How many clowns can you fit in a Honda?

One more.

A young conservative man went on Reddit and pretended to be liberal to fit in.

It's been almost a year and his family still won't shut up about fraudulent upvotes.

How many Mexicans can you fit in the trunk of a BMW?

I need the answer asap. I am about to cross the border.

My balloon elephant wouldn't fit in my backseat

So I had to pop the trunk

How many debutantes can you fit in the grand ballroom of the Waldorf Astoria?

About a cotillion of 'em

What do you call an elephant small enough to fit in your ear?

It's earelephant.

Why do your heart, liver and lungs all fit in your body?

Because they are well organized

I was in the pub last night telling my mate the joke about, “What would you do if an epileptic was having a fit in the bath....throw the washing in”

However, the guy on the next table said, “My brother is epileptic and had a fit in the bath, and died."

If the ground could have swallowed me up I'd of been happy. I said, “Sorry to hear that, mate. Did he drown?"

He said, "No, he choked on a sock"

How many Russians can you fit in a lift?

As many as you can Put-In.

A friend once told me how many cars fit in a Walmart parking lot on average.

I don't remember the exact number but it was a lot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How much can you fit in a triple D bra?

Large quantitties

How many superheroes can you fit in one car?

Five

Two in the front

Two in the back

And Peter Parker in the ash tray

I think Harry Potter would fit in well working at the post office...

Apparently he's got the rare gift of being able to speak Parceltongue.

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"It'll never fit in" she said, a worried look on her face.

"It's far too big".
I pushed, and it slid right in through the back, as far as it could go.
"Oh", she said, with a slight smile and a gasp.

Fucking knew I'd fit that table in the car.

How many Muslims fit in a Mosque

Allaht

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How many animals can you fit in a pair of pantyhose?

A couple calves,
an ass,
ten little piggies,
a beaver,
a shit load of hares,
and a fish that no one can seem to find!

How many Egyptians can you fit in a pyramid?

A pharaoh mount.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many cocks can the average man fit in his ass?

I don't know, but I'm not allowed at my uncle's farm anymore.

Why couldn't the psychic fit in the small shirt?

Because he was a medium

I asked the clerk at the store if a body would fit in this suitcase

I'm just kidding, i'm going to cut it up.

How many dead hookers can you fit in a garage?

Another two if I move my bike.

What did they do with the politician who couldn't fit in his coffin?

Gave him an enema and buried him in a shoe box

What is red and and won’t fit in your pocket?

Mars.

What do you do if an epileptic is having a fit in a bath?

Throw your washing in

What do you do when someone has an epileptic fit in the bathtub

Throw in your dirty laundry

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many elephants can you fit in a Mini Cooper?

Four: two in the front, two in the back.

How many giraffes can you fit in a Mini Cooper? None, 'cause there's already all those elephants in there.

How do you get to Wales (two whales) in a Mini Cooper? Same way you get to Wales in any other car; you get on the M4 and you go across the...

What do you call an old person trying to fit in with today's kids?

A dislocated hipster.

What do you call a tree that you can fit in your hand?

A PALM TREE!!!

How many superhero’s can you fit in a sedan?

2 in the front, 2 in the back, and about 10 in the ashtray.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Went to work on a farm in Scotland. One my first night there, I was trying to fit in with the rest of the help.

They told me that one their break, they all take turns fucking the sheep. I didn't want to fuck any sheep, but I really wanted to fit in. First break, I swallow my pride, find a sheep, pull down my pants, and start at it. I turn around and see all the Scotsman at the farm laughing at me. Trying ...

What did the HDMI say when it didn’t fit in the headphone jack?

“Aux”

Why couldn't the ostrich fit in with the rest of the chickens?

It was ostrich-cized from the chicken coop.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many animals can you fit in a condom?

A cock and a couples of hares!

Source: I was told this in a bar tonight and felt the need to share it!

A husband walks into his bedroom to find his wife pulling all her clothes out of the closet.

"What's going on here?"

The wife replies that she's just looking for stuff to donate.

