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Not for the easily offended - my favourite politically incorrect joke...

Man is walking through park. He sees a girl in a wheelchair crying.
"What's wrong?" man asks.
"Never been kissed before" girl says.
Man kisses her and she goes home happy.

Next day man walking through same park. Sees girl in wheelchair again crying.
"What's wrong?...

I decided to make my password “incorrect”

Because if I type it wrong, my computer will remind me with: “your password is incorrect”.

People think that I'm stupid because I ask them for money in exchange of politically incorrect opinions.

Well, I beg to differ.

This sentence is incorrect, you have to change a word for it to be correct, what word do you change?

Change "Incorrect" to "Correct"

This world is so politically incorrect we can't even say 'black paint.'

We have to say "Tyrone, would you please paint that wall?"

Among all the politically incorrect jokes on this sub, here’s my favorite:

Benjamin Franklin was a great American President.

What do you call it when Ant-Man makes a politically incorrect joke?

A microaggression.

In some languages, a double negative carries the negation through to its target. So in "I don't have no pencil," the "no" in "no pencil" indicates what I don't have. In others, while incorrect, a double negative is a positive. But, there is no known language where a double positive is a negative.

Yeah, right.

I was unlucky to be sacked as a chef for using the incorrect fish and herbs

Wrong plaice, wrong thyme

How do you begin a politically incorrect joke?

President Ben Franklin walks into a bar...

A politically incorrect joke about language

Investors want to make a holiday resort on an uninhabited island. They hire 3 experts to get life going there.

To the Frenchman they say, "you are in charge of cuisine".

To the German they say, "you are in charge of accommodation".

To the Finn they say, "you are in charge of su...

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Incorrect usage of the word 'Fuckin'

Bob had broken his leg and his buddy Mick comes over to see him.

Mick - How you doing?

Bob - Fine. Hey will you do me a favor... go upstairs and get me my slippers. My feet are fuckin freezin.

Mick goes up and sees Bob's hot 21 year old twin sisters lying on the bed.

He t...

As politically incorrect as it is to admit, there is a difference between men and women.

A vast deferens.

What did Google say to the politically incorrect employee?

I can help you search for a new job.

Trump is too politically incorrect, Hillary is too politically correct

Yet they're both incorrect for politics

I was just fired for making an incorrect sandwich

Whoops, wrong sub

I recently Learned that it's politically incorrect to talk about taking part in a school shooting.

Apparently the term 'School photos' is more acceptable.

I changed my password to "incorrect".

So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".

TIFU by installing the incorrect speaker parts in my car

Oops, wrong sub!

The clinic asked me why I had written an incorrect blood type on my form

I told them it was Typo

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Why the head of the penis is larger than the shaft.

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a mans' penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over $1.2 million. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure d...

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What is the raunchiest, most politically incorrect joke you have ever heard?

What's the hardest part about fucking a bald pussy?

Putting the diaper back on.

I’m a huge fan of politically incorrect jokes.

Listen to this absolute classic: “Abraham Lincoln was never president”!

I was talking to a girl about the establishment of the 4th Reich when a girl told me that I was being politically incorrect

Apparently the proper term is "European Union"

A Joke I made up when I was 7 years old (It's politically incorrect)

Why did the lady tell her doctor she had breast cancer?

Because she wanted to get it off her chest.

Followed the instructions for my password but they didn’t work

It said, “Type Password”

So I entered, “Password”

Then it told me, “Your Password is Incorrect”

So I entered, “Incorrect”

To which it said, “Try Again”

So I typed, “Again”

But now for some reason I can’t do anything because it thinks my account name is “Lock...

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A girl and her potato

A girl turned up on a blind date only to find that the guy had no arms or legs. Apparently he was a military vet who lost his limbs in action in some war.

Still not wanting to be policitally incorrect, she decided that its just dinner and it couldn't hurt.

Much to her surprise the guy ...

There are only five types of fear.

1.Terror

2.Panic

3.14 missed calls from Mom

4.Username or password is incorrect

5."We need to talk."

A second-grade teacher is giving her daily grammar lesson.

“Tammy,” the teacher calls out to a girl in the first row of class, “please use ‘I’ in a sentence.”



“I is,” Tammy begins, but was immediately interrupted.



“No, Tammy,” the teacher says, “that’s incorrect. You always say ‘I am.’”



“All right,” Tammy says. “...

Square Enix, Ubisoft, EA and Valve are all in class.

They're all taking a quiz. The teacher tells them that'll have 60 minutes to complete the quiz and that they'll be graded immediately. An hour later, the teacher collects their test sheets and begins grading.

Square Enix answered every question correctly, even the extra credit essay question...

So Jeremy Clarkson's politically incorrect jokes got him fired from the BBC.

