Anti-vaxx kids suck at Five Nights at Freddy's

They rarely make it past 3.

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What do Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?

Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.

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What do you get when Little Richard calls you up to tell you he's picked up Carmen Miranda, Freddy Mercury, Peter Allen, Divine, Sylvester, Chris Crocker, Elton John, Gil Chesterton, Andy Dick, Wayne Newton, Liberace, and Richard Simmons...and they're on their way?

Tutti Frutti en route-y!

(Wooooooooo!)

What path do Hannibal Lecter, Norman Bates, and Freddy Krueger take walks on?

Psycho Path.

Freddy Mercury, Venus Williams Williams Bruno Mars all happened to walk into the same bar.

But they didn't planet that way.

Why did Freddy Kruger kill Martin Luther King?

Cause he had a Dream.

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There are two best friends named Jimmy and Freddy...

...who love to do woodworking together in Freddy's garage. One afternoon, Jimmy shows up at Freddy's house and discovers the butterfingers Freddy has cut his hand off with the circular saw. Jimmy remembers something he read once, puts the hand in a bag on ice, and rushes his friend and hands it of...

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A man is at a bar in London around 1985, having a drink with a girl.

He really wants to impress her. He looks over to another table and sees none other than Freddie Mercury!

“Oh my god!” Says his date, “I love him! Let’s get an autograph!”

“Nah”, the man replied, “he’s a bit of a knob”

“You know him?” his date asked incredulously

“Oh, yea...

What's Freddy from Scooby Doo's favorite music genre?

Trap Music.

Freddy the fungus and Alice the algae met one another and...

they took a lichen to each other

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Freddy the Flea

Freddy The Flea

Freddy the Flea is laying out in the sun in Miami Beach, putting suntan lotion on his little flea arms, and on his little flea legs, when he notices his buddy Oscar stumbling down the beach.

Oscar is a mess, he’s shivering, disheveled, and looks like 9 miles of bad ro...

A farmer had three daughters.

All three daughters were going on their first date tonight. The farmer, being over protective of them, decided to greet each suitor at the door with a shotgun. The first boy comes up and introduces himself.

"Hi, my name is Joe, I'm here to take Flo to the show, is she ready to go?" The farmer...

Why did Freddy Mercury stay home from school?

He had a temp of 200 degrees Farenheit.

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In the recreation room of a psychiatric hospital, there were three patients

...named Jimmy, Freddy, and Sonny. The doctor visited them to check if their condition has improved and if they're ready to be discharged.

He first went to Jimmy. Jimmy was writing something on a notebook. He asked "What are you doing, Jimmy?" Jimmy replied "I'm writing a poem, doctor." The...

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What do you get when Freddy Mercury fucks your ear?

Hearing aids

Freddy from scooby doo was a candidate for mayor of L.A in the 90s

He ran on splitting up gangs.

Control Freak

## Knock! Knock!

John: Who’s there?
Freddy: Control Freak.
John: Con…
Freddy: Okay, now you say, “Control Freak who?”

A farmer has four beautiful daughters

He’s a bit overprotective of them, so when Friday date night rolls around, he greets the gentlemen callers at the door with a shotgun over his shoulder.

Friday night rolls around, and the doorbell rings, so he walks to it, shotgun in hand, and opens it to a young man who says:

“Hi, I’...

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There's an old farmer with 3 beautiful daughters. He is very protective of them and meets every potential suitor at the front door, with a loaded shotgun in his hands.

Sure enough, come Saturday evening there's a knock at the door. The farmer jumps up, throws open the door and points his shotgun at the young man.

The fellow is a little startled, but manages to say "Hi, my name is Joe. I'm here for Flo. I'm here to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?"...

A farmer has three daughters...

...who are all getting ready for dates that evening.

The doorbell rings and the first date is there.

"Hi there, sir. I'm Larry, I'm here for Mary. Gonna take her for ice cream topped with a cherry"

The farmer let's them go. The second date comes.

"Good evening, sir. My na...

Dead already.

Apparently Freddy Kruger only preys on teenagers because by the time you turn twenty all your hopes and dreams are already dead.

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LifeProTip: If your child wants to help name your pet...

..let them pick the middle name. That way if they pick something silly, you can still refer to your pet by the normal name. For example, my 4 year old's rabbit is now named

Peter "floppy-eared-princess" Smith

Similarly, my 15 year old's gecko is named

Freddy "Fuck-you-this-isn...

If your name is Fred and you live in Flint Michigan and you're about to smoke a bowl....

...does that mean you're freddy to get flint-stoned

Yo momma so ugly...

... Even Freddy Krueger has nightmares.

A man's three daughters have their first dates

A man has three daughters and they all have dates on the same night. Now he's a protective father so he sets his shotgun by the door in case he thinks they're too shifty.
The first guy walks in and says, "Hey, I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo, is she ready to go?"
The dad thinks, all right, th...

Most Contradictory Inspirational Quote Ever?

"Follow Your Dreams."

-Freddy Kreuger, 2016

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The Planets

71% water + 29% land = Earth

100% land + 0% Chocolate = Mars

100% land + 0% Fertility = Venus

100% land and lava + 0% Freddy = Mercury

100% land + 0% Dog = Pluto

100% gas = Uranus

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