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Fit In Jokes

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How Many Animals Can You Fit In a Pair of Pantyhose?

An Ass, a Pussy, two calves, ten piggies and god knows how many hares! I heard this joke from my aunt in the 70's. Wondered if it was well known.

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I was in the pub last night telling my mate the joke about, “What would you do if an epileptic was having a fit in the bath...

...throw the washing in.” However, the bloke on the next table said, “My brother who is epileptic had a fit in the bath and died.” Fuck me. If the ground could have swallowed me up l’d of been happy. I said, “Sorry to hear that, mate. Did he drown?” He said, “No; he choked on a sock.”

When I moved to Florida, I couldn't fit in

Finishing 3rd Grade really affected my social life there.

My balloon elephant wouldn’t fit in the back seat of my car so...

I had to pop the trunk.

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How many giraffes can you fit in a Volkswagen?

Four, 2 in the front and 2 in the back.


- How do you know if there's been a giraffe in your fridge?

There's a set of hoof prints in the butter.


- How do you know if there's been 2 giraffes in your fridge?

There's 2 sets of hoof prints in the butter.


- H...

How many clowns can you fit in a Honda?

One more.

How many dwarves can fit in a box?

I'm not sure you should ask Snow White

I was sitting on a bus with a friend and he told me this joke...

What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath?

Throw in your laundry.

The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit."

We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said, "he c...

How many superheroes can you fit in one car?

Five

Two in the front

Two in the back

And Peter Parker in the ash tray

Why do your heart, liver and lungs all fit in your body?

Because they are well organized

Why couldn't the psychic fit in the small shirt?

Because he was a medium

How many women of god can you fit in a standard size brothel?

Nun!

How many Mexicans can you fit in the trunk of a BMW?

I need the answer asap. I am about to cross the border.

I’m not having much luck with jobs lately.

I wasn’t suited to be a tailor.

The muffler factory was just exhausting.

I couldn’t cut it as a barber.

I didn’t have the patience to be a doctor.

I wasn’t a good fit in the shoe factory even though I put my soul into it.

The paper shop folded. Pool maintenance...

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How many cocks can the average man fit in his ass?

I don't know, but I'm not allowed at my uncle's farm anymore.

What’s ET short for?

So he can fit in the spaceship

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How much can you fit in a triple D bra?

Large quantitties

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Women say my dick is so big it's causing me anxiety (NSFW)

I don't think I'll ever fit in.

How many Egyptians can you fit in a pyramid?

A pharaoh mount.

How many Russians can you fit in a lift?

As many as you can Put-In.

What do you call an elephant small enough to fit in your ear?

It's earelephant.

How many debutantes can you fit in the grand ballroom of the Waldorf Astoria?

About a cotillion of 'em

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"It'll never fit in" she said, a worried look on her face.

"It's far too big".
I pushed, and it slid right in through the back, as far as it could go.
"Oh", she said, with a slight smile and a gasp.

Fucking knew I'd fit that table in the car.

Luke Skywalker took a hissy fit in a restaurant. Try as he might, using Chopsticks was seemingly far beyond his fledgling Jedi skills. Embarrassing himself and causing a bit of a scene, Ben Kenobi leans over and offers some wisdom:

"Use the forks, Luke!"

[Serious] Just a reminder to be careful when telling jokes that may be offensive.

A few days ago I was talking to some friends, and friends of those friends, at a bar.


I decided to break the ice with the new friends with a few jokes, most of which went down very well...until I decided to tell a few more offensive ones...and picked the worst possible one to start with...

My teacher didn't believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank.

She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.

I think Harry Potter would fit in well working at the post office...

Apparently he's got the rare gift of being able to speak Parceltongue.

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How many elephants can you fit in a Mini Cooper?

Four: two in the front, two in the back.

How many giraffes can you fit in a Mini Cooper? None, 'cause there's already all those elephants in there.

How do you get to Wales (two whales) in a Mini Cooper? Same way you get to Wales in any other car; you get on the M4 and you go across the...

What do you do when someone has an epileptic fit in the bathtub

Throw in your dirty laundry

How many dead hookers can you fit in a garage?

Another two if I move my bike.

What do you call a tree that you can fit in your hand?

A PALM TREE!!!

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How do you kill a blue Elephant?

With a blue elephant gun obviously.

*How do you kill a red elephant?*

You choke it til it turns blue then use a blue elephant gun.

*How do you kill a green elephant?*

You tickle it til it turns red then choke it til it turns blue then use a blue elephant gun.

*How ...

What did they do with the politician who couldn't fit in his coffin?

Gave him an enema and buried him in a shoe box

What do you call an old person trying to fit in with today's kids?

A dislocated hipster.

I asked the clerk at the store if a body would fit in this suitcase

I'm just kidding, i'm going to cut it up.

Did you know? All eight planets can fit in between the earth and the moon?

That's 5 CVS tickets long!

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How many animals can you fit in a condom?

A cock and a couples of hares!

Source: I was told this in a bar tonight and felt the need to share it!

Why couldn't the ostrich fit in with the rest of the chickens?

It was ostrich-cized from the chicken coop.

What do you call the largest number of grizzlies you can fit in a car?

The bear maximum

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