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Roulette Jokes

My friend loves playing Roulette, so I figured I would introduce him to Russian Roulette.

Blew his mind.

Russian Roulette is pretty easy

Just ask anyone who’s played, they all say they won

I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...

It went in one ear and out the other.

We've all heard about Russian Roulette but how many of you have heard about Indian Roulette?

They give you a flute and six large deadly cobras.

And one of the cobras is deaf.

My dad is a professional Russian roulette player.

He only lost once.

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My girlfriend and I played Russian Roulette once

We had sex afterwards even though she lost

Russian roulette

5 out of 6 people recommend

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African Roulette

Four men are captured by a tribe in the middle of Africa.

The tribe leader gives them the choice of either death, or they can try their luck at "African Roulette."

The men, as one of the choices seemingly had a chance to stay alive, hastily all chose the second option.

The tr...

The thing with Russian Roulette is

you don't want to go last.

Six stormtroopers decided to play Russian Roulette.

They got away with a warning but had to pay for the damage.

What is the difference between Russian roulette and Soviet roulette?

In Soviet roulette everyone dies equally

The only game Chuck Norris has ever lost was Russian Roulette.

He’s lost a few times, actually.

Coke is like Russian roulette:

If the first time is mind-blowing your life is probably over

Russian roulette is really fun

5/6 of me and my friends say it’s safe. R.I.P. Dylan

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Zambian Roulette

As usual, things were not going well at the United Nations. Thus, many visiting ambassadors had to room together. It just so happend that Vladimir, the Russian Ambassador, and Umballa, the Zambian Ambassador, were sharing a suite.

To pass the time, Vladimir introduced his fellow dignitary to...

Russian roulette may be the easiest game on earth

Not a single person alive has ever lost at it

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There's a guy who lives in Ohio

There’s a guy who lives in Ohio. One morning, he hears a voice in his head. The voice says, "Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas." He ignores the voice.

Later in the day, he hears the voice again. "Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and ...

5 out of 5 people enjoy Russian Roulette.

There was supposed to be a sixth, but he never got back to me about his experience.

Me: *playing Russian roulette* you first

Him: this is an automatic

Me: my house my rules

Me: "When we were little, my brothers and I used to play Russian roulette." Friend: "You don't have any brothers."

Me: "Right."

I invited my friends to play Russian Roulette with me.

We had a blast playing.

Russian Roulette is completely safe to play!

I interviewed people who played and %100 said that they all survived!

Statistically 100,000 people die each year playing Russian roulette ....

It's mind-blowing!

I was the referee in a Russian Roulette tournament

I did an excellent job, none of the losers complained

Russian roulette

five out of six scientists claim that playing russian roulette its absolutely safe!

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Won a game of Russian roulette

Walked away with $80 but their casinos are a shit hole

My friends and I used to love a good game of Russian Roulette.

Unfortunately, they're a bunch of sore losers and won't play it with me anymore.

Six reasons not to play russian roulette.

The fifth one will blow your mind!

A dog sits down at a roulette table

A dog sits down at a roulette table and pushes his life savings in chips to the center.

"Put it all on grey."

at the roulette table when.....

I was just about to place my chips on the roulette table at the casino when the African man standing next to me gave me a nudge and said, "Black, 33."

I shook his hand and said, "White, 28."

Eating her cooking is like playing Russian roulette.

I never know which meal is going to kill
me.

Cloud Roulette

Three men in a car get into a crash and wind up in front of Saint Peter himself.

"Ah, first vist of the day! Not that I wanted you to die..." Saint Peter looks at a small clipboard and says, "Names!"

All men respond with their full names.

"Okay then... What? That's odd... None o...

My friend is a man of extreme luck. He won the Russian roulette 5 times in a row!

\*was

I reckon I have a lucky gene for russian roulette

My grandad played all the time and he only lost once.
I'll bet my life on it.

What do you call russian roulette without a gun?

Roulette

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing

He is on the second hole when he notices
a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks
nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears,
"Ribbit. 9 Iron." The man looks around and
doesn't see anyone. "Ribbit. 9 Iron."

He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog
wrong...

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One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell.

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell.

As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil...

Satan: "Why so glum?"

Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

Satan: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?"...

CS:GO and Roulette are quite similar

They are both fun until you add Russian

There's only one problem with this Russian Roulette club

Every year it gets smaller and smaller

A woman in Atlantic city was losing at the roulette wheel...

When she was down to her last ten dollars, she asked the fellow next to her for a good number. "Why don't you play your age?" he suggested. The woman agreed, and then put her money on the table. The next thing the fellow with the advice knew, the woman had fainted and fallen to the floor. He rushed ...

Did you hear about the guy who played russian roulette with a semiautomatic?

He got the first round.

What do you call Russian roulette for vampires?

