What do you call an elephant small enough to fit in your ear?

It's earelephant.

Why do your heart, liver and lungs all fit in your body?

Because they are well organized

I was in the pub last night telling my mate the joke about, “What would you do if an epileptic was having a fit in the bath....throw the washing in”

However, the guy on the next table said, “My brother is epileptic and had a fit in the bath, and died."

If the ground could have swallowed me up I'd of been happy. I said, “Sorry to hear that, mate. Did he drown?"

He said, "No, he choked on a sock"

How many Russians can you fit in a lift?

As many as you can Put-In.

A friend once told me how many cars fit in a Walmart parking lot on average.

I don't remember the exact number but it was a lot.

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How much can you fit in a triple D bra?

Large quantitties

I think Harry Potter would fit in well working at the post office...

Apparently he's got the rare gift of being able to speak Parceltongue.

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"It'll never fit in" she said, a worried look on her face.

"It's far too big".
I pushed, and it slid right in through the back, as far as it could go.
"Oh", she said, with a slight smile and a gasp.

Fucking knew I'd fit that table in the car.

How many Muslims fit in a Mosque

Allaht

Would Peter Parker fit in r/trees?

Since he’s a *Mary Jane connoisseur*

How many superheroes can you fit in one car?

Five

Two in the front

Two in the back

And Peter Parker in the ash tray

How many Egyptians can you fit in a pyramid?

A pharaoh mount.

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How many cocks can the average man fit in his ass?

I don't know, but I'm not allowed at my uncle's farm anymore.

How many animals can fit in one pair of pantyhose?

10 little piggies, two calves, one ass, one beaver, a few thousand hares, a camel's toes and the scent of a dead fish

I asked the clerk at the store if a body would fit in this suitcase

I'm just kidding, i'm going to cut it up.

Why couldn't the psychic fit in the small shirt?

Because he was a medium

What did they do with the politician who couldn't fit in his coffin?

Gave him an enema and buried him in a shoe box

How many dead hookers can you fit in a garage?

Another two if I move my bike.

How many inches can you fit in a sock?

One foot.

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How many elephants can you fit in a Mini Cooper?

Four: two in the front, two in the back.

How many giraffes can you fit in a Mini Cooper? None, 'cause there's already all those elephants in there.

How do you get to Wales (two whales) in a Mini Cooper? Same way you get to Wales in any other car; you get on the M4 and you go across the...

Question: Would you know what actions to take if someone had an epileptic fit in the bath?

"Throw the Laundry in"..

What do you do if an epileptic is having a fit in a bath?

Throw your washing in

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Went to work on a farm in Scotland. One my first night there, I was trying to fit in with the rest of the help.

They told me that one their break, they all take turns fucking the sheep. I didn't want to fuck any sheep, but I really wanted to fit in. First break, I swallow my pride, find a sheep, pull down my pants, and start at it. I turn around and see all the Scotsman at the farm laughing at me. Trying ...

How many superhero’s can you fit in a sedan?

2 in the front, 2 in the back, and about 10 in the ashtray.

What do you call an old person trying to fit in with today's kids?

A dislocated hipster.

What do you call a tree that you can fit in your hand?

A PALM TREE!!!

Why couldn't the ostrich fit in with the rest of the chickens?

It was ostrich-cized from the chicken coop.

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How many animals can you fit in a condom?

A cock and a couples of hares!

Source: I was told this in a bar tonight and felt the need to share it!

How many debutants can you fit in ballroom at the Waldorf Astoria? [OC]

Like, a cotillion of 'em.

Walking through Chinatown, a backpacker saw a Chinese laundry with the sign: "Sigurd Kristiansen's Laundry"

'Sigurd Kristiansen? How the hell does that name fit in here?' he wondered.
So he decided to check it out. He entered to see an elderly Chinese man behind the counter.
'How did this Chinese laundry get a name like "Sigurd Kristiansen's Laundry"?' the backpacker asked.
The elderly Chinese re...

[Serious] Just a reminder to be careful when telling jokes that may be offensive.

A few days ago I was talking to some friends, and friends of those friends, at a bar.

I decided to break the ice with the new friends with a few jokes, most of which went down very well...until I decided to tell a few more offensive ones...and picked the worst possible one to start with.
<...

What do you call the largest number of grizzlies you can fit in a car?

The bear maximum

Once upon a time there 3 balloons, mummy balloon, daddy balloon and baby balloon.

Tired of baby balloon creeping into their bed every night, "Tonight you must stay in your own bed" said mummy.

When he was sure his mummy and daddy were asleep baby balloon crept into their room and tried to squeeze into their bed.

But try as he might he just couldn't fit in, so he...

I was sitting on a bus with a friend and he told me this joke...

What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath?

Throw in your laundry.

The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit."

We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said, "he c...

I’m not having much luck with jobs lately.

I couldn’t concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn’t suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn’t cut it as barber; didn’t have the patience to be a doctor; didn’t fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn’t see any future as a his...

What’s ET short for?

So he can fit in the spaceship

An old Russian joke

An American spy infiltrates Soviet Russia. To fit in he becomes a regular at the local bar. He calls himself Sasha and he makes new friends.

One day his friend tells him, "Sasha, you are not one of us, you are an American spy."

"How could you say that Ivan? What would make you believe ...

My wife said she wants to donate her old clothes to the Salvation Army, so starving people can buy and wear them.

I told her that anyone who can fit in her clothes certainly isn't starving.

Hans Olaffsen

Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners.

He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry."

"Hans Olaffsen?", he muses. "How the heck does that fit in here?"

So he walks into the s...

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A Single Guy Moves From New York City to the DEEP Country

He is so tired of city life he decides to move to the middle of nowhere and try something new. He buys a plot of land with a small farmhouse and 100 acres.

As he is unpacking his UHaul, he sees an old beat up truck kicking up dust down the dirt road. The truck turns on his lane and a man ge...

I tried really hard to enjoy my job at a shoe factory.

But I just didn't fit in.

Stubborn in life and in death

A man known for being very stubborn was found brutally beaten and killed. After a thorough police investigation there was no clue to who the killer was.

When it came time for the funeral. Friends and family were all gathered around. His body was put in a coffin and was ready to be buried.
...

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I tried to get a lip tattoo that said micropenis

but it couldn't fit in my mouth

What did the retail employee say to the young gang member in the fitting room?

You dont fit in the hood kid.

A man is sent to prison for the first time.

The first night there, after the lights in the cell block are turned off, he immediately sees his cellmate going over to the bars and yelling, "twelve!" The whole cell block breaks out laughing. A few minutes later, somebody else in the cell block yells, "four!" Again, the whole cell block breaks o...

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My cousin is a super hairy dude,

We used to nickname him Cousin "It" affectionately.

I remember chatting to him in our freshmen year trying to figure out what our dreams and aspirations were. Cousin It was a weird dude, he didn't really fit in most circles! He was always super quiet and didn't stand out much.
He was hell...

Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S.

One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.'

The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.

"Which part did yo...

In a interview, my boss asked me, "Why do you think you should work here?"

I said, "My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned ... couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.

I then tried crushing cans for recycling, but I quit because it was soda-pressing....

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