UPJOKE
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Chuck Norris once threw a grenade that killed 50 people.

Then it exploded.

Jesus, Chuck Norris and the Pope are sitting in a boat in the middle of a lake.

They decide to get to the shore, so Jesus leaves the boat first and walks over the water to the shore.

Chuck Norris leaves second and also walks over the water to the shore.

The Pope, being baffled, also tries to take a step out of the boat but immediately falls in, so he has to swim t...

Chuck Norris actually died four years ago

Death just hasn't worked up the courage to tell him yet.

They were going to name a street after Chuck Norris…

Then they realized nobody can cross Chuck Norris and live.

Did you hear about the fight between Chuck Norris and Superman?

The loser had to wear their underwear on the outside

Chuck Norris walked into a bar.

The bar apologized and got out of his way.

Do you know why there are so many Chuck Norris jokes but not many Bruce Lee ones?

Because Bruce Lee is no joke.

Chuck Norris has farted only once in his life.

It was during a vacation to the Sahara forest.

When Chuck Norris went to his first driving lesson

He got in the car and said “Ok. This is lesson number 1.”

What is your favorite Chuck Norris joke?

**Chuck Norris is so tough he counted to infinity. Twice.**

Chuck Norris, Zelensky, and God all walk into a bar.

The Bartender looks up, "Were were just about to start a new drinking game I've been working on. I call out a bragging point, and each one willing to meet it, chugs their drink. The last man standing due to matching every post and surviving every drink, gets the pot. Everyone else has to split the t...

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Chuck Norris once

-injected his blood into a monkey, a fish, and a lizard.
They are now known as King Kong, Moby Dick, and Godzilla.

I want you to tell your best Chuck Norris joke

I just love them, so it's your moment and unleash your imagination!

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At what age did Chuck Norris lose his virginity?

Trick question, Chick Norris never loses!

When chuck norris

Tells a joke about will smiths wife, will smith smacks himself

Chuck Norris’ wife accidentally kneed him in the groin while dancing

He asked her if her knee was ok

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Fuck Chuck Norris ..

If he is as strong and powerful as everyone states, I dare him to come to my house and bash my head in the keyboarddfrljkl;kjtpog496yasdfjknxirhsmfsjfigdjsyebxhsueyxbxjdobdbzhcvhsivdbdindgdyhdbisbdbdhbshhshsudjshgsidbbdhdydhdbksjdbdyyshdbuendheibdjdidn

Before Chuck Norris goes sleep, he checks under his bed for Volodymyr Zelensky.

Tornadoes don't exist, Volodymyr Zelensky just hates trailer parks.

Chuck Norris jokes but instead of Chuck Norris it's Volodymyr Zelensky.

Did you know Chuck Norris has a Grizzly Bear rug in his home?

The bear is not dead it is just too scared to move

Norris: I can defeat any chess champion in three moves or less.

Boris: You know Chess?

Norris: No, Judo

A snake bit Chuck Norris

After many hours of excruciating pain, the snake died

Why doesn’t Chuck Norris go on dates?

Nobody can take him out.

Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on Christmas Day.

It wasn't his actual birthday, but he wasn't going to tell Chuck Norris that.

Chuck Norris has been confirmed to be exposed to COVID-19

Virus has been quarantined for 14 days

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Chuck Norris is always on top during sex

Because Chuck Norris never fucks up

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Chuck Norris . . .

. . . can butt-dial a rotary phone.

Why doesn’t Chuck Norris tell jokes?

His punch lines are deadly.

Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...

And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.

 
 
 
 

Chuck Norris

They wanted to add Chuck Norris' face to Mount Rushmore, but the granite is not hard enough for his beard.

Chuck Norris was dropped twice as a baby.

Once in Hiroshima and once in Nagasaki...

To this day I still tell Chuck Norris jokes.

He’s a good friend of mine and enjoys a good joke.

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Chuck Norris injected his blood into a monkey, a fish, and a lizard.

These are now known as King Kong, Jaws, and Godzilla.

What every athlete says after winning: "First of all, I'd like to thank Chuck Norris for not competing."

Chuck can eat Chinese food with one chopstick.

Chuck threw a few rocks into the Pacific Ocean. These are now known as Ha...

Do you know where Chuck Norris stands on White Nationalists?

On their necks.

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a bar

Sylvester Stallone says, "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."

Chuck says, "Guys, I'm bored of doing action movies too and I've got some ideas but you may not like them."

Sylveste...

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They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper..

But it wouldn't take shit from anybody

Chuck Norris doesn't turn the water on for his shower...

He stares at it until it cries.

Chuck Norris Joke

A priest, Jesus and Chuck Norris are on a sinking boat. Jesus starts to walk back to land. Chuck Norris does the same. The priest says "Lord, please let me walk on water", tries to walk but drowns. When Jesus and Chuck Norris got on land Jesus asked him "Shouldn't we have told him where the stones a...

