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Liam Jokes

Can't wait to see Liam Neeson's new film

Taken: Out Of Context.

I’ve been trying to lure people to discuss which Liam Neeson movie is the best…

But no one’s Taken debate.

Liam Neeson struggles with being unappreciated after saving his family.

Taken 4: Granted

Imagine you were friends with Oasis lead singer, Liam Gallagher.

You two grew up together and were the best of friends. That friendship was like no other.

You both bonded over many things, but the hobby you both got into was baseball. You’d both play catch, practice your pitches, and even went to watch pro games together.

During high school, y...

If Liam Neeson played Aquaman

"I've got a particular set of gills"

Liam Neeson never snowboards.

He has a very specific set of skis.

Liam Neeson's first choice of username was taken

His second choice was taken too

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I’m trying to concentrate!

Three Irish monks, around 850 AD, were copying manuscripts in the library of their monastery. The monastery had a strict code of silence, allowing monks to speak only once every seven years.

So seven years pass, and the first monk says “Hey Brother Liam, how’s it goin’?”. Another seven years...

Didn't see Liam Neeson at the Oscars last night.

Must be on a blacklist

The O'Leary brothers, Shamus and Liam, were known for their drinking.

One day they fancied a pint or two, but didn’t have a lot of money. Between them, they could only come up with $3.

Liam said, “Hang on, I have an idea.” He went next door to the butcher’s shop, and came out with one large sausage.

Shamus said, “Are you crazy? Now we don’t have any mone...

Liam Neeson will star in a new thriller where he rescues the wrong woman

the film will be titled "Mistaken"

I watched a Liam Neeson action movie that had the unrealistic parts deleted.

It was Taken seriously.

Why is it hard for Liam Neeson to enjoy Valentine’s Day?

Because all the girls are taken

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Mom: get up Liam, you will be late for school

Mom: get up Liam, you will be late for school
Liam: but I don't wanna go, all the teachers and students hate me
Mom: you have to go
Liam: give me one reason why I should go
Mom: you're 35, and you're the principal

All the uproar about Liam Neeson’s racist comments is a bit much

Can’t we let Qui-Gons be Qui-Gons...?

They should make another Taken movie about Liam Neeson being underappreciated for keeping his family safe

It should be called Taken 4: Granted

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An inventor, Liam, builds a humanoid lie detector robot that can slap you if you lie. As with all his inventions, his family will be the first round of test subjects.

At dinner, the inventor asks his son Jimmy about his day.

"I was at Scotts, we were studying for mid-terms."

The robot suddenly springs to life, slapping the son hard upside the head.

"Ow, what the fucking shit?" Jimmy exclaims angrily.

Liam looks at his son with a bemu...

Liam Neeson is retiring and going into the burger business. He first chooses his cuts of meat, then he says...

I will grind you and I will grill you.

I thought I saw Liam Neeson on the street but it turned out it was just some girl....

It was a case of Miss Taken identity.

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My Father tells this one at every family get together. (Apologies in advance if that has been posted here already)

So Mrs. Rodgers is a 3rd grade English teacher, and each Monday she gives her students a new vocabulary word. The students' task is to come up with a sentence using the new vocabulary word by the following day. This week the word is "contagious."

So Tuesday morning rolls around and Mrs. Rodg...

What did Liam Neeson say to the person who stole his copy of Microsoft Office?

I will find you. You have my Word.

Why hasn't Liam Neeson been nominated for another Oscar in the last 10 years?

All his roles have been Taken

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One day Bill is on a walk, when he sees his new neighbor, John.

He greets him and they start getting to know each other.

"So what do you do for a living, John?"

"Well I'm a logic professor"

"What's that?"

"Instead of telling you, it would be easier if I showed you. Do you own a dog house?"

"Yes, I do"

"Well then ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Liam's mom is trying to wake him up in the morning. As usual..

As usual, Liam says "just ten more minutes mom!"
Mom is used to this and lets him sleep 5 more minutes.
After 5 minutes, Liam as expected says, "just... just.. 5 more minutes.. Please..."
After this happens 2-3 more times, mom has had it.


Mom : get up you little shit or I will ...

Bruce Willis and Liam Neeson have signed up to do a movie together

It's called 'Taken Hard'

Liam Neeson is making a cameo in the up coming "Cars 3"

...as himself, Liam Nissan.

Mother and son

Mother: Who do you like more, me or your dad.

Liam: I like you both.

Mother: Ok, if I go to america and your dad goes to paris, where will you go

Liam: I will go to paris.

