UPJOKE
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During a weekly game at the home for the aged, the bingo caller began choking and then collapsed.

He was rushed to emergency, and went immediately into surgery.

It appeared that 40 years of calling bingo games in smoky halls had finally caught-up with him.

The surgeon successfully removed a mass that was blocking his windpipe.

After waking from the surgery, the caller asked...

My doctor told me I had a Bingo tumor.

He said "Don't worry. It's B-9.".

Some Taliban members are playing bingo, but stop when someone yells:

B-52

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Mildred, bingo, and Buzzy the parrot

During the pandemic, Mildred, a widow for twenty years, was worried she had to give up her weekly bingo game down at Saint Mary’s community hall. Fortunately, the church found a way to take the game online using Zoom. (After all, bingo was a nice source of revenue.) Just as important, she had Buzzy,...

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[long] Old age [NSFW]

It is Bingo night and the 70 year old women are discussing who is the “hottest” widower at the old folks home.

One says “Arnold is the hottest gentleman here, he has hair and most of his teeth!”

Another says “Barry is the sexiest man here, just look at the way he gets around on his ...

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How do you get an old lady to say “shit?”

Make the one next to her yell “bingo.”

For a change, a genie appeared in front of a woman this time...

A genie appeared in front of a woman.

"Whatever you want, as many things as you want, just ask " the genie said.

"My husband’s eyes should be only on me during all waking hours."

"And then ..?"

"He should not be concerned with anything else in life except me."

"An...

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Two women are talking over the garden wall and the conversation turns to money.

“You know, Lauren, I’ve discovered a great way to get more money out of my old man. Last week I wore a low necked jumper when we went shopping and as I bent over the supermarket freezer one of my boobs popped out. You should have seen Bill, he nearly had a blue fit. I told him it was because I didn’...

How do you get a hundred cows into a hall?

Put a Bingo sign front of it.

I just got fired from my job as a bingo caller...

Apparently, "A meal for two with a hairy view" is *not* an appropriate way of calling out number 69...

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What has 90 balls and fucks old ladies?

Bingo

I'm worried that my grandma is starting to lolse her marbles. Yesterday when I went to visit she'd been marking herself all over with her bingo pen.

She's completely dotty.

When is bingo harmless?

When its B9!

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Make old ladies cuss.

Q-How do you make 4 old ladies say "fuck" at the same time?

A- you tell the fifth one to scream "bingo".

I like my tumors like I like my bingo numbers...

B9

What is the name of the elderly man that won three bingos in a row?

Jerry hat-trick ...

TIL the agricultural etymology of the word bingo.

There was a farmer who had a dog.

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I started my new job as a bingo caller last night

and halfway through calling the numbers I farted loudly.

My boss immediately came over and whispered in my ear, "Don't do that again."

"Sorry," I said, "It must be the nerves."

"Fair enough," he replied, "But there was no need to hold the microphone to your arse."

A guy goes to the doctors.

A guy goes to the doctors complaining of feeling generally unwell. The Doctor examines him, then looks at him and says, 'Well, Mr Jones, it looks like you have Yellow 24'. 'What's that? ' asks Mr Jones, and the doctor explains 'Sadly its not a good prognosis. First you start feeling unwell, as you h...

A star bingo player goes to the doctor

At one of his bingo tournaments, someone pointed out a dark spot on his neck. The bingo player was worried about this new mole growing on his body, thinking that it could be cancerous.

Bingo player: What do you think of the mole? Should i be worried?

Doctor: B9

Why don't physicists and Bingo players get along?

They disagree on the application and existence of a free space.

My mom loved bingo so much ...

when she got a tumor, it was B-9.

What's the fastest way to break up a bingo game in North Korea?

B-52! B-52!

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Yellow 24

A man goes to the doctor feeling ill. After checking the man over the doctor looks worried ‘ I don’t know how to break this to you, but you have a terminal disease known as yellow 24. Your blood will turn yellow and you only have 24 hours to live. I suggest you go and spend time with your loved ones...

Old and Pregnant?

A 68 year old woman told her friend over a bingo game that she wanted to have a baby. Her friend, in reasonable disbelief, laughed at her.

The 68 year old woman retorted, "Well, I have the apparatus to and with today's technology, I can have a baby."

