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Andrea Jokes

A massive earthquake hit California due to the San Andreas line opening up and destroying everything

No foreign aid was granted because according to the UN
"It was their own damn fault"

A prisoner called Andrea wants to prove her strength...

So she starts a weightlifting competition and wins! Turns out the powerhouse of the cell is the might of con 'Drea.

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Three people arrive at the gates of Heaven

St Peter is processing them in. "Name and occupation, please?"

The first one says "Andrea Smith, I was a doctor."

"Of course. Doctors who save lives are allowed. Come in. Next?"

The second one says "Megan Jones, I was a nurse."

"Of course. Nurses who care for the sic...

I just gave all my life savings to the San Andreas foundation.

You might say I’m generous to a fault.

They caught me throwing presents into the San Andreas.

But I’ve always been generous to a fault.

"San Andreas" starring The Rock is a great movie but it could never be perfect...

Because there is one enormous fault

I watched the movie San Andreas today and I really enjoyed it

Despite its faults.

My Wife found out that our Dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the Veterinarian.......

The Vet found that the problem was Hair in the Dog's Ears.

He cleaned both ears, and the Dog could then hear fine.

The Vet then proceeded to tell Andrea that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the store and get some "Veet" hair remover and rub it in the Dog's ...

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Son: "I fell in love with a beautiful girl."

Father: "That's great, do I know her?"

Son: "Yes, it is Andrea who lives across the street."

Father: "Oh that is bad, I am sorry, don't tell this to your mom but Andrea is your sister."

The boy is upset, but accepts the truth.

After few months he comes to his dad again...

Every night, my whole life, I'd prayed to the saints to keep my family and home safe.

Which is why when my house was destroyed in an earthquake my faith was shook. The saints must have been distracted by something that day. I don't want to point the finger at anyone in particular, but I can't help feeling it must have been San Andreas' fault.

A Cypriot Joke translated to English!

Two best friends depart their ways from High School to go abroad to make lots of money.

Many years later they meet up at a local a beach Costas says to Andrea how did you get on while abroad did you make a lot of money? Nah he said i been sitting here all these years drinking beers!

Co...

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The great detective Herlock Sholmes was hired to investigate the disappearance of one of the most important political figures in the nation.

He was quickly briefed on the current situation: at two in the morning, a young woman named Andrea had been captured by an unknown party. Now normally, a kidnapping wouldn’t be something to call in the great Herlock Sholmes for, but Andrea was a special case.

In the nation of Modgasia, the go...

Three women with borderline morality died and are now face to face with St. Peter.

He read about their lives and he said, "Well you didn't really live a pious life, but you never really did anything reprehensible. So one by one, I will ask you one biblical question and if you get it right, you get to go into heaven".

The women agreed.

The first was Andrea. St. Pet...

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Difference between Jam and Jelly

My girlfriend who lives up north, just asked me, “what’s the difference between Jam and Jelly?”
I said well Andrea, for one I can’t jelly my dick up your ass!

California hasn't fallen into the sea, so apparently it worked.

Back in the 1970's there was a cult in California who believed that they could save California by appeasing the San Andreas. There were parts of San Andreas that literally gaped open wide, and members of the cult were noted for throwing all their earthly possessions down into the amazingly deep crac...

The Hotel California was destroyed last night and they’re looking for the suspect.

Evidence is pointing that its San Andreas’ fault

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An Irish peasant

An Irish peasant named Kory Andrea grew up knowing nothing but potatoes. His dad farmed potatoes, and his dad farmed potatoes, all the way back a thousand years. He had spent the entirety of his first twenty years on this Earth farming and harvesting potatoes.

One day, as if suddenly, the pot...

The billionaire and the architect

Los Angeles has always been a place for these massive feats of human accomplishment. Case in point, in 1989, a local billionaire spent millions of his own money to create a unique building of fantastic architecture, one that would draw people in for thousands of miles. He hired a small time architec...

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Am I too late for a Belgian joke?

It's World War I, now 100 years ago. A Belgian unit is hidden in it's trenches about 50m of German soldiers in theirs. After weeks of heavy shootings and minor progressions the Belgian colonel comes up with an idea. He says: "Guys, I've got a plan. Watch me!" and he takes position. He raises his voi...

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