Mother: That’s means you like dad more

Liam: No, its because i like paris

Mother...

Anytime I ask a girl with a boyfriend to watch my favorite movie with her, she always ends up being a Liam Neeson fan

“No, Taken”

Liam Gallagher, lead singer of Oasis, decides to learn the politics of his home country. So he goes up to Noel and asks-

"What's a Tory, (Morning Glory), weeeelllll??"

In Dublin, a very nervous Liam brings his girlfriend to meet his father for the first time.

Liam (to father): This is Amanda

Father: A fooking WHAT!?

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A flea is sitting on a bench in Florida...

and he looks miserable. He has the sniffles, he's sneezing and has the chills. He has a blanket wrapped around him for warmth.
Just then a friend of his walks by and notices him sitting there all sick and dejected. The friend sits next to him.
"Liam! What's wrong? You look absolutely awful."<...

A man who works at the Guinness brewery in Dublin, Ireland goes to his best friend's house.

The friend's wife opens the door and sees the look of grief on the man's face.

"I'm sorry, there's been a terrible accident and Liam died."

"Dear God, no!!! How?!"

"He fell in a vat of beer and drowned."

"Just tell me one thing: did he suffer?"

"I don't think so. H...

A new Taken movie is being made.

In it, Liam Neeson feels like nobody appreciates the effort he went through to get his family back. So he pays people to kidnap him to make his family see the lengths he went through to save them.

It’s going to be called Taken 4 Granted.

A movie studio is casting roles for a documentary about classical musicians.

Tom Cruise says “I’ll play the part of Mozart”
Liam Neeson says “I’ll make a great Beethoven”
Arnold Schwarzenegger says “I’ll be Bach”

What do yo call a tall, muscular Irishman with a temper that you shouldn't mess with?

Liam Malone

Oasis song puns.

I'm bored. Here's some puns based on Oasis songs. D' you know what I mean?



Q - Why does Noel have no life insurance plan?

A - Live forever.



Q - What's Noel's advice on avoiding road rage when tail-gated?

A - Don't look back in anger.



Q -...

What did the knee name his son?

Liam

An Irishman Came Home from the Pub on St. Paddy's Day...

and walked into his house and laid a 30 lb. turkey on the table. His wife looks wide-eyed and asked, "Liam, where'd ya get the tarkey?"

"Well Mary, all the fella's at the pub had a little contest for St. Paddy's Day. The fella with the biggest member won the tarkey."

Mary turned ghostl...

What do you call the world's most badass sedan?

A Liam Nissan

Jussie Smollett paid two black actors to beat him up,

when Liam Neeson would have done it for nothing.

What do you call an Irish fella trying to break up a fight?

Liam Malone

Traveling salesman stops off at farm in County Cork, Ireland.

There he sees a pig lying about in his sty with an entire back leg and other body parts missing. When the farmer comes out the salesman rather than going into his sales pitch is overcome by curiosity and asks the farmer what is the story behind that pig.

"Ah, that pig!" says the farmer in a ...

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The BBC does a special on the oldest man in Scotland

They arrived for the special and decided to start it off with an interview where they asked him: “What was the best day of your life, Mr MacDonald?”
“I was just a wee lad and it was the day village fair, when me ma realised that our sheep had gone missing on the mountains. The whole village sear...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So Noel Gallagher's up on stage at rehearsals before a show.................................

So Noel Gallagher's up on stage at rehearsals before a show, and his guitar tech is showing him his new instrument.
Noel looks it over, examining the beautiful, expensive guitar, and asks: "What's that knob at the front for?"
The guitar tech looks up, then back at Noel. "Oh, that's Liam. He si...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'll never forget giving Noel Gallagher his first guitar. He said to me, "What's that knob at the front for?"

I said, "It's Liam, he's the lead singer."

(and because I know I'll have too, UK slang has knob as another word for cock)

Man walks into a Catholic church at night

To his surprise, two priests walk up to excitedly greet him.

"Hello!" Says the other. "I am Paul Unch, and this is Liam Ine, we're the priests here. If you'll walk this way-"

"Hold up", says the man. "P. Unch and L. Ine? I'm in a stupid joke, right?"

"O-ho!" exclaims Ine. "You g...

A New Movie - Stephen Spielberg

Stephen Speilberg has just recently decided to create a new action movie about the greatest composers on Earth. His creates his cast and asks them 'Who do you want to be' ...

Bruce Willis says to him 'I ll play Beethoven, i've always fancied myself as a bit of a genius'

Liam Neeson the...

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