High stakes poker.

What is a hipster russian roulette?

You got six cookies and five of them is gluten free.

I was in a casino last night and had a few spins on the roulette wheel...

Before the manager told me to get off...

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I've just opened a casino for dogs. They can play roulette, poker and blackjack all under one roof! However...

...they have to go outside for craps.

let's play russian roulette with a shrink ray! i'll go first

^oh ^come ^on

The roulette dealer had a unique personality.

He had a different spin on everything.

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A man hears a voice inside his head that tells him " quit your job, sell your car, empty your bank account, go to a casino and put everything on number 7."

The man ignores the voice, and go back to his normal life. After 7 days he hears the same voice telling him " quit your job, sell your car, empty your bank account, go to a casino and put everything on number 7." he ignores it again and 7 days later he hears the same voice saying the same thing....

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For all of you croupiers out there...

Q: What's the difference between a roulette dealer and a stagecoach driver?

A: The stagecoach driver looks at the same six assholes all day.



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A blondie goes to the casino

A beautiful blonde girl goes to the casino with all her cash and sits at the roulette desk. She goes to the clerk and asks if she can play being nude.

The amused clerk asked, "This is an open club and you are free to do anything you want but why would you do something like this?", to which t...

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A Russian goes to Africa.

A Russian goes to Africa and is hanging out with the locals. He asks if they've ever played Russian roulette.

"We have our own version. There are six women. You pick one, and she gives you a blowjob."

"What's the danger in that?"

"One of them is a cannibal."

This got legs in a comment thread yesterday so thought I would share.

A man is fishing when he hears a voice. Fish over here. He looks down and sees a frog. Really fish over here. So he does and catches his limit. The man decides to take the frog home when it says a branch is gonna fall just as the man moves out of the way saving both their lives. Deciding the frog is...

A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas. She's down to her last $50. Exasperated....

A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas. She's down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims to the whole table, "What rotten luck I've had today! What in the world should I do now?"

A man standing next to her suggests, "I don't know, why don't you play your age?"

...

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A man walks into a casino with some friends

He places some bets on the roulette but can't win a single one. After all the unfortunate bets, he's about to leave but sees how one of his friends comes after him with loads of chips.

-Man, I won big time!

-I can see! -says the man- Tell me, how did you do it? I've not won...

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A man is walking along a beach, suddenly he hears a booming voice from the heavens.

"DIG!" says the voice. The man looks around, a little confused. "DIG!" Booms the voice again. The man thinks what the fuck and starts digging at the sand in front of him. Suddenly he hits a wooden box. He picks it up and the voice shouts "OPEN!" He opens it to see hundreds of gold coins. He's a litt...

In solidarity with much of the world pulling Russian products off the shelves ...

In solidarity with much of the world pulling Russian products off the shelves and banning them from events, I will do my part and not play Russian Roulette for the foreseeable future.

My uncle died

He found it mind blowing that you can't play Russian roulette with a Glock

Click here for a potential once in a lifetime opportunity!

Thank you for entering the Russian roulette tournament.

I once saw a group of Communists.

They were playing Soviet Russian Roulette. It's like regular Russian Roulette, except that everyone dies equally.

A gambler walks into an underground casino with $100 in cash.

He immediately heads for the roulette table and slams it all down on red 34.

The roulette wheel spins... aaaaannnd.... black 26.

Just like that, he loses all of his money.

He walks over to the Casino Manager and begs him for an alternative method of payment so he can continue...

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A man is riding through the desert...

Suddenly, he hears a voice, coming from nowhere.

"Get off your horse."

"What?", the man asks.

"Get off your horse."

The man, slightly irritated, does as the voice commands.

"Dig a hole."

"You want me to... dig a hole? Right here in the desert?"
...

The Frog

I was playing golf, and even though I am usually a pretty good player, I was playing horribly that day. As I was about to tee off at the fourth hole I heard a voice say, three wood. I looked around and no one was behind me so I took my stance. Then once again I heard ..three wood. I looked down and ...

What do you call it when Donald Trump picks a new member of the government?

Russian Roulette.

My teacher got mad at me because i answered

years ago, like when i was in the 5th grade, my math teacher asked the class for an example for odds and fractions.



Apparently, russian roulette was the wrong answer

A gambler invites two friends, a mathematician and an engineer, to the casino to try and score big with their help.

The mathematician suggests blackjack, as with card counting it's the only game where the house doesn't have an advantage. The engineer agrees for the same reason, but warns, that since this is the real world, to be wary of the casino getting wise to them. The gambler follows the advice of his intell...

There’s a bloke in the pub who keeps shouting out random numbers between 0 and 36.

I think he’s got Roulette’s Syndrome.

What activity can reduce a person's chance of dying of cancer by 16.6%?

Russian Roulette.

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