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Sammy Jokes

Sammy the Snail

Wins the Power Ball Jackpot and he buys a racing car.

He paints a big S on the side and he takes it out for a few laps.

He is not happy at all, and he hires a mechanic to make it faster.

The mechanic says "So how fast do you want it to be?"

Sammy says "I want people to sa...

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Sammy adventures

Sammy has the day off from school and is bugging his mom.

Sammy: mom, I'm bored I want to do something.

Mom: See those construction workers building that house across the street? Why don't you go over there and see what they are doing, maybe you'll learn something.

So Sammy does...

Sammy just bought a new pair of pants.

He's explaining to Dean that these pants were specially fitted for dancing.

"Ballroom?" Dean asks.

"Not much," Sammy replies.

Ok I have a Scottish joke: Sam Wanamaker, Immanuel Kant. Sammy Cahn…

… but Walt Disney.

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NSFW - Sammy the journeyman NFL player

Sammy was your less than average NFL player. He always managed to land on a roster, but in 13 years had never felt the glory of playing on Sunday. Every game he'd put on his gear, smear his cheeks with eye-black, don his helmet and rush onto the field with his teammates. But play after play, game...

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Sammy visits his old war buddy Willy who is confined to a wheelchair...

Willy says, "My feet are freezing man, would you mind running upstairs and grabbing me my slippers?"
"No problem at all," Sammy says, and he runs upstairs. On his way to Willy's bedroom, he passes by a guest room, where he sees Willy's 16 year old great granddaughter and her friend, both clad ...

After tucking their three-year-old child Sammy in for bed one night...

his parents heard sobbing coming from his room. Rushing back in, they found him crying hysterically.

He managed to tell them that he had swallowed a penny and he was sure he was going to die.

No amount of talking was helping. His father, in an attempt to calm him down, palmed a penny f...

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Long story

So there’s this guy “Big johnny” we would call him, who lives in a small town has a reputation for having a big dick. One woman slept with him and told everyone she knew that it was big. After that got out he was getting swarmed with woman in town trying to go for a ride.

Big Johnny said to m...

The marketing team for the Veggie Food Company are having a brand meeting

"So the food techs have given us this amazing veggie bacon, what are we going to call it?" says the boss.
After hours of brainstorming and arguments, Sammy the intern says, "what about Facon?"
Everyone loves it and the boss promises him a bonus and a promotion.
"That's great, well done Samm...

So, there's a man crawling through the desert.

He'd decided to try his SUV in a little bit of cross-country travel, had great fun zooming over the badlands and through the sand, got lost, hit a big rock, and then he couldn't get it started again. There were no cell phone towers anywhere near, so his cell phone was useless. He had no family, his ...

Lucky Pronouns.

Teacher :Sammy, can you give me 2 pronouns?

Sammy : Who? Me?

Teacher : Very good. That's correct!

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A guy is sitting in a bar looking downcast

His friend says, "What's the matter, Sammy?"

Sammy says, "Well, it's pretty bad. My wife just cut me down to sex once a month."

"Wow. That's awful, but don't feel bad. I know guys she's cut out all together."

Little Johnny came to class late

Teacher: What's wrong? Why were you late?

Johnny: You know, we have a farm. And there is breeding issue. So, I took the cows to uncle Sammy's farm.

Teacher: Can't your father do it?

Johnny: May be but I think uncle Sammy's bull does better...

Old Women Bragging About Their Sons

Three old ladies are sitting around a table playing bridge and bragging about their sons. “My Freddie,” said Margaret, “Everyone should be so lucky to have a son like my Freddie. Once a week he brings me a huge bouquet of flowers, he’s constantly bringing me out to restaurants to eat, if I so much a...

A man brings his talking dog into the bar...

The bartender quickly tells him that no dogs are allowed.

The man says, "But sir, this is a talking dog. If i can prove that he can talk, will you let him stay?"

The bartender reluctantly agrees.

The man looks at his dog and says, "what's on top of your dog house?"

The ...

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