And she did just that. She got pr...

How do you clear a North Korean bingo hall?

B 52

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Why do Japanese hate bingo?

They all scramble for cover when you call B-29

I found a tumor at Bingo last night.

It's okay. It was B9.

How can you tell that a Bingo player just isn't into you?

When you call their numbers 5 times in a row and they still don't answer.

I was playing bingo with R. Kelly...

Apparently B 13 is his favorite number

How do you break up an Al-Quaeda bingo game?

Yell "B-52!"

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We cleared out my grandma's house this morning

We sorted out the good stuff and put it on eBay, and then went to the estate agents to put her house on the market.

She's gonna be pretty pissed off when she gets back from bingo.

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I saw a lady at the store with a boob just hanging out

When I pointed it out to her, she said "oh nooo I left my baby at bingo again".

What did the bingo player shout out when he found out his tumor was harmless?

B 9!

A Man Walks into a Gun Store...

The man walks in and looks around until he gets to the Safety Items. He Looks joyfully With a big smile at a Pair of Headphones, Books, then Bingo. He picks up a protective Vest and goes to the counter Happily. The Cashier asks for his ID and asks Him, "Why are you so Happy?", The man responds with,...

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A man boarded an aircraft at London's Heathrow Airport for New York

A man boarded an aircraft at London's Heathrow Airport for New York, and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo - she took the seat right beside him.
"Hello", he blurted out, "Busine...

How do you get nine grandmas to swear?

Make the tenth one shout "bingo!"

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This is stupid and funny at the same time

How do you get an 80-year-old woman to yell, "CRAP!"?

You get another 80-year-old woman right next to her to yell, "Bingo!

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An elderly woman passes, leaving her life-long husband a lonely widower.

As time goes on, his life begins to unravel as he spirals into a pit of despair. This does not go unnoticed by his adult children, who grasp at any opportunity to cheer him up. Finally, one of them convinces him to grudgingly attend an evening game at the local bingo hall, knowing that he'll be in t...

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A millionaire and a guide were out hunting ducks with a dog.

The dog runs into a thicket and back out and barks once. The owner said good there's one duck in there. They go in and sure enough one duck. They get the duck and head to the next thicket.

The dog runs in and back out. This time he barks three times. Good there's three ducks. They go in and b...

You know how you play Iranian bingo?

A-10, B-52, F-22, C-130

ADHD & Sleep Problems. Funny That You Asked!!

I have ADHD and have troubles getting to sleep. Doctor recommended counting sheep...

1 sheep. 2 sheep. 3 sheep. Cow. Duck. Horse. \*Old MacDonald had a farm\* and bingo was his name-o!

I watched the US Presidential Debate last night, but I don't know if it was worth it

If I wanted to watch two old men fighting and screaming at each other, I would have just gone to bingo night at the local nursing home‬.

This is my favourite joke I made, I hope no-one else has thought about it

Q. How do you get an old English woman to say "f**k"


A. Get someone else to shout "bingo!"


Some will get it, some will be offended. Most won't get it

Its Before not "be fore"

We're speaking English not Bingo.

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How do you get a crowd of elderly people to all yell "FUCK!" at the same time?

Be the first to call out bingo.

A bingo caller has a ball fly up at his face...

It goes right up his noise and gets stuck. He goes to the emergency room, the doctor says, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that you have a tumour". The bingo caller looks shocked and asks, "what's the good news?" The doctor responds, " the tumour is B9".

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What do a pedophiles hopes and bingo have in common?

B7...B7...

Abbott & Costello

COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America .

ABBOTT: Good Subject. Terrible Times. It's 7.8%.

COSTELLO: That many people are out of work?

ABBOTT: No, that's 14.7%

COSTELLO: You just said 7.8%.

ABBOTT: 7.8% Unemployed.

COSTELLO: Righ...

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A old man and a young man play golf

The young man sees an old man hug an incredibly attractive 24 year old blonde. The woman leaves in a sport car peeling out of the facility wildly while leaving the old man with his golf gear. The old man walks towards the course smiling and seems to be settling up to start his game. The young man wa...

Did you hear that the guy who in invented bingo had a recent health scare?

The tumor ended up being B9.

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