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Fruits Jokes

What materials do fruits use for walkways?

Pomegranate

After trying many fruits and vegetables in my kids lunch, their favourite by far was sliced cucumber.

I don’t know if it was our source, or our fridge, but they only really stayed fresh for a few days. This meant that at least twice a week I was stopping at the corner grocery store to just grab a couple cucumbers.

After a couple months it became obvious that I kept buying them from the same c...

Some fruits can turn into other fruits

For example, wait long enough and blueberries turn into elder berries

I prefer my jokes to be told by fruits

Because all the jokes i heard from vegetables were just too corny

A vegan said to me, "people who sell meat are gross!"

I said, "people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer."






credits to Adele Cliff, from the Edinburgh Festival Fringe. Link in the comments

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Farmer’s Fruits

Three guys are on a road trip and their truck breaks down in the middle of nowhere with only a farm by them, the farmer lets them in and says the only rule was that they couldn’t sleep with his daughter.

That night, all three of them sleep with his daughter. The farmer gets mad and takes the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The best joke I’ve ever heard which never fails to make me smile whenever I remember it.(NSFW)

Three explorers get lost in a huge jungle. After wandering around for days, they are found and captured by a jungle tribe. The tribesmen take the explorers to their leader and drop them at his feet. The chieftain looks at them for a moment and says, “ The three of you will die unless you manage to d...

what do you call a rap group based around citrus fruits?

A tribe called zest.

alright, so fruits are classified as fruits instead of vegetables because they have seeds inside them, right?

men... you are fruit

Tom: Hey, do you like fruits?

James: Not really.

Tom: And salad?

James: Not much.

Tom: Then you’re not gonna like what I did.

James: What? You made fruit salad?

Tom: Nah, I made out with your wife.

What do you call an end to all fruits?

An apple-colypse

What do you call bad fruits and vegetables?

Gross-eries

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Henry, you are 97 years old…

- Henry, you are 97 years old, what’s your secret?
- well I sucked a penis once for 20 dollars
- uh… I mean what’s your secret to long life?
- Eating a lot of vegetables and fruits

My family is divided on the question of imported fruits. My mom says no.

Papaya

Why are the fruits going to have a fancy wedding?

Because they cantaloupe.

Why don't fruits in a basket get moldy at the same time?

Because mold is "spore"adic



Note: Had to remake this post cause I somehow managed to post it without looking at how muffed up the title was

I really like boiling fruits for hours

That's my jam

I was telling my children about the health benefits of eating dried fruits recently

It's really all about raisin awareness.

Hear about the fire at the dried fruits factory?

It was an apricotastrophe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A King hates fruits!

The king has a birthday and he asks that the guests don't bring him any fruit as gifts or he will put the fruits up their bottoms.

On his birthday, thousands of people come and everyone makes sure to bring gifts that the king would like. This one simple-minded guy brings an apple, so the King...

A guy hands a girl two fruits at a grocery.

Girl: I don't want this

Guy: why not? It's a perfect pair

I've decided to rank fruits by how sour they are.

Pretty much all of them are sublime.

A guy kept trying to sell me fruits

I told him Mango

What language do metallic fruits periodically speak?

Manganese.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cannibal Fruit Test

Cannibals captured three men who were lost in the forest. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The...

A truck carrying fruits accidentally spilled them all over the expressway

It caused a traffic jam

What do you get with two fruits?

A pear.

What do you put on a dead fruits gravestone?

R.I.P.E

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