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An inventor, Liam, builds a humanoid lie detector robot that can slap you if you lie. As with all his inventions, his family will be the first round of test subjects.

At dinner, the inventor asks his son Jimmy about his day.

"I was at Scotts, we were studying for mid-terms."

The robot suddenly springs to life, slapping the son hard upside the head.

"Ow, what the fucking shit?" Jimmy exclaims angrily.

Liam looks at his son with a bemu...

If Liam Neeson played Aquaman

"I've got a particular set of gills"

Anytime I ask a girl with a boyfriend to watch my favorite movie with her, she always ends up being a Liam Neeson fan

“No, Taken”

Mother and son

Mother: Who do you like more, me or your dad.

Liam: I like you both.

Mother: Ok, if I go to america and your dad goes to paris, where will you go

Liam: I will go to paris.

Mother: That’s means you like dad more

Liam: No, its because i like paris

Mother...

Liam Neeson will star in a new thriller where he rescues the wrong woman

the film will be titled "Mistaken"

A new Taken movie is being made.

In it, Liam Neeson feels like nobody appreciates the effort he went through to get his family back. So he pays people to kidnap him to make his family see the lengths he went through to save them.

It’s going to be called Taken 4 Granted.

Can't wait to see Liam Neeson's new film

Taken: Out Of Context.

Liam Neeson is retiring and going into the burger business. He first chooses his cuts of meat, then he says...

I will grind you and I will grill you.

The O'Leary brothers, Shamus and Liam, were known for their drinking.

One day they fancied a pint or two, but didn’t have a lot of money. Between them, they could only come up with $3.

Liam said, “Hang on, I have an idea.” He went next door to the butcher’s shop, and came out with one large sausage.

Shamus said, “Are you crazy? Now we don’t have any mone...

I thought I saw Liam Neeson on the street but it turned out it was just some girl....

It was a case of Miss Taken identity.

Liam Neeson struggles with being unappreciated after saving his family.

Taken 4: Granted

I watched a Liam Neeson action movie that had the unrealistic parts deleted.

It was Taken seriously.

All the uproar about Liam Neeson’s racist comments is a bit much

Can’t we let Qui-Gons be Qui-Gons...?

Liam Gallagher, lead singer of Oasis, decides to learn the politics of his home country. So he goes up to Noel and asks-

"What's a Tory, (Morning Glory), weeeelllll??"

Liam Neeson never snowboards.

He has a very specific set of skis.

Why is it hard for Liam Neeson to enjoy Valentine’s Day?

Because all the girls are taken

You have my word

Liam Neeson steps out of the office he works at for a little coffee break and when he finally returns after 5 minutes, he finds that his Microsoft Office licence password has been changed



He gets so frustrated he says "Whoever you are that stole my licence, I will find you, you have m...

What did Liam Neeson say to the person who stole his copy of Microsoft Office?

I will find you. You have my Word.

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One day Bill is on a walk, when he sees his new neighbor, John.

He greets him and they start getting to know each other.

"So what do you do for a living, John?"

"Well I'm a logic professor"

"What's that?"

"Instead of telling you, it would be easier if I showed you. Do you own a dog house?"

"Yes, I do"

"Well then ...

Didn't see Liam Neeson at the Oscars last night.

Must be on a blacklist

Why hasn't Liam Neeson been nominated for another Oscar in the last 10 years?

All his roles have been Taken

Liam Neeson's first choice of username was taken

His second choice was taken too

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Liam's mom is trying to wake him up in the morning. As usual..

As usual, Liam says "just ten more minutes mom!"
Mom is used to this and lets him sleep 5 more minutes.
After 5 minutes, Liam as expected says, "just... just.. 5 more minutes.. Please..."
After this happens 2-3 more times, mom has had it.


Mom : get up you little shit or I will ...

Liam Neeson was walking on a road.

He suddenly slipped and fell, twisting his knee. He looks around for some help. He sees a kid with a balloon coming towards him.

"Hey kid. Come here." He called him, asking for his help.

"Hello Liam Neeson, I see you are hurt. What happened?" He asks.

"Hurt my knee kid. Can you...

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Mom: get up Liam, you will be late for school

Mom: get up Liam, you will be late for school
Liam: but I don't wanna go, all the teachers and students hate me
Mom: you have to go
Liam: give me one reason why I should go
Mom: you're 35, and you're the principal

Bruce Willis and Liam Neeson have signed up to do a movie together

It's called 'Taken Hard'

Liam Neeson is making a cameo in the up coming "Cars 3"

...as himself, Liam Nissan.

