This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The day I met ET. I was minding my own business waiting for the bus when this weirdo sits next to me and pokes me on the shoulder.

"Stop it, will you!" I said. He does it again and I was about to slap the silly grin of his face, but he raised his hand and said there was no need for violence, he was a stranger from a different planet and came to study earthlings.

"Prove it" I said, and he opens his jacket and there are gi...

Who's the richest fish in all the world?

Gill Bates.

A man phones his wife and asks her: “Honey I’ve been asked to go fishing in China with my boss for a week ...

A man phones his wife and asks her: “Honey I’ve been asked to go fishing in China with my boss for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get the promotion. So could you please pack enough clothes for a week, set out my rod & fishing box. We’re leaving from office & I’ll swing by the h...

A Christian, an Atheist, and a Muslim met at the DMV

They decided to have a contest to see whose belief system was best. Each of them would drive 10-15 miles over the speed limit everywhere they went and whoever could use their beliefs to get out of a ticket would be the winner. They agreed to meet up again next month.

A month later they reco...

So goes the cow

I feel like a **good** joke can be reposted about once a year on here (if a bad one can be posted once a month), so here goes:

^^[listen.to.it.here](http://vimeo.com/109935412)

There was a poor dirt farming family in Ireland. All they had was this one milk cow. The would turn the milk ...

What do you call a fascist fish?

Gill Duce.

A guy walks into a bar. . .

. . .And asks for a shot of vodka. The bartender tells him "You should come back here tomorrow we have a contest going on. Drink the most shots of vodka in 2 minutes and you win free shots for a year."

So the guy comes the next night and destroys the competition. Does 25 shots in two minut...

Topical Jokes (5/25-5/26)

Hey, sorry for the tardiness! Been on the road lately. Here's some jokes to cap up the last couple days.

Governor Christie met with Snooki over the weekend, but things got a tad awkward when Christie licked his lips and asked, "But seriously, are you actually a meatball?"

Big Catholic ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Jake and Dennis were joking it up and getting drunk at the football game... [nsfw-ish...I guess]

...when Jake turned around and thought he saw a woman sitting about ten rows behind them with her legs spread open and black pubic hair showing deep between them.

"Jesus, God, Dennis, get a load of that broad back there with her pussy hairs showing!"

Dennis craned around and focused o...