Great to see the institution which gave Jimmy Saville and Rolf Harris jobs for decades is really going after the bad people society.

I used to date my english teacher

but she broke up with me due to incorrect use of the colon

I recently told a joke about how Democrats favor small government, and decreased taxes.

It didn't go over very well. Everyone said it was politically incorrect.

Something for that cough

The pharmacist needed a short break from the register so he left his son in charge: “just put on the coat and act like you know what you are doing. Ring up the sales as listed. What ever you do, DO NOT give anyone advice. I’ll be back soon”

After a few minutes, a man approached the “pharmac...

This guy in the pub started kicking up a fuss.

He said, "I heard that you were looking up my girlfriend's skirt at her knickers!"

I said, "Nope, that's incorrect."

He said, "What do you mean that's incorrect?"

I said, "She isn't wearing any knickers."

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An older couple were exploring art museum...

...when they came across a painting that they didn't quite understand. It appeared to be three naked black men sitting on a bench, the one in the middle had a white penis. This made the couple ponder for a while.

What was the message? Was it a commentary on racism? Perhaps an insight into cla...

During a nationwide blonde convention...

A blonde convention was being held at the City Square. A blonde representative screamed out loud, "We shall show them that we are blonde, and WE ARE NOT DUMB!" She was greeted with a roar of applause.

After two hours of cheering, speeches and demonstrations, the blonde leader called forward a...

Tell me John

Teacher: Tell me John, if you have 3 ducks and someone shoot one of them, how many ducks you have now?

John: I got one, because the other two flew away

Teacher: Incorrect, you have two, but i like the way you think

John: Tell me teacher, if three girls are eating ice cream, one ...

A beautiful blonde woman ends up sitting next to a professor on a plane.

He's amused by her ditzy attitude, and the two start playing a trivia game. The blonde agrees to pay a dollar for every question she gets wrong, and the professor, feeling pompous, offers to pay a hundred dollars for his incorrect answers.

After missing the first question, the blonde asks so...

A group of blondes...

A group of blondes have a convention to prove that blondes are not dumb. They have a mathematician there to ask them questions. He calls one of the blondes up to the stage and asks her, “What is 50 multiples by 3.”

The blonde thinks for a second, then says, “100?”

“That is incorrect” ...

Vladimir Putin making a school visit...

Vladimir Putin, wanting to get on the good side of voters, goes to visit a school in Moscow to have a chat with the kids. He talks to them about how Russia is a powerful nation and how he wants the best for the people.

At the end of the talk, there is a section for questions, Little Alina put...

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A blonde participates in the television show Who wants to be a millionaire...

The TV host asks her the following questions:

1st
How long did the 100-year war last?

a) 116 years
b) 99 years
c) 100 years
d) 150 years

The blonde chooses to use the opportunity not to respond.

2nd
In which country did you find the Panama Cabin?

a) ...

F.B.L.C

#The
#Association
#Of
#Incorrect
#Acronyms

A student gets asked a question by his teacher:

"There were three birds on a branch. A hunter shot one. How many are still on the branch?"

"None. Since the hunter shot the bird, the others flew away!"-Replied the student.

"Mathematically, that's incorrect, but I like the way you are thinking" -Said the teacher.

Then the stude...

An elementary school teacher is asking a student a Maths question

Teacher: "Ok, Jimmy. If I gave you two cats and another two cats, how many cats would you have?"

Jimmy: "Five!"

Teacher: "No, Jimmy. Let me ask you another way. If I give you two apples and I give you another two apples, how many apples would you have?"

Jimmy: "Four!"

Tea...

Tony Abbott was visiting a Sydney primary school....

....and the class was in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked Mr Abbott if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'Tragedy'. So our illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a 'Tragedy' A little boy stood up and offered: 'If my best f...

Little Johnny

Little Johnny is sitting in class one day, the teacher says, you have three birds sitting on a fence, you shoot one bird, how many birds are left. Johnny thought for a minute, and said no birds. Teacher says I'm sorry Johnny, but you are incorrect, explain your answer please. Johnny says, well every...

Wrong Answer, Murphy

Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job, and both applicants, having the same qualifications, were asked to take a test by the department manager.

Upon completion of the test, both men had only missed one of the questio...

A man wakes up in the hospital after electrocuting himself...

Doctor: What is your name?

Man: Steven

Doctor: Good. Who is the current US President?

Man: Obama

Doctor: Oh no that is incorrect it is President Trump

Man: Dammit it didn't work

A jewish man walks down the street

He is approached by a native american man who aggresively states

"Your people stole my land!" The jew, knowing that this is incorrect, defends himself.

"i'm not white, i'm jewish, you see," he began, "My family fled here from germany in 1943", but was cut short by the native american...

