UPJOKE
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I prefer my jokes to be told by fruits

Because all the jokes i heard from vegetables were just too corny

what do you call a rap group based around citrus fruits?

A tribe called zest.

My family is divided on the question of imported fruits. My mom says no.

Papaya

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Tortoise and Rabbit. Antagonist view.

A different insight into the story of hare and tortoise:-

E๐’—๐’†๐’“๐’š๐’๐’๐’† ๐’•๐’‰๐’“๐’๐’–๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’๐’–๐’• ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’˜๐’๐’“๐’๐’… ๐’‰๐’‚๐’” ๐’Œ๐’†๐’‘๐’• ๐’ˆ๐’Š๐’—๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’†๐’™๐’‚๐’Ž๐’‘๐’๐’† ๐’๐’‡ ๐‘ป๐’๐’“๐’•๐’๐’Š๐’”๐’†โ€ฆ ๐‘บ๐’‚๐’š๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’•๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐’”๐’๐’๐’˜ ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’”๐’•๐’†๐’‚๐’…๐’š ๐’˜๐’Š๐’๐’” ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’“๐’‚๐’„๐’†, ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’†๐’Ž๐’‘๐’‰๐’‚๐’”๐’Š๐’›๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ...

What do you call an end to all fruits?

An apple-colypse

After trying many fruits and vegetables in my kids lunch, their favourite by far was sliced cucumber.

I donโ€™t know if it was our source, or our fridge, but they only really stayed fresh for a few days. This meant that at least twice a week I was stopping at the corner grocery store to just grab a couple cucumbers.

After a couple months it became obvious that I kept buying them from the same c...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Three explorers lost in a jungle

Sadly they've been found by cannibals, who took them to the village prison. The next day, the village chief, tell them they have to do a challenge if they're willing to survive. First part of it is to collect 10 fruits in the wild and come back for the second part. The first explorer starts his hunt...

Some fruits can turn into other fruits

For example, wait long enough and blueberries turn into elder berries

Tom: Hey, do you like fruits?

James: Not really.

Tom: And salad?

James: Not much.

Tom: Then youโ€™re not gonna like what I did.

James: What? You made fruit salad?

Tom: Nah, I made out with your wife.

Why are the fruits going to have a fancy wedding?

Because they cantaloupe.

I was telling my children about the health benefits of eating dried fruits recently

It's really all about raisin awareness.

What do you call bad fruits and vegetables?

Gross-eries

Food inspection

A food inspection officer went to 3 chicken farms

Farm 1
Inspector: What do you feed the chickens ?
Farmer 1: I feed them vegetables.
Inspector: WRONG! closed down this farm immediately

Farm 2
Inspector: What do you feed the chickens ?
Farmer 2: a little scared said i fe...

alright, so fruits are classified as fruits instead of vegetables because they have seeds inside them, right?

men... you are fruit

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

The Farmerโ€™s Fruits

Three guys are on a road trip and their truck breaks down in the middle of nowhere with only a farm by them, the farmer lets them in and says the only rule was that they couldnโ€™t sleep with his daughter.

That night, all three of them sleep with his daughter. The farmer gets mad and takes the...

Hear about the fire at the dried fruits factory?

It was an apricotastrophe.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A sex addict, an alcoholic and a pot head die and arrive at the gates of heaven.

Jesus is standing there looking at them sternly he says, " I stand at these gates to judge the souls that have passed on. If you do not deserve to enter heaven then you will be cast to the fire filled depths of hell where you will spend all eternity in agony."

The three sinners knowing the li...

I really like boiling fruits for hours

That's my jam

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Henry, you are 97 years oldโ€ฆ

- Henry, you are 97 years old, whatโ€™s your secret?
- well I sucked a penis once for 20 dollars
- uhโ€ฆ I mean whatโ€™s your secret to long life?
- Eating a lot of vegetables and fruits

A guy hands a girl two fruits at a grocery.

Girl: I don't want this

Guy: why not? It's a perfect pair

You know what I think of submissive citrus fruits.

They are sublime.

I've decided to rank fruits by how sour they are.

Pretty much all of them are sublime.

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