A movie studio is casting roles for a documentary about classical musicians.

Tom Cruise says “I’ll play the part of Mozart”
Liam Neeson says “I’ll make a great Beethoven”
Arnold Schwarzenegger says “I’ll be Bach”

In Dublin, a very nervous Liam brings his girlfriend to meet his father for the first time.

Liam (to father): This is Amanda

Father: A fooking WHAT!?

What do yo call a tall, muscular Irishman with a temper that you shouldn't mess with?

Liam Malone

"oh, you must be mistaken"

**Liam Neeson’s wife:** please, call me Susan.

A man who works at the Guinness brewery in Dublin, Ireland goes to his best friend's house.

The friend's wife opens the door and sees the look of grief on the man's face.

"I'm sorry, there's been a terrible accident and Liam died."

"Dear God, no!!! How?!"

"He fell in a vat of beer and drowned."

"Just tell me one thing: did he suffer?"

"I don't think so. H...

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My Father tells this one at every family get together. (Apologies in advance if that has been posted here already)

So Mrs. Rodgers is a 3rd grade English teacher, and each Monday she gives her students a new vocabulary word. The students' task is to come up with a sentence using the new vocabulary word by the following day. This week the word is "contagious."

So Tuesday morning rolls around and Mrs. Rodg...

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The BBC does a special on the oldest man in Scotland

They arrived for the special and decided to start it off with an interview where they asked him: “What was the best day of your life, Mr MacDonald?”
“I was just a wee lad and it was the day village fair, when me ma realised that our sheep had gone missing on the mountains. The whole village sear...

Contagious

Little Jimmy was in school the next day and his teacher told the class they were going to focus on a new word for the day: "Contagious".

The teacher gave the class ten minutes to come up with a sentence containing the word of the day. When time was up, she asked them each to come up and read ...

What do you call the world's most badass sedan?

A Liam Nissan

What do you call an Irish man who's always breaking up fights?

Liam Mallone

Jussie Smollett paid two black actors to beat him up,

when Liam Neeson would have done it for nothing.

An Irishman Came Home from the Pub on St. Paddy's Day...

and walked into his house and laid a 30 lb. turkey on the table. His wife looks wide-eyed and asked, "Liam, where'd ya get the tarkey?"

"Well Mary, all the fella's at the pub had a little contest for St. Paddy's Day. The fella with the biggest member won the tarkey."

Mary turned ghostl...

What do you call an Irish fella trying to break up a fight?

Liam Malone

A middle-aged teacher named Mrs. Jackson saw one of her first grade boys making rude faces at the preschoolers on the playground

She said "You know, Liam, when I was a little girl I was told that if I made ugly faces it might freeze and stay like that."
Liam replied "Well sorry Mrs. Jackson, but you can't say you weren't warned.

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So Noel Gallagher's up on stage at rehearsals before a show.................................

So Noel Gallagher's up on stage at rehearsals before a show, and his guitar tech is showing him his new instrument.
Noel looks it over, examining the beautiful, expensive guitar, and asks: "What's that knob at the front for?"
The guitar tech looks up, then back at Noel. "Oh, that's Liam. He si...

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I'll never forget giving Noel Gallagher his first guitar. He said to me, "What's that knob at the front for?"

I said, "It's Liam, he's the lead singer."

(and because I know I'll have too, UK slang has knob as another word for cock)

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A flea is sitting on a bench in Florida...

and he looks miserable. He has the sniffles, he's sneezing and has the chills. He has a blanket wrapped around him for warmth.
Just then a friend of his walks by and notices him sitting there all sick and dejected. The friend sits next to him.
"Liam! What's wrong? You look absolutely awful."<...

Traveling salesman stops off at farm in County Cork, Ireland.

There he sees a pig lying about in his sty with an entire back leg and other body parts missing. When the farmer comes out the salesman rather than going into his sales pitch is overcome by curiosity and asks the farmer what is the story behind that pig.

"Ah, that pig!" says the farmer in a ...

A New Movie - Stephen Spielberg

Stephen Speilberg has just recently decided to create a new action movie about the greatest composers on Earth. His creates his cast and asks them 'Who do you want to be' ...

Bruce Willis says to him 'I ll play Beethoven, i've always fancied myself as a bit of a genius'

Liam Neeson the...

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