This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend and I played Russian Roulette once

We had sex afterwards even though she lost

Six stormtroopers decided to play Russian Roulette.

They got away with a warning but had to pay for the damage.

I invited my friends to play Russian Roulette with me.

We had a blast playing.

I told my son to stop playing Russian roulette but you know how it is with kids...

In one ear, out the other

Statistically 100,000 people die each year playing Russian roulette ....

It's mind-blowing!

Coke is like Russian roulette:

If the first time is mind-blowing your life is probably over

Statistics

Statistically:

\- 5 people out of 6 are satisfied with the result of Russian roulette

\- 0 out of 6 people complain about the result

Russian Roulette is pretty easy

Just ask anyone who’s played, they all say they won

Russian Roulette is completely safe to play!

I interviewed people who played and %100 said that they all survived!

I surveyed many people who had played Russian roulette

Seems like the probability of dying is actually 0%

My friend is a man of extreme luck. He won the Russian roulette 5 times in a row!

\*was

We've all heard about Russian Roulette but how many of you have heard about Indian Roulette?

They give you a flute and six large deadly cobras.

And one of the cobras is deaf.

Me: *playing Russian roulette* you first

Him: this is an automatic

Me: my house my rules

My grandfather was the best Russian Roulette player

He only lost once

why is the russian roulette safest game ever

because i saw no negative reviews about the game

Aliens invade the planet

Aliens invade the planet and take every living being prisoner and contains them in a facilty. The aliens then set up machines here and there which are similar to vending machines but they dispense any animal/human/living thing which they keep as pets. The living being requested is random so it's a f...

My friend loves playing Roulette, so I figured I would introduce him to Russian Roulette.

Blew his mind.

I watched a group of people play "Soviet Russian Roulette" .

It was just like Russian Roulette,

Just that everyone died equally.

My teacher got mad at me because i answered

years ago, like when i was in the 5th grade, my math teacher asked the class for an example for odds and fractions.



Apparently, russian roulette was the wrong answer

Haha, jokes lol

Three guys were playing Russian roulette with a 6 shot revolver and 1 in the chamber, the first guy picks up a single cigarette, smokes it, then shoots and nothing comes out, the second guy picks up 2 smokes, enjoys his time. Fires 2x and nothing comes out. The third guy thinks for a second and says...

I had a friend who was really good at Russian roulette,

He’s only lost a single time!

I reckon I have a lucky gene for russian roulette

My grandad played all the time and he only lost once.
I'll bet my life on it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Won a game of Russian roulette

Walked away with $80 but their casinos are a shit hole

5 out of 5 people enjoy Russian Roulette.

There was supposed to be a sixth, but he never got back to me about his experience.

Six reasons not to play russian roulette.

The fifth one will blow your mind!

A dog sits down at a roulette table

A dog sits down at a roulette table and pushes his life savings in chips to the center.

"Put it all on grey."

Did you hear about the guy who played russian roulette with a semiautomatic?

He got the first round.

Eating her cooking is like playing Russian roulette.

I never know which meal is going to kill
me.

What do you call russian roulette without a gun?

Roulette

My friends and I used to love a good game of Russian Roulette.

Unfortunately, they're a bunch of sore losers and won't play it with me anymore.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've just opened a casino for dogs. They can play roulette, poker and blackjack all under one roof! However...

...they have to go outside for craps.

let's play russian roulette with a shrink ray! i'll go first

^oh ^come ^on

I've recently discovered how amazing russian roulette is

It's absolutely mind blowing

Russian roulette

five out of six scientists claim that playing russian roulette its absolutely safe!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Zambian Roulette

As usual, things were not going well at the United Nations. Thus, many visiting ambassadors had to room together. It just so happend that Vladimir, the Russian Ambassador, and Umballa, the Zambian Ambassador, were sharing a suite.

To pass the time, Vladimir introduced his fellow dignitary to...