When Chuck Norris gets suncream on his skin...

The sun is protected from him

What did Chuck Norris say after calling 911?

What's your emergency?

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A fucking Chuck Norris joke I made when I was 7

What happens when Chuck Norris kicks the bucket?

He breaks a couple floors

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Chuck Norris once visited Virginia

Now it's called just "ia"

It’s true.

Last week Chuck Norris was bit by the most venomous snake on the planet. It was horrible. After 3 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.

Chuck Norris can cut a slice of bread

.. in just one half.

Chuck Norris mines crypto currency

by hand.

When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,

he turns the dark off.

Chuck Norris was signing an autograph for a little boy

Chuck Norris was signing an autograph for a little boy.

"How old are you little boy?"

"I'm 5 years old"

Chuck Norris said, "When I was your age I was 7."

Chuck Norris passed 6 kidney stones.

Thanos used them in the Infinity Gauntlet.

Chuck Norris doesn't own a house.

He simply walks into random houses and people move.

The last time Chuck Norris surfed the internet...

...he finished it.

Chuck Norris once performed a table flip.

Ever since Atlantis is considered a myth.

This morning Chuck Norris was shot

Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition

Chuck Norris caught COVID.

But then he felt bad, so he let it go.

Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees

Chuck Norris will be 80 in a few hours so post your best Chuck Norris Jokes in the comments!

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Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.

He's used the same napkin since 1974.
He just scares the shit out of it.

What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?

The Three-Hole Punch...

Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.

Because all of his genes are dominant.

One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.

That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

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Why doesn't Chuck Norris wear a coronavirus mask in public?

He does.
Because Chuck Norris isn't an asshole.

How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?

By shaving with them.

Chuck Norris wears a mask not because he has to protect himself from Corona Virus.

He wears it so Corona Virus can protect itself from him.

What did Chuck Norris tell his father before he went off to college?

"you're the man of the house now"

Does this sub take requests? Please share your favorite Chuck Norris joke!

They once named a street after Chuck Norris, but they had to change it. Nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives!

Chuck Norris and Superman fought once and placed a bet on the outcome. The loser had to wear their underwear on the outside!

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are discussing what to dress up as for the 80's Action Hero Costume Ball.

"I know", says Stallone, "Lets all go as famous composers. "I'll be Beethoven".

"I'll go as Mozart", says Chuck.

Schwarzenegger gets up and walks swiftly to the door. At the last second, he looks back and says,

"I'll be Bach"

Once Chuck Norris threw a knife in Call of Duty

And killed someone in Battlefield

Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him

So he tracked down nothing and killed it

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are reading a script at lunch...

It's for Stallone's new movie *The Composers*, about the descendants of famous European composers joining forces to fight terrorism. Stallone says he'll play Beethoven, "My theme will be ode to joy. But get this: Joy is the name of my shotgun."

"Nice," says Norris. "I'll be Mozart, and I'...

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Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity.

He got it back.

Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?

He played the force.

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Why did Chuck Norris’ aunt give birth to him?

Because nobody dared fuck his mother

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Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone and Chuck Norris are sitting in a boat boat...

Arnold puts his finger in the air and states: “7,3km/h windspeed from 33° north-east“.
Stallone sticks out his tongue and says: “Exactly 20,87°C“.
Chuck Norris opens his trousers and sticks his dick in the water and says: “Exactly 12,609m deep“.

So an English man, an American, an Asian, a blonde, Chuck Norris and Yo momma walk into a bar...

The barman asks...




Is this some kind of joke?

Chuck Norris’ tears can cure you of the coronavirus.

Too bad he doesn’t cry.

Chuck Norris is a coward!

If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my keybakwue hr<awjd <akreu<an<awlkuhnc<a kjdqw;eoim

What do you get when you tickle Chuck Norris?

Chuckle Norris.

I don't believe Chuck Norris is that great

Cuz if he was, he would show up right now, and slam my head all over my keasdhjaiosdcnhq09w8hjkoldq0i9 wdhj09qw daU9 10Q9WDJ09W3Q21JD QWD

What is your favorite Chuck Norris joke?

My Favorite,
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast...

...at ate a glock every morning.

Jesus Christ, Chuck Norris and an Irishman were on a boat

Jesus Christ, Chuck Norris and an Irishman were on a boat. They had to get to land, but had no oars.

Jesus starts walking across the water, and finally makes it safely to the other side.

Chuck joins Jesus, and walks safely across too.

The Irishman thought, if they can d...

Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...

It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'

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Chuck Norris has been exposed to COVID-19 and has gone on record to his fans as saying "I'm going to kick the shit out of this thing."

After the quote, millions of people worldwide who fear they may be carrying the virus have begun hoarding toilet paper to await the inevitable.

Chuck Norris joke cause it's been a long time.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris doesn't just get the coronavirus

He also gets the same misleading information from this administration as the rest of us.

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