TV with the family dog.

The boy farts, the Dad yells at the dog.

The boy farts again, the Dad again yells at the dog.

The third time, Dad yells "Bingo, get way from him before he shits on you"!

A man moved into a retirement home...

An elderly man decided it was time to move on. He packed his stuff and moved into a retirement home.

On his first day there, as he was unpacking his stuff into his room, he could help but notice that the woman in the room across the hall was staring at him. He thought it was odd but decided ...

Old and Pregnant?

A 68 year old woman told her friend over a bingo game that she wanted to have a baby. Her friend, in reasonable disbelief, laughed at her.

The 68 year old woman retorted, "Well, I have the apparatus to and with today's technology, I can have a baby."

And she did just that. She got pr...

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Lucky Harry

Harry walks into work on Monday morning with a huge grin on his face. One of his co-workers says, “Why are you so happy?”

Harry says, “I went to Bingo for the first time in my life this weekend and I won a thousand bucks.”

A week later, Harry walks into work on Monday morning and he’s ...

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I made fifty little old ladies say "Fuck" today.

when I yelled out "Bingo"... and I wasn't even playing.

A game develper goes to H*ll

A young game developer is killed before his time, and stands before Saint Peter.
"Because you died so young, we cannot properly judge you on your sins and virtues. Therefore, you will be allowed to choose between going to Heaven or Hell."
Before the developer can express his dismay, St. Peter ...

What one word can you yell out loud that will make a room full of little old ladies swear?

Bingo!

I have ADHD and have troubles getting to sleep. Doctor recommended counting sheep...

1 sheep. 2 sheep. 3 sheep. Cow. Duck. Horse. *Old MacDonald had a farm* and bingo was his name-o!

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Once upon a time in a nursing home...

...there was an 80 year old woman and an 80 year old man. Despite their advanced years, they were both very much sexually driven despite the doctor's insistence that they give up that type of activity due to their advanced age, but one night, a sly wink over a game of Bingo and a sexy smile over pu...

Did you hear that the guy who in invented bingo had a recent health scare?

The tumor ended up being B9.

An old man stopped me on the street to tell me this.

How do you get five sweet, kind, angelic, Christian, old ladies to swear like sailors?

Have a 6th one say "BINGO!"

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Bob and Francis lived in a retirement home together...

They had quite a bond and would frequently hang out and spend time with each other. One of their favorite things to do would be to go out on the patio at night, gaze at the stares and reminisce on the good times.

One night when they were on the patio Bob asked Francis if she would hold his p...

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Priest's Donkey

The parish was very poor and the priest tried everything he could to raise money. But the Bingo games didn't work, the spaghetti diners and pancake breakfasts din't work. He even tried raffling an old Ford and that didn't help. So the priest though of trying out horse racing. He went to a horse auct...

What does she have that I don't?

An elderly woman is living out her golden years in a retirement home. One day she spots a newcomer at BINGO. He's a dashing gentleman of about her age and though she's rather a prude she can't help but be flattered when he flirts a little with her. And though she's not sure that it's the godly thing...

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A lawyer walks across the street.

A lawyer walks across the street. He's hit by a bus he gets up and there's flames all around him. He says fuck and looks bummed out the devil walks up and says why the long face. I'm in hell he says. The devil says well its not that bad down here, Do you like to drink? Yes says the lawyer the devil ...

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We cleared out my grandma’s house this morning

We sorted out the good stuff and put it on eBay, and then went to the estate agents to put her house on the market.
She's gonna be pretty pissed off when she gets back from bingo.

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the old couple had no money left, so the husband says

-"Martha, you spent all our monthly pension playing bingo. Now we cannot even buy food, the only way we got to get some money quickly is that you prostitute yourself"

The old woman accepts her fate and goes out. The evening passes, then the full night. The husband begins to get worried, but ...

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