There's only one problem with this Russian Roulette club

Every year it gets smaller and smaller

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy living in Kansas hears a voice in his head one day...

And this god like voice in his head says "LEAVE YOUR FAMILY, SELL EVERYTHING YOU OWN AND GO TO RENO, NEVADA"

The guy ignores it at first, and for as long as he can, but it just won't stop "SELL EVERYTHING, TAKE EVERY PENNY YOU HAVE, GO TO RENO"

So finally he can't take it anymore and h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

African Roulette

Four men are captured by a tribe in the middle of Africa.

The tribe leader gives them the choice of either death, or they can try their luck at "African Roulette."

The men, as one of the choices seemingly had a chance to stay alive, hastily all chose the second option.

The tr...

A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas. She's down to her last $50. Exasperated....

A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas. She's down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims to the whole table, "What rotten luck I've had today! What in the world should I do now?"

A man standing next to her suggests, "I don't know, why don't you play your age?"

...

Jones is asleep in his bed and in his dream

... he hears a voice saying “Jones! Sell all your earthly goods and your house!“

Jones wakes up thinking “That was a weird dream” and goes about his day. The next night, he hears the same voice saying “Jones! Sell all your earthly goods and your house!”

After the third night with the ...

Another talking frog

A man takes the day off work and decides to play golf. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to swing when he hears, "Ribbit. 9 Iron." The man looks around and doesn't see anyone.

"Ribbit. 9 Iron." He looks at the frog ...

I was in a casino on the roulette machine last night, when the man standing next to me turned to me and said, "Black, 27."

I shook his hand and said, "White, 23."

A woman in Atlantic city was losing at the roulette wheel...

When she was down to her last ten dollars, she asked the fellow next to her for a good number. "Why don't you play your age?" he suggested. The woman agreed, and then put her money on the table. The next thing the fellow with the advice knew, the woman had fainted and fallen to the floor. He rushed ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man wakes and finds himself in hell

One day a man with many vices dies and finds himself in hell.

Wallowing in despair that his decisions in life have landed him in hell, he has a meeting with Satan.

Satan: "Why so glum?"

Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

Satan: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a l...

Every 5 out of 6 people say Russian Roulette is fun...

I wonder why the sixth guy hates it

I was in a casino last night and had a few spins on the roulette wheel...

Before the manager told me to get off...

Cloud Roulette

Three men in a car get into a crash and wind up in front of Saint Peter himself.

"Ah, first vist of the day! Not that I wanted you to die..." Saint Peter looks at a small clipboard and says, "Names!"

All men respond with their full names.

"Okay then... What? That's odd... None o...

CS:GO and Roulette are quite similar

They are both fun until you add Russian

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blondie goes to the casino

A beautiful blonde girl goes to the casino with all her cash and sits at the roulette desk. She goes to the clerk and asks if she can play being nude.

The amused clerk asked, "This is an open club and you are free to do anything you want but why would you do something like this?", to which t...

What do you call Russian roulette for vampires?

High stakes poker.

The Lucky Frog

A man goes golfing and notices a frog in the green at the first hole. He doesn’t think anything about it, puts the ball on the tee and prepares to swing when he hears, “Ribbit, 9 iron.”

The man looks around in surprise but doesn’t see anyone. He turns back to his ball and prepares to swing a...

The roulette dealer had a unique personality.

He had a different spin on everything.

A man is sitting home when he hears a strange voice

A man is sitting home when he hears a strange voice tell him

“Sell your house”

He’s confused at first but he hears the voice again and sells his house. The voice then says

“Go to a casino”

And so the man does

When he gets there the voice then says

“Go to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is driving home one day and hears a voice that says "Sell your car, sell your house, take all the money and go to Vegas"

He thinks it's weird, and that he's imagining things.

Same thing happens the next day, and then again, every day for weeks. Finally after about a month he decides to do it. Sells his car, his house, takes all the money and flies to Vegas.

