Jared ended his subway career the same way he started it

Trying to get into smaller pants.

Did you guys hear about Jared Fogle from Subways transformation?

He used to have mild cholesterol problems, but they turned into child molestoral problems.

Why doesn’t trump like Jared Kushner

He married the love of his life...

Jared from Subway was hired and fired for the exact same reason.

He loved to eat fresh

If Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani, Bill Barr, Stephen Miller, and Jared Kushner we're on Air Force One together and the plane were to suddenly crash, who would survive?

The United States of America.

Jared from subway was sentenced by the judge for 16 years in prison.

But he didn’t care, you know why

Because he was ok with anything under 18

What do Jared Fogel, Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey have in common?

Their favorite piece of classical music is Chopin’s Waltz in A minor.

A burglar breaks into a joint

While going through the owner's belongings a shrill voices goes:
"Heavenly Father is watching you! Heavenly Father is watching you!"

Slightly irritated, the burglar switches on the light and sees a parrot in the corner, repeating its line:

"Heavenly Father is watching you! Heavenly ...

I wonder if Jared from Subway is still staying trim in prison...

I mean he’s still probably getting a foot-long everyday

What’s that musical called where Jared Fogle got really high?

Oh, that’s right - Diddler on the Roof.

Why does Jared Fogle like all the jokes about him?

Because they are about five years old at this point.

What do you call a fight between a Mexican and Jared Fogle?

Alien vs Predator.

Why can’t Jared Goff use the phone anymore?

Because he can’t find the receiver.

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how big is Jared fogel's sex drive?

bout 5.6TB

What's the difference between Elon Musk and Jared the Subway guy?

Elon wanted to put Thai boys into small objects, Jared wanted to put small objects into Thai boys.

After viewing the disappointing post-debate polls, Trump asked Kushner how to do better in the following debate.

Jared said,"be positive, spread your positivity, and after all is said and done, try to come across as a patient person"

What did Jared from Subway get in his court sentence?

Free foot-longs for life.

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Mr. President and Jared Kushner visit Putin

Mr. President and Jared are visiting Putin for some campaign strategy. They have a nice chat over coffee, but both Trump and Jared have hard time concentrating as they are mesmerized by their host's beautiful sterling spoons. Jared manages to slip one of the spoons into his pocket, which makes Trump...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is Donald Trump convinced Jared Kushner is a genius?

He figured out how to fuck Ivanka.


(This was a series of comments on another thread that made me laugh so I thought everyone should hear it, but I can't remember the usernames so announce yourselves if you see this friends)

How did Jared lose 40lbs?

He dumped his girlfriend.

It looks like Jared and Ivanka's Judaism is really rubbing off on Trump.

He's even cleaning out his Cabinet for Passover.

Coronavirus has a ~0.2% mortality rate among young people, so in a class of 50, if everyone got it, there would be a ~10% chance of anyone dying

I nominate Jared

How is the Copiapó mining accident and the Jared Fogle scandal the same?

In both cases some miners got screwed

Jared likes his women like he likes his sandwiches

6 and 12

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What's the difference between the IRS and Jared Fogle?

The IRS waits until you're 18 to fuck you.

When Chumlee gets out of prison he should do a show with Jared from Subway. They should call it...

Child Pawn.

Jared Fogle is going to prison.

It looks as if his steady diet of footlongs will continue

How did Jared Fogle lose so much weight?

because he chose from the kids menu

What's Jared Fogle's favorite weather?

El nino.

Why did Jared from Subway call Boyz2Men?

He thought they had delivery service.

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What do Betsy Devos and Jared from Subway have in common?

Both of their main goal is to fuck children.

Fun Fact: Jared Fogle was a Mormon

I heard he graduated top of his class at Bring Em Young University

How does Jared like to play his flute?

In A minor.

Jared Fogel is teaching a music class in prison

Today's lesson is fingering A minor

What's Jared Fogle's favorite time of day?

When the big hand touches the little one

What did Jared Fogle say when his wife told him she wanted kids?

*Me too*

Did you hear Jared Fogle got sentenced to 15.5 years in prison today?

Under 16, that is a big win for him.

 
Credit to /u/RandomExcess

Subway's known about Jared since the beginning

how else can you explain how they knew he likes to eat fresh.

I'm going to hell for this one.

Why did Jared decide to gain all of his weight back?

The mall is hiring new Santas.

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What's Jared Fogles favourite Vietnamese cocktail?

Sum yung gai

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When Jared from subway was a kid (long)

He was a larger boy, all of the schoolchildren would call him names. Jared would get mad but didnt know what to. This goes on for some time until Jared went to his school counselor. His couseler asks what the problem is. Jared explains how all the schoolchildren can not see past his weight and accep...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So Subway spokesperson Jared Fogle is being investigated for child pornography

I guess he really did want to "eat fresh"

What does Santa Claus and Jared from Subway have in common?

They both leave kid's homes with empty sacks.

Whats the difference between Jared Fogel and a pixie stick?

it's OK for a kid to have a pixie stick in their mouth.

Is Jared Fogle going to jail??

Because I heard he's looking at 8-12 years...

New Subway slogan idea from Jared

12 is the new 18

Jared Fogle of Subway told his wife she didn't have to worry about the Ashley Madison leaks...

...he was on Club Penguin.

What's Subway Jared's favorite TV show?

19 Kids and Counting

Jared Fogle was given 15 years in prison today...

He was reportedly ok with it, and when reached for comment stated "As long as it's under 18."

What does Jared and a piece of jewelery have in common?

They both come in small packages

One thing won't change for Jared Fogle while in prison

He will still be eating 6" to 12" daily.

It appears that Jared Fogle has gain 30lbs since going to jail

I guess that's what happens when you stop the child portions

Jared was a good eater

But he always left a little behind

Jared from subway really took the company motto seriously.

You could say he liked to "eat fresh"

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