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Fitness Jokes

Cardi B has a sister that's a fitness instructor.

Her name is Cardi O

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with her fitness trainer.

Me: "Okay, this isn't working out."

My fitness instructor advised me to wear loose clothing while exercising.

I would not have joined the gym if I had any loose clothing.

Fitness is important

Being healthy and in good shape is important. My grandmother understood this better than anyone. When she turned 75 she started walking 5 miles a day.
She's 90 now, and we have no idea where the hell she is.

Apple fitness products don't work.

I tried the iHop and it only made me gain weight.

An overweight guy goes to a fitness club

An overweight guy decides to go to a fitness club to sign up to lose weight. After signing up, the fitness coach asks him to go home and be ready early in the morning.

The next morning, his doorbell rings. He opens the door and standing there is a super hot girl. She tells him,” If you can ca...

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What's the difference between a fitness blog and a porn site?

One's all about proteins, whilst the other is more about amateur teens

Not to brag, but I just got a job as a fitness model...

They hired me as the "before" picture.

Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app.

It just sent an ambulance to my house.

I'm into fitness

Fitness cake in my mouth

I once dated a girl who was a fitness freak

It didn't last long, our relationship didn't work out.

A brunette, redhead and blond went to a remote fitness spa deep in the mountains for some fun and relaxation.

After a stimulating healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the ladies room and found a strange-looking woman sitting at the entrance who said, "Welcome to the ladies room. Be sure to check out our newest feature: a mirror which, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be awarded ...

The fitness trainer asked me "What kind of squats are you accustomed to doing?

I said, "Diddly !!"

My fitness has been great these past years despite the COVID lockdowns.

I even maxed out the weight on the assisted pull-up machine.

Why do demons hate fitness?

They don't like being exorcised.

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I finally got an Apple Watch fitness tracker...

...I masturbated for a mile and a half last night!

I'm starting a gym where we bring exercise equipment right to your front door, whether you requested it or not.

I'm calling it "Jehovah's Fitness"

What do you call a smelly fitness center

A gym-nauseam

I saw on this girl's dating profile that she's a "health and fitness junkie." So that's cool...

We've got one of those three things in common.

Ever heard of the priest who moonlights as a fitness instructor?

He exercises demons.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

According to my new fitness smart watch

I’ve masturbated for 4 miles already today.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW My wife brought me a fitness watch for Christmas....

Apparently I wanked for 5 miles last night

Martin Love was a very successful fitness coach.

He was incredibly strict and his long list of 100 rules was infamous, but you couldn't argue with the results. People always reached their target weight within a month. But this required absolute obedience to the rules, and commitment to Martin Love's regime. To make sure people knew exactly what th...

What do you call the ppl who only monkey around when you go to the fitness center to workout?

Gym pansies

What fitness plan did Jesus manage to stick to?

Crossfit

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A woman with no arms and no legs was lying on the beach...

A woman with no arms and no legs was lying on the beach as a fit, handsome man walked by.

"Sir," she said, "Would you do me a favor? I'm very lonely here. Would you give me a hug?"

"Certainly," he said, and knelt down to give her a hug.

She blushed and said, "That was wonderful....

A new gym opened near me. They are currently going door to door signing up new members.

It's called Jehovah's Fitness.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I heard your mum is into fitness..

Fitness dick in her mouth

I've decided to join Anytime Fitness

Because I like to dress up as a 12th century Viking Warrior when I work out.

What happens when you win a lawsuit against Planet Fitness?

Heads explode because you've just won a judgement against the judgement free zone.

I asked a fitness trainer at my local gym what would be the best machine to use in order to impress girls

Apparently it’s the ATM machine at my local bank.

Fitness experts recommend walking 10,000 steps per day to remain healthy.

That is an awful lot of trips to the fridge.

r/fitness is just like the gym.

Everyone subscribes, but no one actually spends any time there.

I was looking for a gym one day, and I saw a sign saying "Fitness that way"

So, since this seemed promising, I went down the hall, and there were more signs. I went up the stairs, walked through the hall, went up two stairs, walked through two more halls, walked down three stairs, walked out of the building, walked around the building, went into the building, went up ten s...

Raw eggs are good for a fitness diet.

If you don't like the taste, just add sugar, flour, cocoa and baking powder and bake for 30 minutes.

Let’s start a religious fitness training group. We can call it

Jehovah’s Fitness

In the end, I had to deactivate my malfunctioning fitness avatar.

It just wasn’t working out for me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I passed the presidential fitness test!

It was so much easier than last time.

All I had to do was tweet some nonsense and talk about sexually harassing my classmates!

I would make a fitness joke

But it just wouldn't work out..

I joined a fitness group where the main objective is to always take the stairs.

It's a 10,000 step program.

My fitness instructor told me to treat my body like a temple

Yet she fainted when she saw me filled with old men in robes

Vince McMahon opened a fitness center in the memory of Randy Savage.

The Slim Gym

I just learned Cardi B has a cousin who’s really into fitness.

She’s called Cardi O

Day three of quarantine. I can feel my fitness level depleting and my body fat increasing.

I have not been to the gym for three years.

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