As soon as he gets off the plane, the voice sa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is driving to work

A man is driving to work. While he’s waiting at a red light he hears a voice say; “Sell your car and your house and bring all your money to Vegas”. The man is a bit perplexed but decides to ignore it and carry on with his day.

The next day while driving to work he again hears the voice; “Sell...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Quit your job. Sell your house. Take the money and go to Vegas.

A man walks in his front door after a long day at work. Upon entering he hears a voice from out of nowhere that says:

"Quit your job. Sell your house. Take the money and go to Vegas."

He thinks he must have been hearing things, so he ignores it. The next day, upon arriving home, he...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Russian goes to Africa.

A Russian goes to Africa and is hanging out with the locals. He asks if they've ever played Russian roulette.

"We have our own version. There are six women. You pick one, and she gives you a blowjob."

"What's the danger in that?"

"One of them is a cannibal."

There’s a bloke in the pub who keeps shouting out random numbers between 0 and 36.

I think he’s got Roulette’s Syndrome.

The lucky frog

I was playing golf, and even though I am usually a pretty good player, I was playing horribly that day. As I was about to tee off at the fourth hole I heard a voice say, three wood. I looked around and no one was behind me so I took my stance. Then once again I heard ..three wood. I looked down and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is riding through the desert...

Suddenly, he hears a voice, coming from nowhere.

"Get off your horse."

"What?", the man asks.

"Get off your horse."

The man, slightly irritated, does as the voice commands.

"Dig a hole."

"You want me to... dig a hole? Right here in the desert?"
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy gets hit by a bus and finds himself in front of iron gates. Confused he asks where he is, "Hell," said the devil "but before you get overly concerned, it's not as bad as you think it is..."

"What!!" said the guy, starting to panic. "How can that be, I'm a good person, this can't be right, it can't be!"

"Calm down," said the devil, "the rules for going upstairs are a lot stricter than people realise - and besides, like I said before, it's really not that bad here."

Unconvi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy woke up one morning..

and heard a voice inside his head that said, "Quit your job... sell your house... take all your money and go to Las Vegas." He ignored it, but later that day he heard it again, more insistent. "Quit your job... sell your house... take all your money and go to Las Vegas!" The harder he tried, the mor...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is walking along a beach, suddenly he hears a booming voice from the heavens.

"DIG!" says the voice. The man looks around, a little confused. "DIG!" Booms the voice again. The man thinks what the fuck and starts digging at the sand in front of him. Suddenly he hits a wooden box. He picks it up and the voice shouts "OPEN!" He opens it to see hundreds of gold coins. He's a litt...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This guy was sitting in his cubicle one day . . .

. . . doing paperwork for his company when he heard a voice out of nowhere. "Quit your job. Sell your house. Take the money. Go to Las Vegas." He was a little freaked out by the mysterious voice, but managed to finish out his day, go home, and go to sleep.

The next day he was in the shower wh...

A woman is being interviewed for jury selection

She says to the judge, “I can’t be on the jury since I don’t believe in capital punishment.”

The judge replies, “Don’t worry, ma’am. This case is about a man who promised his wife an expensive necklace for their anniversary but blew all the money playing roulette.”

“Oh, in that case,” ...

What activity can reduce a person's chance of dying of cancer by 16.6%?

Russian Roulette.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man begins to hear a voice in his head,

quiet, but insistent, it repeats urgently, "Sell your house, take all your money, go to Las Vegas." The man ignores it at first, he sees a therapist, does yoga and eats kale, but nothing stops the voice from repeating the same sentence, "Sell your house, take all your money, go to Las Vegas."
...

This got legs in a comment thread yesterday so thought I would share.

A man is fishing when he hears a voice. Fish over here. He looks down and sees a frog. Really fish over here. So he does and catches his limit. The man decides to take the frog home when it says a branch is gonna fall just as the man moves out of the way saving both their lives. Deciding the frog is...

What game is set up to make every player always lose?

Schizophrenic russian roulette

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.