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Jared Jokes

Did you guys hear about Jared Fogle from Subways transformation?

He used to have mild cholesterol problems, but they turned into child molestoral problems.

Jared from Subway ended his career the same way he began it

Trying to get into smaller pants

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

how big is Jared fogel's sex drive?

bout 5.6TB

When will the Jared jokes stop?

When they get too old.

Jared from Subway was hired and fired for the exact same reason.

He loved to eat fresh

What do you call a fight between a Mexican and Jared Fogle?

Alien vs Predator.

I had a good joke involving Jared Fogle, Roman Polanski, and Jimmy Saville walking into a bar

But it occurred to me that they wouldn't be somewhere where there wouldn't be minors.

Fun Fact: Jared Fogle was a Mormon

I heard he graduated top of his class at Bring Em Young University

What does Jared Leto say when he is on drugs?

It's Morphine time!

How did Jared Fogle lose 40 pounds?

He broke up with his girlfriend.

Why does Jared Fogle like all the jokes about him?

Because they are about five years old at this point.

Jared Fogle is going to prison.

It looks as if his steady diet of footlongs will continue

Jared likes his women like he likes his sandwiches

6 and 12

Jared Fogle was sentenced to 16 years in prison

He told the jury that he was happy with anything under 18

What's Jared Fogle's favorite time of day?

When the big hand touches the little one

How does Jared like to play his flute?

In A minor.

What's Jared Fogle's favorite weather?

El nino.

How did Jared Fogle lose so much weight?

because he chose from the kids menu

Jared Fogle gets sentenced 15 1/2 years in prison

At least he'll still be able to enjoy footlongs

Why doesn’t trump like Jared Kushner

He married the love of his life...

Why did Jared from Subway call Boyz2Men?

He thought they had delivery service.

Jared was a good eater

But he always left a little behind

Is Jared Fogle going to jail??

Because I heard he's looking at 8-12 years...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mr. President and Jared Kushner visit Putin

Mr. President and Jared are visiting Putin for some campaign strategy. They have a nice chat over coffee, but both Trump and Jared have hard time concentrating as they are mesmerized by their host's beautiful sterling spoons. Jared manages to slip one of the spoons into his pocket, which makes Trump...

How did Trump propose to Putin?

He went to Jared.

What's the difference between Elon Musk and Jared the Subway guy?

Elon wanted to put Thai boys into small objects, Jared wanted to put small objects into Thai boys.

Subway's known about Jared since the beginning

how else can you explain how they knew he likes to eat fresh.

I'm going to hell for this one.

New Subway slogan idea from Jared

12 is the new 18

Jared Fogel is teaching a music class in prison

Today's lesson is fingering A minor

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is Donald Trump convinced Jared Kushner is a genius?

He figured out how to fuck Ivanka.


(This was a series of comments on another thread that made me laugh so I thought everyone should hear it, but I can't remember the usernames so announce yourselves if you see this friends)

What's Subway Jared's favorite TV show?

19 Kids and Counting

Jared Fogel followed the company line

He just wanted to eat fresh

How is the Copiapó mining accident and the Jared Fogle scandal the same?

In both cases some miners got screwed

If Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani, Bill Barr, Stephen Miller, and Jared Kushner we're on Air Force One together and the plane were to suddenly crash, who would survive?

The United States of America.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When Jared from subway was a kid (long)

He was a larger boy, all of the schoolchildren would call him names. Jared would get mad but didnt know what to. This goes on for some time until Jared went to his school counselor. His couseler asks what the problem is. Jared explains how all the schoolchildren can not see past his weight and accep...

Jared Fogle was given 15 years in prison today...

He was reportedly ok with it, and when reached for comment stated "As long as it's under 18."

What does Santa Claus and Jared from Subway have in common?

They both leave kid's homes with empty sacks.

Why did Jared decide to gain all of his weight back?

The mall is hiring new Santas.

What are the first words Jared Fogle's girlfriend said to him?

"Would you like to buy some girl scout cookies, sir?"

Jared from subway really took the company motto seriously.

You could say he liked to "eat fresh"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So Subway spokesperson Jared Fogle is being investigated for child pornography

I guess he really did want to "eat fresh"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Betsy Devos and Jared from Subway have in common?

Both of their main goal is to fuck children.

Jared's favorite dressing on his Subway sandwich is Neverland Ranch.

I'm sorry.

One thing won't change for Jared Fogle while in prison

He will still be eating 6" to 12" daily.

It looks like Jared and Ivanka's Judaism is really rubbing off on Trump.

He's even cleaning out his Cabinet for Passover.

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