A mathematician goes into an insane asylum

He approaches a group of gentleman and asks:

How much is 9 minus 3?
First guy answers: "Potato."
Nope. I'm afraid that is incorrect. Anybody else?
"Tuesday." Replies a second.
Wrong again.
"Six!" Answers a third.
Ah! Very good. Tell me how did you figure that out?
"Simp...

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A blonde, a nun, a Croat and a Slovenian are travelling in the same train.

They enter the tunnel and it gets dark in the whole train. Suddenly, everyone hears a loud slap. When the train exited the tunnel, it got brighter and everyone saw that the Slovenian's face turned red. Nun thinks: "This pervert must've touched the blonde so he got what he deserved." Blonde thinks: "...

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Give A Man A Fish

Give a man a fish and he'll say, "This is incorrect; I ordered a Big Mac". Teach a man how to fish and he'll say, "What the fuck kind of McDonald's is this, anyway?"

If a special ed kid is late for school

Is it politically incorrect to give them a "Tardy" slip?

Three Buddhist monks are at the gates of heaven....

trying to persuade St. Peter to let them in. Although his first reaction was to deny them entry, he decided to give them each a chance. They would gain entry upon telling him the story of Easter.
The first monk said, "Easter is a very happy time, a bearded fat man comes down a chimney and gives p...

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Jake goes to an auction and bids the highest on Dave's painting of a Horse eating grass.

The painting is to be delivered to Jake's house by next day.

Jake receives the painting next day and uncovers it. To his surprise, the so called painting is just a empty white paint board. There was no art on it.

Jake, paying $100,000 for the painting, panics and calls Dave to get some...

A farmer with an aptitude for music decided to host a music history lesson for the animals.

He gathered them all in the barn and declared, "Soon enough, I'll have proven that even animals can find appreciation in such a fine art!"

He played a flowing, melodic bar slowly on the keyboard and looked expectantly toward the animals. "This piece is moderately well known. Can anyone tell m...

A biologist, a physicist, and a mathematician are standing in front of an empty building they think is empty.

They see two people go in and after several hours, they see three people leave.

The biologist says: "They must have procreated."

the physicist says: "Our initial assumption about the building must have been incorrect."

the mathematician says: "If one more person enters that bui...

Donald Trump Was Right About Two Things

1. That every poll which showed him inevitably losing were incorrect

and

2. That the results were rigged

Two students, James and John, were given a writing assignment...

They were each to write a sentence describing a man who, in the past, suffered from a cold.

James wrote "The man had a cold," but the teacher said that was incorrect.

John wrote "The man had had a cold," which the teacher was pleased with.

So:

John, while James had had "h...

My friend had a few tips for alcohol consumers

From my friend

To all self respecting alcohol consumers...Self Care tips....

1. Symptom : Cold and humid feet.
Cause : Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the Drink on your feet).
Cure : Manoeuver glass until open end is facing upward...

2. Symptom : Th...

The Little Rascals do some spelling

The Little Rascals are sitting in class one day when the teacher decides it's time to do some spelling. She says "okay students it's time to spell our word of the day. Today's word is DICTATE. Who thinks they can spell it?"
Spanky, being the leader that he is, raises his hand first "I can te...

Little Johnny

It's spelling bee day and Teacher has it down to three students remaining, Chloe, Jimmy and Little Johnny.

"Chloe, could you spell solidify?"

"Solidify, S...O...L...I...D...I...F...Y, solidify."

"Correct, Chloe. Could you use it in a sentence?"

"OK. Um, in order to turn w...

GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE...

The blondes of America are sick and tired of being made fun of for being air heads. So a group of blondes get together and go to the head of NBC with an idea.

Their idea is a game show where the audience is filled with blondes and the host will call blondes up to the stage at random and ask t...

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[META] What would you think about a monthly "best joke" thread?

I mean, a thread created once a month where everyone submits their best jokes. I think it could work out nicely if done correctly.

The main problem to be addressed would be repetition (without restrictions we could easily end up with identical threads every month). For that reason, it may be ...

A man wants to cross a bridge...

...but a knight won't let him unless he answers three questions correctly but with each wrong answer, the knight promises to cut off parts of his body. The man agrees. The first question is incorrect and the knight chops off his arms. Likewise, the second question is incorrect and the legs were s...

Mental institution

There's a mental institution, and they are having a
patient evaluation, to see if any patients need to be there
any longer. The doctor then goes around questioning the top three candidates.
He goes to the first patient and asks him , "What is 3 times 3?"
After an hour of scratching his h...

A blonde calls up her friend

Blonde - can you help me, I can't log into my computer

Friend - yeah sure what's the problem?

Blonde- well my computer seems to be messed up, i couldn't remember my password but my computer keeps telling my it is incorrect, and I tried that and it won't work

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