"Why don't you just throw them out?" The husband asks.

"Dear! There are so many unfortunate people who could use these clothes!"

The husband replies without missing a beat, "Honey, I kn...

What do you call the largest number of grizzlies you can fit in a car?

The bear maximum

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I would make a dick joke

But I’m not sure it would fit in.

Today I wrote my first fully original joke. It's bad.

So there was once this one giant who had magic powers. So the giant being so tall and heavy was afraid of storing things on the floor because he would sometimes step on them and break them without realizing it.

After enough times of that happening he decided he would use his magic to just ma...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A new farmer from the city

He's given up on city life and dropped everything and bough 20 acres in the country.

The problem is he doesn't know anything about farming. So he goes to the feed store to ask some friendly farmers for some help in the right direction.

Luckily an old farmer there is happy to see youn...

Reasons the idiot couldn't kill himself.

He couldn't find the tailpipe on his Tesla.

He jumped in front of a model train.

The bullets wouldn't fit in the squirt gun.

He overdosed on placebo pills.

He jumped off a low bridge.

He stuck a plastic fork in an outlet.

He doused himself in diesel and trie...

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NFSW A young man had made up his mind to become a lumberjack. So he takes all his tree falling equipment to a lumberjack camp in Quebec.

On his first day he does very well. Keeping up with the other lumberjacks all day.

When the evening meal came, he joined the circle sitting around the campfire, eating the standard
woodsmen's fare; beans & black coffee.

Around the middle of their meal one of the largest lumberj...

A woman found a hair in her coffee.

She told this to the waiter and asked for the manager. After a minute the manager came and asked her "how can a hare fit in a cup?". She pulled out the hair from her coffee and said "see, H-A-I-R". The confused manager told her that it's not a chair it's a human hair.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A successful businessman is driving home and sees another man on the sidewalk eating grass.

He stops and asks, "Hey! Why are you eating grass?" The man replies, "I'm out of money, I lost my job and I haven't eaten in three days! Grass is my only option." The businessman thinks for a few second and says, "You know what, why don't you come with me to my house." The man, very grateful, replie...

Yo Mama So Fat

She didn’t fit in the title.

[Serious] Just a reminder to be careful when telling jokes that may be offensive.

A few days ago I was talking to some friends, and friends of those friends, at a bar.

I decided to break the ice with the new friends with a few jokes, most of which went down very well...until I decided to tell a few more offensive ones...and picked the worst possible one to start with.
<...

In the famous severed horse head scene in The Godfather they originally were going to use a Swordfish.

It didn't really fit in with the marlin brand-though.

Walking through Chinatown, a backpacker saw a Chinese laundry with the sign: "Sigurd Kristiansen's Laundry"

'Sigurd Kristiansen? How the hell does that name fit in here?' he wondered.
So he decided to check it out. He entered to see an elderly Chinese man behind the counter.
'How did this Chinese laundry get a name like "Sigurd Kristiansen's Laundry"?' the backpacker asked.
The elderly Chinese re...

I was sitting on a bus with a friend and he told me this joke...

What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath?

Throw in your laundry.

The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit."

We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said, "he c...

My grandmother always had an amazing way with words.

One day, I gave her a call after my grandfather had been put into a retirement home. I asked her how he was doing, she said, “He’s like a fish out of water.” I asked, “Is he finding it hard to fit in?” And she replied, “No, he’s dead.”

What’s ET short for?

So he can fit in the spaceship

Once upon a time there 3 balloons, mummy balloon, daddy balloon and baby balloon.

Tired of baby balloon creeping into their bed every night, "Tonight you must stay in your own bed" said mummy.

When he was sure his mummy and daddy were asleep baby balloon crept into their room and tried to squeeze into their bed.

But try as he might he just couldn't fit in, so he...

What did the retail employee say to the young gang member in the fitting room?

You dont fit in the hood kid.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The hardest thing about being a pedophile

Is trying to fit in

Wife: donate my clothes to poor people who are starving.

Husband: honey, if they fit in your clothes they surely aren't starving.

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